I know why I’m not losing weight - but can’t fix it!

[froidIci]

Name changed for this as am attaching a picture which I might ask to remove later.

My BMI places me at Obese. 84 kgs at 167 cm.

In the attached picture from yesterday - you see me in size 12 cardigan, size 12 top and size 12 jeans.

I’ve been stuck at this weight for years and years. Original pre DC weight was 73 ish and I’d be delighted to hover around there again. But I’m stuck.

Ive done various approaches and a lot of soul searching and now understand that there are 3 reasons why I can’t lose it -

1. The amount of food I need to feel sated is clearly more than the amount at which I lose. My portions are clearly not the fistful/palmful/75g sizes of food groups usually recommended.

1. The nature of food which brings me comfort are not the sort that makes me lose. I find great comfort in carbs like rice or potatoes (not bread) - that I don’t find in say meat or roasted vegetables.

1. Finally Both these factors are deeply cultural. I was raised in a country/society where physical exercise was neither taught nor practiced. I wasn’t even taught to swim or ride a bike as simply not the norm in that context. Food is at the heart of that culture and the rice-based cuisine of potatoes and fats got ingrained into me as “comfort”. Now that I have migrated far away and I look at my aging aunts and parents - coping with type 2 diabetes, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis and nearly sedentary by 50, I am VERY worried.

So you see it’s not that I don’t understand why I can’t lose weight. I do. I clearly see the emotional nature of WHY I eat WHAT I eat.

But here I am.

If you could take a look at the picture you’ll see the obesity is sort of carried in the upper thighs, hips and buttocks and calves. The figure itself is an hourglass with a very wide bottom
And bottom half.

Thanks for any advice ….

Read why we eat too much by Dr Andrew Jenkinson.

Make gradual changes.

Feel full because you are eating good protein and fat not because you are stuffed with carbs that will spike your blood sugar and leave you feeling hungry later.

Don't expect fast losses, aim to not put any weight on, and then to lose slowly without feeling deprived.

Please remember that BMI is a very outdated and unreliable system! Healthy people can be placed as morbidly obese and unhealthy people can be placed as fine, it just helps doctors to identify the extremities on both ends of the scales. You look perfectly healthy and because you are so concerned with your weight I'd say you definitely are health conscious. Overweight doesn't mean unhealthy!! Just because you're not a size 6 does not mean you have to be.

@rosiemanchester

Please remember that BMI is a very outdated and unreliable system! Healthy people can be placed as morbidly obese and unhealthy people can be placed as fine, it just helps doctors to identify the extremities on both ends of the scales. You look perfectly healthy and because you are so concerned with your weight I'd say you definitely are health conscious. Overweight doesn't mean unhealthy!! Just because you're not a size 6 does not mean you have to be.

For the average bog standard person, BMI is a good indicator.

BMI doesnt apply to people who are weight lifters or rugby players because it goes on weight alone. OP does not identify any activities which would give her much higher than normal muscle mass.

OP is 5'4 and over 13 stone, she isnt massive but she is in the obese category, just about.

I don't have anything helpful to add about losing weight but based on the picture of you I'm really shocked that you count as obese, I don't think I'd even have placed you as overweight tbh. I totally understand wanting to lose weight for your personal comfort and health but I think you look great as you are. X

A quick note to say - I am 5 foot 6 inches. Not sure what that is in centimetres. I think 167 cm. But not sure.

Thyroid: my mother (morbidly obese) has awful thyroid issues (the one that makes people gain weight) and has been on a drug called Eltroxin for decades I think.

The question isn’t whether I’m overweight. I am obese!! 5 foot 6 and 84 kilos is obese! And uppper arms and bum/legs definitely the issue.

167cm is 5'4, I had to look it up because I dont know cms and kgs!

You only just fall into the obese category I think if you are 5'6 and you clearly carry your weight well

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to make changes but as you are not that heavy you can do exercise. Exercise will make you hungry though so you need to be prepared for that and calculate carefully so you dont overeat on the days you are exercising.

@froidIci

Name changed for this as am attaching a picture which I might ask to remove later.

My BMI places me at Obese. 84 kgs at 167 cm.

In the attached picture from yesterday - you see me in size 12 cardigan, size 12 top and size 12 jeans.

I’ve been stuck at this weight for years and years. Original pre DC weight was 73 ish and I’d be delighted to hover around there again. But I’m stuck.

Ive done various approaches and a lot of soul searching and now understand that there are 3 reasons why I can’t lose it -

1. The amount of food I need to feel sated is clearly more than the amount at which I lose. My portions are clearly not the fistful/palmful/75g sizes of food groups usually recommended.

1. The nature of food which brings me comfort are not the sort that makes me lose. I find great comfort in carbs like rice or potatoes (not bread) - that I don’t find in say meat or roasted vegetables.

