Just been diagnosed with genital herpes - devastated

[Supernova1908]

I’ve just been diagnosed with genital herpes and I’m devastated (female, 45). I have blisters/sores on both my vaginal area and around my anus and I’m in agony, I’ve even taken the day off work today. The sexual health nurse gave me antivirals to take. After initially trying to remain optimistic yesterday, last night I stupidly started googling things and there was a previous thread on here about how awful people have found it, with near-constant outbreaks or symptoms that don’t go away even with antiviral medication. I’m completely panicking that this will be my life and it’ll ruin my sex life, relationship, holidays, activities, and my mental health 😩 Had anyone managed to live okay with this? Do you always get recurrent outbreaks?

I also have it, for at least 20 years now. I had my first known outbreak about 2 years after marriage, with a husband who didn't know he had it and didn't get an outbreak himself until about 10 years later. We still don't know which of us had it first, as we both only ever had mild signs and his was in a particularly stressful period of life. I used to get outbreaks almost every month which only settled after I started taking l-lysine and then after I started on HRT seem to have completely stopped. Another reason, I will stay on HRT for life!

I am heartened by this thread as I have seen too many over the years, including when I posted about it when I first had it, that have been viciously unkind and stigmatising.

What a bitch your 'friend' was!!

Excellent points & I agree your friend was out of order with that insensitive & uncaring statement.

In respect of taking risks every day in certain aspects of life. I feel the difference with taking sexual risks ie random sexual encounters especially without protection is in many ways different simply because of the possible outcomes. The risk when you go on a bus,unless your involved in a rare serious accident, doesn't begin to compare with the risk of excessive unprotected sexual encounters. You may catch a cold with the former example . You may catch a lifelong sexually transmitted disease with the latter example. Sexual preferences are nobody else's business although everyone should be aware of the possible consequences. Unfortunately there is still a lot of ignorance surrounding STDs. We may be in an era where sex is seen as something we shouldn't take too seriously. We should be able to go on a night out or off on holiday & 'shag' strangers until our hearts content. This thread proves sex should be taken extremely seriously. It's not something that should be messed with, especially after loads of alcohol has been consumed & inhibitions are thrown to the wind. STDs are not pleasant & they can with lots of caution be avoided.

@Nonrienderien but this thread DOESN’T actually prove that as it’s a thread about herpes, which we’ve all acknowledged is almost impossible to avoid even in a long-term, committed relationship, short of complete abstinence. I’d get that if the thread was about chlamydia, or gonorrhoea for example.

I got it as a teenager from my first boyfriend. You can get pregnant the first time to.
You can also work your way through a rugby team and half of Magaluf and get away with it if you’re lucky. Not that I ever have.

People with cold sores don't tell new partners? It's no different. I went off advice from my doctor on this one.

Let's end my contribution with I honestly feel heart sorry for anyone who succumbs to genital herpes. I would urge mumsnetters who have children about to embark on sexual encounters,if they are interested in casual sex before embarking on a steady relationship please make them aware of the possible consequences.This despite the fact it can happen first time. The fact remains the more sexual partners,the far higher the risk & what a price to pay.

Did they tell you if you have type 1 or 2? Type 1 is probably contracted from someone's mouth and is the mouth cold sores which I think aren't as bad and don't come back as often

Oh the irony @Nonrienderien that you say that people’s sex life is nobody else’s business and yet you talk of “excessive unprotected sexual encounters”.

The op is in a long term committed relationship after coming out of a long marriage yet still you can’t quite keep the judgemental sneering out of your post. Trust me, most of us with herpes feel bad enough without your lecture.

the stigma around this really common virus is really shocking.

I'm not going to be telling my kids that, sorry. I'll tell them to practice safe sex, but what you're saying sounds just quite judgemental and old fashioned.

I love a quote from an elderly famous actress I saw once which said "nobody gets to the end of their life and wishes they'd worked more and had less sex."

No it's the other way round. HSV1 is genital herpes, HSV2 is mouth or cold sores.

No. You have it the wrong way round. HSV1 is predominantly cold sores. HSV2 genital. But, these days, because so many couples have oral sex, they are pretty much interchangeable.

Oh yes I stand corrected. Yes what you said is correct.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I’ll find out the results of that on Monday - knowing my luck it’ll be Type 2 😏

Thanks to all who’ve posted and that I’ve not managed to reply to - it’s all (mostly - you know who you are!) been super helpful and supportive and made me feel far less alone with it all. Can’t put the genie back in the bottle but I’ll do what I can to mitigate it all.

I've said repeatedly, not everyone who succumbs to a sexualy transmitted disease has casual sex. The fact I've mentioned statistics prove casual sex without contraception remains high on the ones who do contract it is not my story.

And do You think any of that preachy bullshit has any relevance whatsoever to the op who has described her - appropriate to you apparently - monogamy here (not that’s it’s any of your snooty business). Nor to the other women here who have generously and non-judgementally shared their experience and don’t need your sanctimonious pronouncements after the fact to make them feel any worse than they do. So again, ODFOD

I won't & if it prevents only one person from suffering this preventable disease then I'll keep on telling them don't have random sex with strangers.

Tell me how I could have prevented it? I was married for 2 years before I knew I had it. My husband also didn't know he had it. Neither of us were having unprotected casual sex People being sanctimonious like you are exactly what puts people off from sharing that they have it. The stigma, judgment and shaming for something that isn't easily preventable and is extremely common.
Just for once, I thought this was a positive and supportive thread. Women being able to share about carrying herpes without this bullshit. But no, there always has to be one who makes us feel dirty.
I am finding your posts extremely upsetting, so think on that instead of your preaching. You said you were leaving this thread hours ago. I wish you had.

I’m going to say it again. Slowly. Because you’re obviously slow on the uptake. The op (like me) came out of a long marriage. She now has a long term serious partner. And finds herself in a situation that she has asked for advice on. How is your little sermon helping her? If you’re hoping to Shame her or me or anyone else in a similar situation you can jog on.

If you want to wage this little campaign against promiscuity 🙄 go elsewhere.

Sorry but I've also said repeatedly I haven't referred my posts to the unfortunate position of the OP. Genital herpes like all sexually transmitted diseases require to be highlighted to the point both men & women think before they act. If people deem this to be of no relationship to the lifestyle they wish to lead then that's their own perogative.

A medical professional once told me that ultimately it’s a skin condition. One with a lot of undeserved stigma, unfortunately, but that’s what it is. Not a death sentence and not ‘dirty’ at all! No one thinks eczema is dirty, for example. Hearing that made me put it into perspective.

I caught chlamydia from my first sexual partner at 18, and have never had sex outside of a very committed, monogamous relationship, whilst friends who had unprotected sex over the years never caught a thing. Life feels unfair sometimes! But STDs are rife and even if a person practices the safest sex possible, you can still catch herpes. Many people don’t even know they have it as they happened to have not had an outbreak.

I hope this first outbreak is the worst and it soon becomes just another mundane detail of life! Xx

OP you haven't mentioned the reason(s?) for your marriage ending but I wonder if XH could have cheated on you?

I hope the outbreak ends soon and any subsequent ones are mild.