Please help me and my family with our weight and diet

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I am so fed up with being obese. And worried for my family.

Im sure a lot of my health issues are weight related. My joints hurt, my back hurts. I get out of breath at the slightest thing. My blood pressure is raised and so is my resting heart rate. I don’t sleep well and my husband and kids say I make funny noises and sore so it’s probably sleep apnoea. My periods are all over the place and so are my moods.

I don’t feel attractive, and as any fat woman will tell you, I feel invisible.

I’ve tried and failed so many times now to lose weight. I may well lose a stone but then the health eating and exercise goes to pot and I put on the weight I’ve lost plus some extra.

My husband is also overweight, borderline obese. He wasn’t when we met. I was overweight when we met but only just. I know his weight isn’t all my responsibility and that he has control of what he eats but seeing as I do the bulk of the food prep I can’t help but feel slightly responsibly. He also has high blood pressure and snores like mad.

Our eldest is a healthy weight but doesn’t have the best diet so I’m paranoid that he has a lot of fat around his organs.

Our youngest is obese. The school weighing thing in Reception confirmed this, though will probably refuse in Year 6. And she’s in age 13-14 and she’s not even 9 until next month. She keeps saying she's the fattest in her class, that she's not pretty etc so it's affecting her too.

I’m 5’3 and 15 stone 3. My husband is 5’9 and is 14 stone. Our eldest is 15 and 5’11 and 9 stone. Our youngest is 9 next month and is around 135cm and 7 stone 4.

So something needs to change. For all of us. We need to be healthier.

I just don’t know what is stopping me, what is holding me back. I can’t seem to snap out of the “convenience” mind set. The take away. The sweets / biscuits / cakes etc.

Can anyone please advise me. I don’t want to be like this but I don’t know how to break the cycle.

Thank you

I’m really not qualified to advise OP but I didn’t want to read and run.
I think it’s brilliant you have recognised the issue and want to do something about it. Would the rest of the family be on board with healthier eating if you spoke to them about it and told them your worries?
then I’d start small. Make sure you have a good portion of veggies and protein with every meal. Swap some of the junk for slightly ‘healthier’ junk and just don’t buy too much. If it isn’t there it can’t be eaten. Make a vow to reduce takeaways Ans out the money you’ve saved towards a family day out. And slowly increase exercise. Try to get everyone out walking a few times a week. It’s all about building healthier habits I suppose.
do you think the school nurse or GP could offer any support?
Best of luck and remind yourself that you’re doing it for all of your futures and your future grandchildren when it gets tough.

@FlickFlackTrap luckily my husband is on board too. Mostly with how concerned about our daughter he is and also wants to use the money saved we spend on takeaways for our holiday next year.

I just wish I know why I let myself get so fat. It's just crept up on me and got worse and worse

I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you.
It might help if you could give us a realistic view of what a day's food looks like for your family so that the advice you get is tailored to how your life is.
Do you like to cook? Do you eat a lot of takeaways and ready meals?

@ginslinger I enjoy cooking but I'm time poor as work 3 10-11 hour days and a one 6 hour day then the days I'm not at work I'm either catching up with house work or doing homework with kids, clubs etc.

We tend to have a take away once a week but lots of snacks such is crisps, chocolate, biscuits etc. For main meals we tend to rely on ready meals or ready made foods. We do have fruit on hand and the kids eat a lot of it but that's about it.

@ginslinger kids have packed lunches. Ham roll on white bread, carrot and cucumber sticks, cherry tomatoes, a bit of fruit each. Orange juice carton. Fromage frais. Then a Kit Kat

You are here and asking for help to change, so that is a start.

Why not start with some smaller changes? Doing everything all at once is really hard and likely to cause a rebellion!

Start by adding things! Yes really.
Such as having 2/3 the cereal you usually have but add in a banana,
Mix vegetables like peas and corn into rice, but serve up the same volume, so there is less rice.
Swap sugary yogurts for plain with fruit in, the little pots by Dole etc are perfect.
Get wholemeal versions of pasta, bread etc, or even half/half for now.
Make your own pasta sauce by frying onions and garlic, adding tinned tomatoes and puree it, better than jarred stuff.

If you give a rough idea of what you normally eat, I am sure people can help with suggestions closer to what you might like.

Plan your meals the day before, don’t let hunger dictate it.

