My New BF suggested I do Kegels 😔

[Tunafish1974]

Hi ladies,

I am a mother of two in her early 40s and have been divorced for a few years. I recently started going out with a man. Around 2 months into our relationship, he casually brought the subject of pelvic floor exercises. He is a spiritual person and has a passion for tantra so he didn’t refer to these as Kegels or pelvic floor exercises but he said “have you heard of Yoni exercises?” and something along the lines of how in Tantra they are recommended for enhancing a couple’s sexual pleasure/connection. I can’t quite remember his exact words. I was absolutely mortified having had two babies over 10 lbs each, one of which came out of me in the most traumatic way possible and decimated all of my inner abdominal and pelvic muscles. He tells me my reaction to his suggestion was not normal and I was overly sensitive and triggered.

I wanted to see what others thought about this? Please share with me how you would react and whether I am indeed being overly sensitive. I really appreciate your thoughts in advance xx

I couldn't take anyone seriously after the words 'yoni exercises' came out their mouth. I'd just be crying with laughter. I bet he takes himself really, really seriously and considers himself to be slightly superior to the rest of the world too.

I told my (ex) "if you can't fill it don't blame me!"

I would be sending him information for penis enlargement

Negging!

Not your fault his cock's too small.

But also, never stop doing kegels. For yourself.

As a pelvic floor physio, everyone should be doing pelvic floor exercises everyday (aiming for a 10 second hold).

However at no point during my assessment of Pelvic Floor function do I ask if your partners penis can fill you. Signs you have a weak pelvic floor are; incontinece during coughing, sneezing and orgasm (don't even get me started on the female "ejacualtion" bullshit).

Its your vagina, not his.

I am SO offended for you. Drop him.

LTB. He sounds like a proper prick, full of himself and holier more-spiritual-than-thou. Not to mention basically criticising you for having a loose vagina after two kids.

This

Bin him

Ha ha love it, liking your style that gave me a right good giggle.

OP, you need to go read the first couple of pages from Brian from Hull. It'll cheer you no end.
Mumsnet at it's best😂
Hope you're OK. Not a nice experience, but it is him, not you. Move on from this one.

I am ten years further along than you after two big babies.

My advice - Do every pelvic floor activity you can to strengthen it or you highly risk the misery of urinary incontinence. Don't dismiss this because you would rather take offence.

I don't really have an opinion on your partner, but if he seems constructive rather than negging just for the sake of it, you've nothing to lose by trying it out and possibly quite a lot to gain.

I need to find the Brian from Hull thread!! It won’t come up?

Look at my earlier post, it's linked there.

Is he called Brian Op?

He’s giving small penis energy.

Next!

OP is this him?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1729276-Yoni-Vaginal-Massage?page=1

I completely hear you, and I am sure his intention was something along those lines. But until I met him I had not even heard of Tantra and I know nothing about spiritual practices for couples. I work in banking 😂. But the issue for me isn’t his intention. My hurt is that he keeps bringing up my reaction as an example of my being “triggered” and overly sensitive. This is the worst example in my view… so early into a relationship, I am not married to him, we did not share the journey of me having had my kids and he has not been part of the mental and emotional process I went through due to the horrific effects the birth trauma had on my body / vagina esteem etc. And even AFTER i told him about all of this many times, he STILL continues to talk about my reaction 😔😔 . I feel exhausted trying to explain myself.

@Tunafish1974 - Let’s talk about his reaction to yours and his subsequent behaviour - it’s just not what you need.

to me it says this is how I will behave everytime you react in a why I don’t want you to until you are trained to stop expressing yourself and just go along with my wants for a quiet life.

no to this. 🚩

also - I love the name.

It sounds very likely that he's a self absorbed tosser. That could be the source of your problem.

If you really want to stick with him, out-spiritual him by telling him to worship at the holy shrine of your yoni, giver of life to two humans - it is the altar of the temple of your body and not his to judge but to honour. Bet he'd love that.

Sorry you had such a traumatic birth.

Bin him off. But before you do, be sure to make personal comments about his manhood or sexual prowess.
Yes, I am petty, but the cheek of the man!

OP, he is completely lacking in empathy and acknowledging what your body has gone the. What a knob. Bin him. You sound lovely by the way and deserve better.

He’s said to a woman he doesn’t know that well she needs to do her kegels, mansplained vaginas and complained you don’t feel the way he wants you to feel. He has also doubled down on the wrongness of your emotions, if the update is anything to go by. If you’re exhausted explaining how you feel he’s not able to hear you.

Even if he literally is Sting, I’d be thinking it’s time for him to toddle off.