Mutual support thread for those currently losing or working towards losing a lot of weight

[UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme]

This is a mutual support thread for anyone who wants (and needs) to lose a lot of weight, is mid way through losing a lot of weight, or is nearing the end of a big weight loss and wants to continue to support and be supported as maintenance approaches.

The previous thread has been massively helpful to regular posters, as we share both our losses and our plateau or gains, congratulate or console, and talk about what works for us while understanding that different things work for different people, and we are all different ages, all have different families/ households/ people to plan around, different commitments, different working lives and different health conditions which partly determine our approaches.

We are all on this journey together - this thread is for us to encourage one another, post updates, chat about what we're doing, how we're doing, share stories and thoughts and sometimes wander slightly off topic if we want, but everyone posting should be somewhere along the journey towards escaping high BMI obesity.

The previous thread was started by someone who no longer posts and initially asked how to lose 9 stone - it developed into a support thread for people with varying amounts left to lose but all of whom started out with at least 5 or 6 stone + / 30 or 35 kg + to lose, very roughly...

No links to selling sites or unsolicited "helpful" lectures please - mutual support from existing and new posters all actually living this big weight loss now, or just starting out, welcome!

Previous thread here:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/3894410-i-need-to-lose-9st-help

Stuckanddesperate you've done so well! I'm glad Zebra and alpha have given you such good advice - although I refered too being motivated it is of course the wrong word - motivation is a fickle, slippery thing which is massively over sold these days - what we actually need is determination to keep on keeping on through all the inevitable ups and downs, like a long walk through varied surroundings, hills etc. We don't think of getting up in the mornings or doing basic personal care like showering as requiring motivation, and good food habits need to become the same - basic personal care - but of course it can be so incredibly, frustratingly hard to change ingrained habits, coping mechanisms and default behaviour!
How long have you been stuck? I've hit lots of plateus and mostly just kept doing the same thing and they've broken and I've started losing again, but they've never been more than about 3 weeks I don't think. Obviously the longer they are the more tempting it is to slide into biscuit based self destruct! Zebra is doing "NoS" and it sounds as if it might be something useful for you too - could you stick to no sweet stuff, no seconds and no snacking Monday to Friday if you knew you could snack on biscuits on Saturday and Sunday? It might be a game changer?
Good luck!

Backtobackagain Welcome! I used to be a teacher in my previous "life" before I left the UK, I remember how stressful it was very well - hats off to you!

I think whether weighing every day is a good idea depends on your personality. Obviously weight fluctuates naturally, especially for women who have not gone through the full menopause yet. Some people catastrophise and go into self destruct at a gain and that screws the week/ whole weight loss journey, but its natural to gain sometimes even when the long term trend is downwards... Obviously other people go the opposite way and feel the scales makes them accountabile, so there isn't a right answer I don't think. How pragmatic are you?

I gained almost a kg last week without doing anything differently to weeks when I've lost a kg. It's easy to be pragmatic because I've been doing the same thing successfully for 8 months and know it's working - and sure enough my period arrived on Monday and I stood on the scales this morning despite it not being weigh in day and the kg is gone, plus another half kg... so it was just water retention last week. It's harder to be sanguine about those ups and downs at the beginning, naturally, as its natural to be less confident that what you're doing is working and the number on the scales will catch up over time!

I actually think weighing once per menstrual cycle, always a couple of days after your period, would be better for women who menstruate, to avoid being thrown off by water weight and all the other hormonal variations, and when I started out I didn't have scales at home and only weighed myself at work once per month - but who can stick to that if they have scales in their bathroom? Not me anyway...

Welcome @Backtobackagain
Well done on your success so far.
When you weigh is very much down to your own preference. Personally I would find the fluctuations demoralising. It also would add to my daily stress load trying to figure out why I had gained or lost. I like to weigh in once a week, log it and forget about it for another week. My eating plan goes on regardless of what I weigh. My other tip is to track other things alongside weight. That helps when you hit a plateau. How is your mood, energy, digestion, sleep etc.
Good luck with it all....

Hi everyone, I'm just starting to try and lose some weight. It's a tricky one for me because of being disabled, so trying not to put pressure on myself.

Started at 15st 8lb (BMI 45), and have lost 3lb in the last 2 weeks. Ideally need to lose 7st, but trying not to think too hard about that number.

