Want to cry, nothing works

[Pusstachio]

I am 160cm and weigh 145lb. My waist is just under half my height in the morning but just over in the evening. I am overweight on my BMI.

Before my second child (now 5yo) I was a clear stone lighter.

I’ve tried everything except drugs. PT, health coach, various diets. Health coach did work but was crazy expensive, I couldn’t sustain the expense. She basically checked my MFP weekly and gave me workouts to do through the week.

I strength train once a week with a PT and for the past month have been running 5x a week and sticking to 1600-1700 cals. Just replaced the batteries in the scale and I’m 2lb heavier.

What do I do. Why is this so fucking hard. It wasn’t like this before my second child. I’m 40, is that it? How do I lose even some of this weight.

I think there’s so much more info now on this thread, OP.

Being on Mounjaro and 1250 calories a day meant that I really struggled to train in the gym and make it past 9pm.

I don’t think you can do both, you have to fuel to train for a marathon. You might see a loss but you can’t be in a calorie deficit and give your all to training and muscle gain.

It’s such a hard balance. I’ve sacrificed huge amounts of fitness and being able to strength train really hard as I have lost the weight as I can’t train hard on 1200 calories.

I’ll be on Mounjaro for life, I know that and ok with it. My weight exploded when I went on HRT, I gained 2 stone in 18 months but it saved my life in so many other ways.

You're 5 foot 3? 1600 calories is too much in perimenopause

Im 5 foot 4, menopausal and do a ton of exercises but have to eat 1300 or 1400 max to lose. I manage ok though, eggs for breakfast, tons of protein and veg, berries for meals.

Why do people immediately go to Mounjaro? I’m not knocking WLIs -im on wegovy myself- but I’m several stones overweight. It shouldn’t be a go-to for a few pounds.

You can’t out-train a bad diet.
What do you eat OP?

Have you tried downloading the NHS weight loss app to see how many calories it suggests?

I’m a big advocate of the human being diet, by Petronella Ravenshear. Everyone I know who has done it has lost lots of weight. And it’s really pleasant to follow.

Having said that, at 5 foot six and 145lbs you are a slim lady I could probably be kinder to yourself. You are well within the healthy limits on the BMI, which itself is a pretty shoddy measure of well-being for someone so fit

OP, give yourself a break. You’re training regularly and clearly working on staying healthy: don’t let your weight become the sole factor given how important strength training and cardio are for long term health.
That said, I would suggest thinking about trying the 5:2 approach: it takes a while, but can be incredibly effective and it works well with regular training etc. The short description is that for two days of each week (not consecutive) you limit yourself to 500cals (initially hard, but it’s surprisingly easy once you get used to it, and breakfast definitely isn’t essential!) and the rest of the week you eat healthily but without any restrictions (beyond being sensible).
Effectively you’re in a 20% calorie deficit right away, more to the point your body starts metabolising differently over time and your appetite (& mindset) shift too. If you can combine that with eating more protein and less carbs on your non fasting days, I think that could deliver really good results. Although it’s not a magic wand - it can take a few weeks to start working. There are some fab support threads on MN with recipes and loads of advice if you want to find out more.

Yes - I’m exactly the same 5 4 menopausal do loads of exercise and only lose on 1,200 - 1,300 could get away with a bit more with a big run (not a 5km, more like 10km).

This sounds like a good plan. Those steps really will help as will burn some extra calories that could be the difference between losing and not.

I’ve been lazy with my steps this week and haven’t lost.

You don’t have too much to lose then op.

