Self-care journey

[Startingover37]

As my username suggests, I feel like I'm 'starting over' at 37. Like a lot of people, the past 18mths have led to some unhealthy behaviours mostly overeating, and the closure of gyms and classes (which really work for me) hasn't helped. I am currently around 15 stone.
I can't just blame covid as my weight has slowly crept over the last few years and I fluctuate between getting really into eating healthy, losing weight and then, thinking Feck it, life's too short, eat the cake, drink the wine! I need a healthy balance and a better relationship with food.
I have realised that for me, overfocussing on food and on the scales sends me backwards....simply looking after myself better leads to me feeling better, having more energy and in turn losing weight. I know food is so important in that but for me, focussing on the self-care side seems to have helped before.
So, I'm posting this, both as accountabilty for myself and to see if any like-minded people want to join me on my journey? I hope so!
Starting simple this week...

1. Drink 2l of water each day
2. Walk 10,000 steps per day
3. At least 3 self-care activities per week e.g. a nice bath, paint my nails...anything that makes me feel better in my own body.

Any other suggestions welcome! Genuinely look forward to hearing from anyone in a similar boat!

@Paramaribo That must be really difficult being limited by your foot. You sound like you are dealing with it really well though and doing what you can. I get niggling lower back pain, and like you with your foot, I really hope that losing weight will reduce the pressure on it and reduce the pain.

My week has gone ok, for the first week.
Food: I have a plan in place but only going for my first proper food shop today. I want something I will stick too so it's really just normal healthy food, not a 'diet', just cutting out sugar and processed food but giving myself a bit more freedom at the weekends as I know I won't stick with it long term otherwise. I also get bored with the same foods so don't want anything too rigid.
Water: Drank more than the last few weeks but I still need to up my intake a bit more.
Sleep: This was my biggest win. I am sleeping better than I have in ages! Perhaps it's just feeling more relaxed about things?
Exercise: I did 2 exercise classes and went for 30-45 minute walks on the other days. Feel my energy levels rising already...
I still have a long way to go but all the baby steps are heading in the right direction!
I hope everyone had a good week. Enjoy the weekend!

Plantar fasciitis is such a pain @Paramaribo. If it makes you feel any better, mine has improved dramatically since I started to loose weight. I still get the occasional twinge, but only when I’ve been on my feet all day, or if I’ve been for a long walk. I didn’t need to loose much before mine started to improve, so fingers crossed you’ll start to see improvements soon too.

It sounds like you are doing really well @Startingover37. It’s great that you’re already starting to see some improvements! That must be so motivating.

My sleep hasn’t got much better, so I’m still feeling pretty knackered. I’m hoping it will sort itself out soon.

On the positive side, I have resisted the temptation to compensate for the lack of sleep by eating lots of crap. It’s definitely been tempting, but I’ve stayed strong 💪

I’m pleased with my exercise too. I’ve been a little less active than normal, but considering how tired I’ve been feeling I am giving myself a pat on the back for still getting some exercise in each day.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Thank you @Startingover37 and @Crazzzycat - yes it is a pain, I've become too accustomed to it really as it has been years (at one point, when it was really bad, I had it in both feet!).

The sad thing is that two years ago I was a lot lighter and my PF was a lot better/almost gone - then I started doing inappropriate exercise/gaining weight...I definitely need to lose weight again properly. What I am eating now is pretty much maintenance for my goal weight - so I am losing weight but slowly. I think now I fully understand that it is this baseline way of eating (not excess wine drinking and eating pretty much what I thought I wanted) it may be time to blast some off.

Sorry to hear that your sleep hasn't improved @Crazzzycat . I hope it sorts itself out soon for you.

I've realised that my self-care journey needs to extend to my friendships too...I felt a bit down about this yesterday but I think I need to face facts.