I would like to join if I could please? I'm 31, 5'7" and 115kg (18st 1lb) which means I'm only just under a BMI of 40. I am genuinely so disappointed that I've lacked the self-respect to get to this weight - I have no underlying health problems, I'm just greedy, love food and live a very sedentary lifestyle.

I've already worked out that if I can get down to 86.5kg (13st 9lbs), then I drop out of the 'obese' category into the 'overweight' category - which is kind of overwhelming when I think about how much work it will take to lose 30kgs and only just get out of that bracket.

However, the reality is that I need to lose 42.6kg (6st 10lbs) to get down to a "healthy weight" (by BMI standards) and that's a long road. I want to do it because I'm so tired of hiding from myself when I pass a mirror and because I want kids and to go on holiday and wear a bikini.

I will say that I lost a great deal of weight about 7 years ago on a VLCD, but I genuinely spent all the time when I wasn't at work, at home tucked up in bed, shivering. My hair was falling out in clumps. I lost weight but I wasn't happy. And as soon as I started eating again, it was like and unstoppable force - all the weight went back on and more. This time, I want to do it right - it needs to be a lifestyle change, not a quick fix.

Out of interest to those who are IF'ing - are you doing it like the 5:2, or fasting throughout the day (like 16:8)? And if you're fasting each day, what are the time periods when you eat?

I'm really keen to join this support network - I've honestly never told anyone how much I weigh before (not even my partner knows - I make him go out of the bathroom when I weigh myself) and I'm really grateful that there's a place like this that I can come.

Full of admiration for people on this journey. I wish you all luck.

Measuring is also good - I know some people take a million measurements (thigh, hip, waist, underbust, over bust, upper arm... anything I guess!) and add them together and say "Ive lost x inches/ cm!" I can see that could be motivating! I guess sometimes your upper arm or thigh is slimmer due to fat cells there being used for energy, and having perhaps built muscle which takes up less space per weight, so you'd see the change on the tape measure before the scales - muscle then burns more calories than fat so after a couple of weeks the scales go down too...

I only measure my waist as the heart disease risk to waist size statistics are a motivating factor for me, but it is as motivating to see my waist size going down and true that sometimes my waist size has gone down more than my weight. I don't measure weekly though, just randomly once a month or so. My waist was a shocking 107cm the first time I measured it - and that wasn't even at my heaviest, I had already lost a bit of weight by then! Now its 82cm - that is really encouraging to me as a waist size of over 88cm corrolates with very high heart disease risk for women, and over 80cm with increased risk - I'm glad to be out of the statistically very high risk category and determined to get rid of the last few cm of belly fat to get out of the increased risk category. This is important to me personally due to family history of heart disease. The perk of course is that it also correlates with reduced clothes size and a good excuse to buy new clothes

MedusasBadHairDay and d1ver welcome! MedusasBadHairDay well done on the 3lb - thats an excellent rate of loss, 1.5lb per week. Hopefully being disabled won't hold you back as they say diet is 80% of weight loss, exercise 20% .

d1ver I do mostly 18:6 - I tried 5:2 but it didn't suit me at all - I hate calorie counting, it makes me obsessive and resentful. I'm much better at just not eating anything 18 hours per day then having one or two meals in my window. Obviously in that window I know I can't just eat the entire contents of the cupboard, but I don't have to count anything!

I usually fast from 7pm until 1pm, eat a light lunch at 1pm and eat dinner at 6pm (no restrictions on what, normal family meal but we're not desert eatwrs so one course). If I want to snack I usually only eat fruit and a fairly restrained quantity of unsalted nuts. I also mostly but not entirely avoid bread and sweets.

However I have evolved this a bit over time (been doing it 8 months) and I find it really is important to be flexible.

I alter my timings because I work varied long shifts, because I have a family and if I'm home we eat together, because I cook at work with my clients/ residents, and also to have brunch with the family or drink wine and eat a small amount of cheese and crackers or unsalted nuts with my husband in the evening on my weekends off - made less damaging because I work alternate weekends. Also if the children bake I eat it, if the children cook and I've eaten at work I sometimes eat again at home - its important to me that my weight loss doesn't impact negatively on family life and that I don't make an attention seeking diet-martyer of myself!

