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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

DIET FAILED AGAIN thread 6- everyone welcome

996 replies

thenewaveragebear1983 · 27/04/2024 17:18

We made it to 1000 posts on thread 5, here is thread 6

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poorpaws · 10/05/2024 21:10

Hi everyone

Don't even ask 🙈 I've been horrendous. I've got so many excuses but haven't we all when we want to. I just cannot get my brain into gear and a clear mind to do this atm.

Had an impromptu Chinese takeaway with the family earlier, it's been so long and was delicious but I ate sooo much.

Anyway to change the subject, injured dog cannot be walked any more, she can't keep up with a slow walk, she has to have complete rest. The problem is, she's very much my dog and won't let me move without her (she even escorts me to the bathroom) so I'm not sure that I can exercise at all for a long time.

My eating is way out of control and I haven't weighed so we'll glide over that one.

We've at last ordered the slabs for the patio and the first delivery is arriving next Tuesday and I am really worried about them being right so I'm living on my nerves and have become quite snappy with DP which I know isn't fair but it's a lot of wasted money if they don't look right.

Anyway I just popped in to let you know I'm still around and still reading your posts. Welcome @ettiespaghetti, I could easily have written your post, it's very difficult.

@Theredjellybean. I've been thinking of you but I'm sure you know that by now. Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

I'll keep lurking, I'll keep trying but tbh being able to just maintain would be good for me right now.

Very well done to everyone for sticking with this, it's so bloody difficult some all of the time.

Theredjellybean · 11/05/2024 17:13

@poorpaws well i for one like hearing about poorly dog and paving slabs..you do not have to post about food or weigh tor diet..keep chatting to us and you'll one day find yourself back in the right head space :)

thenewaveragebear1983 · 12/05/2024 07:20

I agree @Theredjellybean , keep chatting away @poorpaws

i went out for “a couple of drinks” yesterday with our friends and it ended up being 6 pints of cider and a pub burger and chips. 🤦‍♀️ I was way too drunk last night, fell asleep, woke at 3am as our bedroom was like an oven, then tossed and turned for 90 minutes until i eventually came downstairs and slept on the playroom rug with one of the dogs blankets. 😫 not my best night to be honest!

this morning I feel really swollen with water retention in my ankles and feet and knees. Really tight. I had planned to run this morning but it seems unlikely before it gets too hot now. I might do a short one. It’s the last day of forecast hot sun for a while so I’m going to enjoy it, I love the hot weather.

the plus side of eating out last night is that the lovely healthy steaks and salads I bought yesterday are still here, so dinner tonight is sorted! I can do a shop for the week tomorrow.

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Sedgwick · 12/05/2024 10:42

@poorpaws fingers crossed the slabs are what you wanted on Tuesday. Agree completely with @Theredjellybean sentiments.

@thenewaveragebear1983 The hot summer evenings make cold ciders (or white wine in my case) very easy to knock back. Hope you can have an easy day to recover.

I have had a really strict few days and have lost the weight I gained over the bank holiday. Delighted but I really need to stop going up and down and be more consistent. I was so stiff yesterday after my 3rd outdoor run. Clearly using completely different muscles. No run today, Sunday is my no exercise day.

poorpaws · 12/05/2024 11:07

Hi everyone,I hope you are all well and enjoying this lovely sunshine.

So I'm going to chat away as requested but I hope you don't get bored because my life is quite dull. My eating is still out of control but yesterday I did use the difficulty (thank you Michael Caine for teaching me to do that in an interview with Parky I saw many years ago).

Because I couldn't take the dogs out I started work on a little project. There is a small small space near the shed and in front of my bedroom window that is a complete dumping ground and has needed clearing for years 😳. It was full of empty plant pots, bags half full of sand or compost or rubbish, concrete blocks, old water hoses, I could go on, the list is endless. I decided if I cleared a little it would make me feel good and improve my mood. I cleared the lot and swept the area, yayyy me! It still is a nasty bit of land that is very badly crazy paved by the previous owner but now DP has somewhere to cut the slabs or mix up mortar. I am very pleased with myself.

