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Odd experience trying to choose books for a non-reading young woman

147 replies

MsAmerica · 25/09/2025 03:50

I recently met a hair stylist who I'd guess to be still in her late teens. Very cute, very chatty, but I was horrified by what she told me of her schooling. She basically didn't have much, although technically has a high school diploma. She also doesn't usually read, although she told me she's reading a self-help book and would like to read more, because she understands that it's a "good" thing to do.

So I thought maybe I'd try to bring something next time, and asked a forum for suggestions. I said I'd love to get her a few easy cheap paperbacks, good-quality fiction that she might really enjoy, not junk. And not fantasy. If it were a 30 year-old man, I might get him something like "Of Mice and Men" which has the advantage of being actual literature AND short AND with simple language. But it's too downbeat for a young woman just starting out. I couldn't immediately come up with anything except O.Henry short stories.

The first problem was although I said she was a working person in her late teens, I made the mistake of using the word "girl," and everyone in the forum started suggesting children's books. Several suggested fantasy, although I clearly said I didn't want that. (A few even chided me for wanting to give books to a non-reader at all.)

The second problem is that it really did turn out that everything I could think of would be more suitable for a young man, and everything seemed to be very downbeat.

Funny how much reading is gendered.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:23

Jesus! I come back to 50 replies? Well, thanks. I expected maybe 5. I'd better get cracking and start reading.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:27

JaninaDuszejko · 25/09/2025 06:02

Of Mice and Men is taught in schools, and is likely to have that association. And most young people find the racist language that is used in it offensive which means it's not as accessible as you seem to think.

I'd not actually give her a book, you are her customer and she was no doubt being polite when she said she knew it was a good thing to do. At most I'd suggest you ask her what films or TV shows she likes to watch and then point out if any of them were based on books. Or maybe ask if she reads when on holiday (classic time for 'non readers' to actually read). And certainly don't expect her to go from a self help book to reading something like Of Mice and Men. You need to build up your reading endurance and a lot of classic short novels are very dense so are harder reading than a longer 'bonkbuster' type novel.

No, I wasn't leading her to say she wants to read. And if I had been, I don't think she would have any problem with responding, "I just don't have time for reading." But she is, literally a non-reader (a good match for President Trump!), so she wouldn't be reading on vacation. The only thing I'm "expecting" is that I find people are more likely to do something if the materials are there at hand.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:28

AndSheDid · 25/09/2025 06:09

I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with suggesting children’s books for a late teenage non-reader.

The only thing "wrong" with it was that I specifically said I wasn't interested, so I was surprised at the number of people who ignored that. If I wanted fantasy, I could have come up with that myself.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:29

spoonbillstretford · 25/09/2025 06:22

I'd suggest

The New Neighbours - Claire Douglas

Snap - Belinda Bauer

And as she likes self help, other non-fiction may appeal.

The Courage To Be Disliked - Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.

Thanks, I don't know any of those, so I'll check.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:30

beachcitygirl · 25/09/2025 06:29

A court of thorn and roses is a great start

I think that's fantasy, and I specifically said I'm not looking for fantasy.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:31

WonderingWanda · 25/09/2025 06:37

I don't think reading is gendered at all. My dh and my teen son and I all read the same books if one of us has read it and thinks it's good. There are so many books out there I can't believe you are unable to find something she would like.

Also nothing wrong with teen fiction. If I were buying books for a young adult I would consider the following, all of which I've read as an adult. The Harry Potter books, The Hunger Games books or the Twilight books. Or anything else which has been made into a film or TV series.

There's nothing "wrong" with it, or with fantasy. It's just not what I want.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:33

WhatYouEgg · 25/09/2025 06:42

I think I would go down the holiday reads route. Quick page-turners to whoosh you along with character and story.

The last book I read on holiday, picked up from the shelf that holidaymakers left books on for others, was The Maid by Nita Prose. It was absorbing and a quick read. Judging by how well thumbed it was, many holidaymakers had read it before me (compared to far more serious looking lit on the borrowing shelf)!

But there’s also the possibility that being given a book means being less likely to want to read it as it then feels like a pressure (rather than pleasure) to read and feedback to the person. Or is that just me?

I'm not familiar with The Maid, but when I googled, what popped up was: An absolutely awful plot that made little to no sense. The characters' motivations were silly and trite.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:36

PermanentTemporary · 25/09/2025 06:59

Has she mentioned any movies, TV or podcasts that she likes?

