How to overcome the perpetual cycle of being fat

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If I do exercise I am soooo hungry. It feels like an uncontrollable hunger and I'm really tired as well.
But I'm trying to eat less and the scales aren't shifting.
I don't know what to do anymore. Feel stumped (and stupid tbh) why I can't seem to lose even a pound. Have been trying for months but still the same weight so I'm doing something wrong. The only thing that's better is I'm no longer putting in weight at least but Ive gone from being underweight to overweight in 3 years and im very depressed now. I hardly leave the house im so ashamed of how I look. Don't know where to go from here.
Any ideas gratefully received!

Have you tried using My Fitness Pal?

If you religiously track what you are eating and your activity you will see why you don't have a calorie deficit.

I have come to realise that your food intake is far, far more important than exercise in terms of weight loss. Focus on that and use the exercise for toning up and feeling better. I would second My Fitness Pal. It’s the only way I’ve ever lost weight meaningfully. It makes you accountable for every bite and you learn what snacks are just not worth wasting calories on.

Thanks. I tried that but u found it difficult to measure as I don't cook my dh does and he's not overly helpful about what he's putting in food so yesterday he said he was doing some veg but when it's on my plate I can see he's put oil with it.

How do you record it all? Do you weigh stuff out. I am so desperate to lose weight I am starting to think I have to change anything and everything.

Probably need to start with looking at what DH is cooking, things like adding oil, butter, dressings etc all add up calories wise. Then you'll be better able to record your food intake.

Yes you need to weigh everything to start with, it remembers what you have had before so you can save regular dishes.

If he uses oil or butter that isn't going to help. Is it portion size? May be easier to cut usual portions in half then fill up your plate with steamed or boiled veg.

Do you monitor your steps as the difference in calories burned on a 4k day when I don’t make an effort and I’m WFH and a 15k day is huge. Even doing a walking workout is going to help add to it, but it sounds like a vicious circle don’t leave the house so don’t burn many calories so get heavier and more depressed.

I think getting out and about would be a good start.

I think you also need to get DH on board and try and cook lots with him.

If you do the same meals with the same quantity you can input them into my fitness pal. It does involve a lot of weighing but it sounds like it would be worth it

what you eat is 95% - exercise 5% so stop exercising and start watching what you eat.

Also, don't calorie count, far better plans like keto, raw vegan etc. Recommend Carol Vordamann's detox - old but effective and you def won't be hungry.

Tbh I find it impractical and unbelievably tedious to log the food I eat. Ime it doesn't work any better than any other method I've tried - calorie counting, low carb, low fat - they all work if you can actually do them properly and stick to them. But most people can't.

You can reduce calories without weighing or logging anything, by just upping the proportion of veg you eat compared with the other things on your plate, and by resisting or only having a very small portion of anything that's obviously sugary, starchy or fatty. Ask your husband to include more veg with meals and give you a smaller portion of the other stuff. Keep doing the exercise because it's good for you, but it won't make you lose weight unless you're doing a really serious amount of it. Food is the culprit.

I do think dh loves using oil in pretty much everything so that's one thing. I just suggested he doesn't use it and he said there's no alternative 🤔
He also supplies a steady flow of snacks which I am trying really hard to avoid.
My step count is really bad. Really really shameful. I suppose I really need to cut down on the food more.

What’s your diet like at the moment? Is it reasonably balanced and healthy, or are there a lot of treat foods?

Because you mention problems with your mental health, I’d focus on nutrition, with a relatively low level of exercise, preferably outdoors (e.g. walking). Probiotics and B-vitamins have all been shown to have a positive impact on mental health, so if you think you may be deficient get a supplement.

I also suggest making sure you get enough sleep, as absolutely everything is easier when you get enough sleep (including resisting extra food).

I know that all of that may sound like it wouldn’t make much of a difference, but unfortunately poor mental health can seriously affect weight loss. It doesn’t just affect your motivation, it can also result in the release of hormones that make it harder to shift the weight.

If you can put the building blocks in place for a healthier life (sleep -light exercise -nutrition), you may find that tackling weightloss becomes a little bit easier. Good luck!

I can totally relate to the absolutely ravenous hunger. It's awful.

The only thing that helps me is 16:8 intermittent fasting. Essentially I only eat within an 8 hour window each day. So I eat perfectly normal foods, but only within that window. It has been slow and steady but now I don't feel the hunger like I did before.

I started off using the Fastic app to track in, starting with 14:10 for a few days, then 15:9 and then 16:8. I won't lie, it took about 4 weeks for me to lose a minimal amount of weight, but after a month or so my body just clicked into it.

Essentially I just have a black coffee for breakfast, then a late lunch and early tea.

