Today after I found myself contemplating suicide I have decided to put myself into bootcamp. Feel free to ignore me but if I type this out and announce it publically I will stick to it

[TWINSETinapeartree]

The constant feeling ashamed of how I look, having to hide away and not want to leave the house has taken its toll. I am fed up of it, dp is and so is dd.

I have tried every diet and lifestyle change I can, weighwatchers, slimming world, a group at my surgery, lighterlife, cambridge, cabbage soup, counselling, just eating less and moving more and it never lasts long term.

Every month I get fatter and fatter and hate myself even more. Today I was out walking with dd, dp and the dog and someone commented on my appearance. I walked into town bought some tablets and took half the box. I am so sick of my self loathing.

I have decided that the only way to deal with this is to take drastic action rather than being the fat bitch who winges but never does anything about it.

I have moved my things out of my bedroom and I will sleep on a put up bed in the spare room as I know that I will hate this. I will move back into the bedroom when I have lost at least two stone.

I have a cooked meal at work and have my breakfast but that will be it, no eating with the family. I am only going to drinnk water.

I will cancel all social activities until again I have lost two stone. My family are supposed to be coming up to visit and I have cancelled.

I have been to the local gym to join, just at the leisure centre so it is cheap and as a teacher I get a discount.

I am going to stop buying new clothes as I get fatter as it is allowing me to carry on makig myself more and more obese. Again I love clothes and fashion so this will hurt but I need drastic action and need to stop rewarding myself for making myself more obese.

I have hunted out every ugly fat picture of me and stick them on the fridge and cupboards to remind myself how bad l look and that something needs to change.

And good god girl how big do you think I was when I concieved DS becuase I didn't pu that much weight on

Twinset, have you ever tried reading anything like this. Because it always makes me so sad and angry to hear women hating themselves for daring not to look like walking skeletons. If your GP is not concerned about your weight then you are a healthy weight and it's your thinking not your body that is the problem. And trying to lose weight by hating and hurting and punishing yourself will do nothing good for your health, whatever wieght you do or don't lose.

But solidgold, if she's not happy with her weight she shouldn't have to feel that it's her attitude she should be changing? Maybe she's like me and mourns the waste of a wardrobe of lovely clothes, or finds that extra weight means extra hormones to disrupt, or larger tits means extra problems with back [and breathe]...

Yes some people are perfectly happy being overweight. Some people are perfectly happy being underweight. Twinset has an interest in clothes and fashion which is not particularly commensurate with being larger than she was, and a husband who would prefer it if she didn't lose the weight. Making her feel guilty for wanting to be slimmer is not very helpful IMO...

I don't want to make her feel guilty for wanting to lose weight - I was offering a different perspective on why people feel they have to be thin to be valued as human beings. Because sometimes that's a better way to be mentally healthy than constant dieting (which does, after all, completely fuck your metabolism so you have to eat less and less, year on year, not to gain weight).

Perspective is fine, but I think the fat=feminist thing which this can turn into is rather unhelpful. After all, some women gain weight in order to be less attractive, which is just as oppressive as trying to lose weight to be more attractive...

And I also don't think that Twinset should be crash-dieting or starving herself - I think she should be getting the support from her DP that she clearly needs to eat healthily and sensibly.

Twinset, I didn't go to my grandmother's funeral because I didn't want people I hadn't seen for ages to see me. There are lots of things I avoid in every day lie though I'm outwardly confident (an ex teacher). I love clothes and hate that I can't wear stuff I love.

Was going to post on here for diet suggestions as I'm an all or nothing person - very tough on myself. Googled first then went out on Thurs to buy India Knight's book. There's lots of common sense in there and it's quite funny. I feel positive for the first time in ages. I do recommend it.

PLease try not to beat yourself up. It doesn't help. You know that though.

I'm worried about the deprivation side of your plan and the fact that you are setting yourself a huge goal initially. 2 Stone is a hell of a lot and should not be rushed and using all stick and no carrot works for no-one.

Why not do it on a week by week basis? If you can lose between one and two pounds a week then allow yourself a night in your own bed or an afternoon with family or any other non-food related indulgence?

It keeps your goals manageable and less tortuous and you can celebrate your regular achievements.

Good luck with the regime.

Have you considered the special k diet to kick off your weight loss plan? I do it now and then if I have a few pounds to lose and find it a real boost as it definitely does work and you can't go wrong, so easy to follow. Good luck

I understand too twinset - have about 5 stones to lose and feel hideous at times with little confidence. I am confident (or appear to be) at work but that's because I have to be and nobody would guess how I feel alot of the time - am good at hiding it.

At the moment I have embarked upon a walking daily programme - 10 mins a day upping to 20 this week. Am cutting the walks into 10 mins each at work.

Little steps at a time - am drinking more fluids and walking more - that's all I can do.

Hi Twinset. I understand just how you feel. I am the same. I don't have time to post much now but I promise I will come back tomorrow.

You are a fab fab lady and deserve to feel better about yourself.

I have 6 stone to lose and also struggle to stick to anything. How about we try something together?

Will be back tomorrow.