After feeling so motivated and on top of things, I didn't have a great day today. I didn't have a good sleep at all, woke up my back/hip were very sore and stiff, and then, I went to a bbq at my brother's where my healthy eating intentions went right out the window!
I'm telling myself it's only a bad day and trying to focus on the positives..that I still got in a decent walk this morning and I had a good time at the bbq. Trying not to beat myself up over it and now l'll be back on it again tomorrow!

@Paramaribo This year has also made me re-evaluate friendships and see some for what they really are. It is sad but also a natural part of life I guess.

@Crazzzycat Sorry to hear your sleep isn't improving. One things that often works for me was Progressive Muscle Relaxing (not sure of the correct term) but I have it on the Calm app. It is like a meditation that goes through the body, tensing the muscles and then relaxing them. Might be worth a try?

@Startingover37, it’s completely normal to have days that don’t go so well, especially at the start. It gets a lot easier once your new habits become more ingrained. Keep focussing on the positives!

Sorry to hear you are reevaluating some friendships @Paramaribo. That’s tough 😔 I hope you’re doing ok?

There’s been a slight improvement in my sleep. I’m still waking up stupidly early, but the last two days at least I’ve managed to get back to sleep after a while. Just as well, as on Saturday I really had had enough and threw my healthy eating habits out of the window. Eating more did give me a bit more energy, so as a one-off I’m not too worried about it, but I’d rather not do that too often!

Anyway, I’m pleased with myself that I managed to get some exercise in. I didn’t do my usual cardio sessions, because I though that really would be pushing it, but I did go on a few shortish walks. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this week will be easier 🤞

Have a good week everyone!

That's great @Crazzzycat - and glad to hear that you're managing to fall back to sleep again now. I went through a period a few years ago now where I seriously struggled to get to sleep - tried the Paul McKenna book and it did work. He has a few exercises in the book to get to sleep (without having to listen to anything) - they worked but strangely I resisted doing them most of the time (think I enjoyed the 'me' time when I had a toddler even if it did mean being knackered!).

I'll bore you with my friends angst but please skip if it gets too much ! I've got some lovely, very longstanding, friends but they also now all live at least 2 hrs away so I don't see them much or in some cases at all. My closest friend I speak to every couple of weeks for an hour but (even in normal times) only see twice a year. It has been like this for decades now and that is fine. I see the others once a year or less.

I did have a few interconnecting groups of local friends/acquaintances - who were lovely and I really enjoyed my time with them. Mainly superficial but I was happy with that - we went to the races/spa days/book clubs/out for meals etc.

Slowly the groups got smaller and smaller or disappeared as people moved away/circumstances changed and I then realised in a smaller group that some people aren't quite a nice as I thought - one person in particular I started to display a real nasty streak (maliciously spreading gossip (told to her directly by the person it concerns and very private) and clearly has little respect for other people's boundaries, including mine etc). So I distanced myself completely.

This left me with one local friend (in addition to acquaintances/work colleagues - who are great to be fair!) but I've realised that I feel drained/slightly sad after seeing her almost consistently now and I've also become guarded in what I share with her/regret telling her things as I don't trust her! I've tried setting boundaries - the next step is to make them VERY clear. I guess I have nothing to lose at this stage as I don't want to carry on like this.

I basically miss having a local groups of friends and the social connection that came from a primary school aged child at the school gates and sports clubs etc. However, I'm not prepared maintain fake friendships with people I don't particularly like when all I get from the relationship is the illusion of having local friends! So something needs to be done here and that will take time - I'm going to properly work on myself first though. I would love to join a walking group or similar but...my foot!

In other negative news I haven't felt 100% for the last few days and have let a few things slip/slip in...I'm going to try a re-boot tomorrow!

