Child suddenly asking me to cover up my fatness?

[Lou153Lou]

My BMI is currently 29 and I am losing weight. My children are all skinny.

I’ve always been naked around the house before I get dressed in the morning and before bed or whatever. I still bath with my children.

Tonight my 8 year old daughter (eldest) was in the bath with me and said that she was embarrassed by my nakedness and ‘squidgyness’.

I thought it was a nakedness thing so explained how she’d have to be more careful not to see me. Knock on doors etc.

It turns out that she doesn’t even want to see me in my underwear because I’m too squidgy.

She’s very upset that she felt she had to tell me which makes it worse.

I don’t know how I feel about this info or what to do about it.

Anyone options or experiences from anyone else who feels entitled to be naked in their own house if they want to be?

DD16 comes in to chat to me when I’m in the bath! But that’s her choice. I wouldn’t inflict my naked body on her if she wasn’t happy with it. Boundaries OP.

We are naturists, but we all go naked together on designated beaches when on holiday, we don't walk around naked at home. I had DS in the bath/shower with me until he was about 4. Not after that.

If that was my 8yo I'd d tell her not to be so rude and that my body is completely perfect and nothing to be ashamed of...

My DC are girls and have never told me I’m fat (I am) in fact if I mention my weight they tell me I’m not fat and not to worry about it.

They don’t like me being naked though yet keep coming in my room when I am getting dressed! Mine are now 18 and 20.

I would not be naked around a child who feels uncomfortable and although it’s ok to have a discussion about different body sizes, and healthy bodies, I think it’s best not to focus on her thoughts about your size. Girls of this age can feel weird about boobs and bodies so be kind

Being naked with your partner is fine. I don't wander around naked downstairs because we have big windows and close neighbours, but I would go from bathroom to bedroom and back with no problem. I sleep in the nude, as does my husband. Being naked in a home where there are other people is not okay. I would cover up if other people were in the house. Your body is an absolutely private space. It isn't to be paraded in front of your children, particularly when those children are asking you not to. I grew up in the 70s. My father used to wear teeeeeeeeny tiny speedo type swimming trunks. He made them himself as the ones you could buy were 'too big'. He used to sunbathe naked in a secluded part of the garden. We used to shout 'I'm coming out dad " when we went in the garden so he would cover his genitals with a towel. It was horrid. I knew adult bodies were different to mine . I could see that when they had clothes on. I didn't need to see my dad's cock.

People are so weird about nudity. It should be completely normal and if anyone suggests its perverted that really says more about you than the naked person.
i remember back in high school we had to shower after gym and swimming classes and everyone was always naked. I still shower naked after gym classes now 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am naked a lot at home after showering. I like to use coconut oil instead of body lotion and that stuff takes ages to soak into the skin 😀
DC are 6 and 8 and both still wanna bathe or shower with me sometimes.
if they tell me it makes them uncomfortable to see me naked i will start covering up though.

I have a ds (15) who I avoid being undressed around since he started wanting privacy and being squeamish about seeing naked bodies, probably fully by aged 9 or 10, a dd (13) who I don't explicitly avoid seeing me in underwear etc as she will pop into my room for a chat or to my bathroom to borrow something, and she will still dash from her room to the bathroom semi naked, and an 8 Yr old dd who would still run round the garden naked if we let her, who will sometimes still ask to shower with me, who will cuddle up with me and deliberately snuggle my belly rolls..... I try to follow their lead. We are not prudish about nakedness in our house.... It is good and healthy to feel comfortable with normal human bodies in our own home and for our children to see hair/ wobbly bits etc, UP TO THE POINT THAT EVERYONE IS COMFORTABLE. So it is a good time to talk about the fact she is growing up and is obviously ready for some privacy, but also, to have some low key body image chats to check she isbothered by nakedness (normal) and not fat (possibly worrying.).

