Just been diagnosed with genital herpes - devastated

[Supernova1908]

I’ve just been diagnosed with genital herpes and I’m devastated (female, 45). I have blisters/sores on both my vaginal area and around my anus and I’m in agony, I’ve even taken the day off work today. The sexual health nurse gave me antivirals to take. After initially trying to remain optimistic yesterday, last night I stupidly started googling things and there was a previous thread on here about how awful people have found it, with near-constant outbreaks or symptoms that don’t go away even with antiviral medication. I’m completely panicking that this will be my life and it’ll ruin my sex life, relationship, holidays, activities, and my mental health 😩 Had anyone managed to live okay with this? Do you always get recurrent outbreaks?

The first is the worst. I've had it for around 20 years, I now get an outbreak once a year or so - generally when I'm run down or stressed. I used to get it more associated with periods, but I'm peri menopausal, so that's by the by (another positive at the tailing off of my fertility) . I don't take suppressants - I'm not currently in a relationship ( not just because I have herpes...), but thats something I would consider on an individual basis.

sex life - some potential partners will reject you once they have the information, some will not. I've always mentioned it before we get to the knickers off stage and outlined risks - yes thats excrutiatingly embarrassing - but it is what it is - if I like someone enough to want to have sex with them (unlike the person who gave it to me!) then I want them to be in possession of the facts.

Your life is not over. You are not 'dirty'. It's a shock at the moment and there's a lot of misinformation and cheap laughs at the expense of a health condition. You'll honestly be fine. Eat well and look after your general health when you've recovered from this initial infection and shock.

Thanks so much @Snapespeare , that’s really helpful. I’m currently in a relationship and he’s being amazing about it (we think it might’ve been him who gave me it, although he’s symptomless but I was married for 10 years until last year and had nothing). But we’ve only been together 6 months and I’m just worried our ‘carefree’ and adventurous sex life is over and that I’m going to be miserable and constantly paranoid that it’s coming back 😩
Have your subsequent outbreaks been milder?

I caught this at age 18. My outbreak was also extremely painful and quite severe, and I had multiple sessions of some kind of treatment which burned them off. I don't remember taking any meds but it was over 20 years ago. still test positive for HPV however if it reassures you I haven't had a single outbreak since.

Very mild! Just a bit of an uncomfortable itch, slight burning sensation. Memory suggests the second outbreak was much better than the first, but worse than the third. Nowadays, I tend to leave it a day or two, stay hydrated and go commando when possible (it's always in the same area and uncomfortably near a knicker leg.) before considering medication. I think in 20 years I've had anti-virals less than 10 times, closer to 5.

HPV is a different virus, herpes is HSV

I have a stash of aciclovir which I take if I feel the tingling sensation that is a precursor to an outbreak, as long as I do that it isn't an issue.

If you're having a painful outbreak, it can help to rinse with water, pat dry or air dry if possible. Loose french style knickers or go commando.

@toomanydicksonthedancefloor1 ah thanks but that’s genital warts you’re referring to - which unluckily I also caught when I was 25,
like you they got frozen off.

@Snapespeare thanks so much, yeah I’m
gonna have to buy some new underwear as all
of mine seems too tight and uncomfortable 😣 Can the wrong underwear and not letting it air out make it worse and prolong the outbreak?

@Ophy83 thanks so much, yeah I need new underwear I think as it’s uncomfortably chafing. Can not doing these things prolong the outbreak/delay healing?

You probably have caught it from your partner as it sounds like this is your first outbreak, which is 100% worse and more painful than future outbreaks.

The same thing happened to me - I caught it from my now husband before we got married (who had been carrying it with no symptoms). I've had it for about 17 years and really have had very few outbreaks since then.

If you Google, you read all the horror stories. Obviously everyone is affected differently but for the majority, it's something that doesn't cause an ongoing problem. I really sympathise with you - it's a horrible feeling - but there is so much misinformation about genital herpes. Don't pay attention to half the things you're likely to read when googling.

Also just to add I've used antivirals maybe 3 times since I contracted it - you're definitely NOT destined to have to carry packs of aciclovir round with you forever more!

I think the seam irritates the sore which is annoying! Air your fanny (!) ice packs (clean cotton flannel, buy a pack of 10 from Amazon or similar) if needed for discomfort.

It will be fine, you'll adapt - it's the shock and initial outbreak which is the issue at hand. This https://www.stdcheck.london/blog/silent-epidemic-uncovering-the-true-scale-of-herpes-in-britain www.stdcheck.london/blog/silent-epidemic-uncovering-the-true-scale-of-herpes-in-britain]] suggests 1 in 8 adults in GB have genital herpes, it's not talked about openly because it's 'to do with sex' it's on your genitals, but it's fairly common. I don't advocate casually mentioning it at the tills in Tesco or blurting it out over a bottomless brunch with your friends, because I don't talk about my sex life with anyone I'm not having sex with - but it's basically a health condition, stings like a bastard at first & is perfectly manageable.