Hi all, sorry for slow reply, I've been waiting to hear results from stupid interview but nothing yet! However, it went well, so I'm proud of myself, I can't believe how close I came to pulling out of a demonstrations of something that I should be able to do standing on my head. Really glad I chose to push myself, 1 step to finding a bit of self confidence again I hope!
Other than that I've been concentrating on making sure I get my house back under control and also spend time in my beloved garden, I feel so much calmer and in control of life if these things are right so it automatically impacts my eating habits and of course, done vigorously, both are exercise too 🤣
Sounds like you are all doing some good things, my hubby suffers from plantar fasciitis too, (he's super skinny but does quite intense exercise) and swears by standing with his toes on a step and gently lowering his heels down below the step level a few times after he's been running. @Paramaribo the friendship thing does sound hard, but I totally get you, toxicity in your friendships is something no one needs in their life.
Happy Tuesday all.

@ElvenDreamer Ah that's fantastic, really glad you went for it and that it went so well!

@Paramaribo Friendships changing or seeing them for what they are is really tough but you sound like you know yourself who has a positive impact on your life and who doesn't. Take care of yourself.

@ElvenDreamer I'm with you on getting the house back under control again. Since Iv restarted my exercise, I have a lot more energy and what used to seem like massive tasks are being done fairly easily. After a wobble at the weekend, I really feel back on track again this week!

Hope everyone has a great week

@ElvenDreamer - that's great news that the interview went so well and was a real confidence boost! I hope you don't need to wait much longer.

There is a lot to be said for cleaning/getting our homes in order - both the act of doing it and then enjoying the end result (while that lasts!). Not quite sure why I resist it so much sometimes! Thinking I need some kind of daily self care check-list and it should include 20-30 mins housework (beyond the perpetuals of laundry, dishes, basic tidying).

I've been really rubbish with the PF exercises for a long time now - that needs to go on the self-care list too. Whilst I was losing weight last time I was much better and doing those too...so maybe it wasn't just the weight-loss. Thank you - I think that was the nudge I needed to get me back on it. Something else for my daily self-care check-list!

@Startingover37 Brilliant to hear that you are back on track again .

Thanks you for the support with the friendship thing and sorry that I wrote so much! I feel like I am going/gone through a change and I need to both strengthen my boundaries and be more open/make more effort with people at the same time - so that is what I will do!

Off to organise a self-care check list and get starting with ticking...

Hi all...just been reading through the thread and it seems like the place for me! I lost a stone on SW but became obsessed with food and weighing myself.I am now focusing on self care ; eating well, getting into a good sleep habit, meditation for stress and walking every evening.I try to read as many self help books as I can , just things that jump out at me really.! I am not particularly religious but I found an American author Marianne Williamson and am loving her books.She wrote one called 21 Lessons in Weight Loss, which I like.I go on You Tube at night and find all sorts of guided meditations to get me off to sleep...some are rubbish but the ones by The Mindful Movement or a guy called Jason Stephenson are great and have me asleep in no time,e!

@bossybloss Welcome...great to have more like-minded people on board!
Well done on your weight loss, I know what you mean about weighing yourself. I found before I could be feeling great, feeling healthier, lighter but I could weigh myself and be up a pound....and that good feeling just evaporated!

Those suggestions sound great, lots of things to put on the self-care list

@Startingover37 I was weighing myself every day and feeling terrible mist of the time.I lost a stone and then the weight just would not budge. Looking back though, I have never really been able to get much lighter than I am now.

I know what you mean.....I might feel thinner and healthier but then jump on the scale and be so disappointed !

Welcome @bossybloss! Your plan sounds very sensible and sustainable.

I don’t know what it is with scales, but I find it very easy to become a bit obsessed with them too. I do weigh myself as I have a fair bit to loose and need to make sure that what I’m doing is actually working.

I’ve set myself a weight loss goal, but made sure that it’s a realistic long-term goal. I’ve also broken it up into smaller two-month goals. If I reach a goal on time (which is almost guaranteed), I don’t immediately rush to the next goal but stick with the current one.

So instead of constantly thinking, oh I still have X amount to loose to make it to the next goal, I can have a few weeks of being pleased that I’ve lost more than I was planning to. And any weight I loose during that time will go towards the next 2 month goal, which in turn will make that one easier to achieve.

