I know why I’m not losing weight - but can’t fix it!

[froidIci]

Name changed for this as am attaching a picture which I might ask to remove later.

My BMI places me at Obese. 84 kgs at 167 cm.

In the attached picture from yesterday - you see me in size 12 cardigan, size 12 top and size 12 jeans.

I’ve been stuck at this weight for years and years. Original pre DC weight was 73 ish and I’d be delighted to hover around there again. But I’m stuck.

Ive done various approaches and a lot of soul searching and now understand that there are 3 reasons why I can’t lose it -

1. The amount of food I need to feel sated is clearly more than the amount at which I lose. My portions are clearly not the fistful/palmful/75g sizes of food groups usually recommended.

1. The nature of food which brings me comfort are not the sort that makes me lose. I find great comfort in carbs like rice or potatoes (not bread) - that I don’t find in say meat or roasted vegetables.

1. Finally Both these factors are deeply cultural. I was raised in a country/society where physical exercise was neither taught nor practiced. I wasn’t even taught to swim or ride a bike as simply not the norm in that context. Food is at the heart of that culture and the rice-based cuisine of potatoes and fats got ingrained into me as “comfort”. Now that I have migrated far away and I look at my aging aunts and parents - coping with type 2 diabetes, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis and nearly sedentary by 50, I am VERY worried.

So you see it’s not that I don’t understand why I can’t lose weight. I do. I clearly see the emotional nature of WHY I eat WHAT I eat.

But here I am.

If you could take a look at the picture you’ll see the obesity is sort of carried in the upper thighs, hips and buttocks and calves. The figure itself is an hourglass with a very wide bottom
And bottom half.

Thanks for any advice ….

You're right OP, I saw a documentary a while back about type 2 and people of south asian background dont need to be as overweight as a white westerner to be more at risk of type 2.

Have you got a little glucose tester at home to check your levels over coming months, keep an eye to see it going down as an average?

Oh, and I hope this doesnt come across badly, but you're probably not a size 12, its vanity sizing.

I could cry when I consider this and wear a size 24....

I’d do calorie counting for must of the week. It’s easy and you can eat all foods - there is no need to fear carbs!

Look on the Fitness Chef Facebook page, the group is really good and the book might help. No weird diets or forbidden foods.

Get your daily calorie and protein allowance on the free James Smith Academy calculator and log your food on the My Fitness Pal free app.

You definitely do not look obese. But the above should help if you do want to lose weight.

Absolutely - clothing sizes have gone up and up. The H and M redefinition of sizing from a couple years ago proves my point.

Currently all I wear is Size 12 and just looking now at laundry labels include River Island Zara H and M Sainsburys TU and primark. All size 12. But - these would have been a different size 10 years or 20 years ago.

So my current load of dried laundry all saying size 12 across 7 different brands is really telling - and it’s saying something about fashion and sizing and broader societal shape shifts :/

I must say though that parts of shapes and such are possibly genetic. I recall my super early menarche and puberty. Within a flash of 6 months aged 9-10 years old - my entire body erupted in stretch marks - breasts upper arms thighs just erupted into fat and stretch marks when I was just wrapping my head around periods aged 9 years old. Calves became sticky, thighs became full - and none of that ever changed.

If there was dietary awareness in the family/society maybe I could have been fed a different diet but we genuinely didn’t even think for a moment that piles of parathas, mutton curry and deep fried snacks were a problem for a growing teenage.

But anyway - here we are. Those full body stretch marks from puberty won’t go. The stocky build in bottom half won’t change to matchsticks. But the weight can be lost (I think). And diet and lifestyle isn’t bound to my past/culture - I can control those.

I don't think you look obese, but you are not happy with your current weight and you have voiced longer term health concerns. Carbs do not make you fat. There are carbs in fruit & veg. Starchy carbs like grains eg rice and foods made out of them like bread also do not make you fat. Eating more calories than your body needs and not being active makes you fat. Carry on eating what you want but less of it. Just because someone lost weight cutting out carbs does not mean it will work for you. And they likely didn't cut out all carbs because they probably still ate fruit and veg. The reason it works is because most people who overeat will be overeating certain food groups and cutting them out basically restricts or cuts down calories. Do some more exercise, something you enjoy. Even just walking more every day. An hour briskish walking is great exercise - low impact, gets you outside, very manageable. You need to make life style changes for the long term.

Mind you if its every single thing you own perhaps you are just very densely packed, lots of muscle?

@bellac11

Mind you if its every single thing you own perhaps you are just very densely packed, lots of muscle?

I highly doubt it. Although I wouldn’t know. and yes it’s every single item of clothing I own - maxi dresses, midi dresses, smocks, tops, jeans, jeggings. I have no size 14s.

But this is my point. Size 12 is not what it used to be. I don’t have an item in size 12 from 15 years ago but they are larger now.

I’m not 100% convinced re the extremity of vanity sizing.

I’m 5’7”/170cm & 63kg, so 3cm taller and 20kg (25%) lighter than OP and I wear a UK size 12. Obviously body shapes, composition and how we carry weight varies but that’s a pretty significant difference.

