I know why I’m not losing weight - but can’t fix it!

[froidIci]

Name changed for this as am attaching a picture which I might ask to remove later.

My BMI places me at Obese. 84 kgs at 167 cm.

In the attached picture from yesterday - you see me in size 12 cardigan, size 12 top and size 12 jeans.

I’ve been stuck at this weight for years and years. Original pre DC weight was 73 ish and I’d be delighted to hover around there again. But I’m stuck.

Ive done various approaches and a lot of soul searching and now understand that there are 3 reasons why I can’t lose it -

1. The amount of food I need to feel sated is clearly more than the amount at which I lose. My portions are clearly not the fistful/palmful/75g sizes of food groups usually recommended.

1. The nature of food which brings me comfort are not the sort that makes me lose. I find great comfort in carbs like rice or potatoes (not bread) - that I don’t find in say meat or roasted vegetables.

1. Finally Both these factors are deeply cultural. I was raised in a country/society where physical exercise was neither taught nor practiced. I wasn’t even taught to swim or ride a bike as simply not the norm in that context. Food is at the heart of that culture and the rice-based cuisine of potatoes and fats got ingrained into me as “comfort”. Now that I have migrated far away and I look at my aging aunts and parents - coping with type 2 diabetes, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis and nearly sedentary by 50, I am VERY worried.

So you see it’s not that I don’t understand why I can’t lose weight. I do. I clearly see the emotional nature of WHY I eat WHAT I eat.

But here I am.

If you could take a look at the picture you’ll see the obesity is sort of carried in the upper thighs, hips and buttocks and calves. The figure itself is an hourglass with a very wide bottom
And bottom half.

Thanks for any advice ….

you do not look obese

But yup - if you want to lose weight and cut your risk of type 2 diabetes etc cut the carbs. A LOT, and try intermittent fasting.

The intermittent fasting is an interesting one. I don’t eat breakfast because I can’t stomach it. So I eat 2 meals which end up being at 1 and 8. I suppose that is a 16:8 by default even if I didn’t plan to? It hasn’t changed anything as I e been eating at 1 and 8 for years now :/

But yeah it’s the amount and the carbs …

Look at the ' why we eat too much' book. It's specifically about your situation. It will help. There's a long running thread here of people eating that way and finding it helpful.

Carbohydrates and sugars have an addictive nature. When we are addicted to anything, our brain will make excuses to maintain the supply, and your list sounds like your brain is doing just that.

Google insulin resistance for some ideas on how to break the habits. It’s not just about weight, it’s about long term health, as you are seeing in your relatives.

Eat your usual food, but when you dish up put half on the plate and fill the other half with salad or vegetables. Mix the food together if you can - your brain will be tricked into thinking you’ve had a whole plate of the “normal” food, but in actual fact half of the plate will be super low calorie veg. Weight will start to come off before you know it! By summer you will be size 10.

I don't think you look obese, you look roughly the same as I do except I'm around 8kg lighter

But - and appreciate this is based on one photo only - with the all black outfit it looks like you are trying to hide yourself. I think if you accepted yourself as you are now - bought some shapely colourful clothing - then conversely you may need to take less comfort and refuge in food.

Thank you. I’m almost tearful reading some of these. The emotional aspect of the reasons I cited are so so so ingrained.

A simple childhood memory of comfort food in my country/culture - for when I was upset or stressed - a large bowl of white rice with boiled potatoes, boiled eggs, butter. Mashed up. Traditional comfort food in that cultural context.

A Sunday lunch: Deep fried puffed parathas served with a red, oily, delectable mutton curry.

You see - unlike my previous generations I understand how problematic this is. The trouble I face is that this sort of food = happiness/home/comfort for me in a way that salads/veg/grilled food just isnt. It is 100% happening inside my head.

I’ll try to find that book on why we eat

Ah the black : I only wear black alas! I’ve always worn black. Slightly gothy preferences that won’t change now - my entire wardrobe is black!

Have you got a pedometer? Even if you don’t want to exercise, steps burn a lot of calories so if you are doing 8k upping it to 15k would help in time.