Not sure if that makes sense (or still sounds a little obsessive 🙈), but doing it this way has really worked well for me so far. I don’t constantly feel like there’s a bigger goal to chase. Instead, I feel smug about smashing my smaller goals and being ahead of target 🙂

@Crazzzycat that sounds good to me, I will probably be weighing myself at intervals too,just not as often as I was. I feel a lot more relaxed and happy around food .I thought that if I could make my life more mindful..then mindful eating would be part of it.I no longer beat myself up for falling off the wagon..I just get straight back on, eating as healthily as I can and moving as much as possible ..walking, taking the lift, parking further from supermarket etc.

Count me in.

I am working on weight loss side of things but don't want that to be my only focus and I am steadily losing but since I'm short, it's taking a while. I was shielding for some of last year and live alone, currently not working (although looking) and I feel like I've 'lost' myself along the way.

So like you @Startingover37 I want to do a few little things to make me feel better

1. At least 1.5l water a day
2. Try to get out every day
3. Start C25k (did first 2 sessions about 3 weeks ago and then stopped for various reasons)
4. Self-care activities - moisturise after showers, deep condition hair, apply sheet face mask etc

I am struggling with sleep at the moment so I hop getting out for fresh air/exercise will help. I listen to headspace but have also downloaded the 'Calm' app for something different in the evening.

@Crazzzycat @bossybloss We all sound like we are going for similar, not obsessing over the scales but just wanting to see movement in the right direction. I do think how the body is feeling is even more important than the scales but maybe I'm in denial...I do need to lose about 3 stone!

@purplegirl13 Welcome!! I posted before about having lost myself a bit over the past year. I live with my teenage daughter so while not alone, I spent A LOT of time on my own and found it hard to keep motivated. Your plan sounds great!

My exercise is going great, feeling really energised after a boxing session today. My sleep has improved and I am sleeping more deeply. For self-care, I have started a meditation course, every morning, it's a great start to the day and makes me feel much calmer than my usual rushing about. Still not there with diet yet and I definitely need to drink more water but I'm happy to build on things slowly. One step at a time!

I have a night out with friends and a first date this weekend so feel like I am starting to live again!

@purplegirl13 I have found loads of sleep meditation videos on You Tube on all sorts of topics.Sleep meditation and weight loss, sleep meditation and confidence to name just two.I used to be a chronic insomniac and dread bedtime...now I look forward to it and drop off quickly!

@Startingover37 I think I am going to try to meditate each morning as well as go for a walk in my break ..I work from home so it won’t be too hard to fit in.Hope your date and night out with friends goes well ..how exciting !

Hello and welcome @bossybloss and @purplegirl13!

Reading these posts makes me feel inspired to try a sleep app and mediation! I shall go an look up Marianne Williamson in a minute...

A friend and I had our first video call last night - which was really good in itself. We're in a similar position regarding our weight so we've hatched a plan - feeling motivated again now!

I've got a day off today and for the first time in a very long time he is going into the office so - I can play music and listen to podcasts whilst [hopefully] getting on with stuff!

What a positive update @Startingover37! I was smiling reading that!

Your staged goal plan sounds really good @Crazzzycat

@Startingover37 doing a meditation course is a good call. Adding that to my list.
I am feeling a bit sick this morning (after effects of antibiotics) so will try to get out for c25k this afternoon, but won't force myself.
I made sure I washed my face last night and used some serum/creams I have lying around. I want to make this a daily evening habit.

I am off to stay with friends this afternoon for a long weekend, am very much looking forward to a change of scenery!

@bossybloss I also suffer dreadfully with insomnia and love a good guided meditation to help me sleep.

Sorry that made no sense - my husband is going into the office so I have the house to myself.

Welcome to the newcomers! 🤗

@purplegirl13, I’ve found outdoor exercise to be very helpful for my insomnia. According to my GP, the earlier in the day you can do it, the better. But if that’s not possible, just having your morning coffee outside is beneficial too, as the benefit for sleep to a large extent comes from exposing your eyes to morning light.