I think I might have mentioned before DP stays at home on Sunday so I have all day to myself and can do (or not do) anything I want and if I'm lazy I don't feel guilty. I really want to walk the dogs and I might try a tiny slow one just so they aren't bored.

So that's it from me. It's Monday tomorrow so no doubt my diet will start again. Oh yes I forgot, last weeks diet was scuppered because DP asked me to make a lemon drizzle cake and sultana scones. The cake went in two days and I've frozen some scones but they defrost really quickly.

Have a good day everyone.

poorpaws · 12/05/2024 11:21

Proof of my work. Dp has another project to do after seeing this photo (which I've just taken), the area is awful.

DIET FAILED AGAIN thread 6- everyone welcome
Sedgwick · 12/05/2024 12:13

@poorpaws that looks very neat and tidy, it’s not awful at all. We’ve received notice of DD’s school sports day and speech day. So nice I can accept knowing I won’t be in my navy tent dress this time.

poorpaws · 12/05/2024 13:03

@Sedgwick that is such good news, go show yourself off and enjoy the day. Very well done on your weight loss. Put the navy tent dress right at the back of your wardrobe or better still in a charity bag. Such a lovely feeling to be a lot slimmer.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 12/05/2024 14:02

So I’ve been doing a bit of Sunday morning musings…. I’ve been listening to a few podcasts recently, one of which I quite enjoy is the Jessica Cooke podcast. Her big thing is all about “breaking free of diet culture” and how you shouldn’t weigh yourself, track your calories, count your steps or any of the the other ‘diet-y’ things that we do and then punish ourselves for because we don’t meet with x,y,z standards - or because we do, but then we step on the scales and the scale doesn’t show what we want so we discount all our good healthy things because the number is “wrong”. This really speaks at great volume to me because I recognise this so much in myself, and so much at the moment particularly.

i constantly scrutinise myself and my size and the way i look. I really really want to break free of this constant merry go round of counting calories/dieting etc. I really do believe that a) it’s not helping my mental health, and b) it’s not actually working- I’m not getting the results I want (in the scales) and I’m ignoring the other good things because, well… I don’t know why.

on MN you quite often see it said that you “just” need to stop counting calories. On some of the fitness threads I’m on, I see “I eat more and I’m not tracking calories and my clothes are fitting better and I’ve stopped weighing myself” - I really admire and aspire to this, but I don’t know how to get there, and how to navigate the difficult transition from what I do now, to achieving that. What we never hear is the daily ups and downs of the breaking free process. My big fear is that if you just “stop” and take away all the safety nets and “diet culture” without dealing with the underlying stuff, then I’ll eat so badly and end up huge. Surely these people who have successfully done this have done it as part of an evolution, and therefore there must be others who are battling with this split mindset. The two sides that are total opposites of each other

I don’t know what I want to achieve from this post, I’m just pondering really, but I’d love to hear /read your thoughts and ponder it some more….

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poorpaws · 12/05/2024 14:42

@thenewaveragebear1983 I totally get where you are coming from, in every way I totally see your point and see me too.

As we all know I am in the dieting doldrums atm but what I didn't say was this all started because I decided I should stop weighing, measuring and eat normally but a bit less. The problem is I have no "less" button so I started a merry little journey of eating what I wanted, when I wanted, not being guided by the scales and now I'm a mess.

This happened when I joined SW too. I don't know what it's like now but years ago there was a lot of "free" food and I just gored on it and gained weight. With WW, again years ago, I lost a lot of weight because it was more structured and the rules were more rigid.

I think this means for me at least, I have to have rules and I need to weigh myself (which I am absolutely not doing atm). I don't know if any of this makes any sense whatsoever, we are all so different, but I know if I don't do something very soon (tomorrow) I will be the biggest I've ever been and very unhappy.

poorpaws · 12/05/2024 14:58

@thenewaveragebear1983 my other big problem that a lot of people never face is that I am never full. I see lots of family and friends, including DP and Dd, eating until they are full and then they stop. I don't have this and can continuing eating until I go to bed, still not full.

