When you know what to do but you just can’t do it - what works?

[thenewaveragebear1983]

I am really struggling to get myself “back in the game” . I know what I need to do but I just cannot actually stick to a calorie goal. I am either gaining weight or fighting really really hard to maintain. I am getting sick of it now, and I tried on clothes in next changing rooms yesterday and it was a rude awakening.

I’m not in denial and not understanding why I’m like this, I am fully aware that I am eating rubbish, loads of gluten free bread, sugar galore and hardly any veg. I eat a meal and I am immediately looking for something else. It’s like I am both always hungry and also completely disinterested in food.

here’s the good things- I exercise every day, walking the dog, and run 2-3 times a week and do a boot camp as well. I cook most of my meals from scratch and I like cooking. I plan meals and shop online, I drink water (no fizzy drinks juices). I do drink but I can also go without, I did dry Jan and half of Feb.

i don’t even know why I’m posting this, I guess looking for tips and solidarity?

I’m in the same boat if I don’t eat I’m ok but once I start I can’t stop. Never satisfied.

Solidarity to all of us in this predicament!

@DeftGoldHedgehog definitely, my overall tone is much more fat and less muscle now, a combination of age, HRT and reducing my strength training over time due to life commitments

@suki1964i do agree but also it’s the snacking when not hungry that’s a big problem too. I know I’m doing it but I still do it 🤷‍♀️ I seem to have a massive appetite too, I could eat a meal even if I’ve snacked all day. Your ideas sound really good and achievable though

@MelanieSheWasReallyNiceI saw a programme about sugar addiction a while back and they had the person not cut out sugar, but before any sugary treats they had to first eat the same calories of fruit or veg (so eg 100 cals of cucumber or carrots before a biscuit) and this had really good effects. I also wfh which is very difficult, I find myself in the kitchen multiple times a day

@UserM6 to be honest I have always been like this, I have an obsessive sweet tooth and I think I just have some sort of complex emotional eating disorder. I can eat and eat and eat with no off switch. With the redundancy stuff I have definitely noticed myself thinking constantly and not able to switch off and it’s only food in my mouth that seems to switch off my incessant thoughts- it’s definitely ramped up since Jan when we got the news but to be honest I have always been a huge eater.

@Morepositivemum I agree that lots of people are eating erratically, my eating feels really out of control and the quality of what I eat is really dreadful at times. I don’t eat gluten so no biscuits or cereal, but gluten free subs a- plenty and chocolate every day.

I will also add, I have had 3-5 years now of what I believe is long COVID- symptoms such as anaemia, breathlessness, palpitations, anxiety, hair loss- basically just general wiped out exhaustion. I have really worked hard on bringing my levels up, I’ve had all the tests for thyroid and things like that. I went from being very fit to getting out of breath reading to my kids, and I have had some really difficult times where I have just felt so tired. I’m a lot better now but even now still have days where I have thundering palpitations or fall asleep at my desk. Christmas 2024 I got Bell’s palsy which paralysed my face and although outwardly it looks fine now, I have permanent nerve damage and can’t blink or smile properly, I think I will always be a bit squinky on that side. When I got bells I decided I was going to stop pushing myself so hard at running or at the gym, I do it for leisure now but if I really don’t want to go or feel too tired, I do sit out and I never ever do double workouts in a day even if I’m feeling great. I do walk my dog every day around 3 miles.

Im menopausal now and accept Im never going to have that trim body I had in my 40's at the weight I am now - Ive middle aged spread , look like a buddha , yet wear size 8 bottoms and 10 to 12 tops. I look pregnant at times . I would love to drop another half stone but my body is adamant this is where its sticking so I roll with it

I concentrate now on real food, cooked from scratch and eat till Im full and that's it. So I still eat curries and lasagne and full on roast dinners, but with half the plate veg, a quarter of the plate protein, it's very hard to over eat carbs and calorie dense foods. Also cooking from scratch I have control over the added oils, sugar etc

I also dont beat myself up if I decide to eat the foods that trigger me

My triggers are bread and butter - if Ive a white loaf and a pack of butter in the house - all bets are off - its heading down my neck And if I start on it, nothing is going to fill me that day and then I talk myself into "oh its not done that much damage, might as well finish it off " the following day. But if I dont touch it, I dont miss it and I dont crave it

It's true that the cleaner the diet, the more your body wants it. We were in Prague where veggies with meals were few and far between, within 3 days we ( DH and I ) were craving them and found salad counters in food malls :)

And yet whilst the Prague Diet is very bread heavy, I didnt go overboard - theirs dont have all the additives ours have

Ive naturally cut down on white carbs, not for weight loss, more so that now I notice I feel sluggish and tired and bloated when I do eat them

I found going through the menopause was a difficult time, a lot of foods I previously liked I no longer did - or they upset me. I was also reaching for high sugar fixes to get through the day and it did take a lot of "doing without" until I got to being at the stage where I could eat with control

You can do it, if you want it enough. Whilst Im not slim, Im a healthy BMI and Ive increased my exercise and energy and I feel so much better for it

I agree it seems to be all or nothing on here but it makes sense.