I’ve started doing meditation too and have been using the Mindfulness app. It has courses for all sorts of things, including sleep, mindful eating and so on. I’m finding it really helpful. I’ve not done the mindful eating course yet, but I’ve found that I’m already applying a lot of the principles of mindfulness to food without even thinking about it. Most of the time, I no longer eat because I’m bored, tired, trying to distract myself or anything like that. I don’t know if that’s all the result of meditation, but it’s definitely helped.

Morning all!

I woke up so early this morning, can't get back to sleep so I've decided to get up and get a load of housework done so I'll have a more relaxed, enjoyable weekend.

I've been reflecting on the week and while a lot of things have been going really well (exercise, sleep, self-care) I have totally neglected my food plan and I didn't really make any positive changes to how I was eating this past week.

So, my main focus for next week is getting organised before my food shopping, planning healthy meals and snacks and sticking to the plan! This is ultimately the thing that will make the biggest difference for me so I need to start making changes now.

Any one else have a main focus for next week?

It's been so great checking in here with you all, sharing and hearing your stories and suggestions. We got this!! Have a great weekend everyone

I’ve made a habit of looking over the last week and seeing what went well and what I’d like to do differently, do more of etc. I’ve been doing this for a bit longer than you @Startingover37, so most of my changes are little tweaks, not big changes. Like this week I’m trying to make time for meditation, rather than squeeze it in just before going to sleep because I didn’t prioritise it earlier on.

Sometimes it only takes a week to get into a new habit, sometimes I need to do it for a few weeks in a row and sometimes I have to keep revisiting something that I’d like to be a habit, because it just isn’t sticking!

I haven’t quite cracked the meditation thing, so I think I’ll carry that one forward to next week. I’d also like to make sure I eat some nuts every day. That sounds like an easy habit, but it’s one I often have to revisit for some reason. It’s weird, because I do like eating them. I just forget!

Anyway, I’ve not had the best week thanks to a combination of stress, poor sleep and some mild food poisoning. I feel drained, but hopefully this weekend will be a bit better.

I really enjoy reading what everyone else is doing and even though I’ve been trying to sort myself for a while I’m still getting more ideas from you all!

Have a good weekend everyone!

@Crazzzycat I'm sorry to hear you haven't had the best week, food poisoning to top it all off! You poor thing. Hope you are feeling a bit better by now.

You sound like you have a good handle on things in general and it really seems to be working for you. Any tips on what worked well from a food perspective? Wasn't it you who was doing 16:8?

I have a food plan which I feel would help me lose weight but might end up very repetitive and boring. I am really considering 16:8. I just feel my mindless eating has gotten out of control over the past year and I need to start putting some sort of boundaries in! I realised recently, while I make nice and fairly healthy food, I am rarely hungry for it due to grazing. Not sure if 16:8 would help with that, possibly due to having a start time and finish time!

I feel everything else is going quite well if I can just decide which way to go from a food point of view. I don't want to 'diet', obsess over calories, eat bland food or imit food groups etc so 16:8 might be the way to go. I'm off to google...

That’s well remembered @Startingover37, I do indeed do 16:8. For me, it works really well, partially because the rules are so simple. I know when I should, and when I shouldn’t be eating, so there isn’t really much point in thinking or obsessing about food outside that eating window.

Having said that, even with intermittent fasting, it helps to keep an eye on what you’re eating. You don’t want to be eating lots and lots of calorific foods in your eating window, but likewise you don’t want to eat too little either.

It can be useful to come up with a rough idea of how many calories you want for your lunch, dinner and snacks, just so that you have a rough idea of what to aim for. Not eating enough is weirdly a bigger problem for me than eating too much. I’m veggie and don’t really like very rich foods, so I definitely need a few healthy snacks every day to keep my calories up.

If you want to try 16:8, I’d recommend starting with say a twelve hour fast and adding an hour to it it each week. Once you’re used to it, a 16 hour fast is easy, but it just takes a little bit of getting used to.