Please help me and my family with our weight and diet

[NameChangeEmbarressed]

I am so fed up with being obese. And worried for my family.

Im sure a lot of my health issues are weight related. My joints hurt, my back hurts. I get out of breath at the slightest thing. My blood pressure is raised and so is my resting heart rate. I don’t sleep well and my husband and kids say I make funny noises and sore so it’s probably sleep apnoea. My periods are all over the place and so are my moods.

I don’t feel attractive, and as any fat woman will tell you, I feel invisible.

I’ve tried and failed so many times now to lose weight. I may well lose a stone but then the health eating and exercise goes to pot and I put on the weight I’ve lost plus some extra.

My husband is also overweight, borderline obese. He wasn’t when we met. I was overweight when we met but only just. I know his weight isn’t all my responsibility and that he has control of what he eats but seeing as I do the bulk of the food prep I can’t help but feel slightly responsibly. He also has high blood pressure and snores like mad.

Our eldest is a healthy weight but doesn’t have the best diet so I’m paranoid that he has a lot of fat around his organs.

Our youngest is obese. The school weighing thing in Reception confirmed this, though will probably refuse in Year 6. And she’s in age 13-14 and she’s not even 9 until next month. She keeps saying she's the fattest in her class, that she's not pretty etc so it's affecting her too.

I’m 5’3 and 15 stone 3. My husband is 5’9 and is 14 stone. Our eldest is 15 and 5’11 and 9 stone. Our youngest is 9 next month and is around 135cm and 7 stone 4.

So something needs to change. For all of us. We need to be healthier.

I just don’t know what is stopping me, what is holding me back. I can’t seem to snap out of the “convenience” mind set. The take away. The sweets / biscuits / cakes etc.

Can anyone please advise me. I don’t want to be like this but I don’t know how to break the cycle.

Thank you

i eat my meals on a smaller sized plate. Keeps portion size down. Remember as a child going to tea at families who were overweight and being amazed at how mush they could eat. Healthy food but so much of it. Our family ware all slim but we had smaller dinner plates.

Kept the small plate thing going myself although I have been criticised on here for it 🙄 Result two beautifully slim teen girls with zero food issues. They eat normally and healthily just not too much.

OP, regarding breaking the cycle of convenience food/ready meals, I think the key is to have a repertoire of healthy, easy meals in rotation. Mid week, I stick to the same dinners with a little bit of rotation for variety. It makes shopping and cooking fresh each night a doddle because I don't really have to think about it. Even better is some of those meals are one pot or tray bakes. https://www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/collections/midweek-meal-recipes/ is great for inspo, it's where most of mine come from. Re the snacks, just don't buy them, if they're not there, you can't have them. Though I don't think cutting out the things you enjoy all together is a good idea and it's certainly not sustainable. Small, easy, sustainable changes, over the long term will have a big impact on your family.

I would be tempted in your situation to throw some money at the problem. If you divert the money you would have spent on a weekly takeaway to something like a Hello Fresh box for a month it might be the kick you need. You can filter the recipes to find things that take 30 mins or less to cook. At the end of the month you can cancel then use the recipes you've enjoyed to make a three week rolling menu plan for the future. There are always loads of codes for money off Hello Fresh so it would probably cost less than you're spending already.

Hi op, ditch the takeaways for starters even once a week is too much they're hugely calorific. Wholemeal bread,not just brown, batch cook meals for the freezer, a slow cooker males this easier as you're time poor. If you are full from your meals you'll be less likely to snack in between.

Hi OP!
Good on you recognising the issue.

I know you say you don't have much time, but you should really make few hours a week time to prep food.
I do batch cooking days when I make 3-4 different ready meals at once. Keep to simklar ingredients you can use for more than 1 dish. It aslo can save money that way. Like chicken for 2 dishes, mknce for 2 dishes.

For example
Chicken veg curry with rice
Lemon chiken and veg with rice
Chilli with mashed herbed potatoes
Meatballs with veg and mashed potatoes

So I measure up and cook rice for x portions, same with potatoes. Then I split it into freezer boxes (I do individual portions but you can make family sized box).
Then I prep all the veg and meat and it's like a factory process 😁
Fry what needs to be fried (like onion), split into pots as needed, add other ingredients, meatballs into airfryer. I can have 2 pots, pan and airfryer / oven going at the same time.
The just portion into the boxes, freeze and microwave on busy days. Don't worry about using jar sauces to save time. They are absolute fine since the rest of the meal has meat, veg etc. The healthiness balances out.

Fish is fast to cook and you can get good frozen onss for acceptable prices. Fish, veg, rice/potato/pasta. 30 min dinner done. Eggs are great too. Shakshuka is fast, easy and very fillkng with slice of bread. I do 2 egg whites , 1 egg yolk but that's just because I am saving calories, not because egg yolk would be evil!

