How to overcome the perpetual cycle of being fat

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If I do exercise I am soooo hungry. It feels like an uncontrollable hunger and I'm really tired as well.
But I'm trying to eat less and the scales aren't shifting.
I don't know what to do anymore. Feel stumped (and stupid tbh) why I can't seem to lose even a pound. Have been trying for months but still the same weight so I'm doing something wrong. The only thing that's better is I'm no longer putting in weight at least but Ive gone from being underweight to overweight in 3 years and im very depressed now. I hardly leave the house im so ashamed of how I look. Don't know where to go from here.
Any ideas gratefully received!

@elidelochanthefirst I said this to dh today that I don't think the oil is necessary and he said what would he replace the oil with. He also hates my cooking. I am pretty bad tbh. Him wfh has not been great for me. He used to travel a lot and I'd eat a lot less when he was away. Not his fault I'm eating it all though.
I think I will try to record the calories.
Stop eating dh food
And I will try to be stricter on fasting. I do eat late into the evening as well. That can't be good for me I know.

Hi OP, seems like a number of issues here you’re dealing with, I can see how it can feel like a lot, change is difficult.

What PP said is right though but you don’t have to do topping completely or for everything. It sounds like your DH cooking is a big barrier to you starting the other steps, it might feel like it’s really helpful though. Could you take on doing one evening meal a week to prep and cook and measure calories into my fitness pal? Think this might give you a bit of control back and can do feeling, and it can snowball from there, habit stacking. You could make it something you really look forward to and want to eat - don’t focus on making it low calorie, the goal is just to make it and measure in MFP and enjoy it.

The first thing is log what you eat for 3 weeks. You don’t have to log forever - some people hate it - but it will tell you what you are actually eating.

If your husband is putting oil in the veg, you will have to cook your own - but with a microwave steamer this is really easy to do. It’s usual not to be able to eat the exact same meal as your family so just tell him you’ll be cooking some of your own (not now, in a couple weeks when you have a grip of what’s going on.)

Snacks have got to be much reduced and made healthier.

People will be able to give specific advice once you can say what you’re actually eating. But looking on the bright side, if you’ve only been overweight for a couple years it will come off more easily as you aren’t an ingrained overwater.

Your husband does sound like a bit of a feeder, and he may need to keep his snacks where you can’t see them. But - diary first.

Overeater, not overwater, obvs..

It is now well established that exercise plays a very small part in weight loss. It really is all about reducing calorie intake.

There are so many good reasons to exercise, not least because if you choose a type of exercise you enjoy it really boosts your mood. But, don't exercise just to lose weight. It doesn't work and will make you unhappy.

You need to take back control of food shop buying and making your own dinners. Youll get nowhere except more self loathing dietinf failures , if you dont.
If DH doenst want to eat what you eat: batch cook a few meals for yourself
Get a slow cooker on the go, if making 2 meals isnt energy efficient
The slow cooker is great because you can prepare and put it on in the morning when youre not starving and tired and willing to call a pizza for convenience hahha

Im really short and have been between a curvy ot toned size twelve, curvy 14 , getting chonky 16
Ive managed to stay at a 12 for 7 years now by cutting portion sizes, using my fitbit, cutting dowm alcohol and sharing a takeaway- but i only calorie count when i feel ive put on a few pounds.
I also do a very physical job, if i didnt id need to be a LOT more strict.

Ive recently lost 4 stone after having a baby last year. Its been SO BORING i wont lie, but now ill be able to manage this size and weight.

Try eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. That will stop the bingeing later in the day.
You say you aren't a good cook, maybe it would be a good idea to practice more so that you can cook your own meals and DH can cook his own?
Is he supportive of your goals generally?

Get rid of excess sugar from your diet; ensure enough protein and fibre in what you eat also, and you won’t get that shaky hungry feeling. If you aim for clean eating; nothing processed, it’s hard to overeat. Be organised so you always have a food plan and try to be very hungry, but not starving, before you eat each time, but stop eating when full, not stuffed. Then it doesn’t matter what you eat, oil wise or fat wise I find.

What sort of things is he cooking in oil? Just veg? If so he can steam them which is full of flavour and healthier. If he insists on frying them then he needs to measure the oil. As I said 1 tsp is plenty of oil for 2 people and only 40 calories. Other options are oil in a spray bottle or Frylight spray, both hardly any calories. I’ve never tried it but you can also sauté and fry in a little water instead - you should be able to Google it

Yes I will have to cook. I really am terrible at it.
But I really do need to learn.
I grew up on chicken nuggets out the freezer and some pretty inedible food
Just honestly such a cookery fool am feeling a bit better after reading through these posts. I am going to do something. No really
Dh cooks vegetables one a tray drizzles them with oil and puts them in the oven. We eat everything from scratch because of him I eat chocolate but dark chocolate but by the bar obviously will expand the waistband. He puts butter and oil in pretty much everything, he loves cooking. I need to get cooking. And sorting the food order. I've lost touch because dh dictates the food for the week but I have sat back and let him.

Needed some grammar in that post sorry...

Have a look at gusto or similar, I hate cooking and am rubbish but it makes it easy and almost (not quite) enjoyable. It also tells you exactly what’s in each meal.
That paired with Noom would be a winner.

Take control.

Are you on any medication that may contribute to weight gain?

How about a steamer? It’ll do veg, fish and even boil an egg without any oil, www.robertdyas.co.uk/kitchen-electricals/small-appliances/small-cooking-appliances/electric-steamers

Ours was a £20 one with one tier, 4 years, loads of use.

