Is it easier to be a feminist if you are a lesbian?

[PosieParker]

Or are there really men out there that hold feminist values dear too?

Last night my DH said he called someone at work a 'pussy', I nearly choked on my food, since when is such language okay? Whilst my DH can be quite laddish and very far from feminist values I was attracted to him because he's quite masculine. I often wonder whether a more progressive and less Neanderthal man would get my attention or whether I'd find him to emasculated?

Thank you.

Yes, I don't like the ownership of monogamy either.
I think marriage, I mean the idea behind monogamous marriage, is an ENORMOUS leap of faith and naivety optimism.
I mentioned on the another thread that SAHMism is very similar to prostitution and society has been set up in that way. However my pull towards my babies has been very powerful and this is used to keep women economically inferior I think. I am that taking time out to raise babies, which is so important, means you effectively lose any shot at achieving real power in the world.
It has to change.

I think lesbians are probably more likely to be feminists since they're forced to face double the prejudice (both sexism and homophobia) than heterosexual women. It's probably a bit harder to bury your head in the sand about inequality when it frequently hits you in the face.

My DH identifies himself as a feminist, I can't imagine being married to a man who didn't. And he's not scary

For me I couldn't choose lesbianism because I literally am mad for men;, I can't get enough of them, and I can't help myself. I have been entirely faithful to DH for the 5 years we've been married. It has been okay, if a little dull compared to my pre-married life, and obviously my babies have more than filled the gap, but I don't think it's a natural set-up, just a societal one.

So I have never understood how women can become lesbians for political reasons, I mean the concept of "choosing" your sexuality. Are they doing it so they don't have to be involved with men?

Having said that I have had a few lesbian encounters, but again, it wasn't an active "choice".

I'm a bit chaotic aren't I?

no no not arguing for sexuality being plastic. I've never understood the entire concept of naming sexuality. Some would say I'm a bi-sexual no?, that's what I mean by chaotic, I've got no idea because sexuality isn't plastic. But definitely my marriage was pushed for by culture, definitely.

sorry yes I am arguing for sexuality being plastic. I read "set in stone" instead of "being plastic"

The problem I've got with the political lesbianism you describe is I think women denying their true sexuality is an anti feminist way to think. Women's sexuality has been denied so much over the ages, now is one of the only points in history we've been allowed to express it for what it really is.

It may be easier to be a feminist if one is Bi-sexual.

When I had wonderful girlfriends sharing a flat with me and have not met DH yet, I always wished I could choose. But I did not get to choose either. I am wholly hetero, and just had to wait patiently to meet DH.

We are both feminists. He is politically more active and trained, so he is probably more of proper feminist than me. Also, back in Hungary I did not really encounter mysogynist behaviour to the same extent, as I do in the UK as a professional woman. Maybe I was tougher or just less experienced.

swallowedaFly, I agree our sexuality is warped, I know mine has been. I have certain "tastes" that I know have not sprung forth from my own imagination. It pisses me off that the societal and cultural messages have had such a profound affect on my psyche.

But I have to say, and I've mentioned this before, when I was a young teenager this wasn't the case. It was only as I grew older (say, 17 or so onwards) that I really began to feel the full force of the messages i.e women's sexuality doesn't exist; women only exist as an extention of male sexuality.
I think porn is very confining, not liberating at all. I compare it to reading the book then watching the film. NOthing pornography can show me beats what I know and learned as a young teenager. All it can do is detract from that.

SO I believe I've had a taste of real freedom but I think it was confined to when I was younger.

Adults have got it wrong. They think they "know" about sexuality. They know shit. The only people who are really free are teenagers, boys and girls, or at least that has been my experience.

Yes, agree about the passive receptacle idea. Although on the other hand I think men sometimes have strong reactions to lesbianism because its an out an out statement that they're redundant.

I think wrt men being feminists - they sometimes find it easier to talk the talk but then not follow through.

For example my dh finds it quite difficult at work - he is a manager in a very old school company and sector but is working flexibly and never really goes out after work - he is the only man in the company in the UK to do so - out of 100s of men -he is the first. He is doing it because he believes its right and that other men will follow him but its a very difficult and lonely place to be - I wonder why others dont - is it that the ones that do are already in industries where its easier (media) or have retrained to be teachers or whatever.

Time and again we hear from our friends that they simply cant do it as it would be the end of their careers and yet they are happy for this to be the case for their partners.

And yes I know he could be the first out of the door in a redundancy situation but sometimes you have to stick your colours to the mast.

yes omnishambles, I don't think men can be self-proclaimed feminists. I think that's an oxymoron. I think feminists can nominate a few men (I nominate David Mitchell, and academic Daniel Dorling) but neither of them would probably describe themselves as feminists.

Its the equivalent of champagne socialism isnt it - saying that you're one thing and then doing something else. Though I'm aware that I wouldnt want my own feminism judged on this score.

My dh wouldnt say he was a feminist anyway - he would say he was a humanist or in fact a libertarian. Although he has read more of the feminist literature than me and did a lot of gender studies at university.