1. Finally Both these factors are deeply cultural. I was raised in a country/society where physical exercise was neither taught nor practiced. I wasn’t even taught to swim or ride a bike as simply not the norm in that context. Food is at the heart of that culture and the rice-based cuisine of potatoes and fats got ingrained into me as “comfort”. Now that I have migrated far away and I look at my aging aunts and parents - coping with type 2 diabetes, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis and nearly sedentary by 50, I am VERY worried.

So you see it’s not that I don’t understand why I can’t lose weight. I do. I clearly see the emotional nature of WHY I eat WHAT I eat.

But here I am.

If you could take a look at the picture you’ll see the obesity is sort of carried in the upper thighs, hips and buttocks and calves. The figure itself is an hourglass with a very wide bottom
And bottom half.

Thanks for any advice ….

In case it's any comfort, we're the same weight and height, and I'm having the same issues at the moment. I did Slimming world but gave up after 6 months as I'd only lost 7lbs, despite having a rigid food diary, which I blame on them telling us not to weigh and measure portions properly.

Did everything Noom told me to, including cutting carb portions and eating from a side plate - still doing this and have lost nothing but at least haven't put any further weight on.

The only thing I find that works for me is extreme calorie control, ie 1200 cals or less a day, but I'm not willing to do that as it dicks around with my blood sugar and I spend all day feeling faint.

So instead I've started focusing on the quality of the food I eat - I've cut out meat altogether to make sure I am upping the amount of veg and pulses in my diet, and ensuring I eat a mix of nuts and high fibre fruits like satsumas. I make sure I eat multiplexed bread and skin-on potatoes for the fibre. If I can't slim down to where I want to be, I'll at least look after my insides and lower my risk of things like bowel cancer, which will be ultimately better for me in the long run than yo-yo dieting.

Thats why slimming world isnt a good method for people that overeat, it doesnt teach portion control with their 'free foods'

Calorie counting is boring but works, as long as you rigidly weigh everything, never use volume measurements like cups, only weigh things by grams

@bellac11

Thats why slimming world isnt a good method for people that overeat, it doesnt teach portion control with their 'free foods'

Calorie counting is boring but works, as long as you rigidly weigh everything, never use volume measurements like cups, only weigh things by grams

They encourage people to eat branded crap as well like coke zero or sugar free soda - tap water is free and far better than a can full of aspartame.

I wondered if the thyroid issue is worth exploring. So my mum, three aunts and both grans are/were on hypothyroidism medication for 20 years plus and all are morbidly obese. Not sure I could do anything to change that though or how to convince GP to test or whether at all these things are hereditary.

Perhaps better to just focus on diet as discussed on this thread and movement.

The other difficulty is around bloating/constipation (also familial) but easily explained by lots of carbs - and not sure what my gut flora/bacteria are doing either!

OP you might find you're better when you cut out the wheaty yeasty bready stuff

and back on the slimming world issue, yes I cant drink things with sweetners in, they make me hungry too.

If you say you are obese on the NHS scale then it is definitely worth chatting with the GP about thyroid and anything they can do to help. Obesity is one of those things that GPs tend to get a lot of funding for intervention programmes, so they're likely to be keen to investigate and help.

OP have you ever heard of lipoedema? I just noticed you said your weight is on legs and arms - lipoedema is a disorder that affects about 10% of women and causes fat deposits on legs and in some cases upper arms which can’t be shifted with diet or exercise (ultimately it’s a connective tissue disorder where the fat is bounded by connective tissues so the body no longer identifies the fat as fat, so it won’t burn it even if you are starving). It’s characterised by disproportionate weight in the legs, also easily bruised legs and sometimes pain in the fatty tissue, and the fat has a granular appearance rather than being a smooth layer as in non-diseased adipose tissue. I have lipoedema myself and struggled for years with much heavier legs before being diagnosed in 2020 by a vascular surgeon.

Here we go @froidIci. It's all about why you seek out comfort food, and how you can address it. It's about never feeling deprived, eat something equally comforting, but slightly different. Satisfy yourself with fats and protein- potato and rice are better than wheat based food on this plan, so that's handy!

Why We Eat (Too Much) Thread 5 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weightlosss_chat/4452191-Why-We-Eat-Too-Much-Thread-5

A difficult thing to do is be ok with feeling a bit hungry. If you're used to eating big comforting meals, or snacking often, the feeling of hunger or simple the lack of feeling full doesn't feel right, but you need to get used to it. Only eat when you are very hungry and stop when you feel full.

When I want to kick start weight loss I simply use a small plate and have half the portion I normally would. If I'm genuinely hungry I'll have some fruit after the meal.

@froidIci

I wondered if the thyroid issue is worth exploring. So my mum, three aunts and both grans are/were on hypothyroidism medication for 20 years plus and all are morbidly obese. Not sure I could do anything to change that though or how to convince GP to test or whether at all these things are hereditary.

Perhaps better to just focus on diet as discussed on this thread and movement.

The other difficulty is around bloating/constipation (also familial) but easily explained by lots of carbs - and not sure what my gut flora/bacteria are doing either!

Up your fruit and veg/whole grain/pulses and that will help your gut and digestion. So easy to do. Also a bit of yoga type stretches really help the digestive system move too.

