I know why I’m not losing weight - but can’t fix it!

[froidIci]

Name changed for this as am attaching a picture which I might ask to remove later.

My BMI places me at Obese. 84 kgs at 167 cm.

In the attached picture from yesterday - you see me in size 12 cardigan, size 12 top and size 12 jeans.

I’ve been stuck at this weight for years and years. Original pre DC weight was 73 ish and I’d be delighted to hover around there again. But I’m stuck.

Ive done various approaches and a lot of soul searching and now understand that there are 3 reasons why I can’t lose it -

1. The amount of food I need to feel sated is clearly more than the amount at which I lose. My portions are clearly not the fistful/palmful/75g sizes of food groups usually recommended.

1. The nature of food which brings me comfort are not the sort that makes me lose. I find great comfort in carbs like rice or potatoes (not bread) - that I don’t find in say meat or roasted vegetables.

1. Finally Both these factors are deeply cultural. I was raised in a country/society where physical exercise was neither taught nor practiced. I wasn’t even taught to swim or ride a bike as simply not the norm in that context. Food is at the heart of that culture and the rice-based cuisine of potatoes and fats got ingrained into me as “comfort”. Now that I have migrated far away and I look at my aging aunts and parents - coping with type 2 diabetes, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis and nearly sedentary by 50, I am VERY worried.

So you see it’s not that I don’t understand why I can’t lose weight. I do. I clearly see the emotional nature of WHY I eat WHAT I eat.

But here I am.

If you could take a look at the picture you’ll see the obesity is sort of carried in the upper thighs, hips and buttocks and calves. The figure itself is an hourglass with a very wide bottom
And bottom half.

Thanks for any advice ….

What help have you sought to change your mindset re comfort food? Even something simple like CBT would help you begin to change some thought patterns. I’d recommend more long term/therapeutic work but that’s up to you.

Lots of thoughts here - thank you. I’m thinking about it all. The kids are 6 and 2 and we live a way away from school/nursery so car en route to FT work is the only way. But - there definitely are other ways to fit in walking/running/exercise - there’s no reason not to.

I also will think about the cooking aspects you all have mentioned and see what the best way to go about it is.

It is also about expecting it to be difficult rather than thinking there’s a magic bullet hiding somewhere and quitting at first sign of things being hard to change

Are you tall? You don't look obese but like a lot of women you are a bit overweight .
I was brought up on massive portions and I didn't know until I went to other peoples houses and wondered where all the food was .
I have to fight overeating everyday but I stay a size 10 because I love clothes and hate being fat . I could still lose a stone but I'm happy enough .
also please wear some colour , black on black is very draining on the skin and I find always looks messy and dirty because it shows up all the flecks of dust and hair etc ..
Good luck

Yes it will be difficult at times but it doesn’t need to be miserable. Changing habits is always difficult initially. However, I like this saying: ‘losing weight is hard, being overweight is hard. Choose your hard.’

first of all you recognise that you have an issue and want to rectify it.

I agree look at portion sizes and composition of food.
carbs are not the devil, nor is fat.
great tips from others how to increase portions without increasing calories and decreasing comfort.

what fo you drink? tea/coffee with milk/sugar? juice? pop? milk? be honest and count those calories as well.

Are you sure you weigh 84kg? I weigh 80kg and am nowhere near a size 12 - more like 16/18. The smaller portion size will only be an issue for a week or so and then you will get used to it.

Exercise is fantastic for your health and well-being, but don't expect it to make much difference to weight loss on its own unless you are doing seriously heroic amounts of it. As they say, 'You can't outrun a bad diet'. It's food that makes the difference.

I agree that the 'Why We Eat (Too Much)' book is excellent. I think the best weight loss advice is to make easy, manageable tweaks and accept that weight loss will be sloooowww. Being over-ambitious just makes it unsustainable long-term. The swapping half the pasta for veg is a great example of a manageable tweak.

The other thing I read somewhere is that you should always remember that every single little 'good' decision adds up to a cumulative effect. So every time you resist that second piece of toast,or halve the amount of sugar you use, or remember to have more salad and less pasta etc,it all makes a difference. And it boosts you psychologically to pat yourself on the back for those little 'virtuous' decisions!

I can recommend the Noom app. It helps to keep you within daily boundaries and teaches you not to feel frustrated with lapses. I have lost 9lb in almost 2 weeks - loss will slow down in future weeks I believe. Doing daily walks or swims to keep active.
I wish it was instant but it’s not. Make a plan for meals for a week and stick to it. Only buy what you need for those meals.
Good luck.

