I hate how I look

[ZaphodBeeblerox]

We had a celebration yesterday and DH took some pictures of me with our toddler, and I HATE how I look.

I'm 5 ft 5 and weigh 84 kilos. Pregnancy, breastfeeding, being an unmotivated slob who eats too many crisps and chocolate, have all done a number on me. I am NOT happy, and I really do understand the psychology of being happy with myself, but I need to lose 20 kilos.

Where do I start? I hate running, I don't have enough childcare, I hate most forms of exercise, I don't have time for long walks etc etc. I have loads of excuses, but basically I want someone to tell me 3 things to fix my life. Help!

90% of weight loss is about what you eat. So just focus on that.

Don't think about 20kilos - seems quite overwhelming. Think 1 kilo at a time. Buy healthy stuff and don't have snacks in the house.
What's your downfall? Is it wine, crisps, takeaways, biscuits? Make changes in what you buy. Get the people you live with on board. Changing your diet is 90% of the issue so don't worry too much about running. Although maybe you could find time to walk a couple of miles a day. Or do some home workouts. Exercise makes you feel better and healthier but it is not going to lose all that weight.

The number one things is to stop having and making 'loads of excuses'.

I was 18st 4lbs (5’10) after I had my youngest DS....I went to Weight Watchers, stood on the scales and cried. I felt horrendous.
But it worked for me. I’m now 11st 4lbs and feel so much happier and confident in myself. I started WW going to the meetings every week because it kept me on track...once I got to 13st I just did it online and I still do even now I’m just maintaining my weight. The app is great and so easy to follow. Might be worth a look? It’s also really good to see other people’s posts about their weight loss and there’s always loads of people on there to help and support 💐 x

I echo WW , the meetings are great. You can take kids with you if child care is a problem. Or could you go one evening a week ? Near me there are weekend morning meetings. So could you go when your husband is home ?
Just a half hour walk a day will help you don't need to do a load of exercise. Or go for a half hour swim when your husband is there to have the kids?

I forgot to say....I lost that weight without doing any ‘proper’ exercise. I had 3 DC when I started WW so I used to play on the Wii fit with them, dance around the living room with them... now they are all older I do make sure I walk around 10-15’000 steps a day and I bought a weighted hula hoop that I use for 30 mins every evening while I’m watching tele. The exercise I do now doesn’t really help my weight loss it’s just helping to tone the wobbly bits and I enjoy it. Try to concentrate on your diet and add some exercise in, if and when you can x

I started mid May at 5'4 and 84 kg. Was shocked that this put me in the obese category.
I've still got a long way to go but today I weighed in at 73kg and the weight loss is now very noticeable. Target weight is 58-60 kg. What did I change?

1. I started intermittent fasting. 16/8 or 18/6 whatever fits in better with my day. I usually eat between 12noon- 8pm. I really recommend this as something easy to do which gives you results. During fasting time I just drink water and black coffee. It took a while to get used to this as I love milky, sugary coffee but I honestly think If I could go back now. I will always eat this way even after I've reached my goal.

1. Focus on eating 'real' food. Today I had a veggie omelette and salad at lunchtime with some Skyr yoghurt after. Tea will be a mixed salad with roasted chickpeas and feta. This is fairly typical. I might have a peach as well. I don't eat a lot of bread anymore - usually just once a week. Pasta is also a big no no for me. I always eat a pizza on Friday night though. I've also stopped drinking diet Coke etc. It sounds cliche but once I stopped snacking on sweet things everyday I found I don't crave them anymore. I do sometimes have a treat, but I'd rather have something to look forward to every week/10 days or so then the mindless snacking that I was doing.

1. Exercise. I've started going to the gym again and can do an hour of cardio now. I also bought a Fitbit and have found it really motivates me and I hit 10-20k steps a day.

I can't tell you how much better I feel now.

I wish you luck and hope this helps.

I recently listened to a podcast of Dr Robert Cywes talking to Zoe Harcombe about carbohydrate addiction.
It helped me a lot.
Both of these people are worth looking into. I've lost a stone comfortably and have much more energy (and coped with recent heat plus a physical job)
Dr Cywes really sees carbs as a drug, and has great suggestions to help wean off them and why you should, if your body isn't coping with them

Just read @ilovespinach's post and agree about intermittent fasting. Much more possible when you eat real food and you've got your blood sugar stable.
I was always eating, though not huge as so active, and now I can easily eat evening meal at 6ish then go through to following lunchtime without feeling hungry.
It feels very freeing!

