When you know what to do but you just can’t do it - what works?

[thenewaveragebear1983]

I am really struggling to get myself “back in the game” . I know what I need to do but I just cannot actually stick to a calorie goal. I am either gaining weight or fighting really really hard to maintain. I am getting sick of it now, and I tried on clothes in next changing rooms yesterday and it was a rude awakening.

I’m not in denial and not understanding why I’m like this, I am fully aware that I am eating rubbish, loads of gluten free bread, sugar galore and hardly any veg. I eat a meal and I am immediately looking for something else. It’s like I am both always hungry and also completely disinterested in food.

here’s the good things- I exercise every day, walking the dog, and run 2-3 times a week and do a boot camp as well. I cook most of my meals from scratch and I like cooking. I plan meals and shop online, I drink water (no fizzy drinks juices). I do drink but I can also go without, I did dry Jan and half of Feb.

i don’t even know why I’m posting this, I guess looking for tips and solidarity?

I think that was the podcast I listened to! @Comtesse
i am definitely an abstainer but I always feel like moderators are seen as the optimum, like not being able to have just one square of chocolate is a real character failing. (Very often on here!)

i struggled today. I had an away day with my secondment team while knowing fully well I am being made redundant so it felt like a total waste of my time tbh. I thought I’d fully negotiated my exit, but now there’s lots of additional hassles coming through and all I want to do is get my leaving date and figure in writing so that I can crack on with finishing this project and leave. It’s really exhausting. They provided really nice food on the away day so I ate too much and then ate chocolate on the way home 🤷‍♀️

@thenewaveragebear1983

i am definitely an abstainer but I always feel like moderators are seen as the optimum, like not being able to have just one square of chocolate is a real character failing. (Very often on here!)

I’ve listened to a lot of episodes of a podcast called Food Junkies, which is about food addiction as a substance use disorder, like alcohol or drug abuse.

One of the things I’ve learned through that is that the prevailing belief in the eating disorders treatment community is that the wish to eliminate any specific food is pathological - part of the disorder. During treatment, they always try to reintroduce previously avoided foods.

If the disorder is purely psychiatric and there is no medical reason to exclude the food, then they’ve got a point. But if the person is actually coeliac, would you force them to eat gluten? Or of they were allergic to peanuts, would you force them to eat peanuts? Of course not - to do so could make them very ill, or even kill them.

As long as addiction to specific foods is not recognised as real, moderation will continue to be viewed as desirable for everyone. But if it IS recognised, then the narrative changes, doesn’t it?

I’m not coeliac. I don’t need to abstain from wheat, but I choose to keep my intake low, because of the carb content (I am insulin resistance and type 2 diabetic, and a low carb diet is great for managing blood glucose). But I can moderate my wheat intake without difficulty - because I’m not addicted to wheat.

Sugar, however, is a different thing altogether. Ditto crisps, roasted nuts, peanut butter. Once I start, I can not stop. I can not moderate. It’s abstain, or go mad for me. Not with all food - but with those foods.

I think it’s definitely only certain foods for me.

I don’t understand the mindset that being able to moderate junk food that has no nutritional value is healthier than abstaining from it entirely. It’s only if abstaining causes you some sort of psychological or emotional damage I guess, or causes you to binge. But for me, moderation causes me to binge as well. If it’s a food I am “addicted “ to then there is no safe limit, it’s the old - 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough. There doesn’t feel like a level at which I have control. And yet, I was at this thing today and there were 3 delicious cakes. None gluten free. It never occurred to me to eat them because I know I don’t want 3 days of heart palpitations and crushing anxiety. It didn’t take any willpower not to eat them. I could happily sit and watch everyone enjoying them. I’d love to have that mindset around chocolate!

Yeah, I have a rejoinder ready in the event that anyone tries the old “go on, one won’t hurt you” line on me: my current intake of that food is zero - can you explain how adding it in will make me healthier?