A prime example of this was our Friday night Chinese takeaway. Lemon chicken, sweet and sour chicken, satay scewers, egg fried rice, chips, prawn crackers. I took small portions but kept going back, dd and dgc took a small portion and didn't go back so I most likely had three or four times more than them. But after they left (and they didn't eat again all evening), I had several chocolate bars, granola bars, bags of crisps etc and I honestly wasn't full. I just don't get the "full" thing at all, I could go on eating endlessly. This is my biggest problem, I honestly want to learn how to be full but I don't get it, I can't achieve it and I don't know what to do about it. It must be a lovely feeling to think "yes, I've had enough, it was lovely, I am full".

Often when I go out for a meal, if I know the portions are small I'll have a big bowl of soup before I go, so that I won't feel so hungry all evening. I don't want to do this any more, I want to eat normally, whatever that is, I want to have a good relationship with food.

Yes I've tried the fuller for longer, eat a lot of protein thing, it doesn't work for me.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 12/05/2024 15:24

@poorpaws exactly, I need the rules. I would even go as far as to say I get comfort from them. I like the “data” I like to track my calories burned on my watch and count my steps, and track my food and all those diet things. It’s all I’ve ever known. But, and here’s the big BUT, it doesn’t “work” does it? It doesn’t get the results I want, it doesn’t make me feel happy.

there’s always a smug cool self satisfied voice on the threads I read, who isn’t tied into this diet culture, is happy with their size, who has healed their relationship with food. I would love to feel that I have done that, but I don’t know how to make the jump to doing it, to trusting myself. I wonder if you could maybe do one day off a week, then two, then three? And by “off” I don’t mean a “cheat day” with thousands of calories, I mean a…. What can I call it? A “self care” day where I eat healthy nutritious foods, eat when I’m hungry, stop when I’m full, take my Garmin off and just exercise for the enjoyment, enjoy avocado and bread and cheese and just trust myself.

i also know that in doing that, on those “off” days, a whole shit tonne of food woohoo is gonna come tumbling out. I think the biggest thing for me will be noting it down, but not trying to deal with it on the day when I don’t have my safety nets in place. I’ll have to deal with those things when I’m in my secure place.

eg a big one for me is portion size, why do I need to eat until I feel so stuffed? Why do I always need more? I didn’t grow up in poverty or have food restricted. It would be hard for me to address this on a day when I’ve given myself carte Blanche to eat. My calorie counting/food tracking helps me to say “that’s enough now” but really, I would eat and eat and eat if I let myself.

i already feel quite fearful of this process and the thought of putting this into action.

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thenewaveragebear1983 · 12/05/2024 15:41

@poorpaws we cross posted there a little bit! I think the old saying is true, (paraphrased but something like “if you’re not eating out of hunger, you’ll never be full”)
as in, if you’re eating for some kind of emotional release, sedative, etc you’ll never feel full because that emotional need is not fulfilled by the food.
I like big portions but I also do binge sometimes. These are separate, they have totally different emotional contexts. The binges are basically a silencer. It shuts up the constant chatter in my head. I do it when I’m overwhelmed or stressed. I especially do it when I know I’m having a meal or food that’s out of my control, the constant narrative of will I eat it/ won’t I and the whole thing makes me in the end just eat loads of crap so it’s like “there, decision made, the days a write off”.

I’d be interested to see if my “off day” method would help with that. Help me retrain my mind so that I don’t ’write Off’ when I’ve relinquished control over food for a meal or a day.

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poorpaws · 12/05/2024 15:42

@thenewaveragebear1983 I am a prolific note maker in every avenue of my life, diet, money, expenditure. I note everything down, everything all the time. DP asks why I write how much I spend on every supermarket shop in four different notebooks when I never, ever look at them again or use the data in any but the one book with debit/credit card expenditure and i have no answer but I have to.

Also I have tracked my steps for the last 10 years (at least) and I feel panicked if I don't have my Fitbit watch on. Some days I don't even check my steps, especially if I haven't done many, but I have to wear it.

Another thing i do is constantly put things in my mouth, be it food, chewing gum, sweets and if it's not that, I'm permanently drinking Diet Coke, I walk around with a glass or can all the time.