I have a huge sugar addiction (like most of my family) and the weight gathers on my stomach mainly. It's hard but the only thing that really works is to eat low carb. The first few days are hard but once your body adapts you feel a lot less hungry.
I agree with previous posters - make veg your friend! So now I have spag bol but instead of pasta i have frozen veg (the microwave steam packets are so handy). I still get the spag bol taste with the mince and parmesan but none of the bloating that pasta brings.
And high carb meals are now a treat such as Easter, birthdays.
Being slimmer feels so much better than being overweight. My body is less bloated, my back doesn't hurt as much etc.

I'm guessing you grew up in a culture where work was physical so exercise wasn't needed, e.g. DBro is a farmer and walked 20K steps every day just doing his job. That's also why calorie dense foods are preferred.

Take it one step at a time, firstly can you fit more incidental exercise into your life, e.g. can you make more journeys by foot or bike? Can you take a short walk at lunchtime to stretch your legs? Are you a morning or evening person? Is there any exercise you enjoy? Do you prefer to exercise alone or with others? Do you like team sports? Do you dislike getting sweaty?

As far as food goes try applying the 3S: no seconds, snacks or sugar. Have you tried WW or MyFitnessPal or some other sensible eating plan?

All my clothes are a size 12. Not just everything I’m wearing in this picture but every item of clothing I own is a size 12. And across all sorts of brands. The jeans in this picture are sainsburys TU size 12 long and super comfy.

The scales definitely say 84.3 this morning and the scales constantly say 84 something.

So I am definitely obese at 167 cm - no doubt about it at all.

Someone asked about what I drink : I drink water and black espresso in the morning. I hate sugar and sweet things. So regrettably it’s savoury Carby fatty things (chips, loads of rice) that is my downfall - not sugar.

@TheWayTheLightFalls

Kindly, none of your reasons are unique to you. They (together or individually or in pairs) are the challenge facing literally every person wanting to lose weight. If you want to lose weight stop making excuses and tackle them.

The amount of food I need to feel sated is clearly more than the amount at which I lose. My portions are clearly not the fistful/palmful/75g sizes of food groups usually recommended.

Work out your TDEE or just, per PP, have half the plate whatever you are referring to and half steamed broccoli or cucumber.

2. The nature of food which brings me comfort are not the sort that makes me lose. I find great comfort in carbs like rice or potatoes (not bread) - that I don’t find in say meat or roasted vegetables.

No shit sherlock.

I'm sorry to be blunt but you write as though you have uncovered the rosetta stone.

No she isn't. She's talking about her own situation.Same as most posts on MN.

@JaninaDuszejko

I'm guessing you grew up in a culture where work was physical so exercise wasn't needed, e.g. DBro is a farmer and walked 20K steps every day just doing his job. That's also why calorie dense foods are preferred.

Take it one step at a time, firstly can you fit more incidental exercise into your life, e.g. can you make more journeys by foot or bike? Can you take a short walk at lunchtime to stretch your legs? Are you a morning or evening person? Is there any exercise you enjoy? Do you prefer to exercise alone or with others? Do you like team sports? Do you dislike getting sweaty?

As far as food goes try applying the 3S: no seconds, snacks or sugar. Have you tried WW or MyFitnessPal or some other sensible eating plan?

Grew up in culture of entirely desk based jobs in busy Asian city with a huge dense population. The roads weren’t for exercising - they were meant to largely manage to stay safe from chaotic traffic and also men being pests and worse. Parents high achieving entirely sedentary desk based people who never walked for more than five mins - nobody really did. Get out of your flat, get into a car, sit in traffic for eternity, rinse and repeat. Avoid being alone at night or evenings or in certain areas - if you are a woman/girl. That was life till early twenties. Social occasions were entirely themed around copious amounts of multiple courses of delectable fatty food in unlimited amounts.

Sorry I digress - just painting a picture!

I don’t think you look obese either. It looks like you dress well in flattering clothing. I recently lost quite a lot of weight, but I didn’t cut out carbs from my diet. I didn’t exclude any food groups, just cut portion size by using smaller dinner plates which actually really helped and I exercise a lot. Even walking lots can make a huge difference.

@PandoraP

I don’t think you look obese either. It looks like you dress well in flattering clothing. I recently lost quite a lot of weight, but I didn’t cut out carbs from my diet. I didn’t exclude any food groups, just cut portion size by using smaller dinner plates which actually really helped and I exercise a lot. Even walking lots can make a huge difference.

