My New BF suggested I do Kegels 😔

[Tunafish1974]

Hi ladies,

I am a mother of two in her early 40s and have been divorced for a few years. I recently started going out with a man. Around 2 months into our relationship, he casually brought the subject of pelvic floor exercises. He is a spiritual person and has a passion for tantra so he didn’t refer to these as Kegels or pelvic floor exercises but he said “have you heard of Yoni exercises?” and something along the lines of how in Tantra they are recommended for enhancing a couple’s sexual pleasure/connection. I can’t quite remember his exact words. I was absolutely mortified having had two babies over 10 lbs each, one of which came out of me in the most traumatic way possible and decimated all of my inner abdominal and pelvic muscles. He tells me my reaction to his suggestion was not normal and I was overly sensitive and triggered.

I wanted to see what others thought about this? Please share with me how you would react and whether I am indeed being overly sensitive. I really appreciate your thoughts in advance xx

Bin him.

‘He is a spiritual person and has a passion for tantra‘

sounds like a massive bell end tbh. I’d chuck this one back.

I wouldn’t be seeing him anymore. Not because of him bringing it up (although that may very well give me the ick) but his reaction to your, understandable, upset is rude and dismissive.

I’d have asked him if he’d ever considered trying a penis enlargement pump and waxed lyrical about how they can really increase length and girth.

Obvo I wouldn't be seeing him anymore.

But note going forward op that 'spiritual' kinda means 'wanker'

Tiny dick issue.

Have you actually researched the subject?
What yes talking about has nothing to do with Kegels or how damaged you feel post birth!!
it’s about spiritually connecting to each other, and working on uniting your energy, playing, exploring being intimate etc.

Sorry but you’ve taken this the wrong way.

Bin him. But send him some links for drugs for enhancing his manhood first.

He is a spiritual person and has a passion for tantra

He sounds like a dose.

Back in the sea with this one. Not necessarily because of the mention of the exercises themselves but because of a)the way they were mentioned that made you feel mortified and b) the suggestion that your reaction isn’t normal.

Enhancing of pleasure is a two way street and I’d hazard a guess there’s bugger all being suggested for how he improves your pleasure, but he’d like it if you did some exercises?

Him telling you that your reaction was over sensitive is a huge red flag, abusers use this tactic to get you to conform to what they want you to do so you don't feel like you can express disagreement.

Sounds like death grip

Yup.
And shows that he would be incapable of the kind of tuned in sex he's waffling on about. Where you actually accept your partners preferences and reactions and want to learn from them, not focus on your own ego.

As a MNer once said - my yoni says noni!

Bin!

Anyone who tells you you are not normal and/ or oversensitive is:
(A) not as spiritual as he fancies he is.
(B) an arse.

Dump this inadequate specimen.

I’d tell him to order a penis pump and then never speak to him again.

Please don’t feel self conscious about this. He’s nothing but a drip.

This with bells on.

Cunt tell him to go fuck himself. These spiritual types are the worst narcissists.

Funny how these ‘spiritual’ Brian from Hull* wannabes talk about this divine feminine yoni energy only on their terms and in a way that mostly benefits them. If he really wanted to deepen connection he would understand that all sorts of feelings will be unlocked and not criticise you for overreacting to anything!

*if you know you know 😆

LOL.

Is telling someone their reaction to your foot in mouth comment 'not normal' and 'oversensitive' a way of connecting spiritually, uniting energy, playing, or exploring being intimate?

Or is it a way of telling her to shut up because what he wants from her is more important than anything she feels or wants or needs from him?

Ask him if he's heard of a penis pump? :) see how he likes that? :)

Honestly, what a twat. Get rid of him.

If he mentions it again, wiggle your little finger in his face whilst smirking.

I am not sensitive at all but I'd be pissed off if someone said that to me. Ditch him.

I shared a house with a "spiritual" landlord once, he was always going on about what a lovely, tolerant man he was. He was one of the most controlling people I have ever met, I boiled the kettle once with 50ml too much water and basically I was the worst person that ever lived. Also deeply unhappy about me shutting my bedroom door, because it signalled I didn't trust him ... after that I put a door stop to make a noise if someone tried to open it when I was in there. To explain there were 3 men and me in this house share, of course I'm going to shut the door, there was no lock and he wouldn't even consider one. The other 2 men were lovely BTW and thought he was a BS artist too.

Utterly vile covered in spirituality fairy dust. I left the house and he cried because I had harmed his aura and it would take years to put right.

I do know some people who are properly spiritual and tolerant and do their best to follow their personal paths. It's just that some manipulative people use it to suck people in.