STBW thanks people here

[SupposedToBeWorking]

I've been on some of the recent threads about "small" sexual assaults, about feminist converts, about taking sexual abuse seriously. I have never before experienced what it's like to be listened to and responded to by so many people about assault and about being female.

I have had parts of my mind turned inside out right way out.

I have been a powerhouse of education at the individual level in RL this week.

I am making sure that women and men hear that the expectation that female people who have been assaulted will suffer quietly instead of the people who assault them suffering publicly has done probably more damage to me than the attacks themselves;

that that is a social issue not a psychological one;

and that that is what I'm going to dismantle.

I am demonstrating the principle by discussing it (and crying and cursing and trembling) with the same candour and in the same contexts that I would for any other conversation with people in my RL - with a mindfulness of and compassion for the many people hearing me who will have their own wounds that still hurt.

I'm going to have therapy or something too, because I need a hand losing the specific effects of my specific experiences. But it's more powerful to me that I'm going to go to Reclaim the Night and that I set up a standing order to give money to Rape Crisis. Taking a visible stand alongside other women and men: that's me taking charge of my healing.

I don't feel any shame about only directly addressing for now this tiny small part of the suffering that humans mete out to each other. Other injustices are no reason why I should not work to redress imbalances that do happen to affect me.

I can do this because I have in my mind the posts of hundreds of women which I take as support. Some of them are written to me! I shine when I see those. I'm very quickly moving to a position where I will do this simply because of the posts of hundreds of women which I take as motivation. But I will never, ever forget the layering of acceptance, confirmation, responsiveness, concern and care that I myself received here.

Thank you all. I am exhausted in my body, but my spirit is just waking up

Now I'm in happy tears!

A broken leg is exactly how I described it to someone in RL yesterday, Dittany. I said that some people seem to think it's like having a cold, and that you feel lousy for a while but it goes away and you go back to normal. But it isn't, and it can get worse over time, not better. By now, it hurts so much and it disables me so often and so severely that I can't go on pretending it's fine. I want crutches for a while, while concerned people attend to my healing (perfect word, you're right) and also make allowances like we do for anyone who's injured. And I'd like people to draw smiley faces on my plaster cast. Like this:

Dittany, you've been a solid support for months, to way more people than just me. Your support for women who have been harmed is constant and persistent. You've been hurt yourself, and yet you are a champion for all of us too: I send you my love and I stand by your side.

AF I'm happy to see you here! I've been practicing sounding a bit more like you, out loud

chocolatestar, you are also really brave and you also deserve healing. My appointment is late morning, and it might come to nothing. But even if it does, I hereby award myself several billion gold stars for everything I have and haven't done over the past couple of weeks 25 years - so I've got plenty to dish out to all the rest of us.

Night night all. Thank you for your comfort.

I have just seen this STBW.
Wow. What a big change for you. You have great courage.

I will say this

Your feelings are legitimate, they are your yours.
Your feelings matter.

You are worthy of regard.

You don't need to justify WHY that is so to anyone.

Good luck with the therapist.

Wxx

I think she was good.

She put an enormous emphasis on making everything safe for me. I found it a bit tedious and unnecessary, but I suspect that's because I've got too used to the idea that considerations about my wellbeing can't ever be paramount.

I told her that I've had therapy before and was always wanting the therapist to confirm for me, 'Yes, that was rape', 'Yes, you were abused'. I only ever got that infuriating therapist's response of 'It doesn't matter what I think', or 'Do you think you were raped?'

When I said that, she went like this: and said, 'Well, I won't be doing any of that.'

And she knew MN. She knows about rape myths, she knows about misogyny. And (deep breath)... she said I can recover. Like, that it's possible. And doesn't mean pretending everything's ok now when it isn't. I don't get what it does mean, but I'm keen on finding out.

I'll probably go back. Thank you all for coming with me (I took you in my pocket, in case she wasn't as supportive as you are ).

I could sleep for a week.

Oh three cheers for you and your mumsnetting therapist . You are doing so well, I'm really glad you've posted this x

Am glad you posted this too

We were there with you !

This is great to hear, STBW.

She sounds like a great therapist, that you click with.

Mind yourself

Dittany, your posts have been very helpful to me over the last few years

It took me a little while to "get" you, but I do now, in spades

This is lovely to see.

Aw, I go away for a nap and everyone's all holding hands and sharing cake! That's so completely the right response for us all.

Dittany, you more than help, and in no small way. It's not just me I can start to stick up for now, but all the women I meet and all the women I will never meet. Like millions of women, I internalised a lot of the lies that are told about us - as well as the lies that are told about people of different (and our own) classes, colours, bodies... And instead of feeling angry about that, I felt guilty, like I was letting the side down - I blamed myself instead of the patterns of thought and talk and treatment that we've all been subject to and the particular versions of them that I've encountered. This board, and your stubborn tunnel vision is helping me see a more accurate version of the world. Not just about sexual assaults, but social ones.

wukter, thank you so much for your words before I went to my session. I've only been able to take them in this morning - my eyes kind of bounced off them the first time I saw them, I guess I had some wariness about being kind to me. This morning they made me weep with smiling, though.

Another for your plaster cast.

And a , because they're cute.

You're amazing.

Happy it went well. Take extra care of yourself, talking can make you feel vulnerable.

Agree with the others about your posts Dittany. I actually feel that I am starting to internalise something new since I started reading here. I've struggled with doubts about things being my fault for years but I am starting to see the context of it all if that makes sense.