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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

When you know what to do but you just can’t do it - what works?

116 replies

thenewaveragebear1983 · 18/02/2026 20:09

I am really struggling to get myself “back in the game” . I know what I need to do but I just cannot actually stick to a calorie goal. I am either gaining weight or fighting really really hard to maintain. I am getting sick of it now, and I tried on clothes in next changing rooms yesterday and it was a rude awakening.

I’m not in denial and not understanding why I’m like this, I am fully aware that I am eating rubbish, loads of gluten free bread, sugar galore and hardly any veg. I eat a meal and I am immediately looking for something else. It’s like I am both always hungry and also completely disinterested in food.

here’s the good things- I exercise every day, walking the dog, and run 2-3 times a week and do a boot camp as well. I cook most of my meals from scratch and I like cooking. I plan meals and shop online, I drink water (no fizzy drinks juices). I do drink but I can also go without, I did dry Jan and half of Feb.

i don’t even know why I’m posting this, I guess looking for tips and solidarity?

OP posts:
thenewaveragebear1983 · 21/02/2026 19:45

I was on fire today, I did a whole load of batch cooking - made a chicken dhansak and a leek and potato soup, and a sweet chilli chicken and peppers - all portioned up and frozen. Plus a big fruit salad, and a meal for tomorrow dinner.

i did go for a run and a dog walk as well.

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 21/02/2026 19:47

The approach which works for me is Overeaters Anonymous. This views overeating as a form of addiction.

There is a physical component- specific foods, or eating behaviours, which trigger excessive eating. You know - if you have one you’ll finish the whole packet type of thing. You need to identify what those are, and abstain from them.

Then there is a mental obsession, the mixed up thinking which persuades you it is OK to eat the things which you have identified as triggers for you. For that, working the Twelve Steps gives you a reprieve on a daily basis.

Bookaholic73 · 21/02/2026 19:57

This is exactly the same as me @thenewaveragebear1983
I have started so many weight loss threads on MN, it's embarrassing!

I've tried literally everything (low carb, keto, calorie counting, eliminating upf, totally banning snacks, allowing myself small daily snacks...the list goes on), but i cannot seem to stop eating chocolate and unhealthy snacks, especially in the evenings.

I wish WLIs weren't the first answer to so many of these threads, as like you i am not eligible with a BMI of 25.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 21/02/2026 20:04

That’s interesting @PuzzledObserver, i do 100% think I am addicted to sugar and I used to get a very heavy smoker, when I stopped that my sugar addiction got much worse

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 21/02/2026 21:27

@thenewaveragebear1983 substituting one addiction for another is extremely common. Many alcoholics, when they get sober, go to town on coffee and doughnuts.

At the beginning of last year I came to realise that I was addicted to sugar and started trying to abstain. I would make a few days, a few weeks, a couple of months - and then slip back. But while I was off sugar, I would be eating vast quantities of crisps. Eventually I added crisps and certain other savoury snack foods to my no-go list. Life is much calmer without them - when you don’t have them, the cravings diminish greatly. But I still needed the extra component of the Twelve Steps to help me stay away.

I am 6 months free of my binge foods, and binge eating. Never gone that long before.

LadyCrustybread · 21/02/2026 21:56

One theory behind behaviour change says that there are a number of things that influence action including - social norms (what people expect you should do), beliefs (what you think you should do), attitudes (what you think is important/want or don’t want to do) and what you believe you can control.

You seem to be falling at the ‘what you believe you can control’ part or the what you think is important. You feel out of control of your food intake and so cannot make behaviour change or you think that losing weight isn’t as important as eating those foods. So you need to find out why you feel out of control and take back the control - is it stress, emotional upset, hormonal or do you just actually not want to stop eating those foods and so are railing against it unable to make actual change because you’re not ready yet?

Stress is particularly shown to make women eat more in some studies. Men don’t do it in the same way so it may be a hormonal response to cortisol. So maybe adding in some meditation, breathing exercises, other ways to manage stress may help.

StrongLikeMamma · 21/02/2026 21:59

Gym. Weights. PT. Protein. Loads of water. Veg. No booze. Enough sleep. Repeat.

Gingercar · 21/02/2026 22:08

illsendansostotheworld · 20/02/2026 11:09

Pleased to hear this because l am going to go on it soon.
Was going to leave it until l have got a bit off time off work in case of any side effects.

I’ve been on it for 8 months and it really hasn’t had much effect on me. I certainly wouldn’t call it life changing. I bulk bought a lot pens at the start, still have a couple more, and am using them up then not buying any more. I feel like it’s been 80% my willpower, 20% MJ.