My mh has probably gone out the window for a few years. My doctor wasn't overly helpful. I saw him and said I was feeling really fatigued and he weighed me acted shocked at how much I'd put on since I last went a few years ago and said tiredness is hard he understands but he can't see anything's wrong with me other than maybe I need to cut down on whatever's making me ahem bigger.

I'd spent a few weeks trying to get this appointment and also ended up battling through our hardy gp receptionist just to get in so I just gave up. I know it's not the best way to be. I feel more stressed than I've ever felt with the worst financial situation we've ever been in. We are cutting back on everything but we really always very frugal anyway. I do eat chocolate and should probably stop buying it.
I don't eat breakfast and often skip lunch but then I'll go overboard all in one go. I must be well over eating because I'm quite overweight though. Think I might try to count what I eat a bit more tomorrow because I can't see how I've put this much on so quickly. I think dh wfh now since 2020 and cooking everyday has something to do with it. It's all just too yummy!

You need your DH to be on board and support you properly. Stop feeding you calorific food that's making you miserable even if it is tasty. You need an honest look at what you're confusing on a daily basis and where you can cut back in a sustainable way. Not eating all day then binging isn't a healthy habit - you need something you can stick to.

What exactly does he cook because vegetables don't "need" oil on them?

Also if you are vertically challenged the amount you are able to consume is WAY less than 2,000 calories per day!!

but Ive gone from being underweight to overweight in 3 years
This would concern me that the dr dismissed it as just food. From underweight to overweight in three years is a huge change. Did the dr do any sort of blood tests?

Ive a friend who is constantly battling her weight. It is absolutely all portion sizes but also while she eats lots of veg she covers it in butter !

I think lots of people dont realise how small portion sizes actually are, especially cereal! I eat my meals off side plates. When I posted that on a thread a few years ago another poster said theyd rather be dead than eat like that

Also fascinated what vegetables require oil OP?

I just don't eat the same things as anyone else when I want to lose weight, although we all eat slightly differently anyway.

So I might roast a chicken which DS eats one way, DH and DD have it another way and I eat it with salad.

Or I just cook for the family and eat some Greek yoghurt and fruit instead.

It's definitely food though. I exercise absolutely loads, high step count daily, running and weights. I'm v toned and my arms are fabulous, but I have too much fat on top!

It does sound like your DH is a feeder and if you are in a bad way with your physical and mental health because of your weight and if your DH is trying to get you to eat more calories than you should then you need to have a serious conversation about why he wants to make your health worse.

I would be looking to eat regular meals at regular times so you train yourself not to binge. Maybe put together a meal plan including sensible snacks and find a support network either in real life or join one of the groups on here.

I think you really need to track your steps and calories and help with the cooking and most importantly get your DH onboard and understanding how this is upsetting you and making you worse

I bet it's snacking, nothing to do with meals. If you're eating home cooked meals in reasonably sensible portions, it's not them that's making you fat.

Work out your triggers for snacking and find something else to do. For example, I'm terrible when I get in from work, so now I go straight to get changed and do a 15 minute chore. I feel better for getting the job done and I haven't had 2 slices of toast and a packet of crisps!

OP
Start by eating breakfast, no matter how small. A banana, slice of toast. Something to kick start your metabolism for the day and to give your body some energy. For lunch, same thing... EAT!

People who are healthy and slim aren't skipping meals, they are making the right choices.

The problem is that you end up ravenous after your exercise because you're only eating dinner and a bunch of snacks everyday.

Eat more, especially before your exercise.

If you're hungry after dinner. Reduce the snacking by smaller portions, or healthier snacks, like fruit.

I hired an online weightloss coach who was not cheap, but gave phenomenal advice, allowing me to lose 30lbs and counting, since January.

Sorry but I completely disagree with the above advice. One of the tricks that helped me lose weight was not eating anything before 12pm. I find it kickstarts my appetite not my metabolism. Intermittent fasting is now considered a very good way to control your weight.

But of course, different strategies will work for everyone. Maybe you’re a three meals a day person? I’ve always been a snacker so intermittent fasting works for me. I eat when I want but log it all on MFP.

You need to take control of your food if DH isn’t on board. Unless oil is measured carefully it is very easy to add for too much. The extra oil could easily add several hundred extra calories. 1tsp oil is plenty for most things and only 40 cals (20 cals each if there are two of you)

I think if you struggle with portion size you would benefit from 3 meals a day so you don’t get to the evening ravenously hungry.

Get your thyroid tested

Cut out the snacks - if necessary, don’t buy them. If you must snack, snack on veg or protein.

Up the veg and protein and reduce the carbs.

Reduce meal portions a little.

Try intermittent fasting - either skip breakfast (I do this) or stop eating by 6pm (I find this impossible).

These changes alone will honestly make a huge huge difference without any weighing and worrying about a bit of oil - which is tedious and unsustainable IMO.