If you were raped would you report it?

[darleneconnor]

A topical question.

I didn't in the past because I was in denial.

For the sake of my privacy I still wouldn't now. It'd make me feel so guilty leaving someone to go free and maybe do it again but psychologically I coudln't cope with a court case and all that goes with it.

Sarah I think you are incredibly brave and I too hope you now get some closure.

God this thread is gut wrenching - these men KNOW they will almost certainly get away with it which is truly horrific and so incredibly sad. I wish there were something we could do - the thought of my mum, sister, friends, or indeed myself going through this and then being accused of all sorts, humiliated, victimised further for nothing makes my blood boil. The system needs improving desperately.

thought I definitely would before reading this thread but now I'm not so sure after hearing what everyone else has to say. like thisis yesterday says I'm shocked I wasn't aware of things like this. feel sad that this is the state of the world I've brought DD into :(

It really worries me that women out there feel so let down by the system that the vast majority would not report such an horrific offence.

I must say some of the comments made on here aren't entirely accurate - if a jury find a defendant not guilty then that does not mean the woman will be accused/go to prison for making a false allegation of rape, nor will she be charged with wasting police time. However, nothing is really promoted to confirm this information as inaccurate so I am not surprised that people still think like this.

I find it totally disgraceful that women are still talking about "awful treatment" by police (disgraceful that they have been made to feel like this, not disgraceful that they are saying it btw). For me this is where everything begins. I think it all depends on how you are treated the minute you walk through the police station door as to how confident you will feel about your complaint being taken seriously. I know a lot of forces are pushing for/already have specialist depts where the focus is on the investigation of these types of offences. The officers in there WANT to work in there, they haven't just been "shoved" in there. I truly believe that if a woman who is a victim of rape is treated appropriately from the off then the more positive she will feel throughout the whole process. Whilst the police can't be held responsible for the outcome of a jury's decision, I feel they should be held accountable for the actions carried out and the way an investigation is approaced in the build up to presenting the case to CPS and subsequently a court.

I suspect there's a good chance I wouldn't report it. I reckon I could deal with a court case and I would want to prevent other women from suffering BUT knowing what had happened to me would so upset my husband, my daughters, my parents and friends. Out of everything I suspect I couldn't take that. Easier to deal with my thing my way - how terrible is that? Because of course if I was beaten unconscious or stabbed I would report it without a second thought. It's terrible that rape is different but I think it is.

I was on the Jury for a rape trial a few years ago. The accused had a wife and three small children and the woman he was accused of raping was an escort girl. This girl had no marks on her but it was proven the man was a Judo expert and knew how to hold without leaving marks.

We found the man guilty and I noticed a policeman in the gallery who'd followed the case from the beginning smiling. He followed some of the Jury into the garden afterwards where I was having a fag and told me he was so glad we'd found him guilty - he'd been following the case for years. Because the rapist had been accused of rape five times previously. (The Jury knew nothing about this of course). But the women had either been too traumatised to testify or some other technicality had led to the case being dropped. 'It's one of the easiest crimes to get away with' said the Policeman. I'd been feeling quite pleased that the rapist had been sent down for seven years but that remark depressed the hell out of me.

I blame the press for totally distorting the publics perception of the numbers of false verses true rape cases.

I don't know the figures but I think they must report every singletime someone is proceuted from making false allegations, yet almost never report an actual rape prosecution.

Its quite frightening that women out there feel they wouldnt/havent got the support for a genuine rape case, and therefore wouldnt report it... im quite shocked by that!

Absolutely i would report it (hypothetically but only cos i havent experienced anything like above) but can understand those who dont!

Why would you want them to get away with it? Agree though if the courts fail, balls could easily fall off

Sethstarkadder thank you SO much for your pm. It has helped, a lot xxx

Northernlurker, from my experience I can tell you that it doesn't go away. Constantly small things remind you - going past a house or a place that looks similar. Having to travel to that area. Seeing someone who looks like him. Your DD reaching the same age - that for me was a massive one. Opening the newspaper and seeing an article about the subject.