OP I’ve not counted calories or anything, just eaten clean, but have largely cut out refined sugar and processed foods. I still have snacks, but it’s things like grapes with Greek yogurt, pears or carrots. I have used WLI, but I still have a massive appetite and hunger, so am really having to find healthy foods that I can snack on.

Gingercar · 21/02/2026 22:10

thenewaveragebear1983 · 21/02/2026 20:04

That’s interesting @PuzzledObserver, i do 100% think I am addicted to sugar and I used to get a very heavy smoker, when I stopped that my sugar addiction got much worse

That’s just what I was like. Sugar is (was) like nicotine.

Bookaholic73 · 22/02/2026 08:19

StrongLikeMamma · 21/02/2026 21:59

Gym. Weights. PT. Protein. Loads of water. Veg. No booze. Enough sleep. Repeat.

I do that but still binge on chocolate and can’t stick to losing weight.

Autumnleaves2026 · 22/02/2026 08:53

Good morning @thenewaveragebear1983 It sounds like you had a really positive day yesterday. Well done.

I’ve nearly commented on your thread a couple of times since you posted, but I haven’t as I was worried that it would come across in the wrong way. However, I’m going to give it a go and hope the tone comes across with the genuine compassion I feel for you rather than in anyway judgemental….

I never really remember people’s usernames on Mumsnet (partly because I change mine for different topics, etc.) but for some reason I’ve really noticed your name has popped up on many weight loss threads over the last couple of years. How do I know that? Well, because I also lurk on a lot of the threads (but rarely join them!). I notice that you keep wanting to commit afresh, keep wanting to try something new, get frustrated, etc.

I can relate in some ways, but slightly different. My BMI is 22 (which is one of the reasons I often feel I can’t comment on threads). But I am short, petite, with a very small frame and my weight is ‘too heavy’ for me. I eat healthy whole foods, track calories, exercise (Caroline Girvan weights and lots of walking) but over the last 2 years I have gained and lost the same 6 pounds. I just explained all that to give you some context to where we have similarities (but I’m also aware of our differences, so don’t want to be insensitive).

A few thoughts I have:

  1. I think you use Nutracheck? Would it be worth experimenting with setting your calories to ‘maintenance’ on the ‘separate’ setting and ignoring any exercise calories? It can help take away the pressure. You don’t need to eat all those calories but aim to be somewhere between what Nutracheck give you for a pound a week loss and maintenance.
  2. Use the weekly and 4 weekly overviews on Nutracheck.
  3. Do you make use of the Nutracheck forum? I find there are often a lot more sensible responses on there than on here!
  4. Can you commit to trying to see this as long-term? Try not to be too drastic with anything (apart from things that are allergies) and only make changes that you think you can commit to for life.
  5. Do you like listening to podcasts? I find ESG fitness and the EC method are really helpful, motivating and sensible. They do have sign-up programs, but I’ve been listening to them for 2 years and never signed up to anything.

Sorry if none of this is helpful. I just felt compelled to comment, as you are genuinely one of the few people/usernames that I’ve remembered/noticed and, although our situations are different, I can really relate to the frustration of not seeing results, etc.

StewardsEnquiry · 22/02/2026 09:49

Hi, I've been thinking about this thread since yesterday as well. I'm also heavier than I want to be, but not overweight. I lost a lot of weight few years ago ( maybe 8 years ago now?) and got down to my lowest adult weight and bmi 20. I maintained that until last year and gained 1 stone back, and since then I've been yoyoing up and down in that zone.

I had a big shock 2 weeks ago when I got my stuff out for our family skiing holiday and my salopettes didn't fit. I mean, I could get my legs into them but barely, and I had to lay down on the bed to fasten them. Oh my god.

Well, I had no time to buy new before the holiday and the resort was SO expensive so I made do. But I've had two wake up calls that seem to have shocked me into eating properly: the "bum too big to fit into my salopettes" moment; and also standing on the scales and seeing I was heavier than I suspected.