Different things work for different people - loads of people swear by 5:2 and preser it, so just try and see what suits you.
I was 3kg heavier than you when I started and was 80.5kg this morning - 39kg lost in 8 months. You can do it!

d1ver also with intermittent fasting my hair is as it was before I started, I have a pretty busy life - shift work in a busy job, 3 kids to homeschool/ ferry about, feed wtc etc, I walk about 25-30 miles each week, I'm up before 6am every day - I'm not lying in bed shivering (though there's snow on the ground here again ), it doesn't have to be like that!

Welcome to the thread!
@MedusasBadHairDay - that's a great loss so far. I find it easier not to think about the big number.. it feels so daunting. I have a series of smaller goals and milestones set out which help me keep going...I love crossing them off the list as I reach them.
@d1ver on my fast days I eat one meal a day (dinner). I find I do have to keep an eye on the calories as my portions tend towards huge and I underestimate my intake. I use MFP which is fairly easy. I also have a day a week where I don't fast, log or track calories at all. I haven't read any of the fasting literature, it's just a good way to reduce my intake, retraining my instinct to eat when bored / upset / tired etc. and still eat a normal dinner with my family.

Hello to everyone. It is so lovely to meet you. I so hope this thread will help you all as much as it helps me.
@Backtobackagain . I weigh every day too, it’s my instinct to, and minor fluctuations don’t worry me, but whenever I don’t, I gain the weight back.I think also that, on NoS, if the scales are recording a loss as I go into the weekend, I will have some extras, but I will be really aware that I don’t want to undo all the progress made. But I record my weight here only on Sundays, unless something great has happened like finally getting under 100 kilos, and being so excited I nearly burst!!

@MedusasBadHairDay - welcome! Your weight loss so far is a fab start! I'm just starting as well.

Welcome @d1ver as well! I'm glad you're here, especially since you've never told anyone what you weight till now. It's so easy to feel embarrassed or ashamed about weight, but the reality is a lot of people are in this position. Anyhow I hope you're able to find a way to lose weight where you can feel healthy and happy throughout! Also I agree with you about the amounts just seem so impossible!

@alphaechokiwi when you've said you set smaller goals, what specifically do you set? Is that silly? I've come across losing 5% of my current weight, which seems achievable. But anything after that is just so far away from what I can imagine. Though I suppose I could just think 5%, and then once I'm there reassess.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme Yes, I do work shifts! I really like it as well, and it's also nice when I get an extra day off in the week, because I've been working long days. It just makes a routine a bit difficult. And there's also always food! Always! The big thing I'm going to do at the moment is think of actual strategies to help me not eat except what I've planned.

@alphaechokiwi yes, shame is a really big thing. I'm trying to do some work on self esteem at the same time as this. I figure the better I feel about myself the easier it will be to look after myself, and eating well is a huge part of that.

@KentMum2008 @Backtobackagain @Stuckanddesperate welcome to you all as well! Sorry I missed you, I thought I had responded yesterday! Then I saw your posts again. I can't respond fully just now, hit nice to have you join us, and I'm sure we'll speak soon

And @alphaechokiwi (sorry for tagging you three times now!) that book looks interesting, I will take a look at it! Thank you.

Great to hear everyone’s stories and all the supportive comments. I weigh every day because I find it makes individual weigh ins less important -when I weighed in once a week if my weight went up I felt there was no point not eating what I wanted and tended to binge. If I weigh every day and it’s gone up I find it easier to think that it will probably be better tomorrow.

@ScottishBeth can I ask how your working on self esteem? I have so many negative feelings and shame about myself due to my weight (among other things) and I know this is not helpful in changing my behaviour.

ScottishBeth Aiming for 5% is my plan at the moment, then once I hit it I'll start aiming for the next 5% and so on. Less terrifying that way.

@ScottishBeth apologies for the crappy screenshot. These are my mini goals. But I saw on the previous thread somebody who had set non weight goals linked to fitness and waist measurement etc, so that's always an option too...

It's interesting talking about shame, because I'm genuinely quite comfortable being fat, one of my favourite photos of me is on a beach in a bikini (size 22) but I'm frustrated by lack of nice brands catering to my size (sewing patterns especially - I'm useless at grading patterns up, I just want to buy them in my own size) and fed up of doctors dismissing my health concerns.

Essentially if society was less of a dick about being fat I'd be fine without weight loss, but I know that life will be easier if I was slimmer.

I didn't set any goals at the beginning, because how much you lose is a bit random IMO.

