Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Would you like to play "It's like Feminisim never happened" with me?

472 replies

Marchpane · 03/09/2010 14:40

I have a gem: I'm sorting out the home insurance renewal but since the last policy I have taken redundancy and I'm going back to do a postgraduate course. Which I told them.

They now have my occupation listed as "housewife" which is pretty yuk, but under employer's business it say "domestic service".

Presumably my husband is my employer and I spend my time in servitude to him? Hmm

Any one more?

OP posts:
sprogger · 04/09/2010 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuschiagroan · 04/09/2010 20:53

When I was at school, a teacher told me that it didn't really matter what career I went for, as I was obviously going to marry someone rich and any money I made I could spend on dresses and treats for the children. Honest to God. That was in about 2003, and I still get people saying it to me now even though I'm not married to anyone and have no children yet.

sungirltan · 04/09/2010 20:59

halifax invited me into the braqnch for an account review thing. i stress they invited ME, regarding MY current account, not our joint one.

the halifax woman seated us and then spent half an hour trying to sell home insurance to DH, who had just come along to help with the baby.

after that she tried to convince DH to move his mortgage to halifax.

my account was never discussed.

i should have written a stinking letter shouldn't i. sigh

also i used to work with 2 ex marine coppers who, if they wren't so sweet the rest of the time i could have happily punched because every day there was a comment along the lines of....'gosh sungirltan, you're ever so good at map reading......for a woman!'

CMOTdibbler · 04/09/2010 21:04

I travel a lot for work - and am frequently asked who is looking after DS. When I reply, his father of course, people express suprise. I've also been told 'oh, I wouldn't like my wife to travel like you do'

And buying cars is always fun. I virtually have to sit the salesman down and explain gently that I like driving, do it a lot, for long periods, and need a car that is good for that. DH will instantly get attention though, and they will try to talk to him first before he gives them short shrift

Wigeon · 04/09/2010 21:10

Honeymoon, July 2003, France.

We go to possibly the most expensive restaurant we have ever (will ever?!) go to. Michelin stars.

DH is handed a menu with the prices on. I am handed a menu without the prices on.

The big irony is that I have always earned more than him and currently earn double what he earns!

I should admit however that I quite like pretending that he's treating me despite the fact we have always shared all our money and every bit of expenditure comes out of the same account.

sungirltan · 04/09/2010 21:12

my pushy, male estate agent rang me the other day to try and convince us to stay with them. i responded 'i will talk it over with dh and get back to you'

the next day he took a chance and dialed dh (usually out of range due to being on oil rig) and tried to convince him instead! dh, bless him, just said 'i'll talk it over with my wife and let you know!!!' divide and ocnquer tactics i know but he has truly lost us now!

JaneS · 04/09/2010 21:53

fuschia, did you go to my old school?

Our university adviser told us we should all apply to Oxbridge and Durham in order to find rich, posh blokes to marry. She thought this was terribly funny. Hmm

sprogger · 04/09/2010 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuschiagroan · 04/09/2010 22:07

Probably LRD. It was a private school as well, what a waste of cash. One of my teachers said to me 'I'll see you at the school gates in 10 years time dropping little Hugo and Arabella at prep school before going off to have lunch and do yoga'. Wtf? Also, my time at Oxford was seen by some as mainly being about finding someone rich to marry, rather than getting a degree.

sfxmum · 04/09/2010 22:11

the Lyrics to 'all the single ladies' Hmm yes not getting any better any time soon

JaneS · 04/09/2010 22:11

Eek.

Mind you, the same school (and I would be amused if it is yours, but yours sounds posher - mine was just wannabe posh) had a boys' school down the road. When my parents went to open day there, the headmaster reassured them that it was a great boys' school because there was a ready-made source of female talent just nearby - 'so your son won't end up going out with some girl who wants to be a hairdresser'.

Shock Angry

ravenAK · 04/09/2010 22:28

Bar job, early '90s (so, OK, a few years ago).

It was customary to buy yourself a drink just before calling 'time', from your tips, & sit down for a rest & chat until 'drinking up time', when the clear-up began.

My boss told me off on my first evening shift for getting myself a pint of lager (as had the two barmen I was working with).

'This is NOT the sort of pub where females drink pints!'

I subsequently worked days & so met the Happy Hour crowd, many of whom were women. Because the deal was '£ a pint', female customers expected to be served their pint with an empty half pint glass (stemmed) to drink it from, in a presumably 'ladylike' fashion...

tribpot · 04/09/2010 22:37

Bizarrely, I can't think of when I've ever suffered any of these 'assumptions', even though I have to list my dh as 'house person' or 'household duties' on every application we ever make.

The worst it gets is people assuming my surname is his, which is understandable - other than one extremely hideous occasion of sexism in the pub last year after work. I didn't take it to HR because I thought he was a contractor, am totally gutted to discover he isn't and now it's too late.

My fave is my grandmother telling me she'd seen a TV programme in which the captain of a lifeboat was a woman.

Me and my mum: Err, so what is strange about that?
Grandmother: Well - men can't be expected to be led by a woman surely?!

