How to overcome the perpetual cycle of being fat

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If I do exercise I am soooo hungry. It feels like an uncontrollable hunger and I'm really tired as well.
But I'm trying to eat less and the scales aren't shifting.
I don't know what to do anymore. Feel stumped (and stupid tbh) why I can't seem to lose even a pound. Have been trying for months but still the same weight so I'm doing something wrong. The only thing that's better is I'm no longer putting in weight at least but Ive gone from being underweight to overweight in 3 years and im very depressed now. I hardly leave the house im so ashamed of how I look. Don't know where to go from here.
Any ideas gratefully received!

Thanks. MyFitnessPal is on the phone!

Dh uses olive oil if that makes any difference whatsoever. I don't think we really eat processed food. It's nearly all from scratch because he's doing it. We eat chocolate. Also he bakes cakes. Nightmare for me. I have said to him these evening no more sweet things. And if he wants them he can indulge behind my back.

I am going to do this. I need to.
And I may have to purchase a steam machine. Because I reckon I could manage that. Even me.

Are you me?! I could have written most of this! I lost a lot of weight after having my daughter 4 and a half years ago, mainly because my mental health was shot to pieces and I was breastfeeding her but struggling to eat. However, since then I've piled it back on and I don't even know how much I weigh now, certainly more than when I was pregnant. I'm buying bigger and bigger clothes and feel rubbish about it. My husband also cooks delicious meals and large portions and I'm pretty useless in the kitchen! I'm hoping that summer will help as I do like salads and can at least make those! My weight is really affecting me now in many ways and I need to do something about it, but it's so hard and I'm always hungry, and can't be bothered with all the calorie counting stuff. Sorry I'm not much help but wanted to express solidarity and wish you all the best - and if you find a magic solution I'd love to know it!

Thanks @cadentiasidera and I sympathise.

I will update if any of my master plans get carried out and which are successful. I think counting just calories makes sense. Need to wean myself off relying wholly on dh for the meals now.

@Helpmplease hmm 800 calories sounds hard. I will take a look at the book though.

Olive oil is healthier than other oils but it won’t make a difference to calories. Seen that he bakes a lot too, that’s not helpful for you. I asked yesterday what would happen if you had a serious chat about all of this? Would he be onboard? Would he support you? Is he generally supportive or is he sabotaging your efforts by only thinking of himself?

@EssexLioness it's a good point. I'm not actually sure. After this thread I asked him if he'd help me but then he baked a cake!

I'm going to buy a steamer today as I think I could use that myself and try to take over some of the cooking so I can see what's going into the food.

You need to firmly tell him to stop baking cakes and to support you. Really that isn't fair

You needn't become an expert cook to eat better. Plain grilled chicken breast, steamed vegetables aren't difficult to prepare. Simple salads, eggs, etc

Cut out sugar, most carbs and booze to get started.

Your husband sounds selfish and unsupportive. He isn't helping your self esteem.

Cardio makes me starving. I don't rely on it for weight loss. I do 15k steps most days and lift weights. Then I can eat quite a lot and still lose. Lifting weights increases your calorie burn at rest and it also feels amazing. Walking briskly burns loads of calories and you don't get the same hunger you get after a run.

I've just started spinning but that's more for fitness than weight loss really.

The veg drizzled in oil sounds fine and IME you are more likely to eat lots of veg if they taste nice!

The cake however… definitely a problem.

Just to empathise with you. I have been dieting all my life. I’m either on a diet and feeling miserable and hangry, or I’m putting on weight, there’s no in between. I do lose weight on my fitness pal but just turned 50 and it’s so much harder than ever before.

I read a book called why we eat too much which said by dieting we just make ourselves so much more hungry, so we put the weight back on. It really made sense to me and made suggestions to reset things. But I put on another 8lbs.

Sorry not helpful, I’m just empathising how hard it is.

There are apparently 119 calories in a tablespoon of olive oil. Imagine how many extra/unneeded calories you’re consuming if he uses it on everything. I’d up your daily steps, check you’re eating enough protein and record everything for 3 weeks to see what you’re really eating and where you can cut back.

Reduce fats. Skip meals. Calorie counting. Might not be helpful.

Rather than focusing on fats which over the last 20+ years has just encouraged a ruinous approach to nutrition of increasing carbs and ultra processed foods (not you OP as I think you said your DP cooks from scratch), perhaps look at the overall content of the meals your DP cooks, don't skip meals and reduce portion size while trying to increase activity.

Not easy. Good luck.

My DH would also plate a lot more than I would so I always do the serving up. I can't eat as much as him and maintain my weight.