Twinset sorry you are so unhappy. Can you come and join the veggers, it is not about losing weight, just eating healthily and getting out of puff for 10 minutes every day. Maybe a diet plan is definitely not the thing, just smaller targets so that you feel better inside from the start. It's definitely not a diet thread though (there is cake eating that's fer sure!) but v good for motivating healthy choices (gah -- ghastly phrase).

Twinset, I won't make a tw**t of myself by trying to do a link, but there was a great thread started by hammouhouseofhorror in the big/slim/weightloss section 15/10/08 ("I've recently lost 4 stone", or something like that) which I really do urge you to read.

I seriously fear you will not achieve anything positive if you start from this terribly negative position .

Twinset, I don't know much about your personal circumstances, but reading your OP I don't really think what you are planning will help you lose weight.

And also I hate to say it, but it sounds the teensiest bit self obsessed. You want to punish yourself so you stop your family visiting, surely they and your DC if you have DC sorry don't know would have got some enjoyment out of the visit as well.

Is it possible to try cooking your DPs favourites in a lowfat lowcal way. That way you still get your enjoyment from cooking, but all the family eats a bit more healthily. In the Weight watcher cook books there are some good recommendations about how to cut cals also Rosemary Conley is relatively sensible.

I lost weight last year primarily by taking the focus off food and getting rid of some bad habits such as snacking on ice cream in the evening. Why not take a look at when and what you eat, you will probably find some easy ways to cut down on the calories which would be much less draconian than the path you want to go down. Also why cut out social activities, surely provided they are not focused around food, they are the ideal way to keep yourself busy so not thinking about eating all the time.

good luck anyway.

Oh and sorry as well I'm aware what I have written about weight loss sounds horrible trite, but I have had a life time battle with my weight as well. ALthough I have never been terribly overweight I was fat as a child and in my twenties had a very unhealthy relationship with food and exercising. Last year was the first time I lost weight in a pragmatic "I'm an adult and I'd like my BMI to be in the normal weight range, right what do I need to do to make that happen" kind of way, rather than the neurotic OMG I must lose a stone in a fortnight way I had done before.

this sentence from your OP is absolutely jumping out at me, I am really extremely concerned -

"I walked into town bought some tablets and took half the box".

What did you take? If you have taken an overdose, please go to the hospital and get this dealt with.

ts as i wrote on another thread your posts have always struck me as so witty, intelligent and warm. i'm so sorry you feel like this. there are some great posts here so i don't know what to add except to say you need to take a step back and give yourself a break.

there are plenty people here who are also facing into big life changes including myself who at 25 has found herself needing to lose five stone. that all piled on in four years , it happened before i noticed.

you need to take a breath for a second and sort out your head. if you feel suicidal you need to ring a helpline or a doctor.

when you are ready you can address the weight, yes again, but who knows this may be the time you conquer it. but you need to feel mentally and emotionally stronger first. you'll find support on here. x.

Twinset lovely, it isn't gonna work if you come at it from this negativity.

Lose weight to gain health. Lose weight to gain MENTAL health, but PLEASE don't lose weight to stop people commenting or judging; they'd judge anyway, no matter how you or anyone else looks.

I weigh 20 stone. I am morbidly obese too.

I am going to lose 10 stone this year on a strict Low GI diet.

It works. It works for life because it is simply eating certain things at certain times (ie no carbs after lunch; that's about it!). It is healthy and is endorced by doctors worldwide.

Lighterlife etc aren't healthy diets; yes, strict, yes drastic but not successful.

EVERYONE I know that's done it (about 8 people), each and EVERY one has put at least half the lost weight back on because you simply can not live forever on such a restrictive diet.

The Low GI one means you can still cook wonderful food; my mum and I made lovely low gi sauces to go with our meat and veg.

You love cooking - use it and use the joy to ENJOY dieting (yes, really.)

I do know how you feel, really. I feel the same sometimes (yes, suicidal too).

Please, please speak to someone about the extreme depression.

Please just try this diet (with me if you like) before you shut yourself off from the world as I truly don't think doing that will help your mental health whatsoever.

Take care x

hope you can come back online and let us know you're ok after taking those tablets - worried about you

I totally agree with what Lewisfan has just posted Twinset, I hope you are okay love. Don't deprive yourself of all the good things in your life -you shouldn't be punishing yourself for this. Besides anything else that in itself is unlikely to mean you lose any weight.

You really stick out to me as a bright, compassionate woman. You have such a lot going for you. You just need to talk to someone - your intrinsic sense of self worth isn't only about weight x

Twinset, I totally understand how you feel... I have to lose a minimum of 5 stone to get back to some sort of decent weight, and I should lose around 8 stone to look 'good' again.

I really worry about your state of mind, and I worry you won't be able to sustain this boot camp mentality for long, and then you will beat yourself up for having failed adn then you will head for the biscuit tin (if you are anyting like me)

Having read this thread I gather there are a few of us who want to lose a large amount of weight. How about we do it together?

How about it korma, buda, jollypirate, swedishmum ?
And anyone else I have forgotten...

Lewis can you help me too, please?

twinset have you tried overeaters anonymous - this is free and not a "diet" as such but would tackle the underlying behavioural issues??