Concentrate on nutrition: whole foods, more protein,smaller amounts of carbs, bigger portions of fruit and veg with the rainbow of colours too and of course smaller portions. Be aware of calories and how much you eat but you don’t need to formally count them. Move your body more and in ways you enjoy. No need for a ‘diet.’ Small lifestyle changes go a long way. Just learn to treat your body well. You will feel better for it. See a doctor if you feel that there is a reason to.

Should add I’m a size 10-12, 42 and do the above ( most of the time! I don’t begrudge myself anything in life) i never diet or restrict. I feel amazing, I’m fit and healthy. No idea what weight I am I don’t weigh myself. I don’t care because I know I’m treating my body well to be healthy long term not a quick fix diet for a weight I’d probably have to starve myself for ‘cos BMI said so’

Thanks. I’ll ask the GP to see if they’ll do a thyroid profile for me. I also have private health insurance through work and wondering if that could help expedite some things too - although not sure what it covers. It’s generous and covers things like mental health and physiotherapist even - so maybe I could use that for a view on the thyroid thing.

I’ll obviously focus on the food and movement points discussed here and just had lunch off a quarter plate where the majority content was fairly yummy veg. But will pursue the thyroid factor. I do take after mum, aunts and grans in key ways - facial features, body structure, super early age of menarche - and who knows what’s coming up in the menopause department but they all menopause by 45. Ill know when I get to 40s I guess. So maybe thyroid could be an issue for me too….

I don’t think the ‘you don’t look obese’ comments are at all helpful. One photo in black at an odd angle tells us very little. The OP knows what she weighs and she knows her height. She knows that she falls into the ‘obese’ category of BMI and as a person of Asian ethnicity there are certain increased metabolic risks with higher BMI. It’s irresponsible of PP to minimise or deny, however flattering they think they’re being to the OP.

OP, whatever the numbers it sounds like you need to tackle the psychology of your current eating patterns. The ‘why we eat…’ book is a good start. Noom is very expensive and so I’d start with the book first.

You will also need to take some responsibility for the exercise stuff too and move on from the ‘it wasn’t taught when I was a kid’ mindset. The fact is, you aren’t a child anymore, you know that physical exercise is beneficial to health and have seen the long term effects of sedentary life, first hand. You will need to give yourself a little push to do something. It doesn’t have to be massive, but start small and build up. You can do it. This thread is the start of a change in lifestyle that will give you the best chance of living longer and healthier. Best of luck

It's true that you can't outrun a bad diet but exercise does more than expend energy consumption. It also helps amazingly with your mood (pick an exercise you enjoy or think you might enjoy e.g. rollerblading) and you don't usually eat while exercising.

Personally I think you are overthinking it. Log what you eat and aim for a calorie deficit.

You've had lots of good advice (and this is inspiring me, currently on holiday and know when I get back i need to tackle that I've creeped up a dress size since last summer, and need to get that back down before hot weather comes and I have to buy new summer clothes in a size up rather than wear my old faithfuls!) but to add- last time I had weight to lose and talked to someone about "comfort eating", they asked "what other than food could be your comfort and treat?"

So much of this is focused on being upset and comforted with food, how you use food to improve your mood, so what else could be your treat as a reward for a hard / bad day?

Half the plate as veg before you add any carbs (¼) and protein

I'm probably missing the point here and I haven't read the full thread but looking at your pics I wouldn't think you are obese at all I think you have a lovely figure. Bmi isn't reliable.

@Iwantamarshmallowman

I'm probably missing the point here and I haven't read the full thread but looking at your pics I wouldn't think you are obese at all I think you have a lovely figure. Bmi isn't reliable.

It is actually a pretty good guide on the whole, unless you are an athlete, a bodybuilder (where it is confusing muscle mass with fat) or very elderly with low muscle mass (opposite problem, can look normal but have high body fat.)

Thanks to everyone saying I don’t “look” obese but the facts are pretty clear as I see it -

1. South Asian and hence high propensity for Type 2 diabetes.

1. Post babies an extra 11 kilos lingering around pushes BMI to 30, which massively worsens Type 2 risk.

1. Looking at parents, aunts, uncles - back home - every single person is on drugs for cholesterol, thyroid medication, gout, rheumatoid arthritis and heart disease.

1. Dad = hypertension and high cholesterol and 3 heart surgeries. Mum = morbidly obese, type 2 diabetes and arthritis.

This does mean I need to take action. The fact that my entire wardrobe is a size 12 - or that - I don’t “look” obese is a function possibly of how as a society we’ve moved to seeing larger people. But irrespective of how I look - for my own sake, and for DS and DD sake - I need to consider my South Asian genes, my family history and take some small steps now whilst in my 30s to not just lose those 11 kilos but also to have a life and lifestyle that keeps those kilos off.

I’ve had lots of ideas on this thread and then spent the afternoon running after DS on his bike and then foraging heaps of Wild Garlic in the woods to make all sorts of yummies and will make small steps for change :)