It stops me reaching for takeaway menus.

Also, you can replicate quite well many of the takeaways. I did doner at home and it kept well in freezer, great with yogurt garlic sauce, sweet and sour chiken balls etc

Oh and curry and similar sauces in slowcooker are top. I let them simmer for hours. Beautiful. You can easily make own pasta sauce for freezer lile that with about 10 minutes of work

My sister did this - a massive change for her and her family. They were basically a family who lived on chips, take out pizza, garlic bread and cheese and chocolate.

They had a dog which helped I think and started to make sure they all took the dog out for a proper walk every day. She took up swimming - a few lengths 3 times a week while the kids played in the pool .

The biggest thing was the food though. Protein, veg and measured out carbs at every meal. They stopped buying snacks. The fridge looked colourful when you openened it.

Take out was once a month and then eventually once in a blue moon

They saved money and lost a ton of weight. They upped the exercise as they got to enjoy it.

One way to make time for 2 hour cooking sesh with some music and dance while stiring is to move housework to others. 4 people living there, all at ages when they can do something.
1 hoovers, 1 dusts, 1 cleans bathrooms and you go have some fun with cooking.

Echo reading ultra processed food. You won't touch it again op!

Some good advice here.
I would avoid hello fresh etc tbh as whilst quick and easy they have v little veg in them and portions aren’t huge.

I would say keep it super simple on your working days to take the pressure off and keep the cost down. Nothing wrong with microwave jacket potato with baked beans (no butter needed) or topped with tuna and salad - super quick and even the kids can learn to make their own, egg the second day - rotate poached eggs on whole meal toast with salad / omelette packed with veg / tortilla - all v quick and healthy and a super quick wholemeal pasta the other day with a simple Tinned tomato, onion, garlic, herbs and add protein and frozen spinach cubes.
this would help you feel overwhelmed to begin with - you can make the other days more varied so it doesn’t feel like a boring week every week by cooking from Pinch of Nom or where ever you find inspiration and in time will come to adapt these basics to suit your family as you get more adventurous.

Good luck - you can do this and it’s never too late to learn good habits. You’ll never look back.
ps a lot of people rate the joe wicks app if you need more structure.

Oh and yes to listening to CVT ultra processed book and two seasons of the podcast. It’s really very good

Don't beat yourself up, really. That's not a bad lunchbox by reasonable standards. Kids need calcium! Fromage frais is better than no calcium but you could change it to cheese cubes or add cheese to the roll? Or a milk based drink? Yazoo do no added sugar cartons. I'd be billing that as a drink, calcium and treat in one! KitKats are better than, say, a Mars bar :) you've also got loads of fruit and veg there, which is great.

Taming Twins also does some great recipes that are batch cooking suitable.

If you spend time batch cooking it actually saves you time during the week, it's so nice opening the freezer and k owing you have at least a couple of meals in there,it makes a huge difference.

@NameChangeEmbarressed, you mention working 10 hour days x 3/week - that must mean not getting home until the evening, unless you start at the crack of dawn.

Any scope for your DH to be the maker of healthy dinner on those days, and you have your helping when you come in? It really shouldn't all fall to you...

Hi OP, sorry you're feeling like this. It's miserable isn't it?

Similar to other posters I'd look at small changes, maybe one new habit each week or two to build up e.g.:

Week 1 - no takeaway (how about having one takeaway a month instead?)
Week 2 - Reduce the snack calories - mini versions, smaller packs, that kind of thing? A mini twister ice lolly rather than a full sized magnum, lower calorie popcorn instead of crisps, etc.
Week 3 - batch cook 2/3 meals (pinch of nom and Hairy dieter are great for family meals and both have 'fakeaway recipes)
Week 4 - reduce the frequency of snacks

Think about portion sizes - do you have big dinner plates? I know that sounds silly, but plates with a bit of a rim fit less food on! We only have rimless plates for Christmas dinner

Definitely meal plan, and try and make sure you have protein at each meal. If you find it difficult to resist loading the trolley with snacks, ask DH to go with a shopping list (from your meal plan) with strict instructions to stick to the list?

For the lunches, maybe make one change each week - water instead of juice, alternate yoghurt and chocolate instead of same each day, 50/50 bread instead of white, maybe add some falafel or cubes of cheese as alternative, a turkey & veg wrap instead of ham sandwich etc.

What, if any activity do you manage? Can you start being a bit more active as a family - walks or bike rides? Go out for a short walk after dinner on your shorter days. Can you all fit more steps into your day somehow? Does the youngest do any clubs that are active? Would the eldest enjoy the gym (it seems popular with the teens round here). Could you and DH give couchto5k a go?

