DIET FAILED AGAIN thread 4 - Everyone is welcome to join our very supportive and friendly group without any judgement. Do come and join us

Thanks all

@poorpaws yes I was born in 1983, I’m 40 in 3 weeks 😱

@effiesgoldwig I hear the 3500 calories advise a lot, but then frequently, new science emerges that completely disregards that. I read so much on this subject because it genuinely interests me, so I’ve read lots of research into the metabolic legacy of food and how it’s not as simple as calories in vs calories out is emerging, particularly with UPF where people who ate exactly the same calories and nutrients on a UPF and non UPF diet, those on the UPF gained (or didn’t lose) weight. I also know for a fact that even if I go over on my calories or have a day off plan, I can’t possibly be going over by 7000 calories, I am strict 5 days out of 7. It does seem very unfair that I regain 3-4lbs randomly after a night off, that then takes me 3 weeks to shift 🤦‍♀️

tdee calculator based on a sedentary lifestyle gives me 1700 cals a day to maintain. Therefore to lose even 1lb a week I’d have to go as low as 1200. I don’t include my exercise calories into that because I’m frequently being told that trackers are so inaccurate, but the exercise must burn something. I’ve just run 5 miles, half of them uphill - which Garmin says burned 550 calories. Looking back over a whole year, my average weekly calorie burn according to Garmin is 14500-15000, so around 2000 a day. That seems about right based on tdee calculator and then adding exercise. (Without wanting to sound like a Wanker but this isn’t a cheap little Fitbit, this is a £1000 sports watch, it tracks heart rate and exertion constantly) What it also shows is that whether I exercise or not, I tend to burn the same (ish) over a week so clearly when I go out for a long run my body compensates in other ways and general “non exercise movement” decreases.

But still. I find it genuinely astonishing that I can eat the way I do, exercise the way I do, and yet I’d have to eat 1200 calories to even think about losing any weight. And then that takes me back to my original whinge- there’s no room in 1200 cals for any cake, bread, wine, a meal out (we went out for a roast dinner and menu said it was 2200 cals 😱- I had the sea bass!) or literally anything other than 3 small, nutritious, home cooked meals. On Friday I managed 1600 cals including wine but I definitely compensated nutrition to do that. I genuinely couldn’t eat 1200 every day, I’d burn out. but 1600 is clearly too high for me according to every tracker/ calculator.

as an aside, why oh why do the government sell this idea that women need 2000 calories a day?? I don’t know a single woman who could eat 2000 a day every day and not gain weight!

Anyway, I know I’m being a right Debbie Downer. I’ve totally killed the mood of this party with my boo-boo-ing , I’m sorry. But I do appreciate your advice and it’s interesting to hear everyone’s own struggles/opinions on it. I won’t give up because the alternative is worse but it does make me a bit sad that I’ve been doing this for 25 years and will continue forever…. And I know that there are lots of people whose target is where I am now and they would be glad to be where I am so I don’t forget that either.

thanks ladies 💐

@thenewaveragebear1983 . I can lose weight eating 2.200 calories, if I’m exercising, different body types though. How do you sleep? There is a lot of evidence that sleep deficit leads to fat storage. I also wonder if you maybe need to eat a bit more. There was a lovely woman on another thread living on air and not losing, but she upped her calories by 500 and it worked for her, as a a slow and steady process. Try to up your good fats, yoghurt, nuts, seeds and avocados.
Forgive me, but I don’t remember where you are at, what’s your bmi? And other stats?
Teddy passed an uneventful night and had a gorgeous walk in the park. He’s so desperate to play. Think we can let him off lead fairly soon. We love him so much already.

I’m probably averaging 1600 a day if taking my weekends into account, weekdays I do less, weekends a bit more. My food is pretty standard:
yoguurt/chia seeds/fruit for breakfast, or a smoothie made with light coconut milk. Around 250 cals
lunch is sheets salad and protein- big salad, homemade aioli and around 200 cals of protein. So around 400 calories.
I eat a few pieces of fruit each day as well, maybe 200 cals worth.
Dinner is always home cooked and again is salad, veg and protein. I reckon I average around 500-600 cals.

I don’t track macros as such but I hit over 100g protein a day, I eat a bit of good fat and I get around 100g carbs a day but can do less if I really focus on it. I drink
loads of water, I exercise. I do drink wine at the weekend, probably too much. But I’m not someone who then lands on a family size bag of crisps or Pringles.

I’m very hormonal driven, I eat much less in my first 2 weeks than my second 2 weeks if my cycle, but I’m looking at this as averages over the whole month.

I’m constantly told by gym people to eat more but genuinely I cannot as I will gain weight. And then there’s conflicting advice about calorie deficits and exercise calories and I have no idea if I’m eating too much or not enough or if my metabolism is just screwed.

