Every time I have sex I get an infection

[Bluefell]

Either thrush or UTI, every single time. So I’m mostly refusing sex on the basis it will cause me pain for days or weeks afterwards. DH isn’t happy about this situation.

It wasn’t an issue before DC, we did it regularly without issues. When we had DC we argued and were tired and didn’t have sex very often, so we haven’t done it much for a couple of years. Now DC is older and DH would like to do it more, which I don’t object to, but I don’t want to be in pain all the time.

We’re going to end up getting divorced if this can’t be fixed. He gets washed beforehand, I drink loads and pee before and after, we use a condom and no lube at all, but it still happens.

Have you tried using lube? I didn’t feel I needed it, but someone suggested it when I was having constant utis and it’s solved the issue.

I'd see a gp about it and see if you get a very low dose of antibiotics that you take every day.

I’m not going to take constant antibiotics just because DH wants to get his end away. It’s not healthy.

I’ve tried with and without lube, I thought the lube might be what was causing the problem but not using it hasn’t helped.

Can you try non-penetrative sex and work your way along to see what exactly triggers it? I think the more energetic you are around there, the more likely you are to have problems as the skin gets inflamed from friction.

It was literally just a quickie because I was scared of what would happen. I barely participated. I said we’ll just do a little bit and if that’s ok we can try again another time. Well it’s not ok!

Well if you don't take the time to get aroused and properly lubricated, you're more likely to develop an irritation.

Have you tried different condoms?

This. If your DH is just going for it without you being properly ready then it’ll keep happening.

Has he been treated for thrush? There's a one-off dose for the man to take when this issue occurs.

Do you have an IUD?

No I don’t have an iud. It’s been six months since the last time and he’s had no symptoms.

Are you peri-menopausal? And is this a new thing? If so if ould be worth chatting to the doctor and seeing if vaginal oestrogen makes a difference.

Are you allergic to condoms? I have a mild latex allergy, so could never use them. Also, I found they increase friction??

I’m 44. GP says I’m not in peri, despite me having several issues like fatigue and aching - because I’m not having hot flushes or irregular periods so it’s not peri.

I know you don't want to take low-level antibiotics all the time - but have you taken any at any point? Maybe next time you have a UTI, take a course of 0antibiotics to knock it on the head?I find Canestan cream alone doesn't stop thrush for me - I need a fluconazole tablet as well.

I’ve used them for 30 years and I don’t think they’ve been a problem. I think it’s thrush because a pessary fixes it.

I used to have this!

I kept going to the doctors and EVENTUALLY a doctor told me to get a shower head, spray it up your bits..and give it a little wash up there (without soap etc). Sorry if that sounds a bit vulgar 🤣.

But it actually worked. I couldn't believe it. Something so simple..I've never had a problem with infections since. I have to do it every time I have sex or I get another urine infection.

I also used to take D Mannose when I had an infection. Works really well & gets rid of UTI very quickly.

So it may well be peri. Mine said the same, and was wrong.

Vaginal oestrogen has been amazing for me- not re sex, but just feeling more comfortable.

You need to feel aroused during sex, which is hard when you’re afraid of getting sore- but your last episode sounds very uninspiring.
Try sex without PiV and see whether that’s ok. Only do PiV after lots of sex you actually enjoy.
After that, if PiV gives you an issue he needs to get checked out for thrush etc.

I was in exactly the same position as you.
D-Mannose tablets have transformed everything for me.

You need to feel aroused during sex, which is hard when you’re afraid of getting sore- but your last episode sounds very uninspiring
I’m not really interested in sex. Perhaps another side effect of my age. I just don’t want him to divorce me. I thought well it’s literally half an hour of my time once a week and it keeps my family together.

This happened to me constantly with one boyfriend and never before or since. The only thing that worked for me was getting out of bed for a wee pretty much as soon as we'd finished. No idea why it worked but a medical relative suggested it and it did. Not very romantic, obviously, but it did work

At 44, it's peri, and your GP is clearly as clueless as most of them are about peri-menopause and menopause. Not having hot flushes doesn't mean anything. Just because your husband doesn't have symptoms doesn't mean he doesn't have thrush. It sounds as though he keeps giving it to you every time you have sex. He needs to be treated and you need to go to a private peri-menopause/menopause clinic.

I had this for a long time. A one-off, 3 day course of nitrofurantoin nipped it in the bud and it's not come back since. Is that worth a try OP?

Sorry to be intrusive, but was sex good in the past? Our bodies are designed to work in a particular way.

I’m not impressed by a man who wants sex with a woman who isn’t at all interested, but that’s a side issue.

My husband used to injure me accidentally, through clumsiness and incompetence. It put me right off sex.

We’re stuck together because we’re married with DC and a mortgage and a family business, and we get along well. It seems stupid to discard that just because he wants sex. I don’t mind putting up with it once a week to avoid the inconvenience of divorce. It’s not like I don’t consent. I was never particularly interested but that’s another story which has no bearing on the current problem where I keep getting thrush.