I have some more thoughts about my mental processes that tend to help but I'll come back later.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 22/02/2026 10:59

@Autumnleaves2026thanks for your message.
i do have nutracheck, but do I use it? Not properly. I guess this is where my OP comes in, I literally do not do the things that I know I need to do. It’s no great mystery to me. I just don’t do them. (Which is why posts like ‘mounjaro is the only solution’ or ‘just eat perfectly, go to the gym, have brilliant sleep, every single day for ever’ 🙄 don’t really help me because I am not asking what to do I am asking how I suppose. I do subscribe to a podcast with a sort of chat group but recently it had changed from what felt like a really nice supportive group to just a forum for the leader to share her successes and accomplishments.

its interesting to hear that a lot of others do feel this too, I think my motivation dropped tremendously when it “stopped working”, in all my dieting I have always been a very slow loser but it ground to a halt a few years ago combined with anaemia and complete exhaustion, I think my metabolism is screwed by, ironically, a lifetime of dieting, plus (I think) long Covid- although suboptimal thyroid function, perimenopause, long Covid, anaemia, gluten intolerance all have the same set of symptoms 🤷‍♀️ and the GP had tested me repeatedly for all of these and only wants to put me on sertraline. I am active and eat well, I don’t eat junk food really, I just eat way too much and have a sweet tooth. I think the biggest issue for me is the seeming inability to actually do what I need to do and then do it day after day after day, and I guess to keep going even if I don’t get results.

OP posts:
Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 22/02/2026 11:10

lolli6786 · 21/02/2026 09:26

Same OP, I know exactly what works, spent all my adult life in a healthy BMI but in recent years just keep creeping back up to 25. I look awful at 25, I’m overweight even if BMI says 24.9 is healthy. I just couldn’t get in the headspace of dropping a stone again knowing it would come back. So I lied to get mounjaro, 2.5mg, best thing I did. Not on it long, side effects minimal, weight steadily came off, doesn’t completely get rid of food noise at 2.5mg, but enough I feel like I’m the one in the driving seat, not my emotions. I genuinely believe these drugs are going to become more widely available as time goes on, we’ve been waiting for this miracle, it’s here.

I wouldn’t hold your breath for that change. They are licensed obesity medications and it would take major regulatory and licensing changes as well as significant long term evidence to prove medical benefit/risk balance in lower risk patients.

Perhaps the eligibility criteria may change for those with PCOS, lipodemia, cardiovascular health issues etc and it is likely there will be more private Drs prescribing off licence with supervision for those who can afford it, but I doubt there will ever be general prescribing by pharmacies for control of cravings.

StewardsEnquiry · 22/02/2026 11:55

I know some thoughts that I have when I'm 'in the zone'. Sometimes I can get myself in the zone by doing these things.

I deliberately tell myself that I'm doing these things because these are things that slim people do, and I'm a slim person. Examples are having Americano coffees instead of lattes and not having dessert. Of course not.

Another thought I find helpful is that I am resetting myself back to my normal me, rather than losing weight. I've been overindulging a bit, not stuffing myself with the wrong foods.

This ski holiday that we just got back from was a real revelation for me. I had a marvellous French ski instructor, who I will call Sara (because that was her name). She was the most beautiful, glamorous, perfect specimen of humanity I have ever seen. I had a big talk to myself after the first night, when I was comparing myself mentally to her with my too-tight salopettes and her with her perfectly fitting slightly slouchy ESF stuff (HOW????? Maybe she had it tailored?). Anyway. There is no way she would ever beat herself up mentally the way I do. If she didn't like the number of the scale, Sara would say "Ay ay ay!" in a charming fashion and RESET HERSELF to normal.

I know this is total projection. I don't really know this woman. But it has helped me in the last 10 days and I came home from holiday 2lb lighter than I set off and I have lost another 2lb since. I'm in the zone. If it helps anyone else, I'm glad.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 22/02/2026 12:12

@StewardsEnquiry I like this, a kind of growth mindset ‘I think therefore I am’ kind of mentality. It’s weird because I do this in other areas. I am a runner, so running is so second nature to me, I run on holiday, I run at Christmas, I do races, in 3 weeks I am running at sunrise up snowdon. I do these things because I’m “a runner” and it’s what I do and when I lack motivation I call upon discipline and that’s what gets me through. Weirdly though I just can’t seem to do it with food!

I also bet that glamorous Sara also beats herself up sometimes, I think we all do, we are so conditioned. I certainly don’t know anyone my age who doesn’t, whatever size they are. I saw my friend last week and she is going for ivf and needs to get to bmi 25. She was looking really really slim, toned, and she’s petite anyway (5.3 to my 5.7), anyway she was saying she was over 11 stone now after putting on some weight, and I came away thinking- I’m 11st4, we weigh pretty much the same, she thinks I looks slim and she is ‘huge’ and I think she looks slim and I am huge 🤷‍♀️- never would it occur to me to look at her and say well I am the same weight but taller, I must look as slim as she does.