Not doing something is so much harder than adding a thing to your life.
It’s hard to give up any habit and most people find a replacement activity.
The other solution is to change things so much you don’t have the same triggers. Hence going low carb or vegan or carnivore makes you rethink the whole eating pattern.

I could have written this at Christmas.
I have gone for the full masochist approach! It's a bit weird but its worked for me and have lost 5kg since Jan 1st (but my bmi was 34)

1. I listened to the BBC what's up doc podcast about will power. Really interesting as they conclude it doesn't exist. It's all to do with how much something means to you. For example I'll always call out racism/sexism but I can't stop myself eating an extra biscuit. So from this I realised my excess weight annoys me but is not an integral part of me.

1. This led me to working out what motivates me. I love proving people wrong!!!! I live abroad so the next bit was possible, I hired a PT in a sport which overweight people don't do. This actually motivates me as I won't give up in front of him AND I have stopped snacking as I want to prove I can do this. Also I'm tight so don't want to waste my money or time on a PT and not have results, again stops me snacking.

1. At Christmas my friend invited me for a run. I started making excuses. She actually said I'm not interested in what you are saying, I'm going for a run are you coming? Def the wake up call I needed!

I use the WeightWatchers app and I find it very easy to stick to.

That’s interesting @Goingtroppo, the one time I had the most success not just with the diet but with the overall feeling better about myself, over a sustained length of time, was when I went really strict. I did whole30 during Covid and that’s really strict and I stuck to it very well for around 6/7 months afterwards. No sugar at all, no grains, no dairy. I felt so healthy! And yet anything like that seems to be hugely frowned upon, like we should be able to moderate. I do find on here sometimes that having “one square of dark chocolate” is seen as better than having none at all, like the one square people are able to moderate whereas the none at all people can’t. 🤷‍♀️
i do think having some accountability like you do with your PT helps, I don’t have anyone holding me accountable these days, even myself. I used to go to SW and those weekly weigh ins certainly do motivate you to stay on track

The jump straight to get mounjaro when that is not what the OP was asking is frightening. Just what these pharma companies want, everyone stuck on taking lifelong drugs. Why not Mounjaro? Well maybe the OP doesn't want to risk osteoporosis, hair and teeth loss, loss of sight, pancreatitis and a whole other host of side effects when she only has a stone to lose 🙄

Ive found that the really restrictive diets like low carb and 5:2 definitely work for a time but are unsustainable. You go on holiday for instance and it all goes to pot and you pile on more weight than when you started. They're just not sustainable long term. Same with the weight loss jabs. Research is showing that when you stop you end up heavier than when you started. The only way I have found to sustain the weight loss is to track everything via MFP and keep to a calorie target. Anything is allowable as long as I dont go over that target each day. If I go out for a meal I'll cut back the next day so I stay within a weekly target.

1. Have you had your thyroid checked recently and how are your vitamin D levels?
2. Healthy is better than thin. You sound really fit! Do you actually need to lose weight or are you seeing yourself through the male gaze? Our bodies change over time.

@thenewaveragebear1983 actually I think you are right it's about accountability! More than happy to be your accountability partner. Those SW weigh ins def made me stick to the plan!

Not heard of whole30, will have a look as that feeling of being healthy inside, not feeling lethargic or bloated is such a buzz. Drives me bonkers the better to have moderation mantra, am with you no chocolate is better than 1 piece and opening the flood gates!

I've started taking B12, multivitamin and cod liver oil, seems to have cleared the brain fog, whether its placebo I don't care!

Similarly, I was at the lower end of overweight at Christmas, and honestly, I felt stuck. I didn’t know how to lose the weight, I couldn’t stop snacking, and it felt like I had zero control. I even started looking into weight‑loss injections because I didn’t know what else to do.

However, I started reading about calorie counting. I downloaded a fitness app and began actually tracking and weighing everything I was eating. And it was such an eye‑opener, the sauces I was using were adding hundreds of calories without me realising, and those “little” chocolates after dinner were over 200 calories on their own.