Gym
Track calories
Loads of protein and fibre
Loads of water
Enough sleep
Cut out alcohol

I’m 160cm and was 45 when I decided enough was enough and lost weight. My starting weight was about 150lb so slightly more than you. I did it by eating less, eating better, and moving more. I walk on average 15,000-20,000 steps a day. I don’t do any other exercise. I have some chronic pain issues and am just too tired. I lost over 2 stone by eating around 1500-1700 calories a day of whatever I fancied within reason. I cut out a lot of UPF. I’ve maintained a weight of around 115-120lbs depending on what I’m doing and how my digestive system is working-menopause has made it slow right down, how much salty food I’ve eaten and if I’ve had a big meal. I’m post-menopausal now and didn’t find losing weight any harder during peri than at any other time. I eat whatever I want now and my weight remains within those 5lb. Today I’m going out with my Ds so we’ll have a big sugary Starbucks drink, maybe a cake, lunch at M&S because I’m not going to McDonald’s mister! probably eat some sweets and crisps and depending on my mood possibly get another sugary coffee on the way back. It’s a monthly thing and makes no difference to my weight.
I can’t believe people are suggesting WLI for you. You can do this. I took me being consistent but it was pretty easy. Boring, but easy. If I can do it, anyone can.

In a bit taller and heavier than you and only lose around 1300-1400. Your cals are definitely too high.

I'm 5ft 9 and it only seems to shift with me when I go down to 1,000. I've increased my exercise, but I'm now nearly 66 so everything has slowed down.

When I was around 40, it took me about three years to lose 4 stone but then I put it all back on. At my fattest, I was 16 stone 4lbs. I've lost a lot of weight from my backside and boobs, and some from the rest of me.

I've had to work hard to build up muscle again. My arms had wasted away at one point, after I lost a lot of weight suddenly through stress. Ditto my thigh muscles.

I'm currently trying and failing to get back below 14 stones. My BMI is currently 30. However, there's no doubt that I've increased my muscles somewhat - I can feel my biceps again and in spite of my fat belly, I've come in at the sides. (I'm doing a lot of abdominal work.)

At the moment, I'm keeping below 1,400 calories but I know that I have to go lower again.

I’ve upped my protein hugely today and surprised how full I feel- kept to 1300 today and did 15k steps and a gym session.

Also my period came today about 10 days early. Could be the start of peri or crazy house selling stress, or a heady blend of both. I’m interested to see what my weight does next week.

Thankyou so much to all my fellow shorties for sharing your TDEE/defecit. It really helps to figure out what’s going on and also reassuring to hear I’m not the only person to struggle with this.

It’s amazing how well it works, isn’t it. I on the other hand, have eaten loads the last two days as I’ve been really carb heavy. I’ll blame mine on my period. Have to do better tomorrow.

When I was in my late 30s, the Paul McKenna "I can make you thin" book worked and it worked for about 5-8 years.

But since hitting perimenopause, that doesn't work for me anymore. Since what has started to work is a combination of:

Giving up drinking.
Stopping eating added sugar and refined carbs.
Fasting for one day 24 hours (from dinner to dinner) once a week.

It is early days but I think it's the fasting which is making most of the difference. I also exercise a lot, run 3 days a week and strength train 2-4 days but I've been doing that for years and continued to gain weight as I did. Obviously it's good for definition and health though.

A warning on calories. I work in the food industry and calories can be way out. 20% difference is legal on non "healthy living" type products (but 10% is still ok there) and then how you prepare them probably makes a difference. For example, cooked, cooled starches (particularly those high in amylose) then form resistant starch which is less easily digested and acts more like fibre. Also finely ground foods (e.g. ground almonds) will have the same calories on a pack as the whole version due to how calories are calculated in a lab but will be absorbed more easily (there was some research done on almonds specifically on this but it probably applies to other foods). You also find that natural foods vary seasonally by sugar vs. more complex carbohydrate content (e.g. fruits and vegetables on storage) or even fat content (e.g. fish).

So calories are a "thing" and a guide but not an entirely accurate guide. You could be overeating calories completely unaware of it but also calories are not necessarily treated the same in your body and some will encourage you to eat more later whereas others, especially high in protein and fibre, fill you for longer.

Sorry I have no easy answers.

Yeah I’ve noticed I can eat more whole nuts than the pack says I should on paper without obvious consequences- I assume my body doesn’t completely break them down. I like Greek yoghurt with almonds, oats and cherries as a Bakewell inspired breakfast…

Have you ever tried intermittent fasting? (Sorry didn't RTWT)
You sound like me, and it's the only thing that worked after I gained nearly 2 stones with DC2. Part time dieting - so much better than counting calories every day.