@poorpaws i do occasionally do a dry month, I try to do dry January every year, plus one other month in the year. I do agree that I probs should cut it out, and I definitely go through phases of cutting down. But it’s v hard in the summer isn’t it? I can cut out sugar and junk because deep down I don’t actually enjoy the taste of it and I really associate it with weight gain. But for some reason I’ve not made that link in my mind with alcohol and for the most part I do enjoy it, and I stop when I’m not enjoying it.

I think rereading my posts and my food diary, the reality is I must be eating more than I think I am. A combination of not tracking properly, things having a margin of accuracy, trusting nutracheck’s calorie amounts, overestimating my exercise possibly and also potentially having screwed my metabolism up- all meaning that if my tdee for maintenance is 1700, I’m probably eating that, plus eating (or drinking) anything I’m burning through exercise every week. Combined with a couple of bad nights sleep (I do sleep better these days than my full on insomnia days, but I do wake early and occasionally have a terrible night) - so what’s the solution? I’m going to have to super strictly count calories for a week and get a gauge if what I’m actually eating I think.

Oh and @poorpaws to answer your other question, I am 5’7, I’m 11.3 ish and my bmi is in the cusp of overweight, 24.9, - even the slightest gain tips me into overweight. I’d love to lose a stone, and if I did I would be very skinny as I carry a fair bit of muscle. Realistically, a half stone would be good and noticeable on my frame I think.

@thenewaveragebear1983 . So how tall are you, what do you weigh, and what’s your BMI? Your food looks great and you are active. Do you look as if there is spare fat? what are your sleep patterns?
I’m still 9 kilos the wrong side of overweight, but my Dh points out that there’s not much coming off my chest and thats probably 3 or 4 kilos. I think I am 1 of those rare people who do have really dense bones. I weigh heavy. I still have a bit of a belly, but I don’t read as obese.
I would be a wraaith if I ate like you and @poorpaws . I have a piece of citrus fruit and porridge with berries, chia etc for breakfast; cheese and crackers and walnuts and salad for lunch. Dinner is whatever, could be sausages and mash, or a fish finger sandwich or veggie curry, no rules, except that I take what I need and don’t have seconds. If I just eat that, swim a mile and keep active, I lose weight. IF I drop the activity, add a few snacks and a bit of alcohol, I don’t. I do check my amounts from time to time, but I don’t weigh every thing.
But I am obese so it comes off easier.
Poorpaws. Your poor dog. I get really worried by dogs that lunge like that. Being on a lead is not enough, owners have to be alert and have a firm grip. I hope she’s ok. I’d be tempted to carry a stick and whack the owner with it! Not really.

@thenewaveragebear1983 I read your posts and almost had a little cry. I am in a similar place, just turned 40, and so despondent right now. I had our second child in Feb and am well and truly stuck. BMI a good bit over 30 and I'm 32lbs away from where I need to be. It feels like a mountain I can't climb.

I average 1500cal a day and really restrict my carbs. My exercise is not great - spin bike twice a week, but I have a contact napping baby which makes that hard. Not sure exercise has ever made a huge difference to my weight anyway. Would help my MH though.

Had bloods done and doc found low ferritin, low folate and low vit D. Addressing those and have read they should improve thyroid function but was hoping for a silver bullet - a very clear problem to explain why I can't lose weight, didnt find it.
Am at the point where I'm researching ozempic and all the other similar drugs as I feel I may have to go down that road. But I really don't want to.

Have upped my water this weekend, tracking everything on myfitnesspal and giving myself a very strict fortnight. If I don't get anywhere then I will reevaluate.

Sorry to be a bit depressing everyone! Hope it's okay to join this thread properly, have been lurking.

@Ledochas . That will be the sleep deprivation. Be kind to yourself, and find ways to get more sleep.
@thenewaveragebear1983 . Sorry, I missed your updates. It seems you are where your body thinks you should be. What magic happens for you if you are half a stone lighter? If it makes a massive difference to your mental health or your body image, definitely weigh everything for a week to get a benchmark, and reset, but I wonder if you won’t look back at being 11 stone three, and wonder why you weren’t loving every minute of being in peak condition.and obviously that’s degraded advice because I am 14 stone 13, and deluded!

@Zebracat I do hear you, and I know they are only numbers and I should enjoy this, but I don’t. It makes me unhappy. I am really going to take on board what you say though, I know you are right.

I was 10.3 a year ago so I know I have done it before and I wouldn’t mind so much if wasn’t actively dieting and exercising - and it does annoy me irrationally that others can eat what they want and be inactive, and remain slimmer than I am. It also annoys me irrationally that other people can be relaxed about food, and yet I have to be freakin mental about it. I never can just eat the cake or pizza or chocolate guilt free. It’s probably largely my mental health that’s affected by this, however I fear that if I remain in the cusp of overweight now, when the menopause hits and i inevitably gain more, I will be then fully overweight and I know that I will hate that. And yes, my body image is really poor and I have very low self esteem and it’s all caught up in weight and physical size. My whole life I have been the ‘big one’