Once you work out your TDEE, know your maintenance calories, and eat under that, you put yourself in a calorie deficit. I still have treats, but they are in my daily calorie intake. My lust for crisps (a big craving) has actually reduced over time as my brain/body adapted to my new diet. I also started exercising, treadmill, strength training with dumbbells. things I never would’ve pictured myself doing before Christmas. But the motivation is there now, and it feels like everything has finally clicked.

I have lost 10 pounds in 7 weeks. I hope it clicks for you :) I am also glad I did not go down the drug route.

Pleased to hear this because l am going to go on it soon.
Was going to leave it until l have got a bit off time off work in case of any side effects.

@Goingtroppowhole30 is pretty strict but there’s a revised version out now which is a bit softer. It’s not technically a weight loss plan but I lost 11lbs the month I did it.

my issue with calorie counting is I don’t know how to work out what I need. Calculators say around 1650 maintenance calories (anyone wants to sign it out I’m 5’7 and 158lbs/11 st 4) - I always say sedentary because I work a desk job and although I do walk the dog every day some days I don’t even hit 10k steps. I do run a couple times a week and a bootcamp, my garmin calculates my daily average over the last year as being 2050/2100 a day. I’d say this is a fair representation of my actual burn and takes into account lazy days but also days when I run a half marathon. So I deduct 500 a day to lose a pound a week? From what? From 2100? Or from tdee 1600? Because I cannot manage 1100 cals and certainly can’t exercise on that, but also everyone says never eat back your exercise cals so 🤷‍♀️ how do I fuel my exercise but also stay in deficit?

@safetyfreakwell done. 10lbs is great, I would drop a dress size with that. I do think I need to build some muscle, to be fair my legs are muscular but the rest of me isn’t. i do like working out but I hate gyms, I’m too self conscious. I did at home workouts (Caroline Girvan) a while ago and that was good, I just need to get myself back in that mindset.

i do know I have made so many excuses to myself to get here, I am so tired of my excuses now. 🤣

please stop suggesting mounjaro - I am not heavy enough , and I certainly wouldn’t lie to get it.

@KeenFawnnhs levels are all normal, they don’t test full thyroid range as the last test was normal and instead tried to put me on sertraline 🤷‍♀️ my iron was low and I have pulled that up now but I do need to keep the iron tablets up because when it drops I get terrible anxiety and blindspot hallucinations which are horrifying.

it’s not the male gaze. It’s my gaze. I hate the way I look, none of my clothes look nice, this may be unhealthy body image or whatever but I don’t care. I am allowed to want to be slimmer than I am currently for my own personal enjoyment. To be fair I am very nearly overweight and it shows, so this isn’t vanity this is actually an extra stone I don’t need.

I am convinced I have under active thyroid, I’ve been very slightly borderline before and I have allllllll the symptoms- tired, hair loss, freezing cold, palpitations, and the slow weight loss is what I think has tipped me off the diet wagon because for a long time I was dieting properly and exercising and still not losing. Last year I lost 9lb between January and May half term, gained 9lb on 1 week away and never lost another gram all year 🤷‍♀️ it was so disappointing and I just gave up. I’ve been doing this since I was 15, that’s nearly 30 long years

Good morning all. Today the sun is finally out, I am going out for a run as I have not been all week. We have family coming round later, for pizzas. I have a small gluten free one for me and won’t touch the others so that should actually help me stay on track. I’ve got some things in danger of going out of date so I am going to meal prep a few things and get myself sorted for the week.

Same OP, I know exactly what works, spent all my adult life in a healthy BMI but in recent years just keep creeping back up to 25. I look awful at 25, I’m overweight even if BMI says 24.9 is healthy. I just couldn’t get in the headspace of dropping a stone again knowing it would come back. So I lied to get mounjaro, 2.5mg, best thing I did. Not on it long, side effects minimal, weight steadily came off, doesn’t completely get rid of food noise at 2.5mg, but enough I feel like I’m the one in the driving seat, not my emotions. I genuinely believe these drugs are going to become more widely available as time goes on, we’ve been waiting for this miracle, it’s here.

I know exactly what you mean about the not being able to stop yourself. The only way I've managed not to eat crap is by not having it in the house. But then I can and do easily nip to the shop for chocolate. Why do I do it? Because my impulsiveness can't see the longer term gains of not doing it. In that moment, I don't care. I beat myself up about it lots.

Setting yourself up for sticking to it by preparing can be a good way, as long as you can keep on top of the prep. I know my downfalls, so I plan for them. Can't say I'm consistent yet. But some examples from my own downfalls:

• afternoon cravings - allow yourself a sweet treat each afternoon. Try pairing the sweet food with other balanced foods so you don't get more cravings later. For example, have an apple and a rice cake which will provide volume to fill you up, then allow the sweet treat to satisfy the craving. Or do damage control - plan a treat that will be enough to satisfy your craving but won't go over 150-200 cals. 2 squares of dark chocolate? A fun size chocolate bar? Eat it slowly and savour it.