This. You dont have to cut our whole food groups. You just need to adjust portion sizes and how you eat. Add more protein as you say you don’t easily get full easy protein will help with this and more veggies/salad ( volume eating) and you will need less carbs. Don’t cut them out, maybe try whole grain etc but you don’t HAVE to cut anything out. Just be aware of what you are eating and how much. Your body will adjust to smaller portions.

Up your physical activity even by walking more, move around the house in the day more it all counts. Plenty of you tube walking/dance easy movement videos. It does help, yes diet is important but your body will thank you for movement it’s so vital for our health and you can burn calories by just walking. Anything that gets our heart rate up is good for us. It also helps our mood and if you feel good you want to fuel your body better.

Thanks everyone. My morning off is done and family chaos awaits downstairs now - so will check this thread later in the Evening. I like the smaller plate idea and maybe - just for today - just as an experiment - I’ll use a side/quarter plate to eat both meals…

I have also struggled with weight most of my life. I never looked particularly heavy but the scales told a different story.

When I had a heart attack six years ago all was revealed. I carry all my weight internally, packed around my organs. My poor heart was really struggling to cope with such heavy fat deposits.

I am now two stone lighter and still working on it.

These are the tips that helped me;

• Start walking. Over time increase your steps to a minimum of £10k a day. Think steps at every opportunity. If you forget something, enjoy going back to get it. Park the car as far from the shop entrance as possible. Don't get the bus all the way, get off early and walk. If you are short of steps at the end of the day just walk round the block.
• I know you have said you don’t eat sugar but monitor your eating on My Fitness Pal. I was shocked at how much sugar is in some foods. Sugar is addictive and drives insulin issues. It is also relatively easy to stop eating. I endured 10 days of cravings and massive headaches, but am now largely sugar free.
• Removing sugar from your diet will reduce hunger and food cravings.
• Tackle your portion size issues one day at a time. Otherwise it will feel overwhelming. Start by recognising that most of the taste / pleasure comes in the first few mouthfuls. After that you are just filling up.
• Sometimes we fill up to prevent feelings of hunger. Sometimes because we fear hunger and sometimes because that is the amount we always eat. I worked on my fear of hunger first. I let my body feel real hunger on a number of occasions and the pleasure that followed when I ate. Now I only eat when I am truly hungry.
• I also started to reduce my portion sizes by dishing up into two bowls. I ate half my normal portion size with a promise to myself that I could go back for the rest if I was still really hungry at the end. I also added a lot of veg to the initial portion. After a week or two I rarely went back for the rest. It ended up in the freezer for another day.
• Finally I tackled my relationship with carbs like rice, potatoes etc. Nothing was banned but I used tricks like Cauliflower rice to reduce how many times a week I was eating the high carb version. It worked for me. I would now choose Cauliflower rice with lots of black pepper over real rice any day. I just love the clean taste.

I would really recommend trying the one day at a time approach @froidIci. It is so positive that you have recognised that you may have a problem before it becomes a more serious health issue and by taking it slowly it is something that you can resolve.

Hi OP

It sounds like we are from a very similar culture. Rice, roti and carbs are the mainstay of every meal. I also have a bad sugar addiction.

I also do not look over weight at all, but my waist measurement is too high. My mother is prediabetic and has absolutely no energy or life in her. I am 34 and already feeling really low on energy and have some signs of insulin resistance, although my hba1c is within normal range for the time being.

I do time restricted eating most days. So my first meal of the day is at 12pm or 1pm. I do not eat anything after 5pm. I have worked my way into this routine gradually by pushing 1st meal of the day forward slowly and pushing last meal back slowly over a few weeks to give my body a chance to adjust. When you are eating a decent amount of protein and fat it is also easier to manage until the next meal time. You really won't feel as hungry.

I have found that the more carbs I eat the more I want to eat and I never really have an "off" button when it comes to carbs. For that reason I have gone low carb. I appreciate what everyone is saying about having carbs in moderate portions blah blah but it just doesn't work for me. I find it really hard to limit my carbs once my brain has received the first dopamine hit from the rice! It's all or nothing for me. If I eat something with carbs it sparks my appetite up again and leaves me feeling hungry again a short while after.

For this reason I have gone low carb. It is hard in the beginning but after about 2 weeks you will find your cravings getting less, your appetite getting less and feeling less obsessed with food overall. It isn't on my mind like it used to be.

I still eat a nice mutton curry made with ghee etc but I'll eat it on Cauliflower rice along with side salad with chat masala sprinkled on and some yoghurt. It still gives me the satisfaction without the unwanted side effects.