OP posts:
StewardsEnquiry · 22/02/2026 12:35

I started a thread years ago on a similar topic but I can't find it now. It was called something like 'how to create the weight loss spell'. It really feels like I'm under a spell when I'm doing it, and the spell can break for any and no reason. It's so hard to create the spell OP!!

PuzzledObserver · 22/02/2026 13:12

Here’s a thought for you, OP: as an experiment, see if you can give up sugar for, say, 7 days. Although 30 days would be better. And approach it one day at a time. Each morning when you get up you say to yourself “I am not going to have any sugar today”, leaving the implication that you might have it tomorrow. But you know that tomorrow morning you are going to use the same tactic.

How do you feel about the possibility of doing that?

Autumnleaves2026 · 22/02/2026 13:54

@thenewaveragebear1983 I can sense your frustration. I also wonder if this thread will partly be encouraging to you (lots of people relate to what you are saying), whilst at the same time be overwhelming as everyone has different ideas/suggestions for you (and I imagine you’ve probably tried most of them at some point).

I don’t want to overwhelm you by suggesting more things that you already know, but I was particularly struck by your comment in your reply to me ‘I literally do not do the things that I know I need to do. It’s no great mystery to me. I just don’t do them.’ Do you need someone to be accountable to? You could do that on here? Or have you ever linked diaries with anyone on Nutracheck? I think that can be a really helpful feature. Do check out the Nutracheck forums. There are daily threads on there. Eg. There’s one thread called ODD where people commit each day to the ‘One Day Diet’ or there’s another one where people report back at the end of the day if they’ve got a green tick.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 22/02/2026 15:22

@PuzzledObserver you will find this amazing but at the end of 2020 I did not eat sugar for 150 days! I can definitely do it, I just need to do it. I do think taking one day at a time is the way. I don’t know how or why I have ended up in a situation where I can’t do it for more than 1 day. My dh says that my all or nothing approach is my downfall because when I do something I do it 1000% and then when I crash I crash big time.

I just did my shopping list and i ordered a good menu for the week. I am going to make a really nice fruit salad and have that in the fridge, and I also ordered some homous so I can do veg sticks and dip to graze on if I need snacks.

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 22/02/2026 15:47

@thenewaveragebear1983 I don’t find it at all surprising that you were able to abstain from sugar for 150 days. The more interesting questions are

  1. Why did you go back to it?

  2. Can you moderate it (e.g. just one sweet item per day, or pudding twice a week - whatever you choose), or once you start, does your intake inevitably ramp up?

You may or may not be able to recall why you went back to it. In a sense, it doesn’t matter what justification you used. The more important question is 2).

I’ve listened to various podcasts and YouTubes about aspects of food addiction, so I’m afraid I can’t tell you exactly where this is from, but it goes something like this. In relation to sugar, or any other harmful potentially addictive substance, there are three types of people.

The first are normal users. They can take it or leave it, and rarely consume it at a level which is harmful. They might have a blow out now and again, but most of the time their intake is moderate and does not present a risk.

The second type are harmful users. They consume the substance regularly and their consumption is at a level which is damaging. But if a wake-up call comes along, they can easily cut down or stop, just by making the decision to do so.

The third type are addicts. If they have some, they want more, even though they know it is harming them. They find it very difficult to stop. But if they do stop, then after a while the mental obsession will convince them that they ought to be able to have just a little. Sooner or later, they will use again.

For some, they will then be straight back into massive continuous consumption. For others, that just one will escalate gradually over a few weeks or months. But they will not be able to maintain moderate consumption long term.

For addicts, abstinence is easier than moderation. I take your husband’s point about all or nothing thinking, but if you truly are an addict, then there is no halfway house. All or nothing thinking in relation to your addictive substance(s) is not a problem, it’s the solution.

I am a normal user of alcohol. Take it or leave it, have one or two occasionally, then don’t think about it.

I am a harmful user of double cream. I moderate it by only buying it sometimes, not having it in the house all the time. Because there is a high probability that if it’s in the house, I will have a larger helping than is ideal.