Get to know how many calories you consume. If you don’t you’ll keep repeating the same mistakes.

I think it would help your family to make small and consistent changes. As you're trying to be more healthy as a family I think cold turkey would be too much.
Could you try one week of healthy eating by meal planning, buying exactly what you need from the supermarket and nothing else and then no takeaways.. I would try one week of each of those things and gradually try to reduce the junk foods.

Getting out as a family to exercise will help too, maybe swimming or long walks.

How about a twice weekly online food order, plan each meal with no junk and lunches too. Don't go into any shops. I had to do this in Covid with vulnerable parents, and it worked so well my fathers pre diabetes issues were gone in 6 weeks, and my Ds who is chubby lost a stone.

Just cook and eat the meals planned and don't order takeaways or go into a shop or supermarket.
Keep social eating out to once a week with family or friends.

With the meal planning don't buy sugary food, just what you need to make meals and fruit for dessert.

Lots of things there that can be changed, you will soon be eating healthier. White bread is sugar, swap for wholemeal. Ditch chocolate and crisps. Ready meals are fine if you get healthy ones but best to ditch them. Can you batch cook and freeze so you have your own ready meals on days when time is tight. I follow Michael moselys fast 800 which is quick easy delicious and cheap. A trip to the charity shop will get you loads of cookbooks.

Do you have time to batch cook at all? This is the only thing that keeps my family's diet healthy. Defrosting something from the freezer and just cooking rice or pasta is way easier even than a takeaway. I also confess to being a pretty rigid routine of meals - particularly during the week. Everyone knows what to expect so everyone knows not to suggest a takeaway or other convenience food because they know the answer will be no.

Do you work op? Do you have a lot of time to meal prep and cook or is time short so convenience is takeaways and ready prepared meals?
does your dh cook?
firstly I would get your children involved in the cooking so you can start building healthy habits. Get them to help make a fruit salad so you can snack on it instead of crisps and biscuits and also have it with yogurt for desserts if you have desserts after your meals. also have a look online for healthy meals and get the whole family to plan menus.
what do you all drink?

You can make easy changes - semi skimmed milk instead of full fat.
smaller portions - I had huge plates that make a normal sized meal look tiny! I’ve changed to smaller plates now.

There’s lots to do outside this time of year - nature walks, beach or parks. Bike or scooter rides. Go out after dinner instead of watching tv.

Every little thing you can do will help. Good luck op, it’s not easy but admitting there’s a problem is a great positive start!

Yes. I do 3 10-11 hour days and a 6 hour day so I have very little time on my long days. That's where I fall down mostly

I think cutting down rather than cutting out would be helpful. For instance packed lunches could have a fromage frais or a kitkat - not both. As long as there is a treat that should help.
The snacks are the hard thing to give up -it's something I really struggle with. I mostly don't have them in the house but that's easy for me because I don't have children wanting to eat them. I would halve what you have in snacks to start with and take it from there.
It's really hard to work the hours you do and then come home and feed people and keep the household going

If you can, read Ultra Processed People by Chris van Tulleken. Game charger for me. My mums blood pressure dropped after reducing Ultra processed food. I listened for free on Audible and it changed my life.

I echo what everyone has said above about meal planning- I sometimes struggle thinking of meals for the week so saw an idea on Instagram I really liked to give each day a "theme" - e.g. Monday is always some kind of pasta, Tuesday is Mexican, Wednesday is a stir fry with different proteins etc. That way everyone knows what to expect. There are also a lot of brilliant recipes for fake aways- you could make your own burgers with the kids, learn how to make pizzas together. All those things are way healthier than the actual takeaway option.

Also weigh out portion sizes - look at the serving recommendation and make sure everyone is having an appropriate sized portion for them.

I'm a teacher and one of the hardest things for me to see is young girls who are self conscious about their weight because that's exactly how I was and it ended up with a lifetime of disordered eating habits. You're absolutely doing the right thing by your kids by doing this so well done. It really will be worth it.