How old are your children? There will be loads of mothers in a similar position to you around you so could you set up a group where you can have a walk with other mums and their children altogether? Can you pop the children on their own bikes or on your bike and cycle a child friendly route - again with other parents? If exercise wasn't social as well, I would struggle with it and my childcare isn't great so can't really go out for a run or do anything without my child.

Eating crap (crisps, sweets, snacks) is addictive, I mean REALLY addictive. Some say that giving up sugar is as hard as kicking heroin.

Start cutting out the crap. Don't buy it. Don't have it in the house. Never grocery shop when you're hungry.

Try not to look at this like a massive insurmountable mountain.

Make a pact with yourself to change your eating habits, and the rest will fall into place.

STOP EATING CRAP!

OP I got into a rut. Broke my leg 3 years ago and gave up.

I lightbulb went on last Monday and I started to use the Lose it! app I'd downloaded ages ago.

I do NO exercise.

But it really is all about how many calories you consume. Exercise makes very little difference so don't worry about that so much.

I was 12st 7lbs (79.5 kg) and I've already lost a few pounds.

I eat few carbs. It's mostly chicken, fish, tinned tuna or sardines, and loads of salad, Olives and some olive oil.

I can have a drink (wine lover) but as long as you keep to the calorie intake that's fine.

I've gone over my allowance a few times but mostly I stick to it. The more wine the less food

A few pounds off has given me the motivation to carry on.

I’ll always recommend low carb and intermittent fasting as it works and you’re not hungry or calorie counting. Currently I’m losing around a pound every two days.

Wow @justanotherneighinparadise that's an impressive rate of loss!
Would you mind posting a typical days' menu please?

@Flymetothetoon

I've lost 5lb since last Monday, so about a 1lb every 2 days.

Have a look at the Lose it app. It's free as well.

My diet is probably dull to most folks but luckily I love a Mediterranean diet of chicken, fish, tuna, sardines, tomato, onion, cucumber, olives.

I've had little bread or potatoes - Practically none.

I used to eat loads of crisps, peanuts etc but have cut right down.

Will have a look at the app.
Thanks @AhNowTed

@Flymetothetoon i don’t have a typical days eating but I can tell you what I shall eat tomorrow. A big plate of chicken curry made with coconut cream and fried in olive oil with mangetout and cauliflower rice on the side. I’ll have that with an ice cold glass of milk and I’ll eat as much as I want until I’m full and then I’ll fast.

Now personally I can fast for 24 hours no problem as I’m in Ketosis but I know for many people that would be too much. So you can eat that for dinner and a lunch of anything from a big cheese omelette with salad or bacon eggs and mushrooms, tuna with mayo served with a big old salad. There’s thousands of low carb recipes out there. Eat that till you’re full but then you fast. I would say a minimum of 16 hours. I get away with drinking tea with milk a few times across my fast but most people are more compliant and just drink water or black coffee etc.

The fast is the magic bullet with low carb. You can’t eat across the whole day as your insulin will spike and you’re body doesn’t get the fat burning signal. I know it can sound very full on and scary but it becomes easy as you’re not hungry.

If it sounds like something you’d like to try we have a very active thread on the fasting section of weight loss.

Hey OP
As PP have said, what you eat will make the biggest difference.
I am definitely not an expert but if you know yourself well enough i think there's a few things to consider when looking at a new eating regime, which generally fall into a few different categories (well, the sensible ones do):

1. Counting - if you can be honest with yourself to track calories/points etc then these of diets (my fitness pal tracking, weight watchers) can work well. Pros: Nothing is "banned" so you can still have a few treats etc Cons: You need to be able to control yourself ie stop at one or two biscuits etc. A bit of measuring &/or weighing needed.
2. Food group restrictions - eg keto, Dukan, etc. These will ban or restrict certain foods eg no carbs. Pros: initial weight loss can really motivating. No counting so easier to eat out etc and stick to. Cons: some of your treats might be totally off the table.
3. Fasts eg 5:2, 16:8. Restricts/denies food or calories for periods of time. Pros: simple, can eat more normally much of the time Cons: need to be careful not to binge, some people don't get on well with fasting.