@AuntieDolly

Are you sure you weigh 84kg? I weigh 80kg and am nowhere near a size 12 - more like 16/18. The smaller portion size will only be an issue for a week or so and then you will get used to it.

I weigh 83 ish at the moment and my size 14 jeans are too big, Much too big, like take off without undoing big... It's entirely possible. I'm a little taller than OP but not hugely.

Maybe speak to your local GP surgery and ask if you could speak to the diabetes nurse, saying you have concerns that you may be very likely to develop the condition in the future, and that you need help. If you outline your family history and all their associated health issues, I'm sure they would be able to advise you on eating habits and lifestyle changes, which could make a big difference for you.

@froidIci

Thanks to everyone saying I don’t “look” obese but the facts are pretty clear as I see it -

1. South Asian and hence high propensity for Type 2 diabetes.

1. Post babies an extra 11 kilos lingering around pushes BMI to 30, which massively worsens Type 2 risk.

1. Looking at parents, aunts, uncles - back home - every single person is on drugs for cholesterol, thyroid medication, gout, rheumatoid arthritis and heart disease.

1. Dad = hypertension and high cholesterol and 3 heart surgeries. Mum = morbidly obese, type 2 diabetes and arthritis.

This does mean I need to take action. The fact that my entire wardrobe is a size 12 - or that - I don’t “look” obese is a function possibly of how as a society we’ve moved to seeing larger people. But irrespective of how I look - for my own sake, and for DS and DD sake - I need to consider my South Asian genes, my family history and take some small steps now whilst in my 30s to not just lose those 11 kilos but also to have a life and lifestyle that keeps those kilos off.

I’ve had lots of ideas on this thread and then spent the afternoon running after DS on his bike and then foraging heaps of Wild Garlic in the woods to make all sorts of yummies and will make small steps for change :)

That last paragraph is a real positive viewpoint

I don't think anyone else has yet mentioned Jordan Syatt- he has some amazing podcasts dealing with weight loss, nutrition etc and debunking a lot of myths. Quite heavy on swearing (although he does then reduce this). He talks to lots of real people signed up to his fitness programme, also based in science, including those with Hashimotos, lots to lose, not a lot to lose, menopausal, eating disordered etc. Has a great attitude towards it as a lifetime change rather than a short term sharp shock then back to how you were. E.g. to him, a pound loss per week is very good progress- the slower it comes off, the more likely it is to stay off.

@Harrysmummy246 hex sounds a bit like James Smith, sweary PT 😃

I’m losing weight and going to the pt at the gym and his goal for me is a pound a week. Easy to stick to (mostly!) and as he points out over a year that adds up to a big weight loss!

You look even slimmer in that picture

What are your actual measurements

Boobs are a 34 H.
Bum at its widest is 41.
Waist I’ve not measured in ages but jeans I think are 31.

My problem areas are upper arms, upper thighs, calves and my massive boobs!

Cake has DC name on it and picture a bit outing so will ask to remove though!

Well waist is a good indicator that you're not in the danger zone its less than half your height in inches

You dont sound very big to be honest? Obviously you need to be comfortable with yourself though.

I’m definitely 84 kilos. The scales are digital and say 84.3 today. The peculiar and annoying thing is they say the same for spouse who has a proper rotund belly which feels so unfair.

Maybe they’re stuck on 84 kilos? 😃

Weigh one of the kids, if they also weigh 84 kilos there is something wrong!!

Haha that’s optimistic - but yeah will weigh kids. Scales set aside through some excellent ideas here to change diet and way of eating which needs proper thought. (And action)

I can easily believe that someone who wears a size 12 can be obese. I’m a fair bit taller than you (5”10’) and wear a size 12 when I’m at the top end of a healthy weight. So following that logic, there’s a reasonable chance that anyone shorter than me who is wearing a size 12 will be either overweight or obese. I think that as a society, we’ve completely lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like and sadly for many people that won’t be a size 12.

It sounds like you’ve had some great advice already OP. I echo what other posters have said and try and see it as a change in lifestyle. It may also be worth tracking what you eat for a few days using MyFitnessPal, or NutraCheck, just to get a better idea of how many calories you’re actually eating and if there are any “easy wins”. Good luck!

I wouldn’t worry too much about that recent pic, @froidIci, the type on the cake is too blurred on my phone to make out.

@Crazzzycat

I can easily believe that someone who wears a size 12 can be obese. I’m a fair bit taller than you (5”10’) and wear a size 12 when I’m at the top end of a healthy weight. So following that logic, there’s a reasonable chance that anyone shorter than me who is wearing a size 12 will be either overweight or obese. I think that as a society, we’ve completely lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like and sadly for many people that won’t be a size 12.

It sounds like you’ve had some great advice already OP. I echo what other posters have said and try and see it as a change in lifestyle. It may also be worth tracking what you eat for a few days using MyFitnessPal, or NutraCheck, just to get a better idea of how many calories you’re actually eating and if there are any “easy wins”. Good luck!

Honestly just shows that everybody is completely different, I'm 5'10 a size 16 and my bmi is in the middle of normal lol, honestly I think everyone should stop fussing too much over weight/size there's too much misinformation fear mongering out there