The biological "set point" has to be reset. It helps to remember to think of weight gain and loss in terms of hormonal shifts. You might Jason fungs videos on YouTube really useful. His advice really does work.

If you need some asian meal ideas then just send me a message!

Going cold Turkey on carbs for at least 2 weeks before introducing them back at more sensible portion sizes could really help. Getting through the cravings is tough but once you crave it less it maybe easier to stick to a lower carb than you used to menu.

You look beautiful! I like the black on black too.
I'm a tiny bit taller (174cm), but struggle similarly, deceptively obese. Before DC, I weighed a steady 65 forever, but now drifting between 78-82 kg (youngest now 9). I'm also from a culture mired in starchy comfort foods so I get it!
I have lost 2st twice since then and kept it off for a couple of years each time, and knowing I can do it makes me not panic, despite currently weighing 80 again Predictably, two major life events have proved too much and I've fallen off the wagon both times, but knowing weight loss is achievable takes the stress out of the prospect for me.
My first bit of advice is that once you have cracked the initial hurdle of reducing calories; feeling hungry, thinking incessantly about food, cravings, headaches etc, which may take a few days, it really does go away. It's amazing. When you have a quiet week lined up, tell yourself that you're going to make it a 1500 cal/day week. Plan it, stick to it and log it (MyFitnessPal is super useful as long as you're really honest). Knowing it's only for an initial "trial week" will take the sting out of it and perhaps let your mind relax into the process. Then repeat for "just one more week" until it sticks.
I found that my body sort of settled into a different rhythm and frequency. My "inner world" felt more spacious, and before long, my emotional attachment to food was pretty much on snooze. It may sound crazy, but I came to sort of depersonalise the hunger, foody thoughts and inner mind chatter ("I think I've earned...") and treat it like a very lovely but mischievous pet, which I could empathise with, but ultimately tell to go away and lie in its basket.

I'm having another go now. It's going well as I know the ropes. However, I will also look at some therapy to run concurrently, and make a point of learning more about emotional eating to fortify myself against inevitable bumps in the road ahead.
Wishing you lots of luck and success, OP.

Honestly ignore those bmi charts. You are certainly not obese, not even fat/over weight looking to me either.

What about exercise. Would some cardio help you out. It would burn calories for sure but I know it's hard to get the time when you have a family, job, life etc.

OP, I was about your weight and size, just 2Cms taller. And addicted to toast, toasted sandwiches etc.

At the start of lockdown I decided to get my BMI down to cut potential Covid risk.

Just by changing to 3 meals if healthy food and only ‘very healthy’ snacks.

Porridge (a small bowl) is very ‘comfort food’ as is Greek yogurt. I had mine with frozen blueberries.

A hot bowl of home made soup, it can have chunks of potato in it! And a small piece of bread or toast. Or a small baked potato with cottage cheese (I like cottage cheese) or tuna and salad.

Normal dinner but half the carb portion.

I kept some gorgeous hand cream on my desk and applied that quite often, really enjoying the smell. A friend had sent me some aromatherapy rub things which I applied quite often, psychosomatic, a great distraction, and smelled lovely!

For my afternoon snack (Jasmin tea / oat cake / carrot sticks / whatever) I would go into the garden or front room and consciously enjoy a different view, look at flowers or whatever.

It all felt like looking after myself, treating myself well in a positive way.

The bread and chocolate addiction took about 5 days to go, and about the same time for my appetite to adjust and be less demanding.

@pradavilla look at the upper arms in that photo, do you really think they are the arms of someone who isn't overweight!

OP does look great, no doubt about it but she is well aware she is overweight.

I have similar issues, very slim hips, dress to hide my tummy and people are always shocked when I say I am overweight.

We are meant to be slim and active to have optimum health.

You sound really nice. Have you had your thyroid checked? I found out I have hashimotos hypothyroidism and it turns out that explains….depression, sensitivity to cold, fatigue, lack of ability to lose weight…all the things. It’s still hard but I feel like I have a chance of getting things under control now I know

Me personally I have to remove myself from potatoes, rice, pasta and bread, in particlar the last two

Then anything made of those things like cake/biscuits etc. Cereal I cant touch

I do have the odd ryvita

I have to fill up on protein and fats. Proportionately I have quite a high fat diet, it makes up over a 3rd of my calories, sometimes more. I cant get full or satisfied on veg or fruit Im afraid

However Im currently on medication to curb my appetite and its a revelation to me that I now know what 'normal' people feel like and why they can just stop eating when they're full, leave food if they dont want it. Its amazing.