Honestly, baby steps towards lifestyle changes do add up, and are more effective in the long run. As you develop better habits and a healthier lifestyle, you're more likely to have energy and enthusiasm for the next changes. Just know it takes times for the results to kick in. Losing weight completely cured my DH's snoring, and if that's not an incentive, then think of what you can do with the money you save on takeaways!

Good luck!

at this point, the meals need to take priority over housework?
Meal plan as a family. OIder child is plenty old enough to make a basic meal or do some prep and why is it only you cooking?

Try the Dr. Michael Mosely 8 week blood sugar diet, it's basically a mediterranean
diet designed to help lose weight & stabilise blood sugar. There's information and recipes to help you with implementing the diet.

Start by reducing portion sizes, making healthy swaps and keeping active daily. Start small and establish one or two healthy habits before starting another one.

I really don't think 800cal a ay diet should be in any way mentioned when the issue includes children

Don't blame yourself too much. The foods you're eating are designed to be addictive. I agree with what others have said. It's not possible to change every aspect of your diet overnight, so change one thing at a time. If you replace processed foods with unprocessed foods, you'll find that you will feel fuller for longer, and may not need to snack as much.

Are there ready meals that you could replace with homemade meals? Curries? You can make dinner really quickly in an Instant Pot. For a homemade curry, I would just put some chicken thighs, a can of tomatoes, chopped onions, garlic, ginger, curry powder in the Instant Pot and cook for about 20 mins. Instead of microwave rice, I cook my rice in a rice cooker (but not too much rice per serving). Beans and lentils are really good for keeping you feeling full for longer, so think about adding a can of chickpeas to a curry, or a couple of tins of beans to a chilli.

I think small changes are the best to make first.
How many takeaways do you have a month?
If it's 2 a week, try cutting down to one for the first month. On the second month, try either going to every other week, or reduce what you get in the takeaway- we get fish and chips once a week, but now share a small portion of chips and sometimes share a fish between two of us. Saves money and stops us over eating. Very quickly it becomes normal. When getting a curry you don't need bread and rice, pick one. Share it. Cut out the additional bahjis.
Little changes like that you can build on rather than a blanket "no takeaways" or "one takeaway a month" which you wont stick to in the heat of the moment when you're hungry and tired.

@Cakesandbabes the blood sugar diet is different to the 800 cal diet, this one is designed to cut junk foods and stabilise blood sugars. It can be adapted to accommodate children as it includes proteins, fruit and veg.

The things that help me -

1 Realistic Planning:
Meal plan and prep at weekends. Have some very fast reheats in the freezer. Do not be too ambitious. Build up a 2 week menu.

Do online shopping. less temping.

If you are meeting a friend for coffee and you aren’t planning on cake, take an apple so you can eat something while she eats hers.

For you personally write down your meal plan for the day, and how you plan to deal with tricky moments (eg cakes in the office)

2 Build basic routines and habits:

Eat 3 meals a day.

Eat protein and fibre in each meal, it’s filling.

Swap white stuff for whole meal.

Work up to 3 veg and 2 fruits a day.

Don’t random snack. If you need a mid afternoon snack as a regular thing then do, but don’t snack between meals and planned snack.

Generally avoid catnip food you can stop eating. Save it for special occasions.

Don’t eat in front of screens. It makes everyone eat too much.

3 Portion things
Familiarise yourself with what normal portions are. Put away leftovers straight away.

Eat off smaller salad type plates. Put your big dinner plates away for special occasions, they make everyone eat more.

Wait 20 mins if you think you’re hungry after a meal.

4 keep food out of your field of vision:

Don’t have treats in the house if anyone overeats them. Have them once or twice a week but outside the house. (that’s a lot of sugar in your kids lunch BTW)

Keep the salad and veg on the main fridge shelves, put the stuff you only want to eat in measured amounts in the salad draw.

Don’t have cereal on display.

If you overeat bread keep it in the freezer. If you overdo toast get rid of the toaster so you have to go the the faff off using the grill.

5 Move

Weightloss is almost all diet but all the stats say exercise helps you keep weight off. It also lifts your mood. So start small
bit build it in.

Other than that :

Change is in the small things and in being consistent. You will falter just keep at it.

be wary of fads. There is no magic bullet. UPF is clearly bad, but as you will see on this thread it’s also becoming the latest fad as low carb / clean eating / intermittent fasting / paleo / low fat have been before it. Ultimately weight loss is about not eating more than you need - of course eating the right stuff will better support you in that goal, but the main thing is not eating too much.

Use a calorie calculator to work out your deficit

I’m not suggesting you do all these at once BTW.

Start with one thing, like protein and fibre with every meal for example

The 8 week one literally talks about calories and mentions 800cal as one of the tools.