Grandmother: Can they?
Me and my mum: Yes.
Grandmother: Ah.

OTOH I did one live in Mexico where at the time you could barely leave the house unaccompanied. I visited houses where women weren't offered a drink when the men were, you had to sort of say "yes I might be able to handle a glass of wine". And if my (male) friends' girlfriends came out with us, I could only speak to them, not to the blokes at all. But that was another time and another place.

TheCrackFox · 04/09/2010 22:38

I saw a job advertised last week on Gumtree asking for only attractive young ladies to apply for the postion of shop assistant as he needed to maximise profits.

SharonGless · 04/09/2010 22:53

Just going back to the Bechdel Test when I was pg I would only watched Charmed as there were 3 female characters and it passed the test!

I was very hormonal.

Although not as hormonal as the other night when DH referred to the generic as "policeman" instead of "police officer"

fuschiagroan · 04/09/2010 22:58

The Devil Wears Prada passes the Bechdel test, as does most of Sex and the City...

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 04/09/2010 23:13

Is he still with us, SharonGless? :o (Aren't you in the police, or am I thinking of someone else?)

DP and DF have learnt to regard to few milliseconds of icy silence after a comment like that (firemen, binmen, lifeboatmen etc) as the time to hastily correct themselves.

Zhen · 04/09/2010 23:38

I often think of Greg Wise as "Mr Emma Thompson" Grin.

TrillianAstra · 04/09/2010 23:46

So am I not supposed to refer to 'the binmen' when I have only ever seen binmen and never binwomen emptying our bins? I suppose technically they are bin-and-recycling-persons, not just binmen, but it's a much more convenient word.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 04/09/2010 23:55

Alright if you know they are men, trillian! It's when referring to "the binmen are on strike" etc - lifeboatmen is a better example because they both know full well there are women on the lifeboat locally.

ullainga · 05/09/2010 10:26

Actually signed up because of this thread.

My favourite was a job interview, was all going well until we got to the salary expectation. Told them the number and the manager says "But..for that money we could already hire a man!". Seriously. By the way, I did no apply for a position of a "woman".

We live in France and yes, after the wedding I disappeared and am now Mme HisFirstName HisName. This I can still live with, but we had a heck of a time explaining at the bank, that I would have the main card for our joint account and he will have the supplemental one. They had never heard of this and the clerk actually had to go and ask if it is possible.

We used to live in Switzerland before this and don't get me started. Even though surprisingly I never had issues at work, in many other aspects this country is totally stuck in 50s. Then again, what would you expect from a country when the last Canton gave women the right to vote in 1990. Actually no, they didn't - the Supreme Court decided that the word "citizens" in the constitution also includes women, so they had to let women vote.

Someone I know was told by their child's kindergarten teacher that they really should consider working part time. When she asked why, was there something wrong with the child, the teacher said that no no, very well behaved and adjusted little boy, but it would just be better for mothers to work less.

Another friend went to the bank and as he did not have his permit in order yet, they opened an account for her only, asking the mail to be sent to her workplace. they later changed it to a joint one. Since then all the mail is sent to her office but addressed to him. He does not work there.

Another one is stay at home dad. Wife works. All teachers, doctors etc when dealing with him always ask for her number so they can call her and discuss something about the kids. (they only do it once though Grin )

JaneS · 05/09/2010 10:31

'My favourite was a job interview, was all going well until we got to the salary expectation. Told them the number and the manager says "But..for that money we could already hire a man!". Seriously. By the way, I did no apply for a position of a "woman".'

Wow. Just - wow.

dawntigga · 05/09/2010 10:51

Sorry, but virtually every promo for a song that has women in it. Women DO NOT NEED to sell their voices by selling their bodies, if a woman chooses to dress in a certain way fine. But most costumes are chosen by the record label etc not the artists.

ThereAreOfCourseExceptionsTiggaxx

scallopsrgreat · 05/09/2010 12:19

My dad addresses letters to me as Mrs DHFirstName DHSurname, despite the fact that I haven't changed my name!

Salesman ringing work regularly think I am the secretary not the boss.

We are currently looking for a new car and the salesmen always address DH as it is obviously his money and he will be the primary driver (wrong on both counts - my money and he rides a motorbike!)

One I heard recently was from DH's work. They sent a group to a community day with the specific task of marketing his company. One of the ladies was going to give a small presentation and was told by the organiser that a woman couldn't get up and speak to the predominantly male Somalian audience as their culture wouldn't allow it. This was in the UK by the way. A complaint was made by one of her colleagues to the company stating that this was sexual discrimination in the workplace (as they had made her workplace this community centre for the day). It has currently been filed under "too difficult to handle".

yesway · 05/09/2010 13:38

You've reminded me of a time when I was interviewed to replace a colleague giving evening lectures twice a week at a college nearby. The interview was fine but it all fell apart at the end when the male interviewer made it clear that I would not be paid what they had paid my male colleague. I conceded that he had been doing the course for a few years but pointed out that there would be a lot of work required to update it. I got the response "I am a strong believer that you get what you pay for."
I said "so am I" and walked out.
Still makes me angry now Angry