Don't panic
I don't think it's always too bad
I had it about 25 years ago, I've not had it since. Maybe the odd cold sore every couple of years.

@Doublebubblegum thanks so much, yeah I’m in bloody agony with this and can’t even really sit comfortably 😩 I’ve mainly been sitting around in shock with it so I need to get into action mode and do some of the helpful suggestions people have said!

Oh OP, don’t read all the horror stories online. The initial outbreak is the WORST. After that they are much milder.

I've had herpes for 22 years. I used to be mortified by it but have had a wonderful life despite it! I’ve had lovely supportive partners and I have been with my husband for 15 years and have never passed it to him. I take antivirals and don’t get full outbreaks anymore. I’ll occasionally get a tingle and pop a few extra tablets and poof, it’s gone.

I’ve found my triggers to be hormonal fluctuations and illness. Vaginal estrogen cream has helped with that, and I rarely get sick. Make sure you eat a healthy diet and live a healthy lifestyle and you’ll find the virus won’t be too much of an issue for you.

you’ll be fine!!

@Snapespeare thanks for making me laugh with “air your fanny” 😂 I have mainly been sitting around feeling rather sorry for myself and avoiding the shower this morning as it was so painful washing my bits yesterday 😩 I’ll get on it with those suggestions and try and help myself rather than wallowing in self-pity!!! Just praying it’s not going to be constant outbreaks and as life-limiting as other people have posted about on other threads 🥺 One day at a time I guess!
I am a terrible over-sharer so better watch I don’t blurt it out at the tills at Tesco 😂

Don’t panic. It’s far more common than you think.
I was diagnosed at 18, and in those days it would have been seen as a stain on a girl’s moral character.
The first outbreak is painful. Look up taking sitz baths. To make it simple, just fill your bath tub with warm water and sit in for a few times a day.
Wee in the bath with water in it. It takes the sting away. Or have a big jug of water by the loo and pour it over your bits when you go for a wee.
The lifesaver for me was 5 per cent lidocaine ointment. It is like an anaesthetic gel, and really reduces the pain. Ideal for when you go to bed so you can get some rest.
I have had 5 outbreaks in nearly 4 decades.
When I finally brought up with two friends separately in my 40’s…. they both had it as well!
Once you are feeling a bit better do your best to stay healthy and well.
Then it just becomes a very small part of your story. I let it upset me for so many years. Don’t.
It is a manageable condition.

@ButtCheeks thanks so much (great username btw 😂), this is really reassuring - I just need to ride out this initial outbreak and hope for the best!! 🙏🏼

@PeggyMitchellsCameo thanks so much, that’s super helpful to know and some great tips that I’ll definitely try. The sexual health nurse gave me some lidocaine ointment yesterday which I haven’t used yet as I just didn’t want to touch the areas (it’s all round my bum 🥺) but I’ll woman up and put some on as it’s burning and stinging so much.
Yeah I don’t know anyone who has it but as you say, people might have it and just never let on as people feel it’s so stigmatising (and private of course!).

I had it once 20 years ago it was hideous. I’ve never had another breakout.

I started with it 1980s so you can see how old i am. . I get mild attack if very run down but can't recall last time , didnt get it when had covid and i was very run down then. . I feel cold like symptons and mild irritation. I mentioned to midwives when pregnant and was told to inform them if I had an attack. thankfully never did. look after your health. it will improve. By the time you're my age it will be a distant memory. hugs

@Snapespeare @ButtCheeks @PeggyMitchellsCameo sorry to keep harassing but I just wanted to check if you found it excruciatingly itchy for days - this is day 4 of my obvious symptoms and it seems to be getting worse - it’s not like normal itching, it’s like a stabbing itch and also as if something is crawling on my vagina/vulva and bum 😩 There’s just no let up, feel like I won’t sleep tonight with it. I never, ever thought it would be as bad as this.

Salt baths are really helpful! You could also try some strong antihistamine tablets to help manage the itching.

Had it once, out of nowhere, then never again. May yours be the same!

Try bee propolis op, I take one every day and it stopped my outbreaks! Very common, loads of people have it.

Hello!
i was diagnosed at 18 and i have never, ever had another outbreak 😅 it was definitely genital herpes and the treatment worked great. I am the most stressy person ever and it’s just never flared up! I’ve been through divorces and house moves etc and no flare ups. I actually forget I’ve got it! 😅 so it’s not all the worst case for everyone OP! And I’m so glad you have a supportive lovely new partner! Once it’s cleared up get back to your fab new sex life! ♥️