Just been diagnosed with genital herpes - devastated

[Supernova1908]

I’ve just been diagnosed with genital herpes and I’m devastated (female, 45). I have blisters/sores on both my vaginal area and around my anus and I’m in agony, I’ve even taken the day off work today. The sexual health nurse gave me antivirals to take. After initially trying to remain optimistic yesterday, last night I stupidly started googling things and there was a previous thread on here about how awful people have found it, with near-constant outbreaks or symptoms that don’t go away even with antiviral medication. I’m completely panicking that this will be my life and it’ll ruin my sex life, relationship, holidays, activities, and my mental health 😩 Had anyone managed to live okay with this? Do you always get recurrent outbreaks?

There is a Herpes Viruses Association who are very pragmatic and down to earth. They have an advice line too. Btw, me too!

This isn’t correct. You can absolutely pass it on even when not having an outbreak, so the moral thing to do would be to inform partners.

Standard STD checkups do not test for herpes.

Also remembered: wash your hands regularly!

A PP mentioned that her first outbreak presented as Meningitus and I remember reading this when I was first diagnosed. Becuse HSV1 usually recurs on the face (and can also present on the nose & fingers) many people spread it to different sites by touching their face too much. If it infects the nerves in the ear canal, it can cause swelling and present as Meningitus, and is dangerous in this form.

As a general rule, most people wash their hand before and after touching an infected area, but I pay extra attention when having an outbreak (2-3 times per year) because it makes me fell a little bit more in control.

Other PP have also mentioned that you need to tell future sexual partners. I fully second this. It is excruciating to sit in front of someone you like/fancy and say "I have an STI", and there is a possibility that they will say "I don't want to take that particular risk", however most people have been grown up about it and in the 12+ years since my own diagnosis, I have had 2 longish relationships and a number of flings without incident.

I have had one or two people turn me down after disclosure, but I would MUCH RATHER face the embarrassment of an honest conversation than risk a post-coital betrayal that I have risked someone's health.

Hi
I got diagnosed back in 2013 after only 2 months of being with a new boyfriend I was 24 !
the first few outbreaks in the first year was agony ! , so I know your pain !
avoid any tight underwear / trousers etc anything that will get the area hot and humid
big cotton knickers will be your best friend
avoid sex with any outbreaks .
i now rarely get any outbreaks but I can tell if I start tingling and feeling uncomfortable
you can always ask to go on a maintenance dose of accivlor - 400 x2 daily ( which I’ve been on for the last 12 years ) and if you get another outbreak it would not be as bad and you can take more tablets to manage it.
it was tough in my 20s , to date and tell guys but the majority were absolutely fine about it .
I’ve been with my current partner over 6 years and he’s never had any symptoms etc and he’s been wonderful
Good luck ! your not alone , so many people will have cold sores at some point in there lives
x

I will probably be flamed for asking this question despite feeling total sympathy for those who have contracted genital herpes.

I realise you can catch this disease even if you've only had one partner as it can be carried without symptoms. Outwith this unfortunate once only sexual encounter,my question is to women who have no issue with casual sex or one night stands with strangers they meet eg in a club or on holiday etc. Does reading this thread make you think again about the risk of genital herpes or one of the many other STDs,especially sex without condoms which regardless can't always be relied upon? Recent studies show 1 in 8 people in the UK have genital herpes. This statistic genuinely shocked me hence my question.

https://herpes.org.uk/frequently-asked-questions/. I’m posting this again as quite a bit of misinformation being posted .
this will reassure and help.🤍

@SunnyViper literally no-one tests for herpes before commencing a sexual relationship as there’s no routine testing for it. We tested for chlamydia and gonorrhoea beforehand, but thanks for your input 😝

Thanks SO much @NCforsensitivity, these are such helpful tips and I’ll try them all. Praying I don’t get continuous outbreaks but I guess I might be unlucky. I’m also on a type of medication that’s an ‘immunomodulant’ so I’m wondering if that will have had an impact (been on it for a year now). The sexual health nurse took a swab to test whether it’s HV1 or 2 so I’ll get the results of that on Monday. I fear it’s HV2 due to its severity on my genitals 😭

@WonkyViking I actually called them yesterday - pragmatic definitely the word!!

I think it's pretty common and lots of people don't even realise they have it. DH had an outbreak years ago and never has since, I've never shown symptoms of it but presumably must carry it by now.

It sounds horrible OP, I really hope you recover soon.

I just had a google and apparently 7/10 people in the uk have the virus! I had no idea it was such a high number. (3.8bn globally)

@Nonrienderien I think this question needs to be asked of both men and women, why just women?
The only surefire way to avoid genital herpes is complete abstinence because, as you’ve said yourself, condoms wouldn’t necessarily protect against it. As for most other STIs, condoms of course do offer protection and that’s the personal responsibility of everyone to look after their own sexual health and be honest and accountable with any sexual partners. My knowledge and awareness of herpes has certainly increased a thousand-fold in these last 48 hours but unfortunately there isn’t anything I would, or could have, done differently (apart from being completely abstinent, but that wasn’t something I wanted to do of course).

i had my primary outbreak when I was pregnant and nearly lost my baby. I had sores right up my urethra and my bladder stopped working, meaning I was in hospital, on a catheter and couldn’t even move for excruciating pain. When they took the catheter out to test my ability to urinate, they gave me gas & air!
Thankfully the outbreak was over just before I gave birth and baby made it through unscathed - just but they did also warn me of the risks to baby if I’d given birth during the outbreak as a primary outbreak for a newborn can be & sadly often is, fatal for them.
Since then, I’ve barely had any outbreaks at all. I have found that shaving down there can trigger an outbreak (as they had warned me).