Also exercise doesn’t need to be something that you were forced to do in school. Dancing is good exercise and there are so many at home work outs to choose from in a variety of dance styles and dc can join in to. Some people discover a love of weights or paddle boarding or yoga or something alternative to PE style sports. Keep trying to find different things, even playing frisbee in the park or going will burn calories and if you involve the dc with exercise you will be teaching them good habits.

All that said, weight loss predominately comes from the kitchen. Have you tried things like cauliflower rice? Is it worth talking to a therapist if it’s emotional eating you are doing? Or a dietician to see if you can make healthier swaps to the foods you love?

Kindly, none of your reasons are unique to you. They (together or individually or in pairs) are the challenge facing literally every person wanting to lose weight. If you want to lose weight stop making excuses and tackle them.

The amount of food I need to feel sated is clearly more than the amount at which I lose. My portions are clearly not the fistful/palmful/75g sizes of food groups usually recommended.

Work out your TDEE or just, per PP, have half the plate whatever you are referring to and half steamed broccoli or cucumber.

2. The nature of food which brings me comfort are not the sort that makes me lose. I find great comfort in carbs like rice or potatoes (not bread) - that I don’t find in say meat or roasted vegetables.

No shit sherlock.

I'm sorry to be blunt but you write as though you have uncovered the rosetta stone.

I have an Apple Watch so I think the walking is a good idea. Swapping to cauliflower rice is another good one. The portion thing is doubtless an issue.

@TheWayTheLightFalls

Kindly, none of your reasons are unique to you. They (together or individually or in pairs) are the challenge facing literally every person wanting to lose weight. If you want to lose weight stop making excuses and tackle them.

The amount of food I need to feel sated is clearly more than the amount at which I lose. My portions are clearly not the fistful/palmful/75g sizes of food groups usually recommended.

Work out your TDEE or just, per PP, have half the plate whatever you are referring to and half steamed broccoli or cucumber.

2. The nature of food which brings me comfort are not the sort that makes me lose. I find great comfort in carbs like rice or potatoes (not bread) - that I don’t find in say meat or roasted vegetables.

No shit sherlock.

I'm sorry to be blunt but you write as though you have uncovered the rosetta stone.

Of course they aren’t unique. There is absolutely no reason to attack people. There is no “mystery” here - which is my precise point. Eating too much + of the wrong kinds of food + because it’s culturally comfortable/familiar = the entire story here.

I am not claiming that I have a peculiar metabolic situation. Or that I have some bizarre rare undiscovered Illness. Or that I have some genetic propensity that ties my hands.

None of that.

It is simply as I said - eating too much of the wrong foods because I find comfort in it.

Have a good Sunday!

The previous posted isn’t attacking you, she’s right- the way you feel about food, comfort, satiety etc is EXACTLY the way most of us do!

Your physical satiety point will diminish if you tackle it. Pile your plate with broccoli and cauliflower etc while you’re dealing with it to start with. They won’t be as comforting as a bowl of mash, there’s no getting away from that I’m afraid. You’ve got to choose for yourself whether losing the weight and gaining the health is worth the emotional discomfort of not turning to those things for comfort. There is no magic key.

I think that’s really right. It is about accepting that the turning point (which might take a while) - of literally rewiring head to get past the whole “waah waaah why isn’t broccoli as comforting as a bowl of mash” is the key thing.

I think - I falter at that point. So I address it. Then inevitably at X days in - it feels hard/miserable (as it is expected to feel) - then I quit.

So getting past the turning point/hump isn’t ever actually happening because I need comfort/happiness/rice/mash is coming in and being given in to.

Just to offer an alternative perspective. You don't have to cut out carbs to lose weight. You need to reduce your overall calorie intake, so why not work with your preferences and plan healthy meals that are rice or potato based? E.g. jacket potato with beans or a vegetable curry or ratatouille, a paella with lots of vegetables etc.

You need to look at your whole diet and where the calories are coming from. E.g. can you make the rice without oil and butter? Are there calories in what you drink? Etc.

Always opt for the wholegrain version of carbs if you can as they will keep you fuller longer. E.g. wholegrain rice will fill you up a lot more than white rice will.

If you consume less calories than you burn you will lose weight. It doesn't matter if some of those calories are from carbs.

I’ve never cooked rice in anything except water.

The issue is also then the portions. If I have rice I can’t just have 3 tablespoons etc.