No. Like most people, she doesn't go to movies - and I'm not sure that's a good basis for choice anyway. I've noticed, oddly, that my taste in movies is totally different from my taste in books.

Or, wait, since this is a British group, perhaps I'm supposed to say, "my taste in movies is totally different TO my taste in books."

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:37

BuddhaAtSea · 25/09/2025 07:13

The young women (20s) at my work all love Colleen Hoover. I read some of them and it was a great talking point for a few months, even got the ones who don’t read to actually pick up a book. They cover subjects they’re interested in: relationships, domestic violence etc.
That opened up discussions about feminism, got them into The Handmaid’s Tales.

We’re on holiday, DD has brought a Sally Rooney book with her.

From what I've read ABOUT Colleen Hoover, I'm not giving her to anyone.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:38

PegDope · 25/09/2025 07:18

My friend lost the ability to read books during chemo. She couldn’t concentrate and now the thought of reading a large novel gives her real fear.

I bought her 12+ mystery books and she’s devoured them. It’s helped her regain her love of reading. I wouldn’t put too much literary pressure on her. Start with enjoyable stories that don’t take much effort to read.

That's one reason I thought of short stories.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:40

gudetamathelazyegg · 25/09/2025 07:22

I can see why you responded the way you have and it's lovely to want to support this young woman with reading! But I do think you have to be careful not to get snobby about reading. Reading anything long form is great and as someone who did English lit I still love some 'schlock' as it were. Dan Brown is honestly a guilty pleasure but I read The Da Vinci Code at 14 and thought it was awesome, it's a real page turner and I read his others too. Same with Thomas Harris' Hannibal books, not high literature but also good. I associate Of Mice and Men with school and many people will, it's a brutal and bleak story and while I think it's very good I am not sure I would recommend it.

I would really recommend The Hunger Games books in this situation - they're young adult, with a young woman protagonist and very accessible. She may have watched the films (which I also love)

If you wanted to go 'highbrow' I would choose The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers. That book was on my uni reading list in first year and it changed my life.

I think I'll disagree. She's definitely low-brow, and maybe some exposure to something totally different will be good.
Funny that you mention McCullers. I just read her and was stunned.

OP posts:
BlueEyedBogWitch · 26/09/2025 02:41

PurpleCat12 · 25/09/2025 10:23

Anyone else feeling sorry for the hairstylist? OP, you mean well but please don't buy her any books. It's a really nice idea but it puts her under pressure to read them and report back to you next time you're in.

"Yeah, I should read more. I'd like to but never seem to have the time" - if she says something like that, she's probably just being polite. Don't lecture or bully her into reading.

She might be happy just reading the self-help book - or that might encourage her to look at other books. Let her go on her own journey. You have ideas on what she should and should not read which sounds old fashioned! If she's just starting to read, she might prefer the "trashy" books! Or she may never read another book ever again. That's ok!

I'd drop the subject. She knows you read, if she wants your recommendations, she'll ask. Don't become "that bloody book woman" she dreads dealing with.

If she does ask you about books and seems genuinely interested in reading (and not just being polite), you could perhaps get her a £10 giftcard for Waterstones or whatever bookshop is nearby. You could do it around Christmas. Part of the love of reading is going into a shop and choosing a new book.

Thank goodness someone said it. I thought I was going mad when this thread turned into a list of book recommendations.

OP, if this is real, you’re a customer. She was being polite. “Don’t have the time to read” is hairdresser-speak for “Would rather stick these scissors in my eyes.” Give her a cash tip and stop trying educate people!

BreakfastOfChampignons · 26/09/2025 02:46

This is the weirdest thread I've read on here for a long time. The poor woman wants to cut hair and make polite conversation, she doesn't need some sort of literary intervention. Youve made disparaging comments about her based on a short interaction, and the whole thing screams "me me me"

BankfieldForever · 26/09/2025 02:53

PurpleCat12 · 25/09/2025 10:23

Anyone else feeling sorry for the hairstylist? OP, you mean well but please don't buy her any books. It's a really nice idea but it puts her under pressure to read them and report back to you next time you're in.

"Yeah, I should read more. I'd like to but never seem to have the time" - if she says something like that, she's probably just being polite. Don't lecture or bully her into reading.

She might be happy just reading the self-help book - or that might encourage her to look at other books. Let her go on her own journey. You have ideas on what she should and should not read which sounds old fashioned! If she's just starting to read, she might prefer the "trashy" books! Or she may never read another book ever again. That's ok!

