Please help me and my family with our weight and diet

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I am so fed up with being obese. And worried for my family.

Im sure a lot of my health issues are weight related. My joints hurt, my back hurts. I get out of breath at the slightest thing. My blood pressure is raised and so is my resting heart rate. I don’t sleep well and my husband and kids say I make funny noises and sore so it’s probably sleep apnoea. My periods are all over the place and so are my moods.

I don’t feel attractive, and as any fat woman will tell you, I feel invisible.

I’ve tried and failed so many times now to lose weight. I may well lose a stone but then the health eating and exercise goes to pot and I put on the weight I’ve lost plus some extra.

My husband is also overweight, borderline obese. He wasn’t when we met. I was overweight when we met but only just. I know his weight isn’t all my responsibility and that he has control of what he eats but seeing as I do the bulk of the food prep I can’t help but feel slightly responsibly. He also has high blood pressure and snores like mad.

Our eldest is a healthy weight but doesn’t have the best diet so I’m paranoid that he has a lot of fat around his organs.

Our youngest is obese. The school weighing thing in Reception confirmed this, though will probably refuse in Year 6. And she’s in age 13-14 and she’s not even 9 until next month. She keeps saying she's the fattest in her class, that she's not pretty etc so it's affecting her too.

I’m 5’3 and 15 stone 3. My husband is 5’9 and is 14 stone. Our eldest is 15 and 5’11 and 9 stone. Our youngest is 9 next month and is around 135cm and 7 stone 4.

So something needs to change. For all of us. We need to be healthier.

I just don’t know what is stopping me, what is holding me back. I can’t seem to snap out of the “convenience” mind set. The take away. The sweets / biscuits / cakes etc.

Can anyone please advise me. I don’t want to be like this but I don’t know how to break the cycle.

Thank you

Well done op for wanting to make changes. That is the first and most important step in my view. Me and DH have just started to make changes as recognised that we are putting on lbs lately and whilst our DC are slim I am aware that they will benefit from a healthier diet.

Small changes we have made so far include swapping white for whole meal for bread, pasta and rice. Batch cooking my own sauces for pasta/chilli/curry and freezing for quick meals. Also have made soups bulked out with lentils and veg which I can freeze and take to work for lunch. Also bought a recipe book for "fake aways" so DC more likely to not complain they are not having "normal food" and bulking out meals with more veg.

For treats I have bought the lower calorie crisps such as skips and quavers and the skinny whip chocolate bars

Agree with everyone else just make small changes, try not eating outside of meal times unless it is veg or fruit. Get the kids to pick and make / help make a healthy meal each week. Avoid buying biscuits and other rubbish and instead get fruit. Have water rather than sweet drinks. Mix in more activity as that is more fun and can help you avoid eating between meals as you are doing instead.

Just don't try to do it all in one go as you won't stick to it. One small change is enough. Once you feel success at that try another. If something doesn't work, don't give up and instead try something different.

Firstly, doing this as a whole family gives you all something to be bonded over and work together on and experience together

Secondly, do you have any room in the house for a second fridge freezer where you can batch cook various meals for the coming week so that on those long days you're not needing to really do anything except put your own 'ready meal' in the oven.

What area are you in? And do they have a healthy eating programme you could refer onto? This way you will get advice and guidance specific to your family.

it’s not surprising you don’t have time for cooking after a long shift. Could you make use of a slow cooker or batch cook? When my DC were small I was a single working parent. On a Sunday I batch cooked one meal (bolognaise, shepherds pie, curry etc( and made four portions. I just defrosted and microwaved on working days.

Also have non scale victories and goals, people will get upset if they dont lose as much weight as they expect or want..... so the goals need to be how many mins exercising, how many different colours of fruit and veg did you get in your dinner today, how many over the week, how many steps, how many lengths of the pool, how many miles on the bike, how many skips or hoola hooping, make it fun for the kids and yourself.

If you focus on fitness and health, it wont become all consuming about weight

I'd second this. I actually think the best thing you can do is not make any changes for the next two weeks, except that you listen to this as an audiobook at your evening meal each night, as a family.

Then, as you get further through the book, introduce more salads, vegetables and whole foods into your diet while reducing ultra processed foods like the takeaways - you're going to want to do it anyway by that point, and your collective taste buds will adapt as you go.

