Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I was raped

50 replies

CoinOperatedGirl · 26/08/2010 23:52

Sorry but the only section I can post this in is here. When I was about 17 I was drug raped, I was out with my sister on the town, getting pissed as usual. We got drunk and went to a club, I was flirting with a black guy, he bought me a drink. About 10 minutes later he was rushing me out of the place, into a taxi.

That is the last thing I remember, I woke in the morning to him raping me. I fought him off, found my stuff and went home (this was my first actual "shag" iyswim). I never told anyone about this. I was so ashamed, I had done "stuff with boys etc but this was my first experience of penetration.

I have still never told anyone irl, and don't really think it was rape as I was drunk.

But I'm so fucked up really. Nobody knows, I did so many stupid things when I was pissed and young, I hate myself.

OP posts:

Original poster

CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 00:27

I'm so sorry normality, would never wish it on anyone.

I think I actually need heavy duty psycotherapy tbh, never gonna happen unless I win the lottery though. My family are all odd in some way. Can't really count on them at all.

OP posts:

tabouleh · 27/08/2010 00:28

Coin please please look at this thread which I linked to above.

I sensed from your OP that you were ashamed of behaviour following your rape.

Promiscuity following rape is a recognised phenomenon - there are lots of examples on that thread. Please read it.

Original poster

CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 00:37

Thank you tabouleh, yes there are things in that thread that ring very true.

OP posts:

Original poster

CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 00:39

Thank you to everyone who replied, it means a lot.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 27/08/2010 00:40

Promiscuity before a rape still doesn't mean you deserved rape, or that it was your fault, or that it was in any way less of a wicked thing for your rapist to do to you.

tabouleh · 27/08/2010 00:42

Coin it means a lot to me that you felt this section was a good place to reach out it and that we were able to find you some resources.

It makes staying up here until nearly 1am fighting the feminist cause worthwhile.

NormalityBites · 27/08/2010 00:43

COG have you seen here (safe - about getting help)

LadyBiscuit · 27/08/2010 00:45

COG - please do read that thread that tabouleh linked to - it helped me a lot. I was exactly the same as you fwiw - became terribly promiscuous, I just didn't care any more. You are among a lovely group of women here who will support you and help you get the support you need x

wukter · 27/08/2010 00:51

I believe you, Coin.
The promiscuity afterwards is very very common, something I never knew til I read that thread linked above.

Original poster

CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 01:01

I did read the thread Tabouleh, I think Mn is eating my posts. Thankyou normality and everyone who has replied. Mn is very good I knewn it, have been lurking on the feminist topic for ages. Thankyou tabouleh and everyone, I really wish I could ask for help, I'm not that brave though. Especially for a rape that happenned 12 years ago.

OP posts:

Original poster

CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 01:04

Gawd sorry for the bad spelling etc, mn really doesn't like me tonight lol. Thankyou all for your advice, I'm off to bed now, speak to you soon.

OP posts:

Sammyuni · 27/08/2010 01:05

Sorry for what happened to you it's a terrible experience and remember you are not responsible for another persons actions never blame yourself for what another does to you. And being promiscuous does not make you a wanker.

wukter · 27/08/2010 01:06

I think you should get in touch with Rape Crisis, Coin, they don't care if it's 12 years ago or 60 years ago. They will have lots of resources and you can decide what your next step will be, they will be a guide anyway and you're in a confusing place - you could probably use a guide.

Buttonnosedsausage · 27/08/2010 01:09

COG I was raped at 15 - I hadn't even had my first kiss.

Not long after I became promiscuous and drank too much. At the time I didn't think much of it, but sleeping with people made me feel empty and I only hurt myself.

I was affected subliminally and I know now that the decisions I made at the time came from the guilt I felt and I blamed myself.
I've tried not to dwell on it, and have found that talking about it does help.

You are not alone.
Please please talk to someone.

Original poster

CoinOperatedGirl · 27/08/2010 01:12

Sorry Ladybiscuit, didn't mean to ignore you, mn was being an arse. Thankyou for your help and sharing your experience. It really does help

OP posts:

tabouleh · 27/08/2010 01:13

Coin - you are brave. You posted here.

Take your time. Look at the rape crisis website - convince yourself that they are happy to talk to people who were raped a long time ago.

I am sure that you will find some help with this and find some peace as a survivor.

LadyBiscuit · 27/08/2010 01:17

You don't need to apologise. But if you want to talk, feel free to CAT me whenever - although our experiences weren't similar, the way you feel about it really resonates with me.

sugarray · 27/08/2010 01:18

Coin - Something extremely similar happened to me when I was 12. Alomost straight away I slept with the 1st person I came across. Later , thought I was pg, so told my best friend. Also being 12, she didn't take it seriously and told eveyrone. I was devestated,embaressed and felt guilty! I decided not to mention it ever again. I went on to sleep with people I didn't even like.
Just because you were not outraged and didn't go to the police does NOT mean it didn't happen. It WAS rape and ABSOLUTELY NOT your fault. I have told my husband, but other than that, it still works for me to keep it to myself. I may be wrong, but I think you may need to talk to someone in rl. Everyone deals with it differently, but you sound like you are blaming yourself.I hope just posting what happened helps you in some way, it's hard and very brave of you.

NormalityBites · 27/08/2010 01:21

COG - The first time I was raped was 19 years ago. The last time I was raped was 10 years ago. I'm 27. I once got the courage to go for counselling but it was general counselling and they just kind of looked at me and expected me to talk and I never told them. Tonight is the first time I have seen that link too - I was looking for things after reading threads here this evening.

I'll ring them if you will.

chibi · 27/08/2010 01:23

I believe you

it was not your fault

be kind to yourself
x

SolidGoldBrass · 27/08/2010 01:28

If you have been raped or sexually assaulted, it was NEVER YOUR FAULT. Not EVER. It was first and foremost the fault of the person who decided to attack you. The rest of it was just shit bad luck, that whatever the things you were doing, that you had every right to be doing, meant you crossed the path of a bad predatory attacker were not your fault. You didn't deserve to be attacked. Lots of times you could have or did do the exact same thing, you would not have been attacked, and it was NOT YOUR FAULT any more than it is your fault if you're struck by lightning.

chibi · 27/08/2010 01:34

i love you on these threads SGB

i could have done with some of this at 15 :(

Lynli · 27/08/2010 01:45

You were not a wanker, and your promiscuity was related to the rape.

If you can make sex valueless, then it reduces the enormity of what has happened to you.

You have buried your feelings because you could not face them.

Your OP title is so revealing, you are admitting to your self what happened, I think that is your first step to coming to terms with it.

You really do need to get some counselling as how you deal with it now will affect your mental health in the future.

Please believe everyone this attack was no ones fault except the man that did it. You would never talk to anyone else the way you speak to yourself, so you must realise this is wrong.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/08/2010 01:55

Oh, Coin, I'm so sorry to read that you were raped. I believe you, and it wasn't your fault. The behaviour you're talking about afterwards is a classic response to being raped, of course, although I realise it doesn't seem to you that it was related. I'm glad you feel like you can talk about it here, I hope that helps.

And THIS is why I will never stop arguing with people who think that they're just trying to keep their daughters safe when they say, if you get drunk you have to expect the consequences.

So many of us out there, feeling like it was our fault.

chocolatestar · 27/08/2010 06:32

I am so sorry you were raped. Please do get yourself some support. A lot of rape crisis centres can offer you free counselling. It really wasn't your fault, I hope one day you can believe that.

Flip

1 2