Defeated by fatness no more

[BreathingDeep]

Happy Monday!

Following my thread last week about how I, and so many of us, are feeling like we're defeated by our weight, here's a support thread for those of us who don't want stop ourselves from living the lives we want any more.

There were some amazing stories shared and so much honesty about how this is a struggle for so many of us. Here's the thread for anyone wanting to read:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4225173-Defeated-by-my-fatness-am-I-alone

I know that I am sick of feeling ashamed of myself. Sick of hiding away. Sick of feeling that I'm judged for my weight. Sick of feeling that I'm letting myself and my family down. Sick of feeling that my inside doesn't match the outside. Sick of living in the same few outfits because everything else is too tight or looks terrible. Sick of seeking solace in food that doesn't nourish me. Sick of treating myself badly.

If you feel the same, come and join us! Everyone will have their own journey, their own approach and that's fine - please, no criticism or judgement of anyone's plan. The main aim is that we all take steps, every single day, to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.

For me, that means today will include drinking water, taking a long lunch and having a dog walk with a friend (this NEVER happens because work always comes first) and sticking with my Cambridge plan.

How about you?

Hi everyone, another beautiful day here in the Midlands although we are predicted storms I think later
Small margins of progress with weight loss but I will wait for Friday to check in officially with that. Had lunch and cake with a friend yesterday and found as I often do that by eating more earlier in the day - post fast- that I am less hungry in the evening. For me the struggle remains how much I like food and wish I could just indulge myself mindlessly. It feels an achievement to get to bedtime some days as the evenings can be a bit of a mental battle not to give in to 'treats'.
fingers crossed for a loss evident on the scales on Friday

Smallstep Hi to you too. Beautiful day here too, I cannot put into words how much I am loving this weather, I have more energy, I'm up and out walking earlier etc.

I am holding out hope for Friday too, weekends not so good but I try really hard during the week. I would love a 2lb loss, not sure that's going to happen, but anything will be good!
I can feel a bit less girth around my fat fat stomach, still not good, but I think when you can imperceptibly feel your body change even a tiny bit, it does spur you on.

Right, I need to share my predicament to see if anyone has any suggestions. Since my mum moved in it has all gone to pot. I used to eat fairly early with the kids, around 6/7pm. That allowed me to do 16:8 without much difficulty. I also avoided/limited carbs in the evening, and only drank alcohol on Fridays and Saturdays. That was working well, I was losing weight (slowly), had more energy, felt less bloated.

But mum and stepdad both tend to work late so aren't home until around 8pm. So I'm now eating much later and this makes it harder to stick to 16:8. We are taking it in turns to cook which is great, but they are cooking massively carb heavy meals and the lower carb things I have made haven't gone down too well. They are likely to be here for months so I really need to nip this all in the bud now before I end up right back at square 1.

I don't want to be the awkward one who starts asking for something different or variations at every meal. I know it is a pain in the arse for other people. Nor do I want to be antisocial and say I'll just eat on my own earlier with the kids, as I am genuinely enjoying their company not to mention having someone cook for me for a change. But I'm going to have to do something as already feel huge and it has only been 3 weeks. Help!!!

sylv that is really tricky. We do eat early (mainly because my DH has a hobby he does 2-3 times a week that starts at 7pm so we are in that habit) and I do know that when I lost 5 stone 15 years ago, changing to eating earlier really helped.

Which is no help to you saying that!
If you really want to eat with them (and of course you do!) I can only suggest tweaking of the meal.
Or ask them what they plan to cook when it's their turn, and prepare in advance (extra salad, veg, pulses or whatever)
Not easy for you, especially if you feel all your hard work is going down the drain!

Yeah I am just going to have to say I'll eat earlier with the kids. Which means no nice dinners being cooked for me and then having to watch others eating the nice dinners I could have had. It'll be tough but I don't really have a choice. My mum has always been naturally slim and doesn't really get it

My best friend is naturally very slim too. And really doesn't get it! She says... you've lost a bit of weight, why don't you stop watching what you eat now...
(Because I could put it all back on in a nano-second! As we all know, the easiest thing is to put on weight. Taking it off is another matter...)

@sylv165, I was going to suggest that you had some meals together and others when you do your own thing. I mentioned on one of my much earlier posts that I found it most easy to diet when I haven’t got to factor in what others want to eat or others cooking for me. My former DP was a good cook and liked to feed me up 😂 when I am cooking now for my DDs and new DP I just try to remove too many carbs from my plate. It does limit some of the options for cooking us all the same things though.

That is tricky. Would it help to have a frank conversation with them and explain everything you've said here - that you really appreciate them cooking and want to eat with the adults, but you're doing this for your health and you want them to be supportive.

Maybe there's a compromise on the carbs - like having them on the side so that you can opt out? What kinds of things are they cooking? Could they do things where rice, potatoes, bread etc are side dishes rather than integral?

By the way we do 16:8 with an eating window of 1pm - 9pm. It's very manageable. Would that fit in with your mum? Or even 8 / 8.30pm as a compromise?