What it's great at is explaining how and why we are living in an incredibly obesogenic food environment, how food companies manipulate foods to make them extra palatable, and bluntly why an awful lot of weight gain is outside of our conscious control. I think it will help take a lot of the shame out of the way you feel at the moment, which I think will get in your way, and help you feel better armed to make healthy choices because you want to, rather than berating yourself if you slip.

Some great advice here. I have lost over 4 stone in the last couple of years and it is due to finding swimming. Yes diet is massively important but so is movement. It’s amazing what exercise does for your mental health. You know those highs you crave from a treat?? You get them from exercise. Swimming has changed my life and it is a form of exercise the whole family can get involved in and most kids enjoy doing.
Other than that, for me a ban doesn’t work AT ALL and while it’s great to say you can’t eat what’s not in the house … for me I needed to have it there “just in case”. People are different, that’s my point. A ban just does not work for the long term. Give yourself something to look forward to. For me I have a cereal bar or something little in the evening, I look forward to it all day. It’s just that feeling of “I’ve done my exercise, I’ve eaten healthily all day, now it’s treat time”.
Granted I was a lot harder on myself to start with but if you get the exercise in you can afford the small treat now and again.
Well done OP, you’ve taken a big step in the right direction.

Props to you OP for taking this first step.

This is very good advice:

I think it would help your family to make small and consistent changes. As you're trying to be more healthy as a family I think cold turkey would be too much.

Small, consistent changes. It is really hard when you work a lot so prep will be your friend and cutting down on buying the snacks.

Orange juice in cartons is really just sugar, as are kitkats. How about water to drink and lose the kitkats except for a Friday treat? And a wholemeal roll is more filling than white bread. Ham is very processed so I would be looking at introducing other protein rich fillings for the rolls.

I think you need to look at ways to gently tweak meals into healthier options rather than go full pelt into organic quinoa and beetroot hummus, that way you will be far more likely to stick with the changes.

That is a huge amount of sugar. But you know it's unhealthy.

Don't buy the snacks. No one needs crisps / chocolate / take always / white bread. Take it day by day and stick to it. It'll be hard at first while you detox from all the sugar but worth it.

And there was me thinking orange juice was healthy and the fromage frais as a yoghurt for the calcium in their lunch.
Yet another way I've done wrong alongside our main meals and snacks at home 😭

I can't help feel it's my fault. Especially as DH was healthy before he met me.

I got told when DD was a baby she was overweight because I stopped breast feeding and bottle fed instead. I only did this as her weight was dropping and she was feeding all day, literally had about 4 hours when she wasn't on the breast. Turns out she had posterior tongue tie so wasn't feeding right.

I've seen people have lots of success with the Pinch Of Nom meals and looking at the recipes they seem quite healthy and could be things I could batch cook too

Hi op I didn't want to read and run. So many of us are struggling in one way or another I think you are so brave for posting on here and clearly a lovely person.

If be tempted to go to gp and if you can afford it get counseling to address the route cause if not

First point should be snacks (replace with fruit and veg or low cal versions) and the drinks.

This might go completely against the grain but I'd recommend by starting with easy food you like in smaller portions and if you are time poor use ready meals but make sure you are toting up the calories. I'd say go for 1600 (including snacks above) per day plus 200 for contingency. You can get a pizza from Sainsbury's for 600 cals now in the fridge section. Tell your family you are cutting down on takeaway as you are saving for a holiday Do not mention weight loss just say it's a money thing. You can't control your husband but you can control your kids

Do this for a couple of weeks reset the family's portion size and then I'd start tackling healthy choices but not for weight reasons for health reasons. I follow as a rough guide breakfast fruit and yoghurt, salad for lunch with half a portion of carbs and full portion of protein, then dinner meat two veg and potato is healthy measuring oil and carbs, I like veggie pasta, curries and stir fries, again measuring oil and carbs so bulk up with veg.

Easy meals are things on whole wheat toast including cheese and cutter just make sure you are having beans or eggs for protein, soup (hm a bonus) with chopped up meat or a toastie for dinner and omelettes!

Last phase it remove the upfs and switch your snacks and drinks for healthy choices.

Good luck op I know you can do this and we are all routing for you ❤️

You need to try to separate out some of the balanced advice on here about making small changes, small swaps,,,,, verses people who are quite extreme and use words like 'unhealthy' about a foodstuff

Orange juice is ok, but perhaps not with a piece of fruit as well, or keep the piece of fruit and give bottles of plain water (not flavoured with sweetners). Keep the yoghurt but remove the kitkat,,, those sorts of things.