I have so many issues but admitting all this today is very therapeutic.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 12/05/2024 15:57

@poorpaws me too, we are very similar! The note making especially. And yes. I never or very rarely go back to the notes or lists I make. I plan my meals very carefully and quite often will cook literally not one of the things I planned for. It’s like the list making itself is providing some sort of emotional crutch, but the outcome of the list is unimportant. I wonder what it is about the list making that is so helpful to us? I often refer to it as balancing my books at the end of the day. I total up my day and I make my plan for tomorrow and all’s good and neat. Even if I have gone way over my calories allowance.

as a child I always had terrible fear of missing out. Just that we’d be late and miss it, or get there and it would be gone. Whatever ‘it’ is. That crushing disappointment of missing out. I wonder if it comes from that a bit? And my making sure my list is done, I’m all planned, will protect me from that.

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poorpaws · 12/05/2024 16:08

@thenewaveragebear1983 I also always know what my next meal is. These people who don't know what to cook for dinner amaze me. I always know the day before what I will cook and what I will eat. I've made the overnight oats today for tomorrow morning. I also repeat the same meal regularly.

I am always on time or more often early, I am never late, that would stress me to hell.

poorpaws · 12/05/2024 16:11

@thenewaveragebear1983 I keep my dogs well looked after too. Ok one is a greyhound so always lean but they are given good food and a lot of treats but it's all healthy, so maybe dried sprats instead of lots of biscuits. They are well fed and well looked after, why can't I do this for me?

triplecheeese · 12/05/2024 19:46

hi from another prolific planner who never follows the list waves

Case in point I had a great plan last time I posted, including posting here regularly. Well it's been a bloody dreadful May for me so far, been away on a highly stressful work trip and have not done any exercise for 2 weeks. Anxiety is off the scales, feel absolutely awful with jet lag, too much rich food and alcohol, and too much stress! Never had bloating like it, I've got the maternity shorts out today. I have not got on the scales and won't until I calm down as it will send me into a doom loop.

@thenewaveragebear1983 i totally hear you. I follow quite a lot of anti-diet culture posters since I read "Fat is a feminist issue" by Susie Orbach. I have a bit of a confused take on it... I definitely identify with the self sabotage behaviour of wanting to rebel against the "good" and eat "bad"... I get the idea of intuitive eating and that no food should be good or bad as that leads to unhealthy behaviours - but on the other hand, what would life be without birthday cake or Christmas dinner or celebratory Chinese takeaways? I find I don't want to lose the highs as well as the lows of emotional eating 😳

Anyway... this week will be about trying to slow down and calm down. And get some exercise in. @Theredjellybean so pleased you found us, please update me on your marathon training - I've got 3 halves in autumn with a view to a full in spring so the training starts now! When is your Mara?

@poorpaws i love your garden. Good luck with the slabs, I'm really following with interest 👀 it's such a boost to get one of those clearing jobs done, I FINALLY got some old toys and bags out of the house and down to the Salvation Army and it was such a rush, ha!

KBO you heroes x

poorpaws · 12/05/2024 19:53

@triplecheeese hi again, i wondered where you were. I'm so pleased you're back but sorry you've got so much going on.

It looks like a few of us need to re-set, especially me. I've had a stern talking to myself after chatting to @thenewaveragebear1983 this afternoon, she is so knowledgeable.

I wanted to be slim this summer and it looks like I'll be fatter than ever but at least the lovely people on here don't make me feel bad and listen to my waffling.

Stay with us my friend.

Sedgwick · 12/05/2024 21:51

I don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation today other than I really like this thread and I really like the people on it. Wishing everyone a good week.

poorpaws · 13/05/2024 08:29

@Sedgwick 😘

When I first started this post many moons ago (it was just after Covid lockdown finished), my partner had moved in for six months during Covid and I'd cooked huge meals, baked cakes etc. When he moved back to his home and I believe it was in May, I took a good look at myself and for me I was very big (I'm very small framed). I bought new jeans a size up, started to lose weight and started a very honest post.

I am nearly as big now as I was then (about half a stone less) and at that time I was at my biggest and over a stone more than during pregnancy many years before.

To think last November I was 2 lbs off goal and in a size 12! It's as if once I got there it didn't matter any more and I could eat what I wanted.