They can’t answer - because when it’s sweets and ultra-processed snacks we’re talking about, it will not make me healthier. It can only make me less healthy.

Will look some of these podcast up.
I am definitely an all or nothing person, I just can't have one, it's not worth even trying to have just one as it sends me spiralling and no going back. Hence gaining 2 stone since jan 2025!!!

Today has been a good in control day, I will take it a day at a time.

All or nothing thinking is a tricky mindset for long term progress though. There will always be blips, and if the way you deal with that is self loathing and a massive binge then… there needs to be a better plan. Getting and staying in the right headspace is more than half the battle.

teeny tiny bowl and right after a meal helps me.
and plain (55%) chocolate. sweet enough to satisfy the sweet urge, dark enough to not want more.

All or nothing thinking can be problematic, as you say. But there are circumstances when it is helpful. Like the allergy example - someone who is allergic to a substance simply cannot afford to consume it. The all or nothing thinking on that specific issue protects them. And to suggest they be less rigid about it is encouraging them to harm themselves.

All or nothing thinking is a problem when applied in areas where it’s not appropriate, such as - if I’m aiming to walk 10K steps a day and only manage 9K then I’ve failed, it’s a disaster, I might as well give up.

We need to understand whether a particular are is appropriate for all or nothing thinking, or not. Not to say it’s always a problem (because that is another example of all or nothing thinking!)

The thing that stood out to me was that you said it was like a form of self harm. That’s how I felt for the last few years. I was eating to deal with my feelings about being deeply unhappy at work. Maybe you need to think about what is driving you to self harm /sabotage behaviours rather than a diet plan. Sometimes taking care of the mental side of things means the physical side falls into place

Oh yeah of course for allergies, addiction etc. But not helpful for “if I didn’t have a “perfect” diet today I’m an utter failure” - that outlook just leads to self hatred - progress over perfection all day for ever!!

Intermittent fasting worked for me. I ate within a 6-8 hour window, basically skipping breakfast and no snacking. Kitchen closed by 7pm and that’s that.

I used to live on snack foods, my diet was horrendous and I’d spend every evening picking at crisps and sweets.

It started with the fasting and no snacking, slowly my diet changed and taste buds changed. I now eat low UPF, very veg and fruit heavy diet and high protein. I’m more than 4 and a half stone down and maintaining.

I had an ok day today, I have come in under calories for the first time in a very long time. I had peanut butter on rice cakes with fruit for breakfast, skipped lunch, and had a pork steak with salad and oven chips for dinner. I’ve finally got my redundancy details and leaving date from work and I have been incredibly emotional and tearful all day which usually makes me turn to all the sugar and rubbish. So that’s a positive at least. Although I need to get this out of my system because I can’t spend the next 3 weeks crying 😢

I had a really terrible night last night, I thought I couldn’t sleep but when I looked back at my tracker it seemed I actually did sleep but just woke frequently like I was sleeping on a knife edge. As a result I was really tired today and quite tearful. In the end I used my strong cbd drops and that helped me get my shit back together 🤣 I had a little nap at lunchtime which also helped. My food has been quite carby, I had rice cakes and also has rice noodles with my stir fry for dinner. However I am going Nordic walking tomorrow so I figured I needed my energy.

it’s been a better week this week, I have definitely eaten fewer snacks and have eaten more veg and eaten bigger, more balanced meals. I am definitely going to continue that.

Keep on keeping on, OP. If you want to eat carbs, the less processed they are the better,

I’ve had a really good couple of days, i actually can’t remember the last time I had such a good few days on plan, I’ve run twice and done 2 bootcamp sessions. My meals have been good, I’ve pretty much split my daily allowance into 3 and had that for each meal with no snacks in between. Lots of veg and water …. Gained 0.75 pound ffs 🤦‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️

don't weigh yourself the morning after bootcamp.

a tough exercise session (& DOMS) easily add a pound or two. but that's mainly water due to the (temporary) inflammation reaction.