One thing they told me in hospital, was that 80% of us have the virus already, it’s just often not ever triggered. Pregnancy, stress & cold sores can trigger it. Especially if you receive oral sex from someone with a cold sore. What I’m trying to say, is that the stigma associated with Herpes is actually misplaced as the vast, vast majority of us already have it!

Thanks for your reply. I really do hope you get through this outbreak without too many issues in the future.

I suppose a better question would have been to ask if reading threads like this make women & yes, men too far less inclined to have random 'unprotected' sex. I mentioned women initially as I assume its mainly women reading this thread & Im interested if it affects their thoughts on the subject. Condoms can't always be relied on but at least the risk of STDs would be substantially lower.

@Nonrienderien

HSV1 & 2 can BOTH cause sores on the face, fingers, and genitals. BOTH can be (& are often) carried asymptomatically by men and women.

The only way you could 100% avoid ever contracting HSV1 or 2 would be to never kiss someone, never touch or be touched intimately by someone, never give or receive oral sex and never have genital contact with another person. As an aside, you'd also have to try not to be born to someone who carries HSV, and never be lied to by another person.

I think the best that actual humans can do, with their desires & relationships & imperfect knowledge, is to act as responsibly as they can. They can educate themselves, they can take preventative measures, seek diagnoses & use medications, use appropriate protection in sexual situations. They can have regular sexual health (& general health) check ups, speak to a medical professional about anything abnormal & they should share any sexual health related information with potential partners before sexual contact.

However, let's not turn this into a conversation about how good/bad someone's sexual behaviour is, because it is also entirely possible to contract HSV (or any other STI) in your first ever sexual contact with a trusted partner.

You clearly don’t know anything about HSV.

Of course people can contract an STD with a trusted partner during a first sexual encounter & you have highlighted excellent measures to aliviate as much of the 'risk' as possible.

I don't believe mentioning the fact the more sexual encounters people have the higher the chances of contracting an STD such as genital herpes is judging sexual behaviour as good or bad. It's simply stating a fact that prevention is better than cure. The more random sexual encounters people have,especially without protection,the chances of acquiring an STD become increasingly higher. This is common sense knowledge,or it should be.

Can't quite recall upthread who mentioned removing hair from your pubic area - I caught herpes when I used to remove hair and it has utterly convinced me that the hair is very much there for a reason (not saying I would not have caught it if I was bushy) and I now leave everything as is to avoid any even slightly potential for irritation or outbreak. That's just me - I am also old and can't be fucked with any topiary.

I've learned not to opine on what other women do with their pubes, but for me, it makes sense to avoid anything I deem unnecessary in that area!

OP, I'm sorry you feel so lousy at the moment. It will pass - continue being kind to yourself.

H this may help you. Im currently researching Methylene Blue to help me with a medical condition. This morning I stumbled across dozens of reports from people who claim its totally cured their herpes. It may be worth looking into this yourself. Theres a functional medicine clinic in Poynton cheshire that im considering. Others have just bought the MB themselves.
There’s a podcast explaining the dosage and info. Just search for Mel Gibson talking about Methylene Blu. Also search for Herpes and Methylene Blue
hope that helps.

@OldCottageGreenhouse my goodness, I’m sorry to hear about what you went through but glad it was all okay 🙏🏼

Yeah I get waxed and shave down there in between so might need to rethink that.

Thank you, I think the stigma of it is so misplaced as well. I’ve learned so much myself in the last couple of days.

I can't add anything new, but just wanted to be included in the long tally of women who have had it for decades and barely see it. I think I've seen it maybe four times and my last outbreak was a mild tingling 17 years ago. I've been with my partner now for around 10 years and he's never caught it.

I understand and agree with the logic that the higher the number of anyone's sexual encounters, the more frequent the exposure to risk of STIs. This can be further exacerbated by exposure in areas of increased risk, i.e. sex with IV drug users, for example.

However, this could be applied to any risky behaviour:

The more often one drives, the more likely one might be in a car accident.
The more often one eats fast food, the more likely one might develop diabetes or heart disease.
The more often one takes public transport, the more likely one might catch a cold.

I think what I am trying to say is that people try to assess levels of risk every single day, and everyone's assessment of or tolerance for risk is different and can be influenced by numerous factors. STIs are an unfortunate example that often come with shame, stigma and judgement attached, so people react more emotionally because it feels deeply personal.

For comparison, I was once mugged and punched in the face while walking home at night. My boss said "Well what did you expect, walking alone at night?" and everyone roundly agreed that he was an arsehole.

When I confided in a friend that I had been diagnosed with herpes, she said "Well what did you expect, sleeping around?" yet somehow in this context, her response was acceptable (not to me, we are no longer friends).