So I need to work out which of these 2 things (amounts or carbs) I tackle first without feeling overwhelmed.

It could work to tackle amount first and eat all food groups.

Or it could work to tackle carbs first rather than amount.

In an ideal world I’d tackle both.

I’ll need to have a think about it..

@froidIci

I have an Apple Watch so I think the walking is a good idea. Swapping to cauliflower rice is another good one. The portion thing is doubtless an issue.

Yeah you may change your mind once you've experienced it.

I agree with others re portion control. You can still have your rice, potatoes etc but that should only make up around 1/3 of your plate, add half plate veg and then rest of plate will be your protein. I lost over 3 stone doing exactly this whilst still eating all the foods I love. Also worth experimenting with cooking veg in different ways. Steamed or roasted veg tastes much nicer than boiling it.

So you see it’s not that I don’t understand why I can’t lose weight. I do. I clearly see the emotional nature of WHY I eat WHAT I eat.

I'm afraid these are the same obstacles to losing weight which pretty much everybody faces, regardless of their culture. Carbs, fat and sugar are comfort foods in virtually all cultures, because they are highly calorific, and humans are powerfully driven to seek out high calorie foods because that's what kept them alive, as they were once hard to come by. So we are all emotionally attached to the comfort foods of the culture we were brought up in, and driven by our nature to seek them out - a pretty powerful combo to resist.

Everybody knows that avoiding big piles of starchy stuff is healthier. We all know how to lose weight in theory. The difficulty is sticking to it. We all know exercise is good for us, but it's hard work and difficult to fit into a busy schedule (regardless of whether it's encouraged in your culture).

There's no real answer imo. Try and keep active. Try and break or limit your carb addiction. Seek pleasure and comfort in non-food-based things. Also... you really don't look obese.

Cut down the carb and add loads of veg so plate is piled high - eg risotto with half the normal rice but loads of frozen veg

We made a pasta dish for lunch yesterday due to bread shortage - our normal
Amount of pasta that we would have with our main meal with just tomatoes and bacon as sauce. It looked so small on the plate we were both shocked

When it came to tea time it was stir fry eggy rice and we had a mountain on the plate - just because of the extra veg

@froidIci

I don't know what advice might be helpful?

Personally I think you're lucky. I'm shorter & heavier than you. I eat extremely low carb as I'm diabetic & don't want to take medication. I only occasionally eat in the day before my dinner so most OMAD or 20:5, I do a minimum of 10,000 steps a day, at least half walking at a pace. I have injuries from an accident last year & fucked knees, so I can't really do any other exercise.

I cannot shift a pound.

But you could try IF you wanted to. Instead of saying never again, could you not just say today/this week/this month I'm not going to eat carbs/eat over x grams of carbs and try that?

Presuming that's your child, can you not walk each day with the child in the buggy? Maybe do things you'd normally do by car (school runs??) or find some local play parks you haven't been too that are a good walk away and explore a new one each day?

You have to choose - change the things you (think you) know are holding you back OR embrace your weight/shape.

Being unhappy about it (thinking you) have the key to change it & carrying on without change is the worst if both worlds

Definitely read Why we eat too much. It will help you understand satiety and how to eat so you feel fuller.

The psychology around what and why you eat is complex. Have you tried (or would you try) counseling?

Fad diets are not sustainable.

The portions of carbs aren't a problem though if you're cutting calories elsewhere. E.g. a cup of cooked brown rice is 220 calories. So even if you ate 3 cups of cooked rice for your evening meal that's 660 calories. Have that with lots of spices for taste and plenty of veg with it and your evening meal could still be under 850 calories, leaving you with 650 for breakfast and lunch assuming you're working on 1500 calories.

@mudgetastic

Cut down the carb and add loads of veg so plate is piled high - eg risotto with half the normal rice but loads of frozen veg

We made a pasta dish for lunch yesterday due to bread shortage - our normal
Amount of pasta that we would have with our main meal with just tomatoes and bacon as sauce. It looked so small on the plate we were both shocked

When it came to tea time it was stir fry eggy rice and we had a mountain on the plate - just because of the extra veg

Mixing veg into the carb is really cool. I love cooking and there are so many ways in which this could be done. So a rice or pasta dish could effectively become a 50% rice or 50% pasta dish.