I definitely need to address dh serving the food, he gets quite possessive as he likes to pick all the best bits for himself by serving up. He thinks I haven't noticed but I tend to think he's the cook so he gets to do that.

I am going to serve the food later so it's appropriate portion differences, dh is not relinquishing control as easily as I'd imagined, he's complaining he'll have to eat plain food because of me.

Will definitely have to step up being stronger for myself as well. I'm going to do this weeks shopping as well. He does an online order every week and If I want something I have to write a list of what I want for him to add it, it used to be my job but he put the app on his phone and it hasn't worked on mine since.
He's slightly horrified by my suggestion I'm going to the
supermarket. This actually has made me chuckle. He likes his lists and order. I have defied the order

I can't believe he always roasts the veg in oil daily!!

You can steam fish and chicken as well as veg.

You can buy prepacked veg stir fry. I use a tiny bit of oil in a large non-stick frying pan and then use a small amount of sweet chilli sauce so it's a hint of flavour.

From your last couple of updates it does sound like he really doesn’t care and is unlikely to support you. Steamer is great idea and so easy. I love our steamer and always cook all our Sunday veg in it.
If he is going to sabotage you all the time then it is even more important to take control of your own eating as much as you can. You can’t trust him with providing healthy meals for you so you need to do that yourself. Also if you have repeatedly asked him to make something a particular way eg less oil and he refuses to listen, maybe take action as words have no use. I would refuse to eat it one day. Eg if he portions up greasy veg then just scrape them back off your plate and tell him that you have explained before that this food isn’t suitable for you/ your weight loss and you can’t eat it. It will obviously annoy him but you have tried to ask him to change his ways and he refuses. He is either deliberately throwing you off course, or he is a bit stupid cos he isn’t getting the message. Either way the message needs to be clearer. I mean, it is pretty silly to cook loads of veg and then pour huge amounts of oil on it.

Plus you say he is a good cook but I beg to differ. Anyone can make food taste good if they add loads of oil. A good cook should be able to use different cooking methods, herbs, marinades etc to make healthy food taste nice. If he is worried that healthy food equals plain food then he seems to lack knowledge in ingredients and flavour combos

Low carb high fat might work best for you if your DH cooks with lots of oil. Just ditch the cakes.

Seriously read the Dr Jenkinson book you don't need to track calories or weigh everything.

Would he be onboard? Would he support you? Is he generally supportive or is he sabotaging your efforts by only thinking of himself?

I think that's a bit harsh! The OP doesn't cook - I understand she wants to lose weight, but I'm not sure that her dh being a little reluctant to change the way he cooks (and therefore eats) and has happily been cooking all this time on the basis of what one (non-cooking) member of the family wants counts as sabotage.

Not sure the pile on to OP’s DH is helpful for OP’s goals.

OP of you went to your GP and told them you were unable to concentrate on a task long enough to cook for yourself and that this led to the fire incident, they would look in to that. You may have an issue with attention span that then feeds the other things you’re struggling with like self-discipline on snacking, committing to MFP logging, cooking a meal without risking an incident. Your DH has been unkind to say he’s saving you by not letting you cook, but things like steamer, salad prep with ready made seasoned fish etc is possible. You don’t need to beat yourself up about weight, it sounds like if you addressed the energy and attention span you’d be able to everything else to live the life you want.

@Fairislefandango it’s not meant hardly. I didn’t say he WAS sabotaging, I asked a question whether he was being supportive or not. However, I agree with your other points and made it clear in my replies that I think the OP is not doing enough to help herself and as an adult I think she needs to take responsibility for what she is eating. Even if her husband is unsupportive she shouldn’t expect another adult to take responsibility for what her nutritional intake, especially as she is bothered by her weight gain.

I agree I have to take responsibility more. I can see that. I have let things slide for too long and the consequences are most definitely showing!

*harshly!

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I have felt like this for ages. I have just had the most miserable trip into town. Even size 20 feels tight and looks shit. I have made the decision today to do four weeks of low calorie (800 - 1000 per day). I am also not buying low calorie snacks as these are not good for me. I just eat more of them. I also feel exhausted and look like crap. I have a wardrobe full of nice clothes I cannot get into. I look around me and all my friends look healthier than me. My dp cooks but in all honesty it isn't his meals, it is my portion size, extra snacks and sometimes wine. Plus when I drink wine, I then have less self control and eat more. I weigh 16 stone 4 and I am determined to get to 15 stone 4 in four weeks time.

Just thought I’d share this here. It’s a pdf with simple recipes put together for people with ADHD. I’m not saying that’s what you’ve got, but as there were a few mentions of concentration problems, I thought some of the tips in this document might be helpful. Most of the recipes look fairly healthy too:

chadd.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Cookbook_for_Busy_Minds.pdf