I'd drop the subject. She knows you read, if she wants your recommendations, she'll ask. Don't become "that bloody book woman" she dreads dealing with.

If she does ask you about books and seems genuinely interested in reading (and not just being polite), you could perhaps get her a £10 giftcard for Waterstones or whatever bookshop is nearby. You could do it around Christmas. Part of the love of reading is going into a shop and choosing a new book.

All of this! your stylist was just making light conversation. Don’t buy her a book, OP. It isn’t your place to do so.

You’re her client, not her English teacher.

JaninaDuszejko · 26/09/2025 06:39

MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:40

I think I'll disagree. She's definitely low-brow, and maybe some exposure to something totally different will be good.
Funny that you mention McCullers. I just read her and was stunned.

Oh my goodness, imagine if the poor woman read that you thought this about her, this is shockingly rude. She is not your project, it's not up to you to decide what's good for her.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 26/09/2025 06:44

Strong Henry Higgins vibes!

Mt563 · 26/09/2025 06:54

Wow, what a sexist snob you are.

For kids, the recommendation is to let them read anything that takes their fancy. However short, long, picture driven, graphic novel, high brow, low brow, anything. With time, they'll develop their own taste.

I'd suggest the same approaches for adults. In the current climate, the most basic advantage of reading is the ability to focus for longer than a tiktok.

So if you really want to help her and she's open to starting reading, I'd talk to her more. Why doesn't she like reading. What are the barriers. What books did she love/ hate as a kid. What books does she think she'd like.

But this all feels pretty intrusive and patronising to me to be honest.

AndSheDid · 26/09/2025 06:54

MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:28

The only thing "wrong" with it was that I specifically said I wasn't interested, so I was surprised at the number of people who ignored that. If I wanted fantasy, I could have come up with that myself.

What people are repeatedly pointing out is that, as this is a book for someone else, it’s irrelevant what you do and don’t want.

Mt563 · 26/09/2025 07:06

AndSheDid · 26/09/2025 06:54

What people are repeatedly pointing out is that, as this is a book for someone else, it’s irrelevant what you do and don’t want.

This is the only point I'll defend OP on, from subsequent posts, I think they're familiar with fantasy so can sort recommendations for that without help

Itsnottheheatitsthehumidity · 26/09/2025 07:13

I read Harry Potter in my twenties, and I still can't read The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe in my late forties (because I think it's sooo boring). My level of reading is not the classics, but the cheap paperbacks, or history books. I also like an entertaining biography. I'm currently reading The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer, which has been good.

Books shouldn't have an age limit, and everyone has their reading level and personal interest. I'm not going to be snobby about anyone reading a M&B on the train, if they find it interesting. There is such snobbery around what "we should" be reading. The biggest part of reading anything is picking it up and being engaged from the first chapter, and the success of a book is how its being discussed after. If people are talking about a book, its made its impact, and that's good.

If this young adult doesn't want to read a book, that's fine. Don't make suggestions. She's probably not going to take you up on your ideas, and the exchange will be awkward. My exH tried to get DD into Tolkien. DD likes Haruki Murikami! Totally different!

SheilaFentiman · 26/09/2025 07:23

MsAmerica · 26/09/2025 02:40

I think I'll disagree. She's definitely low-brow, and maybe some exposure to something totally different will be good.
Funny that you mention McCullers. I just read her and was stunned.

How rude.

If she actually wants recommendations, Lisa Jewell books are very easy to read,

But please don’t buy her a bunch of paperbacks, that’s quite creepy. At most, take her something you own (one book!) and say you were about to send it to charity but wondered if she’d like it instead - and don’t be offended if she says “no thanks”

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2025 07:28

Bloody hell OP. Don’t buy the poor woman a book, it sounds like you won’t get her anything she’d want to read anyway. She was making small talk, being polite. It sounds like you’re trying to ‘improve’ her, when it’s likely she’s getting along quite fine.

maudelovesharold · 26/09/2025 07:39

How patronising you are! Leave the girl alone, don’t take her books. If she wants books, I’m sure she knows where to find them. It doesn’t sound from the op as though she asked you for book recommendations, which would be the only excuse for your odd behaviour. She was just making conversation. She doesn’t want to be the main character in your Pygmalion/Educating Rita mashup!

KnitKnitKnitting · 26/09/2025 07:43

Pygmalion, perhaps? I think she might take a rather different lesson from it than you may have though.

DarlingHoldMyHand · 26/09/2025 08:34

Please don't do this OP.

Cringiest thread I have seen in ages.