Anyway I've weighed this morning and I'm 11st 7.25 lbs, it was a shock. Perhaps it was the exact shock I needed because I've re-set my brain (thanks to the chat with @thenewaveragebear1983 yesterday) and I'm making no more excuses. I am going to take it easy; slow and steady wins the race.

This could be tmi but on the short, slow dog walk yesterday I struggled to bend down to pick up dog poo because my stomach was in the way and I winded myself. This was the main thing that started me being upset and starting my first post all that time ago.

So, I've reset, I'm starting afresh, no pity party and going slow and steady with a few knocks and bumps expected, I'm starting over.

The wagon is out, it's been cleaned and polished, there is plenty of room inside and it's time to get this show on the road.

Good luck with weigh-ins and I'm reserving everyone a seat on the wagon unless you tell me otherwise.

Sedgwick · 13/05/2024 09:58

@triplecheeese hope things settle down for you and you have a better week. It’s very hard to diet and travel.

@poorpaws well done getting on the scales, it is so difficult to do when you know you’ve gained. No shame in restarting, I stopped and started for 5 years, you will get there. I am also very invested in slabs story.

I am back food diarying (notebook). Lost another 1/4 lb this weekend. Making myself go for my run, really don’t feel like it. Dinner will be chickpeas and lots of leftover veg and chicken. Took my measurements and still am at least 2 inches too big on my waist. Tummy fat is so slow to go.

triplecheeese · 13/05/2024 10:20

@Sedgwick thank you for your kind message ❤️ you're right, tummy fat is soooo slow. Even when I was much slimmer and working out 6x a week I looked like an orange on sticks. The ONLY fleeting moment in my life I had a flat stomach was after a very low carb diet for my wedding, and that lasted until I ate rice on honeymoon. Not worth it (the diet, that is - the rice was defo worth it 🤣)

my weight isn't really the thing that concerns me, it's feeling like my body is the wrong shape as you say @poorpaws if we're doing tmi, my toddler tucked his cold hand into my back fat fold while I was carrying him 🤣 at least he can find a use for them

thank you for your support threadmates. I am taking it an hour at a time. Made myself sit down and have a healthy breakfast (granola, Greek yog, nuts). All aboard the Good Ship Mid-May and let's sail calmly into June.

Theredjellybean · 13/05/2024 10:52

Hello all.
I was one of those intuitive eaters...after 39 yes of being fat and yo-yping through ww, sw, Atkins etc ..I had a lightbulb moment that I was fat because I ate too much and had this awful relationship with food.
So I stopped all dieting and no food was out of bounds. I just only ate when I was really hungry, stopped as soon as felt not hungry anymore..which is different to feeling full.
I ate what I felt like but only if I was hungry...it was such a revelation...to eat the donut cus I was hungry and that is what I wanted...but then to be able to say no to things when I wasn't hungry.
I taught myself to self soothe with other things not food.
I lost 4 stone in 7 months really easily.

So 16 yes later....I still weigh about the same...about 7 lbs heavier than I was at lightest...but omg my body is so different.
Menopause just caused huge changes in were fat is distributed.
I have bigger boobs and back rolls and flabby middle.
My only solution is loose some weight but I seem to have lost the intuition thing...
So those smug anti dieters...just wait....I bet majority are under 45 and not menopausal.
And while I recognise people like Davina mcall who is super slim and menopausal do exist...I saw her honestly admit to her exercise schedule and diet...and believe me it's nothing like what she peddles. She does cardio x , 2 and weights every single day.
All the other post menopausal people I have followed who have lost weight and toned up in their 50's...eat tiny amounts, don't drink alcohol and exercise ferociously.

I need to try to find a commitment to the strength toning regime...and stop alcohol and eat intuitively again.

Problem is marathon training makes me starving hungry all the time 🤣.
@Sedgwick my marathon is in September..the marathon du Médoc.
Then London next year.

Theredjellybean · 13/05/2024 10:54

On specific note...
Today scales 72.6...
I've lost 300gms or 3/4 lb in last two weeks.
I am joing good ship mid-May . Or maybe HMS weightymcweightloss...???