@Ledochas those early years with clingy babies are so tough, aren’t they? Once they grow up a little you will get your time back a little bit and you’ll get to where you want to be. Interesting that your bloods came back that way, I’d be interested to hear how you get on with supplements. I had a full blood count done late last year because my resting heart rate was consistently dropping to as low as 33-35 bpm and I just felt utterly exhausted all the time, but everything came back clear and it has gradually picked back up (although still sub- 40 except the week I ovulate when it goes up to around 50bpm- and it’s accurate as anything because exactly 14 days after my peak HR, my period will arrive)

Well@thenewaveragebear1983 . You aren’t the big one here. You are the skinny minny we will make have the sofa bed when we all go away together!
I smoked for years, hating it and hating myself, and I only stopped when I read a book that asked me to think about all my past present and future influences. What did your parents say about your size? Were you a big baby. What did they eat? What about your friends. We’re they all competitive under eaters? Small framed? You grew up in the 90s and 2000s when the pressure on young women to be “ hot” and thin was insane. Do you have a partner? Are they thrilled to be with you, or do they also equate as thin as possible with the best ever. It’s true that weight is harder to lose after the menopause, but so is misery. Thin people can look a bit scrawny and rigid. They can be very dull too. It won’t necessarily make you happy. Please try to have some fun. Carbs are really not the enemy when eaten in moderation.You eat healthy food and you can run 5 miles. YOU ARE PERFECT, STRONG AND HEALTHY. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE AT A HEALTHY WEIGHT.
But if you want to lose half a stone you will. Take it slowly and then you’ll keep it off. Aim for 0.5 pound per month. Do weights. Stop drinking. But don’t keep going up and down and hating yourself, that is so counterproductive.
caps were an accident , but I’m leaving them in!

Or you could do what models and influencers do and live on coffee and cocaine, but you won’t be healthy and your face will cave in. It’s all a con.

Ah you ladies are lovely, thank you.

@Zebracat definitely growing up in the 90’s made a difference, it’s weird because sizes change over time and women in the 60/70’s were generally slimmer, but the 90’s were all about being exceptionally thin. It definitely made a difference. My family are all overweight and my parents are lifelong dieters and never successfully lost weight. They are both now in their 70s and still 2/3 stone overweight. I would also say that they have both spent a lifetime being unhappy with themselves. We were also I guess fairly poor growing up, we did have food but we had an abundance of white bread, processed meat, and cheap sugary products. So I never had much to go on really. I was always overweight as a child, then tried the cigarettes and cocaine diet and lost a shit tonne of weight, then at 19 I had my dd with a not particularly nice guy and while pregnant I gained 5 stone. Lost that, few unhappy years, met dh, had 2 more babies and had giant pregnancies and gained 4 stone each time and both times lost it all afterwards. I weigh the same today as I did before I had my boys so I have genuinely lost 5 stone, then 4 stone then 4 stone again over the space of 19 years (which is quite impressive actually now i write it down! ) - but I have never quite gotten down to the place I want to be.

you’ve all really made me think today, thank you for your advice and insight and kindness, I genuinely do appreciate it. Thank you 💐

@thenewaveragebear1983 It really doesn’t bear thinking about does it?
I’m 5.7 too, larger framed than my Mum and sister, and called big and greedy thru childhood. And told I was too big through my teens, when I was about 9.5 stone. Then gained 4 stones with each of 4 pregnancies. Losing less in between each. Lost a bit more weight when youngest was 5. Then had spinal issues and gained 4 stone. Lost it again, then had a nervous breakdown. Gained 4 stone. Got prediabetes, lost it. Family crisis gained it . Lost it again. Stopped smoking, gained 3 stone. Lost it. Hip issue . Gained 4 again. Currently down 2, with weight loss not quite stalled. But I’m awestruck at how my body has adapted and protected me through all of that. And my current body feels pretty healthy and strong compared to me at my biggest, when I could barely get upstairs. My ultimate goal is 11.5 stones. 3.5 to go! Not judging you though. If I ever get there, I may decide I need to lose another stone.

@poorpaws . I’m sure you are lovely, and look it!

@thenewaveragebear1983 I'm your height and you are the weight I was when I was in my early 20s and sooo didn't appreciate the body I had! In fact you are one pound under my 'I can't see it happening but a girl can dream' goal weight, as it would be amazing to hit it again if I could. I won't join the chorus of I bet you look great, but it does sound like your body might be telling you that that is your fighting weight.
I went to an event with friends today with a lot of photos taken and boy has that been a wake up call. Absolutely no kidding myself anymore that I am 'curvy'. Those are photos of an unhealthily obese woman. I normally try to go with carrot rather than stick, but might have to print one to go on the food cupboard door to keep me focused. First aim, push myself to get into the 16 stones. I was so close at the start of the year and fucked it, so should be able to get back there with focus.

Good morning . Weighing 95 kilos this morning. This is a 900 grams/2 pound loss, and takes me under 15 stone. And that has been a long time coming. I am happy. Just hope I don’t do my usual thing of rewarding myself with food. Need to be under 95 by Friday.