Some posters have given realistic and balanced advice.

@bellac11 oh I plan to. It's just opened my eyes to the things I thought were healthy, clearly aren't. And that I've potentially been damaging my children's health as a result. That's what upsets me the most I think

Do you weigh out food - eg portions of pasta? I find that if I don't do that I will cook extra, and eat extra.

I do when cooking a whole meal from scratch such as a pasta bake. But not if I'm doing a jar curry, I'll just whack the rice in the pan

Well you and them are young and you'd be surprised about how quickly changes can take effect. Dont get dragged down by feeling bad because it will be counter productive.

Weighing pasta and rice is a good shout, I used to drastically overdo portions. I try to limit rice to 50g tops now (more for dc) - I was probably doing double that previously without realising!

Pinch of nom is a good shout, and you do really need to try and batch cook on your days off, as well as meal plan for the week.

Are there any favourite ready meals you tend to have regularly? Maybe people can offer some good recipe alternatives that don't take too much time.

Do you have a food processor? That makes a big difference to the time it takes to cook. I can get a chilli/casserole/curry in the pot in 10-15 mins because I don't have to stand there chopping for ages.

Don’t forget that frozen veggies are really almost as nutritious as fresh ones. I don’t bother chopping the veggies for a Bolognese, I buy the Morrisons ‘vegetable base mix’. Otter short cuts like pre-sliced mushrooms and bagged salad can help you make a healthy home cooked meal in much less time. I make things like bean chilli, curry in the slow cooker - I don’t bother browning things as no meat since we are veggie. I just chuck everything in the cooker and then when I come home it’s just the rice, pasta, potatoes etc to cook. Cut the carbs as much as possible they don’t fill you up and can mess with your blood sugar. Have extra cheese instead!

Hi OP!

Weight is such a sensitive topic and it’s really difficult to lose weight healthily when you’re so busy, but it’s awesome that you want to do something about it!

What I have found that really really helps is meal planning for the week, and then batch cooking, and portioning it out ready to defrost and then re heat for dinner at a later stage. I’ve got loads of hairy dieter recipies on my google drive and all of the one tray meal cooking books (literally bung everything in a baking tray at once and cook) and the pinch of nom books are great too.

re the kids lunches, it seems to be quite a lot of sugar, maybe you could substitute rolls for wraps, and juice for sugar free squash etc? Small changes make a huge difference in the long run.

id also recommend using MyFitnessPal if you’re interested in tracking what you eat throughout the day, it can be really helpful to see what you’ve eaten and see where you could make changes/cutbacks, and it also counts calories for you.

hope this isn’t unsolicited advice, but I really hope you manage to get to your end goal xx

Husband lost a few stone last year- he went all out after a while but starting it was literally just limiting white bread and fizzy drinks to weekends, not eating after 8 (obviously so difficult- the two of us were sitting on our hands the first two weeks then got easier) and drinking a lot of water. He said accept you will feel hungry sometimes but don’t starve yourself x

I was thinking about your question, and there are a few things you can do that are really simple, won't take any time or effort at all, and will help straightaway.

Swap all your white starch for wholemeal. Wholemeal has more fibre, takes longer to digest, keeps people full for longer so they tend to snack less. So just buy wholemeal pasta & bread & couscous rather than white, wholemeal wraps, brown rice rather than white.

Swap fruit juices for water

And the third thing is to put a bowl of fruit where everyone can reach it. If you're watching TV in the evening, rather than reaching for the Pringles, put a big bowl of strawberries on the coffee table, don't say anything and see if your family will snack on them instead.

I have weight issues, too. No matter what I tried, you didn't lose anything. I want even let my doctor tell me what my weight is. The last time I went in, a couple of weeks ago, she said you lost 6 lbs. She asked what I did. The only thing different was that I started the intermediate fasting 16/8. I don't eat anything between 5 pm and 9 am. It was easier than I thought. I keep an eye on what I do eat, just cut the portion back a little. I don't deprive myself, just less of whatever it is. I'll just keep on this and see how it goes.

Cut down treats to once a week - Saturday is treat and movie night. Not buying them will help immensely. Do replace these treats with healthier options rather than go cold Turkey on snacks. Try individual bags of popcorn, cheese portions, sliced apple and grape packets. Then focus on having takeaway once a week to start with just to reframe the habit. Like others have said add fruit and vegetables to your existing meals whilst reducing the portion of carbs to account for this. See how these changes go before adding more.