It never goes away, no matter how how hard you try to bury it. For me, one of the worst times was after I had given birth to DD2. My XH had forced me. It was the one time he did so and that time resulted in DD2. I love her so much but when she was born it trigger massive PND and I tried to kill myself. Looking back now I can see so clearly that the suppressed memories were the trigger for it all.

Up until I posted about it on MaDugger's mystery thread I had only told one person in the whole world, and that was a very, very dear to me friend whom I told 14 years ago. I wish I had taken his advice then and reported it, even then it would have been an historic crime.

I hope the counselling will help me lay this to rest. That and finally doing something about it.

Yes without a moments hesitation.

I think slug 's idea is great.

Whoknows I think the media party line is that "look at this terrible woman accusing an innocent man of such an horrific crime" sells far more papers, however wrong that is.

sarah. thinking of you .so very brave well done.

No I didn't and I wouldn't if it ever happened in the future.
My reasoning was twofold, firstly I had been going through a wild stage of heavy partying, one night stands etc. It was not linked to that, but I didn't want my recent history dragged through the courts, papers or my close knit family to find out about my shame and horror.
Secondly, my reaction to it was to go even further downhill and I wouldn't have presented as a plausible witness, whereas as he was a respected member of society.
He no longer is, but sadly that was not due to me...

Well done Sarah. It must have taken a lot to do that.

Am wondering if I should do something about what happened to me, I often wonder if I've left it too late or if it would achieve anything.

my sister and I did, as young teenagers. But, as he was our foster parent, the police made it pretty clear they didnt believe us. So, after bringing him to the station for a 'chat', they asked if we (we were in separate rooms being interviewed) would like to talk it over with him. Alone.

I said no (and was quite that they would even ask), but my sister said yes. Not ten minutes later, she came out of his room and said that we had made it up.

As it was then my word against his and hers now, he wasnt charged.

It has happened since then, and i have not reported it, as i think the trauma of being in that police station stays with me now.

and well done sarah, stay strong

I am shocked by your experience JetCat. I would like to think times have changed. They need to have. It is the shoddy treatment of victims in years gone by that makes it so much harder these days.

DH is a forensic investigator and his works makes me seriously wonder if I would. It is often very difficult to obtain physical evidence and even when it is obtained can often be accounted for. Her word against his to consensus sex etc.

i hope so to backintraining - this was mid 80s, and i dont think many people admitted that sexual abuse of children went on. I remember when i told my teacher what was happening, i didnt even know what words to use, as i had never heard the word 'abuse' before.

I do think it shocking (yet understandable) that so many women (and probably even less men) wouldnt report it

JC, what happened to you is fucking disgusting

I haven't been raped but my sister has :(

She told no one, not even our mum. She told me years later. She thought no one would believe her.

This thread is incredible... anyone who questions the need for feminism today should read it.

(Namechanger)

When I was a very naive 20 yr old, (I'm 43 now)still a shy virgin, I was sexaully assaulted by a friend of my flatmates.
I physically fought him off and he ran off and left me hysterical.
I woke up my female flatmate and told her, she believed me but she was the only one who did.
My other flatmate basically interrogated me and pretty much told me I was lying, and I'd pretty much asked to be "felt up" as he put it.
Word got around the small town I lived in that "something" had hapened and I was browbeaten into spending an evening in public with my attacker by his friend, (my flatmate)to make sure his good name wasn't ruined.
No one believed me.
To this day I have never gotten over it.
Women aren't believed unless they are beaten to a pulp and have the photos to prove it.

So no, I wouldn't report it and put myself through more trauma on top of the trauma of being raped if I was in that awful position.

I was raped by a stranger on a train in Russia (travelling to Ukraine) in the early nineties as a student.

Tried to report it but was given the brush off but in the end helped by a westener. If you knew what the dissolving soviet union was like then (utterly lawless, mad, and corrupt) you'd understand why it didn't and couldn't go further.

I was too ashamed to tell my parents but after about a few weeks on my eventual return (not straight away but still shorter than I intended) I blurted it out to my mother and she refused to believe me. So did my then boyfriend. They thought if it was true I'd have been on the first flight out.

I had a breakdown a year later. My fathermentioned it in his suicide. He took it hard.

Sometimes iwish I'd said nothing.