Every time I have sex I get an infection

[Bluefell]

Either thrush or UTI, every single time. So I’m mostly refusing sex on the basis it will cause me pain for days or weeks afterwards. DH isn’t happy about this situation.

It wasn’t an issue before DC, we did it regularly without issues. When we had DC we argued and were tired and didn’t have sex very often, so we haven’t done it much for a couple of years. Now DC is older and DH would like to do it more, which I don’t object to, but I don’t want to be in pain all the time.

We’re going to end up getting divorced if this can’t be fixed. He gets washed beforehand, I drink loads and pee before and after, we use a condom and no lube at all, but it still happens.

This is the attitude that will destroy your marriage. It sounds like you have bigger issues to deal with. Sex isn't about 'getting your end away'. Why do you feel like that? There's more to this than the infections. You do need a referral to urology for this also.

Yep....I do this before and after for the same reasons 🤣🤣

If you read up on the link between emotional issues and the body you’ll understand exactly why it’s linked!

Your body is speaking to you, you need to listen to it.

Louise Hay, The body keeps the score, when the body says no, burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle, Bruce Lipton, are all good places to start.

Has he been treated for thrust? Men can have it with no symptoms so he could repeatedly be passing it to you if he hasn’t been.

I had this for almost a year, turns out I was type 1 diabetic.

Could it possibly be DH's own hygiene 'down there?'

He definitely needs to be treated for thrush. And you probably have vaginal atrophy and other delightful common peri-menopause symptoms. You can just get itching for no apparent reason, different pants or shower gel would do it, never mind sex. I'd see the GP and get some vaginal oestrogen at least and always have lube and Canesten in the drawer as a matter of course. Not for his sake or for your marriage even, but purely for yours.

Best typo ever.

I would hazard a guess it's not thrush or a UTI but vaginal atrophy and dryness due to hormones.

I bet if you had swabs and a urine dip done next time you have the symptoms they'd be normal.

Try vaginal oestrogen - you can buy it over the counter as Gina if you don't want to see your GP or nurse practitioner.

I don't think vaginal atrophy is commonly known about or discussed. I had never heard of it until a few years ago.

https://www.princetongyn.com/blog/5-signs-of-vaginal-atrophy

He doesn’t need to have symptoms to be a carrier. This was me and once my husband used canestan ointment nightly on the glans for a week I had no further problems.

I was constantly getting thrush with my ex, until I got him to take the treatment.

never had it with my current DP.

I'm surprised if you're getting repeat UTIs that this hasn't been flagged up at the GPs. If you have more than 2 in a 4 month period or something like that, this triggers action from the GP - first a short course of ABs and general advice (go for a wee afterwards etc) then try a longer course of something like Hiprex
https://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-6821/hiprex-oral/details and then there's also vaginal oestrogen to try.

Don't put up with it, UTIs are miserable, please go to your GP and get it sorted out.

This episode of postcards from midlife podcast talks about the benefits of using oestrogen gel to prevent UTIs and the sort the Dr talks about is available without prescription as very low dose https://www.postcardsfrommidlife.com/podcastepisodes/utis-periods-hrt-what-dr-nighat-arif-wants-every-woman-to-know

Do you drink Ribena or any other blackcurrant squash OP? It can really aggravate the bladder. I also agree with other people saying it could be thrush passed on from your DH, I hope you get it sorted - not a nice thing to have

It hasn’t been flagged with the GP because the last time was six months ago, and six months before that. I refused to have sex for months after each incident because I was scared of the pain.

No I don’t drink Ribena, just water and tea. I don’t think it’s what I drink, it’s been triggered by sex on every occasion. I don’t have diabetes either, I’ve been tested.

He had a wash beforehand but it didn’t help. Might be worth getting him some thrush treatment to see if it helps. Thanks.

You could try a regular course of D-Mannose. It's available without prescription.

You don't sound too enamoured with your husband, or as if you really even like him. If he's threatening divorce you for something that isn't your fault, I'd be questioning the relationship.

It will be peri related and drop in oestrogen. I have to lube up now otherwise I end up with thrush. The delights of getting older.

But a UTI affects the urethra and peeing, not the vagina. How could a UTI be mistaken for vaginal atrophy? Also, if you have a UTI, a urine culture will identify which bacteria is causing it (staph, e-coli, etc.).

I get a UTi or thrush every time I have sex too

I started on hiprex tablets about two years ago and don't let dh finish inside me as it's definitely his sperm that sets me off. The tablets make my urine more acidic so that the bacteria can't stick to my bladder wall and cause problems.

I hardly ever get an infection now and I'm pretty sure it's the tablets

But defo treat your dh for thrush as he probably has it without symptoms. If he wants sex he will be happy to take a tablet!!

It was totally fixed by thrush treatment so it’s definitely thrush. But it’s happening every single time.

Going for a pee as soon as it's done. If I wait just ten minutes then I get a UTI so definitely need to go immediately afterwards for best results.

I had this too. Never a problem until after kids.

I ended up:

Having sex in the morning so you could drink lots afterwards and wee lots.

Took an antibiotic tablet after sex. Just one.

Stopped trimming pubic hair. The longer the better, it cushions the urethra and helps keep out infections!

I know you don't use lube and say when you've tried it doesn't make any difference but the outside, vulva area can start thinning causing the area to become dry and inflamed then itching, soreness and infection can set in.

Also a good vaginal moisturiser, which can also be used internally, can help but try to avoid any vaginal lubes/moisturiser that contain glycerin as this can sometimes upset the area too.

Also when your DH washes before sex does he rinse the soap off thoroughly as harsh soap can also cause flair ups.