I presume the shower in your gym is in a cubicle . If so then that is fine. If the shower is in a communal space then I definitely don't want to see you naked in it. You have your lumps and bumps and hairy bits and so do I . I don't want to see yours and I don't want to parade around with mine on show either. There is another thread trending this evening about simplifying your life. One of the comments was "there is no moral superiority in being busy all the time. Allow yourself to do nothing". I would say the same is true of nudity. It isn't clever or cool to wave your body about in front of other people. We know you have breasts and genitals. You don't need to prove it.

Completely agree with this. Nudity doesn't have to be sexual. It is however very sexualised in UK and made to be somehow unnatural - why?

I never even naked in front of my children in the first place. Yes when they were babies but i stop being naked in front of them when they were 3.

We used to see my mum naked but only in a scurrying from bathroom to bedroom way, not a parade as such. I remember thinking it was good as it gave us (including my brothers) an idea of what a real woman s body looked like. Other than this you only ever see models etc.

Totally agree. If it were her father, someone would call SS.

What do you mean by entitled to be naked in your own house? I think you are entitled to be naked in the bathroom, in your bedroom or in bed. Those are situations where it’s reasonable to expect that if your DD doesn’t want to see she needs to knock or stay away.

I don’t think you’re really entitled to be wandering around the entire house naked, cooking in the kitchen or watching TV in the living room aren’t really activities where nakedness is a norm and if it makes your DD uncomfortable you should cover up.

I know she has said she doesn’t like the ‘squidyness’ but is it possible she is just struggling to articulate that she doesn’t like seeing you naked or just in underwear? It might be she finds it awkward seeing your stomach and upper thighs and other areas that would normally be covered outside of the house by more than underwear. I think if that’s the case you need to respect her wishes and wear proper clothes outside of the bedroom and bathroom.

Absolutely agree, my 8 year old will often ask to get in my bath when she sees me in it, she also sees me naked.

I do agree, it's time to cover up OP

Why on earth are you walking around the house naked and bathing with an 8 year old? If my mom made me take a bath with her at 8 years old I’d tell her to cover up as well, no one wants to see their mom naked ffs!

wtf

But if it makes your child feel uncomfortable, its not OK.

and its not about sexuality.

I love my best friend dearly, I definitely dont fancy her.

But i still dont want to see her naked.

I remember a thread not too long ago where a man was doing this and PP suggested just that.

I’m amazed at how many people are saying walking around naked is weird and perverted!! It’s only so if you intend it to be! My dd15 always comes into chat while I’m in the bath and I also rinse my ds13 hair for him in the bath as he’s hyper mobile and struggles to get the soap out of his v thick curly hair. Nothing weird or perverted at all. Op, if your daughter has expressed discomfort, I’d respect her wishes but I’d try to find out exactly what it is that’s bothering her, ie nakedness per se, your weight, her own body image etc and go from there.

Bless her, you're cringing her out.

It's time to put it away, OP!

Nobody wants to see their parents naked!!

Nothing to do with your weight.

I don't know... I had an obese Mum and I remember being very young (6-8 maybe) and being really embarrassed by it. I wished she'd be thin.

Not the greatest thing to admit to but I've no idea where it came from, I just distinctly remember those feelings.

I'm not really sure what the answer is as I never said anything to her. Never had food issues or eating disorders as an adult, just made sure I stayed slim and healthy.

I think the conversation I'd be having would be more around hurting people's feelings and how some things are better left unsaid. Obviously that's purely over the fat comments - she has every right to say she doesn't want to see you naked anymore.

FGS, it’s not prudishness.

I’m sure most people on here are happy to be naked with their partner. Or in the bathroom. Or their bedroom. Etc. etc.

Do you pop down to the shops naked or topless? No? What a prude!

The OP’s DD - who has been socialised to accept nudity and see it as no big deal - is saying she doesn’t like it.

She is asserting her boundaries.

This is a good, healthy thing for a girl to do.

All the OP has to do is respect them.

Yeah tbh most people don’t want to see their parents naked all the time. She probably wouldn’t want to see you naked if you were a supermodel either.

Teach her that boundaries should be respected and that it is a good thing she can articulate them, put those clothes on. Children need to be able to say,” I don’t like that, you are making me uncomfortable so stop it.” They shouldn’t have to explain why they don’t like being around naked people.