Every time I have sex I get an infection

[Bluefell]

Either thrush or UTI, every single time. So I’m mostly refusing sex on the basis it will cause me pain for days or weeks afterwards. DH isn’t happy about this situation.

It wasn’t an issue before DC, we did it regularly without issues. When we had DC we argued and were tired and didn’t have sex very often, so we haven’t done it much for a couple of years. Now DC is older and DH would like to do it more, which I don’t object to, but I don’t want to be in pain all the time.

We’re going to end up getting divorced if this can’t be fixed. He gets washed beforehand, I drink loads and pee before and after, we use a condom and no lube at all, but it still happens.

Unless confirmed by dipstick or culture then a lot of women assume they have a UTI when it's either cystitis (just irritation/inflammation of the bladder or urethra), thrush or atrophy. Once you exclude the other two it's usually atrophy, especially if symptoms are persistent.

He might still have it without symptoms. Both people should be treated if one of you gets it. It sounds as if he is is reinfecting you.

Does your DP have diabetes? Mine does and we have that problem sometimes, it's to do with his blood sugar levels and it can happen in partners of people with diabetes.
But I agree with everybody else, it doesn't seem like you want to have sex with him.

I had the same problem as you, always after sex, always a UTI. I read up and there are studies that show that the friendly bacteria that prevent these infections drop as we age and so I’ve been taking this https://www.optibacprobiotics.com/uk/product/probiotics-for-women?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=brand&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwuaAroWPhQMVuJdQBh0hXwOnEAAYASAAEgLBo_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

for about 8 months. Sex life back on track and no sign of an infection. I’m 45 and am also on HRT

You both need to be treated for thrush not just you. I was in the same situation and treating myself but it was pointless because I kept getting it again from him.

This!

I was in an awful relationship for a few years, I didn’t fancy him when I met him but felt sorry for him. It ended up being years of me pitying him and him being a grumpy arse. My body literally rejected him; constant UTIs. Never had one before I met him and haven’t had them since.

I had the same problem for 2 years. What helped me was:

• one full course of antibiotics to clear out any lingering bacteria
• low dose antibiotics over 4 months after sex (so not every day, about 2 times per week) as prescribed my my GP
• peeing immediately after sex

I never had a problem again. If you’re really against antibiotics, have you tried drinking a lot and peeing immediately after sex? Once all bacteria cleared out of my system, this alone is doing the trick.

I had that. It turned out to be the latex in the condoms.

Oh, and I had always used condoms before, for years. Suddenly I started having what I thought was recurring thrush and cystitis with episodes of incontinence. Only realised when we broke up and it stopped happening anymore.

Me too!! I didn’t think it was thrush at first, because it wasn’t itching, only burning, but a GP took a swab - thrush. And a thrush tablet works

Unlike you, I’ve had no DC of my own, I’m late 30s, don’t use condoms. This has happened in the last couple of years. Last GP I saw was persuaded to do a blood test to see if I was peri, but hormones looked fine. After that, the GP had no suggestion apart from to prescribe a combo canestan and hydrocortisone cream. After a test run, I can tell you it hasn’t worked that well. Do you get any pain on initial penetration? I’ve been noticing that more and more lately.

Sorry to ask, but… how does “atrophy” get diagnosed?

Since I had my DS I randomly developed allergies I'd never had before eg- to cherries, earrings and I now suffer with hayfever.
Children change our bodies and maybe you've developed an allergy to the condoms?
Could you try without to rule it out ? You can get hypoallergenic ones though

Both need to be treated at the same time for thrush even if he doesn’t have symptoms. Also I’d maybe go to a sexual health clinic rather than a GP, you may find an extended 3 or 6 month course of fluconazole is required to completely clear it.

Has this only happened since childbirth? Have you been checked to make sure you don’t have any fistula formation which is causing this during sex? Again, sexual health clinic are good at these things.

However you don’t want sex at all so I’d maybe think about addressing the relationship too. I get that you do t want a divorce, but forcing yourself to have sex to keep him with you sounds pretty emotionally awful for you.

What type of shower gel does he use? My partner had thrush, firstly he thought I had it and passed it on but I didn't have and have never had thrush. He worked out it was caused by using shower gel with "bits" in it. He stopped using it and never had the problem again.

Please consider the advice above about recurrent utis as a symptom of perimenopause. Perimenopause is not diagnosed with blood tests. You dont have to have all of the other symptoms such as hot flashes. Low sex drive can also be a sign. It can start in the late 30s. I was 38 for example

Sorry - I'm confused.

Was it thrush or a uti? And it's happened twice, with a 6 month gap in between?

Try Optibac for Women.

It balances your vaginal flora. It worked wonders for me when I had similar repetitive discomfort

At 44 you are very very likely to be in perimenopause. Loads of resources out there to find out more and inform you. Consider asking to see a GP with menopause training rather than your current GP.

Regular periods don't mean you are not in peri. I've been on HRT since I was 44 and it's been amazing. Not least of which realising it was me not my husband in terms of my black moods and loss of sense of humour.

OP, there are clearly deeper issues in your marriage than this.

But I agree with others - its peri. I had the same and the dr prescribed me the oestrogen pessaries and it's not happened again. Luckily I had a very clued up GP because I hadn't twigged it was this - had no vaginal dryness etc that I had associated with perimenopause.

I'm not on any other HRT btw. (yet)

Usually from a vaginal examination along with a thorough history and exclusion of other potential diagnoses.

Do you also wash before sex? Have you treated yourself for thrush?

It’s definitely thrush, not any of the other suggestions. It happens within 24 hours of sex, and persists until I use a thrush pessary, which fixes it straight away.

We use the same shower gel. I use it on my bits and it doesn’t bother me. We both wash beforehand, I wee afterwards, drink loads and wee several times - it doesn’t help. Sex itself doesn’t hurt, but it hurts the following day when the thrush sets in. Nothing I do seems to prevent it other than abstinence. If I abstain I’m absolutely fine.

I’ve told DH he needs to see the pharmacist or GP and get thrush treatment, he’s not coming near me again until he does, because he’s likely reinfecting me. He’s now disclosed that he actually saw the GP a few months ago because he thought there was a funny smell, but the GP just shrugged and couldn’t diagnose because he has no other symptoms. So annoyed at him for not telling me that, it seems possible that he does have long term thrush after all.

You need to try the oestrogen cream for your vagina op

I was getting thrush constantly due to my diabetes - nothing to do with my DH. It feeds on sugar.

Do you think you might have high sugar levels? Mine has been completely resolved now with Estrogen cream and diabetes treatment.