I haven’t actually. I think I’ll see how I go for the next fortnight. It does sound a lot better than tracking daily only as I have two girls and really don’t want them exposed to toxic diet culture like I was.

Huge sympathies, this is me also. I am 45, I strength train 3 times a week with cardio finishers and have started running twice a week too. I walk 10,000 steps a day. I have been on Slimming world for the last 8 months too and I am 1.5lbs down overall in all that time. I have had a PT in the past too so have good habits and I understand what I need to be eating in terms of protein and low carb. I don't have a sweet tooth no almost never eat chocolate, biscuits, pastries and cake. PT had previously had me at 1700 calories a day and was making v.slow progress over the year. I do have an underactive thyroid but on medication and my levels are now within normal range. I am CONSTANLY working on it but weight loss is slow or non-existent. It's so demoralising. I am 5ft 7 weight 11.10 currently but trying to get to 11 stone where clothes fit better and I feel more comfortable. I got close before Christmas but then all went back on when I took my foot off the pedal for two weeks. No advice as I'm just plugging away at it myself and I try and just be grateful I'm not putting on weight overall.

I’ve just rechecked when they did my bloods and thyroid is within range but right at the very bottom- anything safe that can give it a kick?

I had the same problem, thought I was drastically cutting down on calories but just couldn't shift the weight. I'm post menopause and my shape has changed, I'm much thicker round the waist now.
I joined a weight loss club and have lost a stone in 3 weeks.

I’ve got a garmin which calculates my calories burnt and a 45 min session with my PT working on strength and mobility (not weight loss I’m recomping as illness left me “skinny fat”) burns roughly the same as a 1 hour brisk walk for me.

I’ve been seeing my PT twice a week for about 3 months with a gap for Xmas and my weight has not changed at all but my body shape is changing already. I can see muscles where I’ve never had them before and have lost inches from the right places and even put some on in other right places. For example it’s no longer painful for my sit bones if I have to sit on a hard chair!

Op you’re at maintence now. Likely a bit above if you gained, as you’re active I’d assume you’re significantly under estimating your cals, take the whole weeks consumption and divide by 7,

everyone also swears blind they dont under estimate, but if you’re not losing, then you are.

I am having a whole heap of bloods right now for similar issues. I'm having to fight for B12 and iron tests which can impact on energy and thermogenesis (how much your body burns calories for warmth). Not likely to be a silver bullet but won't help.

It's worth on your TSH to go back to your GP as they can do further testing I think.

Did you also have HbA1c tested? Mine was at 5.8% so not in that prediabetic state but not far off (it would be considered prediabetic in US limits). That's one of the reasons I started the 24 hour fast once a week as there is some evidence it helps with glucose sensitivity.

Rightly or wrongly, (I'm distrustful of popular science) I "read" an audiobook called "Gut Reactions" (free with my library) and that's one of the reasons I thought of giving up the refined carbs / sugar / sweeteners and giving a 24 hour fast a go. It's very science heavy but I took from it that if I do have a level of insulin resistance, it's going to be very hard to lose weight. So what I need to do is get that metabolic flexibility going and from the book at least it seemed like 24 hour fasting was the best idea for that because you get well into fat burning mode, having exhausted your glycogen and then get a little bit into the autophagy stuff which is all about reducing inflammation.

Look I have no idea if it's utter BS but it's working so far, albeit I'm on week 5 I think. I'm losing about 1lb a week. There are some arguments that fasting only works by reducing calories overall which might be true, I have no idea but once a week it feels doable and I almost look forward to it now. I know that sounds really odd. But when you've got to the end of that 24 hours, food tastes really good. And it's less scary than it sounds. You just finish eating at, say 6pm then don't eat till 6pm the next day. So you only miss two meals. Your hunger doesn't actually build either. It comes in waves then goes away. Drinking water, black coffee and herbal tea all just keeps me feeling ok.

I just know that I wasn't losing anything before despite eating healthily and exercising. I'm slightly scared it will all just suddenly stop working of course but let's see. I'd rather try this than GLP1s right now (no judgement, they just scare me being a life long medication).