@sylv165 could you have a Frank chat with your mum and tell her how you are feeling and what you are doing to get healthy? Then you could have some meals with the kids as normal and have some with your mum, but ask her to bear in mind your diet preferences. If she won't or can't, you could always do a 24 hour fast before you eat with her, or just ask for a much smaller portion so that you are not overloaded.

Thanks all. I’ve been mulling it over all afternoon, and I think maybe an acceptable compromise could be to eat with the kids during the week, then relax a bit at the weekend. Eat with the grown ups then but maybe try to minimise the carbs. It’ll be hard as “fun” is my weakness and when I see them eating nice food and drinking wine I will definitely struggle. But I don’t want to be defeated by fatness!!

Last night was lovely bacon and courgette pasta, tonight will be fajitas (which I am at least able to have without the wraps). @TheLeadbetterLife I’ve been trying to do 9-1 but I’m usually up at 5.30/6ish with my youngest so get to 1pm feels like a long stretch and I’m really struggling!!

I have gone and done it! I have signed up to the Diabetes UK 1 million step challenge! I have opted to do 500,000 steps as that seemed more achievable but will increase if I find I'm doing it ok. I felt like I needed an incentive to get out and do something. Thought that this would help my fitness level and encourage me to continue losing weight 😊
@sylv165 sounds like a good compromise!

Oh well done @Harpydragon!! That'll be a great motivator

Gosh, eating late then being up at 5.30 must be a nightmare sylv. I hope you can find a workable compromise with your parents.

I like the sound of these fitness challenges everyone, that's a great idea. I'm finding it all too easy to not bother with a workout because I feel a bit tired (i.e. all the time, because I'm a terrible sleeper). This morning I've got dressed straight into my workout gear in an attempt to make it unavoidable.

Weight etc has stayed the same this week. I seem to be in this frustrating pattern of losing one week and staying the same the next. I suppose I should tell myself that it makes it more sustainable (in theory), but it's bloody annoying.

I really want to get below 75kg and stay there. I've decided 75 must be my upper limit - a month ago I had 80 as that upper limit and I haven't got anywhere near it again, so hopefully I can do the same for 75 long term. For weeks now though I have been shy of that threshold and it's maddening.

Essentially I need to lose another half stone in old money. Then never put it back on... yikes.

I'm logging this today for fear it will have gone back up tomorrow - but this morning I hit 1 stone lost It's such a huge motivator for me to see the numbers come down. Another stone will put me back into a fair few of the clothes I bought in 2019 that I very swiftly couldn't fit into once 2020 came around.
Well done Harpy on signing up to 500,000 steps ! I like a challenge but I have been useless recently in making effort with exercise.
Leadbetter I think the concept of having an upper weight that you definitely don't want to go above again is a great one. That way you have some leeway but can address things each time you hit 80kg. I dream of being 80kg
If I don't appear tomorrow for Friday check in you know that the scales have edged back up

Yes my leeway plan is for times like Christmas / winter, when I don't mind putting on a bit, but I want an upper limit!

75kg would always keep my BMI under 25, but it's all theoretical at the moment, as I haven't yet managed to get under it.

Many congratulations on a stone lost - that's a brilliant achievement!

Onesmall Fantastic on the one stone! Great feeling!

And Harpy I'm in awe of you and your challenge

My aim is to get to 68kg (10st10) but I am a long way from that! What makes me quite sad is.... I've got lots of old little notebooks from years ago with weekly weigh ins written in and there were times I started dieting at 68kg and never realised quite how good that weight was!

However, I did weigh this morning (even though my weighing day is Friday) and it does appear I've lost 2.5lbs this week. I am not very good at the weekend (g&t/wine/pizza/bbq etc) and this weekend have one of the DDs home and we do veer into cocktail territory so this weekend won't be good. But I concentrate hard on it during the week and maybe that's enough, until I hit a dreaded plateau.

Good luck everyone, keep at it!

Another 2.5 lbs off for me this week. That's my 1st stone off. I have decided to reward myself with a bracelet for every stone that I lose. Its only a little surfer type bracelet, but I hope to have a whole arm full by the time I'm done!
Well done to everyone else who has lost something this week. We are defeated no more!

Checking in at 10st11.5 - 3.5lbs heavier than last week and almost back into an obese bmi. So depressing!!

@sylv165 don't get disheartened, you can sort that out, you know what the issue is! Losing weight is rarely a straight line loss. You've got this

I know @Harpydragon. Just feels a bit like one step forward, 2 steps back. But I'll go for a run today and hopefully that will boost my mood and make me feel like I am taking steps to sort myself out. Just having a grumpy moment about it this morning!!

Hope the grumpy moment doesn't last

And on a more positive note, I'm glad I posted earlier in the week about the blip I'm having. It was tempting to just slip out of the group quietly and give in to failure, but having all of you encouraging me is definitely helping!

Well done to you all for your weight loss!!

Don't give up sylv! We all have our ups and downs.