My goal initially was to stick to 16:8 and not buy myself chocolate or biscuits (only eat it if it was given or offered to me) as I had been virtually inhaling chocolate to get me through my finals whilst also working and homeschooling for the four months before I started intermittent fasting.

I wanted to try intermittent fasting and less processed sugar for a year initially and was sure it would help, I knew I wanted to dramatically reduce my heart disease risk as I'd been slightly imagining symptoms of heart failure during the months leading up to exams I think (probably actually just stress - I did have some investigations which are much quicker and easier to initiate where I live than under the NHS, and nothing was found) and I didn't want it to become reality!

I've really only seriously thought about an end goal since people have started asking - when people are used to you being obese to morbidly obese they see you as slim once youre "just" overweight, and several colleagues have suggested that I should stop! Obviously that's a bit premature as my BMI is 29! But it's had me pondering my goal in a more concrete way, as well as what I'll do to maintain (I think I'll stick to what I'm doing but be more relaxed and do 14:10 on days off).

MedusasBadHairDay I wasn't bothered about being fat from an asthetic point of view either, I was as confident at BMI 41 as 29 (I'm conspicuous where I live anyway, due to being foreign in a rural area where even people from other parts of the same state are conspicuous as soon as they open their mouths and speak with a different accent). Bring very recognisable can also be used to your advantage if you're smily and friendly, and being larger than life and foreign actually often helped me play a part and be very memorable! I blend in more now I'm a bit smaller and get ignored more

I was starting to worry about my health though and what I was actually becoming ashamed of was putting my health at risk avoidably, particularly given I have school aged children.

Choice of clothes has been a massive perk recently though - but not good for my wallet!

@MedusasBadHairDay and @alphaechokiwi thank you both for sharing! I'll have a think. And @alphaechokiwi what you've achieved so far looks really impressive laid out like that!

What you've said is really true, @MedusasBadHairDay, it's such a shame that's been your experience, but I know you're not alone. And especially in healthcare - regardless of someone's weight if there's a medical problem that shouldn't be dismissed, and appropriate treatments should be available.

@Stuckanddesperate I have bought the book ' Overcoming Low Self-Esteem' by Melanie Fennel. I came across it recommended somewhere else and it's been a problem for me for such a long time, I thought I should give it a try. I have only just started it though, so I can't really comment on it. But it has very good reviews. It's a self help book with a CBT approach. I've had extensive counselling in the past, which was really helpful, but I would like something a bit more practical just now.

Really useful reading everyone’s comments and perspectives. I think I am going to stick with the daily weighs for now, as I’m concerned like a PP said that if I wait for a week and haven’t lost/have gone up, I may give up completely. I’m definitely prone to all or nothing thinking and for a long term sustainable change, that’s the biggest thing for me.

Today I have had a rare day working from home on zoom training all day. As a result, I’ve done some mindless snacking in the break times. Rather than beating myself up about it, I’m trying to accept it and stop it leading to me writing off the rest of the day.

I also haven’t ever shared my weight with anyone- not even my husband. I have a huge amount of shame about letting myself get to this state but I am starting to realise that it is self love not self loathing that is going to help me. I definitely have disordered eating patterns from childhood, and my mum is still a huge part of that today, although I know she loves me and worries about my health. But as mum to two young boys, I don’t want to pass my issues on and want to model good habits and a healthy lifestyle.

Hope everyone else is having positive days!

Hello everyone! I started out around 17.5stone at my heaviest and have just hit 15 stone, some in dribs and drabs last year but the last stone I've worked really hard since January while furloughed and home schooling. Now schools back and I have 3 childfree days I thought it would be so much easier to stick to plan, longer workouts etc without fitting in with home schooling and a 4 year old, but motivation has gone through the floor!

Hello @Newrunner94 and welcome. . I have also lost a stone since January .Quite pleased with myself. Now a few pounds over 15 stone. I generally weigh in kilos, but switch to pounds or stones to pass landmarks!.. I should imagine you just need to breathe out now having had children at home for so long. Can I ask how tall you are, and what plan your using?

@Zebracat thanks! Well done that's brilliant! I'm 5 foot 6, I'm not following a plan as such (I've done so many over the years, followed 100% for week or so then crashed), but I've got Joe Wicks books so I'm loosely ollowing his principles food wise and using myfitnesspal to track calories. Your definitely right I probably needed a break, I'm really trying to use this lockdown as an opportunity to get into better habits before I'm back at work again, but trying not to fall into the mistakes I've made before!