AIBU to want a gentler health/weight discussion

[argumentativefeminist]

Want to interact with others and get support/motivation for getting healthier and active, and in the process losing weight. But I absolutely don't want to hear any "diet culture", calorie counting or unhealthy disordered eating promotion. Surely I can't be the only one? Sometimes it seems like every thread I click on is just full of upsetting, unhelpful comments that sound like they could have been lifted from a thinspo website.

Haven't been on for ages but just wanted to say I've now lost ten pounds through mindful eating. Camel this is a loving way to treat yourself. Anti diet but listening, really listening to your own hunger signals. AF hope you have a lovely day.

Hello again Jemmima! Glad to hear you're well and feeling like you're making progress. Are you happy too? 🌟

We're still going out at the mo! Thinking of it as an almost one month celebration and also just a lovely day out in which I dont need to worry about what I'm eating. I'm learning healthier habits slowly to put them into practice more when I'm living alone and doing my own things again!

Am I happy? I endeavour to be happy every day. I try to do things that make me feel happy as the opposite is horrible. It's about the small things in life isn't it? The small things that make us happy. I know that sounds simplistic but for me it's what works. Are you happy? Not sure if I've misunderstood your question. I'm happy to be losing some excess fat as my knee was hurting and my body felt achy. Those ten pounds has helped a lot. I think you feel excess weight as you get older more than when younger .

Naked in a pool sounds very freeing Camel

That is what I meant Jemmima, I like to hear about whether people are feeling happier in themselves by getting healthier because that's what motivates me! I'm happy too, and I'm glad you are 🌟

I didn't word it very well actually but I'm glad you understood 😂

O your 20 AF. I thought you were older. You sound older in a good way. I'm much older and have spent a lifetime with disordered eating. Such a waste. I know where it came from but I don't want to have it anymore. I feel better since stopping dieting years ago though.

I know exactly what you mean, Ive got a middle aged mind in a young person's body Jemmima! 😂 I'm really glad that you're making a change and that you feel better - we're always here if you need some motivation to be healthier and happier at the same time 💕

Agatha I do light weights at home to keep things toned. I find that as you get older the muscles lose definition and it's the only way to get it back.

Well you are just lovely AF. What caused your weight gain do you think? Why do you overeat?

Hope your ok now after the argument with your Dad.

That's great Jemima, I know the focus here is state of mind and state of body rather than weight, but 10lb is a tangible amount and must make you feel good.

Can you say a bit more about what mindful eating is? I know what mindless eating is as I do it every day, but not sure what the opposite would consist of, IYSWIM.

Thank you Jemmima! I'm feeling a little better now - better to know that people aren't very nice than be ignorant of it forever. I think my overeating is mainly boredom snacking tbh, my weight has increased a lot in the past 4 ish years, probably complicated by hormones, contraception, stress, and having to feed myself for the first time ever! I had a terrible diet in the first year of uni due to just being overwhelmed by everything which didn't help things. But getting back on track now and starting exercise for the first time ever! 😁😁

Agatha it doesn't need to be about weight loss but weight loss is a natural by product of mindful eating. I'm a bit older than you and at this age I need to lose a bit of weight to keep a healthy mobile flexible body. It helps my knee and stops the aches. Mindful eating for me started with a book called "Overcoming Overeating " back in the nineties. It was the opposite of dieting. I filled my kitchen with all types of food including the previously banned food. Cakes, biscuits, crisps, lovely cheeses and good quality icecream. I already ate loads of fruit and veg. Having had disordered eating my entire life this way of eating was an eye opener and made my cry. Instead of bingeing and dieting I ate what I really wanted. I didn't gain but didn't lose. Many years later and I rarely eat to excess. I can't physically do it. Something in my tummy says "done". I also did Paul McKenna books and inserted his hypnotic gastric band. That really worked for me. I have since always got a strong full feeling in my tummy and can't eat anymore. I was ok about my weight but menopause caused me to re evaluate my body size and am now on a journey to lose another stone. I quit dairy and it stopped hormonal issues. I occasionally have some sheeps cheese and drink coconut milk in tea, coffee etc. Eating well is such a good feeling but if I even think about dieting I easily go into a binge

AF most people gain weight in Uni for all the reasons you have mentioned.

Verbena do you hope to return to running? My pelvic floor took a drop (literally) as soon as I started menopause. I then had to do lots and lots of lifts to lift it back up again and have to do this every day forever. Running is one of the worst things for your pelvic floor I believe and would easily cause the ligaments to stretch and drop further. I used to run but now walk instead.

I'm mid 40s, and I want to overturn a lifetime of crappy eating before the menopause throws everything up in the air. I too eats lots of fruit and veg, but I eat a lot of junk on top. I'll have a look at that book. I'm booked in for hypnotherapy in a couple of weeks, so hopefully that will help establish a better balance.

My pelvic floor is knackered, and I was told by a continence nurse to improve it before starting running.

I suppose for me mindful eating is not eating just cos its in front of me. Or to be sociable, or out of habit or out of boredom.

For example yesterday I went out to lunch and had a salad and had a big slice of cream cake for afters. It was amazing. Absolute heaven.

But then for dinner we were having fish and chips. I thought about it and realised I was still pretty full from lunchtime. So I decided not to bother with the chips. I had fish 'n salad. But I didn't feel bad cos it wasn't a decision made out of negativity (chips are fattening therefore I can't eat chips) but rather just cos I didn't want them.

But the only reason I didn't want them is cos I've been more mindful of my appetite levels. Previously it would have been a Pavlovian dog response, the very smell would have me face planting in a piled high plate the size of my head!

But not forbidding myself anything means any food is possible, therefore its not feast or famine. I can eat chips ext week, its no biggie.

Also a couple of times I have declined wine cos I couldn't be bothered, and another time I have had the wine but not bothered with the crisps. And another time I've had both wine and crisps! But the important thing is that it's not all an automatic habit.

That's exactly what I'm trying to do Elspeth - had a big KFC lunch so won't have much for dinner, not to make up for having something "bad", but because I'll probably still be full and if I tried to have a normal tea, I'd feel all bloated and sick. But in the past I would definitely have stuffed a normal tea in. I used to go to my boyfriend's on Sunday for a roast at lunch, and then come back home for another roast at tea 😂😂

I haven't weighed myself so I don't know if there's any correlation to my weight.

But I've realised I don't care about that as much as I thought. I feel less bloated and just mentally better in general.

Elspeth that sounds like eating mindfully to me . I eat what I am hungry for, when I'm really hungry, eat consciously and stop when satisfied not full. Body led eating rather than a prescriptive diet that's says what and when. It's how we are supposed to eat natuiand how most children eat before they are taught that there are good and bad foods.

This is really helpful. That totally makes sense, Elspeth, I would do exactly what you describe, and have the fish and chips anyway, even if I didn't really feel like it. People with healthier bodies eat your way, I'm sure.

‘Mindful eating’ for me this week is basically connected to the fact that we don’t have money for eating that isn’t mindful!

We had a wonderful day today of wild swimming in a local watering hole. I did lots of diving and jumping around with the kids and now I am exhausted though don’t feel I’ve done much work!

I did also do crossfit this morning, so definitely using the summer to enjoy less food and more activity. I will feel very differently in five week, but I would happily have the kids off every day if all days were like today. It’s been bliss

That sounds amazing Camel, so glad you've had a lovely day. I've got some combination of naice bread, roast chicken, honey mustard cocktail sausages, avocado dip, crisps, fruit and other picnic bits for tea. Been a treat day today, but I needed it 💕

Sounds yummy AF. I love eating like that, bits of food. I would add olives, salami and feta