ISNT posted this on the rape in marriage thread:
'I don't remember anyone telling me that sex was supposed to be enjoyable either, TBH.
It was all about pregnancy and STDs, from an education POV, and from friends it was all about what you'd done, not about whether you enjoyed it or not.
All very strange.
Girls are still taught that they "own" sex and it's something to give or withhold, and boys learn that sex is something they should pursue relentlessly as an end in itself, and that for some of them it will mean crossing a line.'
which really resonated with me. I really felt like I wasn't supposed to enjoy sex and that it was something that was 'done' to me rather than something I could be (as a 'good' girl) an active participant in. My early sexual experiences were pretty awful to be honest because of feeling that I didn't have the right to ask for anything because it wasn't about my pleasure, it was about the man's.
As ISNT said, I think that might be part of a wider issue in the way in which we teach girls and boys about sex and giving girls the power and boundaries to own sex for themselves.
I am not sure things have moved on enormously given the number of girls who submit themselves to gang rape as part of an initiation into gangs and have no sense of boundaries. There was an interesting feature on Woman's Hour about this the other month where a woman from the Fairbridge project was talking about the work she's doing with young women to give them a better sense of self-worth to have the courage to say no to being shared around like a piece of meat. See here
Sorry haven't really got my thoughts in order yet so that's a bit bumbling but would be interested in your thoughts