If you were raped would you report it?

[darleneconnor]

A topical question.

I didn't in the past because I was in denial.

For the sake of my privacy I still wouldn't now. It'd make me feel so guilty leaving someone to go free and maybe do it again but psychologically I coudln't cope with a court case and all that goes with it.

What a sad thread.
I've just been talking to DP about it and said i probably wouldn't even though i know i should.

I don't think i could take the Police questioning and examination.
Nor the court ordeal....i can imagine the questions a Barrister would ask...the implications they would make.
I would be a nightmare...

'So MD,you never married your partner,why is that'?
Why is that sort of questioning appropriate?

You hear of so many unpleasant suggestions being made to the victim about her behaviour and habits.

I'd just come on to post that link Lenin!

Something has to be done about this.

I haven't been raped but probably like others wouldn't report it if was an acquaintance. I do think however that if you do manage to get it to court and even if he is found not guilty then there is a good chance you still get to screw up his life. He has to face his family, community and friends, many of whom will wonder if he is guilty, if it gets to court in the first place. People know that rape is so hard to prove and that 'not guilty' doesn't mean they didn't do it. Don't know if that is enough to make the pain and humiliation the victim would feel worthwhile.

I think that's wishful thinking begony. One of DH's friends is widely thought/known to have raped someone, and it has had no adverse effect on his life whatsoever. No-one mentions it, his friends have not changed in how they deal with him, his job is fine, he has just got married, no problems.

It is wishful thinking Isnt. And I doubt it would be worth it but you could make his life at the time very difficult with this hanging over him. Shame that's the way it is.

Thing is that if you go to court with a rape claim, and the man is found not guilty, a very many people will believe that you were lying. I think that your life would be as ruined, or possibly more ruined, than the man who attacked you.

I realise that Isnt. Wonder what the true thought and opinions of the public are regarding this and not just the vile comments and views you read in the DM. Knowing how hard it is to come forward and face a court case (especially in his word against hers), I think that too many rapists get off. It must be so hard for jurors though coming to a decision based on all reasonable doubt.

I would only report in the cliched 'stranger who didn't use a condom - thus leaving DNA - and beat the living daylights out of me' scenario.

And only then as long as I was wearing suitably demure clothing at the time of the attack (a nun's habit, perhaps) and hadn't been walking home from anywhere unaccompanied after dark. And hadn't been on my phone or listening to my ipod. And hadn't implied (by looking at or talking to said stranger) that I was up for sex in any way.

Hmmm.

No, I wouldn't report it.

begony, I am afraid the DM does actually present the views of a large majoity of the UK population (in this arena)

shocking, but true, I think

represent

Very, very, very depressing. Depressing article with a Swedish pov that brings up many interesting points.

I was raped by my XH. I didn't report it because I knew I would be told that it was his right as my husband to do what he wanted. That and the fact everyone is convinced the sun shines out his arse.

The way the authorities bend over backward to pander to him and the way he is trying to have my daughter taken away from me as punishment for no longer doing as I am told shows I was right not to. I dread to think what they would have done to me had I reported him.

how soul-destroying LeQ to have to work in an area that you have so little faith in

did she try to improve the lot of rape complainants in any way ?

or is the institutional sexism, hatred of women and casual dismissal of the effects of rape inherent even in female police officers ?

Yes..I would

I had an incident about 8 years ago where I went for a drink with someone I vaguely knew and another friend of mine. I had about two glasses of wine but found myself so drunk I could barely walk. I didn't want anything to do with this bloke in that way and made sure he knew it. As we were leaving the bar we'd been in my friend went home and I said I was going home too. This man said I was going back with him and as I could hardly stand up I guess I did.

I became conscious a bit later and found he was having sex with me.

I felt like shit about it and never reported it as I thought I had no proof, I didn't really know what had happened myself, it almost didn't occur to me until afterwards that it might have been rape. I just thought I'd been a bit of a nob and put myself in a stupid situation.

I still wonder sometimes if it's too late to report it but I can't really see it would get me anywhere now.

I did today.

Those of you who were with me on MaDugger's mystery thread will know what I'm talking about and why I have reported it after all this time.

Reliving it this afternoon when they took the initial statement was traumatic, but I have been offered counselling and am going to look at it as part of the healing process. I have been told that I will have to give another, video, statement at a larger Police Station and I am not looking forward to it at all.

But having bottled this up for a very long time I now have a huge amount of guilt to deal with as I feel if I had reported it I could have stopped something far far worse happening.

I wish I had done it when it happened.

I have always assumed "of course I would", but the sheer number of ladies who have been there and chosen not to make me feel hopelessly naive. I still hope that I would, but there is a degree of certainty missing now.

well done Sarah. I think you have been incredibly brave.
And you must absolutely not feel guilty; firstly, the guilt simply doesn't lie with you, it lies with the perpetrator; secondly, sadly, given the way conviction rates are, it is unlikely you reporting it then would have stopped what happened.
I hope the counselling is good, & I hope somewhere in this whole process there will be some kind of closure.
Good luck xxx

Sarah, have PM'd you.

Sarah, I don't know your story but you have been very brave and i hope it helps you to feel better about what happened

FWIW, the responsibility to not attack again lies with the perpetrator and not the victim