Sounds like you grew up with a similar diet to me. Every night my mum would deep fry chips and serve with sausages/ burgers/ nuggets/ pizza. However, that made me determined to learn to cook as soon as possible. I do understand how that sort of childhood diet can affect your confidence around food but there are lots of resources out there to learn from and it is a real sense of achievement when you present your first few meals to someone. I still remember the pride I felt when I made my very first veggie lasagne from scratch… I had learnt to cook the veg, make a tasty tomato sauce and a white sauce when previously I didn’t have a clue how to do any of that. I am a good cook now and often get compliments on my food which always feels really good. I think learning to cook a few simple dishes will not only give you a sense of pride, but is also important for your health.
Your DH does not need to drizzle the veg with oil. By drizzling he could easily be adding several tbsps of oil which could add hundreds of calories. Oil is really hard to judge. I love roast veg and only ever use 1 tsp between the two of us (I know I’ve mentioned that upthread but was repeating the amount to show that quantity works for however I cook my veg). Assuming you DH loves you, have you tried really talking to him about this? I mean, really explaining how your weight is affecting you and asking him for his support by reducing the calories, snacks kept in the house etc and telling him how his behaviour is damaging you efforts to lose weight? Worst case, I guess if this doesn’t work then at least you know that he won’t support you in this and you need to take full control of your eating.

Intermittent fasting and high protein, high good fat, low carb has been life-changing for me. I'm never hungry (peckish, yes, but not hungry) and I don't get blood sugar slumps any more. I fast from 8pm-12pm the following day and then cook from the Fast 800 cookbooks which are designed to be low calorie but high in protein and fibre. They're fantastic recipes. I've lost a stone in less than a month and it's been pretty easy.

I'm not on any medication. Doctor said he doesn't think anything wrong with me. I'm pretty sure he believes I need to get my weight down then see if nothing changes with my tiredness.

@BakeOffRewatch that device looks good.

One of the things I struggle with is timings when cooking. I honestly am the worst with it. I've also set my kitchen work top on fire too.. that was so terrifying I haven't turned the hob on since. Simply a disaster in the kitchen and my dh knows it. Says he's rescuing us all from the perils of my cooking. I think I'll have to start again and try to learn.

Read "Why we eat too much" by Dr Andrew Jenkinson. If you aren't readers get the audio book on audible. Get DH to read it too. Stop buying processed food, wheat based starchy carbs and veg oil.

Don't stress about exercise, make gradual changes and just think about being more active rather than working out until you are secure in a new way of eating.

Could your DH teach you a few bits? I understand about timings - they used to stress the absolute hell out of me, though I’m much better now. I used to focus more on things that didn’t need much timing eg stir fry (all in one pan, then add the noodles and sauce) or one dish meals that you can pop in the oven eg pasta bake, lasagne, moussaka, shepherds pie. You can cook all the individual components separately in your own time, then assemble together then pop in oven. If worried about timing the veg then you could serve with salad instead maybe

Smaller plates and half that plate covered in steamed veg or salad with no oil dressing. Not a little salad garnish but fill up on green vegetables. If your DH likes to cook that's great but you need at least half a plate of vegetables and then let him put his cooked stuff on the other half. That would be a good and easy to see start.

Also I know the cooking side is a bit of a stress for you, so maybe start with tackling something else in the meantime eg start adding a healthy breakfast and lunch, stop buying unhealthy snacks, fill half your plate with veg or salad (preferably without loads of oil, it even if not, it must be better than having more of whatever else you DH is cooking)

I lost 10kg last year using My Fitness Pal. Things don't need to be so specific when putting in your calories just search for what looks about right. Having to type things in all the time made me so much more aware of what I ate.

This year however I've put it all back on for two reasons. One, I suddenly decided I didn't want another bastard salad ever again. Two, I stopped the app. I'd just had enough. I'm waiting to go back to work when the snow stops coming down in Sweden as I'm a seasonal worker and I'm telling myself I'll lose weight again when i'm out mowing lawns.

Funny that I don't take my own advice but waiting for a particular moment in time doesn't work. Do it now. Even dropping just one mini battenburg or chocolate chip cookie is helping. Light versions of most things are crap just because you know it's a light version so cut it completely.

drop from two of something to one of something. I know it's not easy though, because I'm typing those things and yet I know tomorrow I'll fill a bowl with cereal right to the top.

Have you had your blood sugar checked?
I had that shaky hungry feeling and it was pre diabetes.
Have protein for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If your husband gives you carbs just don't eat them. Eggs for breakfast, soup for lunch. Lots of meat, fish, veg. I eat spinach with everything, you can buy it frozen.

Cut right down on sugar and carbs. It's hard but you will feel better. I have to battle my urges every day and its really hard.

If you worry about timings with cooking use alexa or your phone to set timings.

Take control and you will feel better, eat less and lose weight
Good luck!

And I felt totally low about all this a week ago but have been following Michael Mosesly 800 calories a day plan for the past week and have lost 6lb.

Literally the only thing that has worked for me is intermittent fasting. Google Dr Jason Fung on YouTube. I had to go down to one meal a day (OMAD) which allowed me to shift two stone. Nothing else worked- calorie counting, going to the gym …all hopeless. I think this fat burning/autophagy is the answer if you can get your head around it.

Op I feel the same. Sumner is here and I am fat - nothing changes