• night time snacking - clean your teeth after dinner. Have a mint instead of a snack. Go to bed earlier before you get hungry. Eat something to satisfy you and fill you up eg. Some protein yogurt, rather than biscuits.

• constantly wanting sweet stuff - try and stop to think/ pause before you eat. Are you eating because you're hungry? If you are, you should be happy with something savoury or healthy. If you want a specific thing, then it's a craving and you can try to identify what is making you want it in that moment. Distract yourself with a job, a TV programme, go for quick walk.

It sounds like you're a creature of habit and like your carby foods. So make the same foods, but replace the carby bits with a smaller portion and add some veg you like. This is what I've done. It takes the overwhelm out of meal planning. I love jacket potatoes. So I would have half a jacket with my usual filling, and a shit ton of cucumber salad with it instead of the other half.
Lasagne - love it. Same thing, I have it with broccoli and salad instead of garlic bread and have a smaller portion.

I think you just have to break through the pain barrier. When I first started dieting, I was beyond miserable for about the first two weeks. It really was tough. But then it got easier. In the longer term, I’ve found the less sugar, salt & stodge I have, the less I want. Increasing protein & fibre is essential. I try to eat as much of this as possible (lean meat/fish, eggs, cottage cheese, nuts, veg & fruit) which leaves less time/space for the less healthy foods. Once I got into it, I actually started to enjoy the healthier diet and when I’d ‘treat’ myself to a big salty takeaway, I didn’t even enjoy it that much. Plus, I was actually losing weight, and once you have that reward, it leads to a much more positive mindset. Exercise is obviously great for your overall health, but as far as weight loss goes, I don’t actually find it helpful - it just makes me hungrier, so there’s no difference to the calorie deficit. It doesn’t sound like you have a lot to lose, I’m sure you can do it, but ultimately, it only happens when you reach a point where you want to lose weight more than you want that plate of toast/pasta or whatever. Properly getting started is the hardest part I think. Controlling portion size and resisting after dinner snacking are key (which is so much easier for me when I’m eating meals based on protein & fibre rather than carbs). I also drink loads of coffee - probably not great for me, but it seems to help me eat less for whatever reason! And you can’t cut out everything you like, but there are some easy wins - swapping to lower fat milk/butter/cheese, dark rather than milk chocolate, baked rather than fried crisps, etc…

@lolli6786that’s a pretty big amount to lie though. From bmi 25 to bmi 30, you must have said you were 3 stone heavier than you actually are. I’m sorry but i fundamentally disagree with lying to get these drugs.

I'm 14 stone from my normal 8 stone because of my psych meds. I swear every month I'm eating less and every month I'm gaining weight. I need to pay off some rent arrears but once I've done that I'm getting on the injections

@SkylarksCalling I think you are right about the pain barrier. Weirdly I do seem to be able to have a couple of really good days, then it’s like my body/brain fight back and I then have a dreadful bingey day.

@Myeyeisnotokay I totally agree. It’s weird, I gave up gluten 100% overnight because I have facial numbness following Bell’s palsy, I read somewhere that gluten intolerance can cause it. Gave up gluten, no impact whatsoever on my face, but my anxiety lifted and it made so much difference to my mental health that i have never touched it since. If there was a huge chocolate cake on the table I wouldn’t touch a morsel. If it’s gluten free I could eat the whole thing 🤷‍♀️ so I clearly am capable of resist these foods, I just need to really believe the consequences are too great.

I am unusual I guess in that I don’t snack at night, I don’t eat takeaway or crisps or things like that- I just have an absolutely devilish sweet tooth and I could eat sugar morning noon and night, huge quantities. It’s like I don’t even taste the sugar, I never feel sick or can’t finish it. I can always eat dessert and I can always manage another bite.

@thenewaveragebear1983I only lied up to a BMI 28 which was actually only a stone heavier than I am (short too) I was a bit surprised as I assume I’d be turned down as I didn’t declare any other health issues. But I lost 8lb in the first month and it has honestly been life changing, I can’t explain how freeing it is not thinking about food and your body all the time. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, focussing on other things in my life.

But I get it, I will leave you be on your thread, I genuinely believe they will be more readily available in future, the side effects are so much less likely in smaller people so I reckon that outweighs the so called risk vs benefit argument. But as you were, I didn’t mean to cause offence, good luck to you.