The key to any weight loss regime is consistency and finding something you can live with, so what works for one person another mignt struggle with.
For me, I'm much better with a complete ban on naughty things, and I hated all the counting and logging with MFP, so I swear by Dukan - but if you'd rather have the flexibility to still be able to eat the odd treat otherwise you won't stick to it, that wouldn't work. So you'll get lots of recommendations of things other people have found effective but think about, honestly knowing yourself, what is most likely to work for you.

If you can stick to it, it will work I promise.

Good luck x

You can make Keto anything when it comes to desserts. You just need to be able to eat them within an eating window and only a small amount.

We found an excellent Keto bread for OH and now he can have sandwiches for lunch. At just 0.9g carb per slice it’s no problem at all. For me I don’t miss bread or sweets so I don’t have any. It depends what you must have foods are.

@Flymetothetoon

Let me know how you get on.

One thing I changed after a week - my scales are in stone/pounds and it took me a while to realise that the app lets you choose that instead of kg, which saved me from constantly having to google the conversion and I didn't trust the result.

Download My Fitness Pal. Log everything you eat. It’s so easy, you can either search for the foods or upload the barcode and it finds it for you. You put in your weight and your goal and how quickly you want to lose (1-2lb a week is best) and it will set a calorie limit for you.

It’ll probably give you about 1500 to start.

You will definitely lose weight. Don’t worry about exercise for you. Shift some weight first and you’ll probably find you want to exercise a bit to tone up.

Ignore fad diets and special plans that tell you to cut things out. Literally just reduce your calorie intake.

I’ve had a Freddo and a Wispa today. I just logged them and ate accordingly. You don’t need to ditch all the treats. Just moderation.

Really, MPF is brilliant. It makes you accountable for what you choose to eat and is a workable way to eat in the longer term.

Oh and don’t eat in the morning so your body has a decent window to fast and burn actual fat rather than the last thing you ate.

Thank you all so much! Just reading through all these suggestions.
Got back on MFP and logged all my meals today. Was actually good since I didn’t have any crisps or chocolates (don’t have any in at the moment). Will try that and hopefully it will get me going.
Thank you all so very much!

We tend to cook and eat together as a family, (although my snacking is separate), and cooking separate meals or eating separately won’t work. I hate the idea of something being off limits, so I think I’ll give honest calorie counting a go. I did lose 4-5 kilos using MFP many years ago in the run up to my wedding, just hadn’t done it since.

Yay congrats on making the first step! I definitely echo what @TheNewLook says about making sure you don’t restrict anything! You have to find what works for you but I find that was:
-doing intermittent fasting- eating 12-8 (but having cappuccino for breakfast otherwise I was miserable )
-logging/weighing everything with MFP (also I didn’t realise you can save meals until a couple months ago- has been such a time saver and think it’s helped me stick to it)
-taking photos of every single thing I eat and uploading onto a private Instagram account- I found I didn’t snack randomly from the cupboard as I couldn’t be bothered to take a photo of like a single biscuit / whatever it is)
-having a little bit of what I enjoy every single day to reduce likelihood of me binging
-if binges/unplanned high calorie days did happen I didn’t say ‘Fuck it might as well just eat everything and forget about this) , I just accepted it and moved on- the scales may read 3 pounds higher the next day but that is just water retention- no way you can put 3 pounds on in a day
-filling up my meal plates (particularly lunch ) with carbs, fats and protein (I used to think carbs were bad but actually if I have a lovely whole grain pasta meal for lunch I am full all afternoon and don’t snack!)

• remember all you need is a calorie deficit. If you normally burn 2000 calories from just everyday life with no exercise or anything (think there’s some tools online to help you work out what you normally burn based on your weight) then if you eat 1500 cals on average over the week that’s a deficit of 500x7 = 3500= roughly a pound of fat.
• have small achievable goals-
• remember your weight fluctuates! I log mine everyday and some days it goes up even if I’ve been in a calorie deficit- don’t let that dishearten you and instead workout the average over the week and you’ll see a downwards trend!

Good luck!!