I am a sugar addict. If I have any, I want more, and have to battle myself not to. Some of the tactics I would use to avoid having more would be to eat more than I need of something else instead. It’s just easier for me to have none at all.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 22/02/2026 16:05

@PuzzledObserveri don’t really know why I went back to it. I think it just naturally crept back in, I found myself eating lots and lots of fruit, then dried fruit, then smoothies, then unsweetened paleo type ‘bakes’, then gradually it becomes dark chocolate, then milk chocolate….. then you’re back eating it. I don’t feel like i can moderate it. If I open a bar of chocolate I will eat the bar. I don’t then go out and buy more, but I do eat what I have. Occasionally I will plan to eat a lot of it, usually it’s around my cycle as I get very hormonal, I do binge. I try not to have it in the house but I will buy it if I’m out. So it’s easier to have none at all but I also do need to be in that mindset and be able to have none at all.

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 22/02/2026 16:48

BTW, @thenewaveragebear1983, I am aware I have somewhat diverted your thread into talking about sugar addiction, when your primary concern, based on where you have posted, seems to be about your inability to get your weight to where you want and keep it there.

So I’ll tell you a couple of things about myself, and then I’ll leave you alone.

I was an overweight child and an obese teenager, and crossed over into morbid obesity in my mid twenties. I have remained morbidly obese the vast majority of the time since then, until I hit 60. I dieted many times, of course, losing no weight, some weight, a lot of weight, or a shedload of weight at different times. I always then regained weight rapidly, because of massive eating binges. I ate everything, but my drug of first choice was and is sugar.

In my early thirties I had a moment of revelation. Until that point I had thought the problem was my weight. I thought my weight was a temporary problem, which I could fix, and then I’d be fine. But after yet another regain cycle, I realised that the problem was my eating. The way I ate was simply not normal. I knew that, accepted it, stopped dieting, and started trying to address my eating patterns. I viewed it as a psychological/emotional issue, so I tried therapy, counselling, hypnotherapy, mindful eating, intuitive eating - anything which would change the way I thought, and therefore acted, around food. Everything worked for a while. Nothing worked long term. And I had long periods of giving up and giving in.

My current phase of weight change started 2 years ago, triggered by some bad blood results and a prescription for yet another diabetes drug. I decided to try AGAIN, and started transitioning to a low carb, real food eating style, then added intermittent fasting. The fasting programme I joined included psychological coaching and I benefited hugely from that. For example, my mindset around holidays and parties shifted. They stopped being reasons why I “had to” eat a lot of food, or specific foods (read: cake. All the cake). They became occasions which were about enjoying the company of the people I was with - and I can do that perfectly well with a cup of tea in my hand.

But even with all that information and support on board, I still returned to bingeing. Truth be told, I never entirely stopped. But the frequency increased again, and after 16 months of losing I started to regain. By that point I had learned about the addictive nature and sugar and accepted I am an addict. My inability to stop and stay stopped, combined with the regain, was what propelled me to Overeaters Anonymous.

Now I have been abstinent from binge eating, from sugar and certain other trigger foods, for over 6 months. I lost much of the regain, but my weight seems to have stabilised. I am still, despite some people’s comments, clearly still overweight. And I would like to be slimmer. But I have come to the conclusion that, for me (not necessarily for anyone else), the ability to abstain from compulsive eating is more important than what the scale says. I am still overweight/borderline obese. But I am something like 8 stone below my peak weight, and for the first time in my life my weight is not up and down like a yoyo, and day after day I am eating in a sane and normal way. That, for me is gold dust. So while I do still think about my weight, it is no longer my focus or my measure of success.

All of which is a VERY long-winded way (sorry!) of saying that giving up sugar entirely and for ever will bring many benefits. But it is not guaranteed to get your weight to where you’d like it to be and keep it there. Only you can decide what you want to make your priority.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 22/02/2026 19:24

Just to say you CAN do it op. You know what the problem is - eating crap and sugar - so don't. Don't buy it in. Then it's not there and you can't eat it. Remind yourself why you are doing this. Find alternatives for when you are out/ birthdays etc or just have a bite rather than a whole bowl.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 23/02/2026 18:58

I weighed in this morning after not weighing myself all of Feb and I’ve gained 1lb which is actually something of a miracle. So at least while I struggle to lose weight, I maintain exceptionally well.

I’ve had a much better day today, I made overnight oats with fibre powder, flaxseed and chia seeds, and lunch and dinner have been leftover meals of Spanish chicken from yesterday. Both meals because the dc didn’t like it and I didn’t want to waste it. I went to bootcamp after work, it’s always a tough session and I never want to go but I’m always glad afterwards.

tomorrow I have an interview that I’m really looking forward to, I am well prepared and it’s a job I would really like, and after a long month of redundancy battles it would be so nice to have that to look forward to, and I think I’ll feel a lot less stressed afterwards as well.

OP posts:
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