Husband says I stink

[Jez2510]

Hi everyone,

I'm 15 weeks postpartum and breast feeding, I also have an older child in school. When I get back from school run everyday my husband tells me I "stink like wet dog" even if I've had a bath/shower the night before. He says is probably from the hormones from breastfeeding. No one else has mentioned it and I have asked a couple of female friends if I smell and they say no. I'm doing everything I can think of to help with the smell. Using Fussy deodorant, perfume and nice smelling spray on my clothes. Sometimes I have to wash jumpers after only wearing them the once because he says they stink.

Obviously, this is making me feel very self conscious and embarrassed. I don't want him to lie to me, if I smell I'd rather know but I can't live in the shower when I have a baby to look after,

Has anyone got any tips/tricks to help with this? I use Fussy deodorant as most other antiperspirants seem to make me smell worse!

I think it's not unusual to smell post-partum and I wouldn't necessarily trust your friends to be honest.

I am known as a rather straight-talking person but I 100% wouldn't tell a post-partum friend she smelled.

He should do the school run then!

OP says he can't as he doesn't like crowded places. Although nobody has told him bluntly or expected him to resolve his problem, so that's alright then.

What a horrible thing to say.
If it's only after school run is your coat a bit damp or need dry cleaning?
Do you have more than one coat you can try? See if it makes a difference.
Breastfeeding does not make you smell like a wet dog.
Does your DH resent you BF and is trying to make you stop?
Is your DH normally extra sensitive to all smells?
I think a really honest second opinion is vital, maybe see if you can get a GPS appointment after school run.
Is this after everytime you go out and walk or just linked to school run or weather conditions ? Is it morning, afternoon or both?
I can see why you are so upset but it could be your DH is wrong!!
Regular washing with Bar soap, strong deodorant, throughly washing and completely drying clothes and dry cleaning all coats should definitely help.
Do you leak milk slightly? Are you wearing breast pads that you change frequently, from memory breast milk has a very subtle sweet smell but that's also something to consider but my first reaction is your DH is being an absolute arse and doesn't want you BF.

This.

I feel like the husband is getting a ridiculously hard time here. Leave him? Seriously? 😆

If I did smell I'd rather my husband told me quite honestly! And as a friend, if my friend asked me if she was smelly, there's no way I would be honest about it, but I'd happily tell my husband.

Bless you OP. I would not blame the husband. My husband and I are very blunt to each other, and love each other dearly. We’d def say this sort of thing to each other! All couples are different!

You say he has autism. You know, of course, that one trait of that is to be hypersensitive to smells. Do what you can to be respectful (hang coat to air, replace school run jumper) but other than that, just say ‘sorry!’. I smelt a lot of milk at that time, really disliked it on me. I used to have 1 min showers while baby was in its low bouncer on the floor, facing me in the shower - don’t see anything wrong with that.

I'm also in the "it's a normal smell of outdoors" camp, and this kinda confirms it - autistic people can be very sensitive to smell/taste.

You could ask him why he hasn't mentioned it before? I can always smell outdoors on people but it's amplified if they've been exercising

This 100%

I sweated a lot and smelled postpartum and I had to take 2-3 showers a day. If my DH wasn't home to take care of DD I would take her to bathroom in her bouncer and take a very quick shower before then putting fresh clothes on. I can imagine my DH would have told me if I smelled but most of the time I already smelled myself before anybody else noticed.

To be fair, if I did smell I would hope DH would tell me as everyone else would be too polite to mention it. I'm not saying the OP does, of course, and maybe her DH is the one with the problem. If she had a trusted friend or relative who could give a second opinion at that time of day it might help.

Is fussy a natural deodorant? I have sensitive skin so have tried loads of natural and gentle deodorants, so disappointing! Some did nothing, some made it worse, some worked for a while then stopped working, very frustrating.
I gave up on natural and now use sanex ph balancing deodorant, it's been great for over a year!

This may be a bit simplistic but are you sure it’s not just the coat you wear for the school runs that smells?

To those criticising the DH - I’m sure that if OP actually does smell she’d prefer someone told her the truth!

Yes, Fussy is natural, I saw it on Dragons Den and instantly went online a bought some. I get along with it nicely.

How about you consider that OP knows her DH better than anyone here, and that if she says he’s normally a nice guy but very forthright when something needs saying, then that’s the case. So many people telling OP to LTB with a child and a newborn for such an utterly ridiculous reason. Maybe her friends are being tactful. Maybe she doesn’t smell and he has a sinus infection or something else affecting his sense of smell. I agree the way he’s said it is a bit harsh but it’s not spiteful.

Maybe I'm just stinkier than average, but I did actually smell for several months postpartum, I breastfed too, and I just sweated more, and more strongly. Add in a walk with layers and when I got back I was very aware of it. I showered more but I still had a stronger smell and friends have had the same experience. It's back to normal now but I'd say for at least 8 or 9 months it was noticeable to me. My other half said he didn't notice though. But he was probably telling a white lie there.

Tbf I stunk while breastfeeding (like off milk and no there wasn’t any obvious reason for it that I could find) 🤣 it drove me mad and one of the reasons I stopped breastfeeding as no matter what I did I could still smell it- midwives looked at me like I had 3 heads.

Im really sensitive to smells and hate the smell of wet/cold/soggy outside, as soon as my DH gets within a few feet of me I can smell it on him so it’s probably that OP- however I don’t tell him and make him feel bad as that’s just the downside of English weather 😊

I get too hot in coats so I wear a variety of hoodies and jumpers day to day and wash them regularly.

I agree, I would rather be told I smell than to be left like it!

Is your jumper woollen? That can smell a bit like wet dog when it’s damp.

I definitely smelled post partum while breastfeeding. It went away once I stopped. The same smell is back now I'm going through perimenopause ten years later, but only at certain times of my cycle, so it is definitely hormonal.

Plastic fibres can also stink! I had it happen to a jumper the other day. For some reason it stank like my brothers football shirts used to. I could maybe describe it as similar to wet dog - definitely as unbearable. (I'm also autistic and if my partner smells different I can't be near him!)

There is sometimes a sort of milky aroma around the breast area when we breastfeed (I found my feeding pads were the source) but it was sort of dairyish and not at all unpleasant. Even if you do pong, which I doubt, ‘stink like a wet dog’ is harsh and unnecessary. I smell misogyny, personally. Some men are very strange about our bodies having a function other than ‘sexual funfair.’ I wouldn’t drive myself nuts over it, if your pals tell you that you smell fine I think his wording just indicates it’s a Him Problem.

Ask him what the smell is
It might be the combination of your deodorant, soap, detergent, fabric softener etc. rather than you personally

He is rude and abrupt, can't do the school run because he doesn't like crowds (a problem he has not tried to address), won't go to a doctor (he may have a sinus infection), and seems to have offered little if any help finding a solution - truly a prince among husbands.

This. You've just given birth. Don't be tying yourself up in knots about this worrying about what soap or deodorant you use. That's what he wants. He's trying to reduce you in various ways by making you doubt yourself.

If he doesn't snap out of this sharpish, make plans to leave as soon as you can.

I had a smell about me recently and couldn't figure out what it was. Then my belly button started to be sore and it turned out to be that. It really stank.
OK now though. I have a deep innie and there was a little ball of lint in there.