Husband says I stink

[Jez2510]

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

I can’t stand the smell when people come from outside and it does remind me of wet dog. I used to tell my mum my sister smelt awful as a kid and because she thought it was a nice smell it took years to pick up on what I was smelling.

If he has to leave 'shortly after the school run' then he could do the school run with both kids, allowing you time to shower. Sorted.
(and yes, he should go to his GP)

I know what smell he means. I remember when I was little (many years ago) my DF used to cycle home from work for lunch and he often had a funny smell from being outside. Occasionally I have smelt it on my DH when he has come in from football. It is usually in the colder weather from what I remember.

When you take your jumper off do you give it a sniff and see if it smells of anything? I honestly think if your friends are saying no and you don’t smell anything then either it’s a problem with him, or he’s actually making it up to make you feel bad.

A mumsnetter had this issue before and had weeks of worrying, going to the drs and everything, before he eventually admitted to lying to her as a form of negging

The only thing that stinks is your husband's shitty tone!

How bloody rude of him! Next time he says it, tell him it’s his top lip he’s smelling! What a dickhead!

Agree on quick shower but would suggest you don't lay baby in middle of bed and leave them. I did this loads with my DC at about this age with no signs at all of trying to turn over. Until one day left them for seconds and they fully rolled forward and off the bed. Was a horrendous urgent trip to hospital (but OK in the end).

Can you take baby in a bouncy chair into the bathroom with you (leave them outside the shower)? Disclaimer - my advice about bouncy chairs and bathrooms are 15 years out of date!!

I wonder if your husband is smelling the milk/small baby voms which has quite a distinctive smell?

Wow. So many comments, some incredibly helpful and others - not so much. Thank you to all of those with helpful recommendations and responses. As for the others;

My husband is far from abusive and he is certainly not nasty. You are all judging him based on one comment he has said to me, which quite frankly I'd rather him say than not!

His assumption was breastfeeding hormones, not blaming them - he is just as baffled by this sudden odour as I am - and he's proud of me for breastfeeding our son and is certainly not jealous! What an accusation to make over one comment! Wow!

He doesn't do the school run because large crowds make him incredibly anxious. He done the school run while I was in hospital having baby and for several weeks while I was recovering and I'm so proud of him and thankful of him for that but he was reaching his breaking point towards the end and I took over. (I was in hospital for 4 days and my eldest, who is 5, didn't want anyone but dad around. We agreed, together, he was best at home with our daughter while I had the baby with my mum at my side. He was incredibly disappointed to miss the birth but knew he needed to be there for our other child, but that is a whole different story.)

Based on the fact this smell only seems to happen as soon as I'm back from the morning school run and not any other time and also on some other advice and factors pointed out or questioned, I'm going to go with the people who say it's likely the outside/cold smell his highly sensitive nose is detecting. Especially considering these people also sympathise with not only me but also my husband, who is not trying to be a villain.

I'm tired of reading comments from people saying how nasty my husband is and that I should leave him over one comment, which by the way, again, wow. Some of you must be really hard to please as partners. I actually feel sorry for your partners, always walking on eggshells and watching their words in case you tell them to sling their hooks for simply trying to be honest and in my opinion nice for informing you of an odour lingering around you! (Or other scenarios, foods too salty? Etc.) Yikes!

Workplaces are crowded. Supermarkets are crowded. Sports grounds are crowded.

Does he avoid all of these?

I would have thought that the actual walk to school (perhaps with the baby in a stroller) wouldn't be very "crowded" at all.

Sure, there are other parents at the school, but nobody has to linger. A quick goodbye to little one and off he goes.

It sounds like an excuse at worst, something he could work on at best.

I'm tired of reading comments from people saying how nasty my husband is and that I should leave him over one comment, which by the way, again, wow. Some of you must be really hard to please as partners. I actually feel sorry for your partners, always walking on eggshells and watching their words in case you tell them to sling their hooks for simply trying to be honest and in my opinion nice for informing you of an odour lingering around you! (Or other scenarios, foods too salty? Etc.) Yikes!