Could you batch cook on days off or use a slow cooker to make healthy dishes? I am overweight by quite a lot, have recently started weight watchers as I struggle with portion control. I also work full time and have found that some of the easiest and most filling recipes are tomato based casseroles made with lean meat that I can serve with vegetables (use pre prepared frozen) or salad (ready made if necessary). On a typical day I'll have:
Breakfast - overnight oats with banana, cinnamon and nutmeg/two slices of nimble bread toasted with sugar free peanut butter/one slice of nimble bread toasted with mashed avocado, a poached egg and chilli flakes
Lunch - salad with ham and hard boiled egg/small amount of mozzarella or goats cheese/pomegranate seeds and mixed grains
Dinner - diced chicken breast and vegetables in a tomato sauce/stir fry with chicken or tofu/strips of lean steak and small amount of diced potatoes with low calorie dressing with salad
I'm full after meals and don't feel like I'm missing out and I'm losing weight. I'm focusing on the nutritional value of the food and trying not to eat empty calories. If I'm hungry between meals I'll have fruit or fat free Greek yogurt with berries

OP you probably have absolutely no time to focus on you, and to even think about this properly. It's so hard to implement change when you just feel up to your eyeballs. Please don't be hard on yourself, you're aware and you want to change. That's brilliant. I think planning some meals for just a week will help, and taking time to write a list. Don't plan too far in advance and don't try make too many major changes at once. Bitesize ones. The adding stuff one above is an excellent idea, and then also replacing snacks with smaller, calorie counted portion controlled ones (100cals), and boxes of raisins etc. Changing fizzy drinks to sugar free squash. Small, sustainable change is a great start. What about a walk for you all to park etc, again nothing too major at first. Or walking somewhere you'd usually drive to?

Also family lists of things you'll do with the takeaway money and physically save it in a pot or something and make a chart so you can see it building as an incentive, everyone can be involved with that

Well done for taking the first steps.
Don’t have any of the junk food in the house.
Make sure you all do at least 10,000 steps a day.
Try some weight training.
Cook from scratch. Try the Happy Pear recipe books. Healthy but tasty meals.
Good luck!

The ‘lollipop’ app is great for meal planning giving a shopping list. Choices can be made to include healthy eating, low calorie etc.

I was thinking in terms of using technology to involve your teens in making choices, meal planning etc. Ownership is a good thing and it may relieve a little of the burden on you.

I think you need to find 10 easy-to-cook meals that aren't takeaways or junk.
Not super complicated maybe things like....

Supermarket burgers with wholemeal rolls, and nice salad - cherry tomatoes, beetroot, cucumber.

A good chilli with brown rice. Grate in carrots and add a few lentils and then let it simmer for an hour.

Wholemeal Fajhitas with plain grilled chicken, lettuce, and spices mixed with half fat creme fraiche.

We had gotten into bad eating habits during covid lockdown (2 adults working fulltime and 2 children at home…)
What helped was

• crisps, chocolate etc are treats. crisps are one (small) bag per person and week, we only get fun sized chocolate bars (the tiny ones from celebrations) and limit to one per person and day.
• no fromage frais etc. its yoghurts only
• no sweet cereal in the house
• no white bread. its either 50/50 or seeded brown bread
• pizza: wrap with tomatosauce and cheese
• pasta or rice with peas/sweetcorn and chicken is quick and healthy
• omelette and pancakes are quick and as lobg as you are careful with toppings they are healthy

Also, a lot of exercise for us and the kids.

Well done OP for recognising the issue and wanting to take action to address it. I would start small rather than trying to do a radical overhaul all at once.

• reduce the snacks - this might actually be the hardest IME. Eg ditch the Kit Kats in packed lunch
• swap white bread and pasta / rice for brown, keeps you fuller for longer too. There are also those pouches of precooked grains that are easy to heat in microwave in 2 mins.
• batch cook so you have some healthy options to heat up on long days eg chilli/bol
• reduce takeaway to once a month and use the money saved on a family treat
• if using ready meals, try to swap at least some for healthier options

Try some changes and see how you get on. I’d focus on diet rather than exercise, although walking is a good start.

Good luck! 🍀

I'm just thinking back to when I was a child (back in the 70s). Processed meals didn't really exist but food was pretty basic. Swap white bread for the 50/50, have crisps or sweets as a weekend treat only.
If you don't recognise something on a food label don't buy it.
A pack lunch shouldn't have cheese strings or lunchables for example but a few cubes of cheese would be fine - it is food that has not been played with.
Try and go for a walk for 1/2 an hour each day or bike ride.
It will just be baby steps to begin with - anything too radical is not sustainable.