@Jez2510 It's crazy, he's done nothing wrong at all. Unfortunately Mumsnet is literally FULL of women who seem to just hate men, it's baffling. If you can't be honest with your partner, then what sort of relationship is that. Personally if my husband thought that I was stinky, I'd want him to tell me and save me further mortification!

It's probably a combination of the cold outdoors smell and the hormonal breastfeeding sweet smell.

There was a thread here the other day from a woman saying she smelt like wet dog after giving birth. It was queried whether she had a gynae infection so worth seeing the GP.

Really confused- the way op said he said it sounds fine to me- more of a ‘is there any chance it’s the hormones?’ than the ‘you disgust me!’ kind of comments that some posters seem to think it was. Are you honestly never honest with your partners? Do you all just say ‘well you smell like roses today darling’ then secretly gag? Because that helps nobody!!!

Well OP says differently and she knows him better than randoms on the internet. Posters suggesting LTB are utterly ridiculous but then reading MN I sometimes wonder why people bother getting married if they would end it for such flimsy reasons. I agree that he should see his GP as he may have a sinus infection or something else affecting his sense of smell, but as for the problem with the school run, that could easily be an undiagnosed MH problem, and not something he can simply address himself. My partner has bipolar disorder, mild and well controlled with meds, but he gets overwhelmed by busy places and crowds, and I wouldn’t dream of forcing him into those situations.

Mumsnet isn't full of women who hate men. It's full of women with experience of abusive, unkind and controlling men who offer invaluable advice to posters in terrible situations with their partners.

People have been reacting to the blunt way her DH expressed himself. There is a much kinder and more constructive way of telling your breast feeding wife that she smells odd when returning from the school run than saying 'you stink'.

Could it just be that outdoors smell that you bring in with you, and it smells weird to him because he's been inside? From what you e said there's no reason at all you should smell bad.

When my exH used to get back from a very long run he would have this wild, salty smell which I very much disliked 😂 But in his case he was sweating a lot, although he didn't smell of BO, just weird saltiness.

Sorry, I've just seen that loads of other people suggested this 🤦🏻‍♀️

Mumsnet isn't full of women who hate men. It's full of women with experience of abusive, unkind and controlling men who offer invaluable advice to posters in terrible situations with their partners.

@thepariscrimefiles Nothing he said was abusive, unkind or controlling. OP is not in a terrible situation.

I should correct myself and say Mumsnet is full of women who project onto other women. It's not helpful to say "leave him" repeatedly because he said she was smelly. Imagine the divorce rate. It's pathetic is what it is.

I’d agree, many women on MN have had experience of abusive, unkind and controlling men. But projecting their own experience onto OP and trying to convince her that her DH is abusive - and worse, suggesting LTB - isn’t the best advice. OP knows her own DH better than randoms on the internet. She posted for advice on the smell, not to be told her DH is an abusive arsehole when she knows that not to be the case - she’s explained herself several times, but still people are persisting with this attitude. Typical MN, pick apart the OP and instead of concentrating on the question asked, refocus on something entirely irrelevant to the issue at hand.

This.

Could you have an infection op? I had an awful smell for weeks after ds. Went to the GP who have me antibiotics and it disappeared in a few days.
Also, I’m sure I read somewhere that you do have a stronger body odour if you breastfeed and it’s something to do with the baby being able to identify/smell its food source while their vision is developing.

Yeah, your body is doing different jobs hormonally at the moment and he's sensitive to smells. No one's fault. Nothing wrong.

"When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me he notices I smell. He wonders if it's hormones from breastfeeding. A couple of female friends I asked say I don't smell. We're doing everything we can think of to help with the smell." would have been a quite different post.

Yes that made my eyes roll as well 😂

Honestly OP it sounds like he is trying to stop you breastfeeding. He does not sound like a 'nice man' at all. Just think about how he has got you all wound up and anxious and second guessing yourself. All while trying to cope with a newborn and other children.

Oh so now it's only 1 comment? Your OP suggests you get told you smell like a wet dog every time you do the school run. If it has only ever happened once why on earth are you worried about it? One time of smelling a bit damp could be any number if reasons. Either you're back tracking instead of seeing your husband for who he is or you're being very over dramatic