Weight loss by being kind to ourselves? *title edited by MNHQ*

[millifiori]

Holidays over. I have had my body weight in ice-creams, chips, pasties, burgers etc and though we walked about 5-10 miles most days, I'm heaviest ever.

I know I am useless at diets - they make me dizzy and weak and grumpy.

Does anyone fancy trying to lose weight with a shift of mindset? Doing loads of treat-like things that aren't food based. Eating really healthy foods we also happen to love, Being nice to ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and socially etc. Taking exercise because it's good self care etc?

If anyone wants to try this, join in here for chat.

Today I walked back from shops with (superfit and skinny) DS1. 3 miles. This afternoon, I'm going for a walk with DS2. Going to have some salad for lunch now because I like salad, not because it's rabbit food.

Anyone else?

I've realised that the biggest treat you can give yourself is healthy nourishing food that enhances your life in so many ways, rather than crap food that just causes harm.

I love all the other treats too. I'm going to treat myself now to my book and a nap as I'm so tired today. That's going to benefit me more than a load of sugar.

My colourful plate with a colourful salad!

Emotional eating: just had a bit of a realisation about this.

Most people think of it as stuffing your face in response to enormous stress. But I think alot of emotional eating is under-the-radar. Its not sitting on the sofa eating 10 pizzas or half a cake. Its the stealth thing - I'm a bit pissed off, feeling a bit deprived, a bit upset, need a bit of some kind of treat etc so I deserve a big dinner/extra wine/extra breakfast/5 biscuits instead of 1 - and all this can add up, even in small amounts.

Obviously, you can't disconnect food and emotion completely: but trying to get a more healthy connection I think is the main thing, plus putting food in its proper place as someone said in another thread.

AFewThings - I think you're absolutely right. And I know a lot of superfit people who respond to being a little bit upset or stressed or bored or pissed off by going for a run or a work out. they have the same need for instant comfort - it's just they get it from endorphins not sugar!

I'm all about the 'I deserve this' I tell myself my life it so hard, so few pleasures, why deny myself the few I have. But being this overweight, unfit and at heightened risk of illness... do I deserve that?

Are we making breakthroughs here?!

Thanks milli. I'm thinking of new treats. I have a book on overcoming binge eating. I think I'm at least close to disordered on that score. Anyway the main strategy is a regular scheduled eating plan. Today I not only managed to eat sort of on time. But also managed to hold off scavenging out the fridge long enough to cook a venison grill steak and make a proper plate of food out of the leftover risotto salad ingredients and a steak despite being hungry and a bit keyed up. Yay me

The problem for me is I'm disabled and can't go for a run - much as I'd love to! For those who can, I hope you can appreciate how lucky you are :-)! So, dealing with stress, feelings, including physical pain, I have to find alternatives.

But I still think I realised today that I do eat in response to emotions - something I'd dismissed before as something that only 'binge eaters' did, when in fact alot of people do it, to varying degrees. The deprivation/binge diet mindset is one of the worst to exacerbate this.

In the last week I have been eating so much better. However, I did eat some frozen yoghurt this afternoon which was OK but probably not best for dieting. So, this made me realise I need to keep these things out of the house for the majority of the time for now. Being kind to myself also involves not putting such food unnecessarily in temptation's path, if that makes sense.

Its a bit of a long hike this one, hopefully the last one I will make. I am never 'going on a diet' again.

afewthings I agree about never dieting again. It's big business! I've dieted on and off for years and got heavier after each one. It's obviously being so exploited for industry/capitalism.
We 'deserve' better. I think crowding out is the way forward for me.

Bazzinga - I agree. I even wonder if it's a bit of a double standard. Thinking 'I deserve this' (a cake or chocolate or bag of crisps) when deep down what that might mean is: This is all I deserve.
Better to start thinking specifically and in advance: it's a long day today. I'm going to deserve a long soak in the bath, or my favourite magazine for the commute home or a quiet walk at sunset on my own to destress.

Also, I've started to try and consciously tell myself: This is a reward for XYZ. So a new scarf was a reward for a long stint at work on location on a new project. And the effect that had was that I didn't shovel sweet stuff on the train on the way home, because I'd acknowledged the work and rewarded it. It's interesting how it works.
This morning i felt very down about some sad news, so put on three of my favourite songs in a row and then had breakfast in the garden to just shake off that sludgy feeling. It worked.

Milli - I also see the issue as a problem with appropriate reward cycles as part of self care. Noticed it today. I'm trying to get a lot of non work things done znd am in that frantic ticking things off lists zone. Lots of emaila and administration. Frantic tidying. Now need to buy clothes and return shoes. And temptation to skip/delay lunch to push through even though I'm hungry. I do this a lot.
So instead I'm in five guys having a burger. This may sound bad but the burger is planned. And on the way here I reflected how I would havd ruined this planned treat for myself by rushing about then getting here so hungry I over order adding fries or a shake. Or I ride the high of being past hunger all afternoon and ghdn binge later today or tomorrow.
Blast it i deserve lunch.

Who's step counting?
I'm back trying to hit 10,000 as a habit. Makes me walk the nursery run instead of driving. Will need to get out for a walk at the weekends to keep it up though

A sunset walk sounds lovely! I'm going to do that.

I've treated myself to Stephen kings It book. It's so big that i just thought I don't have time to read it but I spend so much time on my phone that I could easily read a ton of books. So more reading and an internet detox is my next treat!

I'm also meeting a friend tomorrow morning for a walk.

Wow you are all good
H do well. I am still trying hard, doing Ok. Trying to think about why I eat. Not had the easiest week. Just put of interest, does anyone else get tempted to eat as excuse to stay sitting down so you don't have to start rushing round going more work

Well ... carrying on and eating normally but modestly at times, enough when hungry.

I've lost a few pounds (to my surprise). Usually the only way I can do this is by some kind of "extreme" eating plan, and even then I wouldn't have lost that much .

Just carrying on looking after myself. Making sure I get some sunshine in the day. Making a few nice plans for Autumn.

Keep going ladeeez

Well done A Few Things - that's brilliant news - keep it up.

And everyone else. It's so lovely to keep reading about how people are taking good care of themselves and happening to shed a pound or two along the way. Books and walks as treats sound great. I'm busy at work this week but have booked two walks with friends I've not seen in ages at the back end of next week when this project should be over.

Bazzinga I definitely want to get into 10k steps a day. Right now it's impossible as I have a big work project with a tight deadline and a stinking cold, so am working from bed most of the time but once this phase passes I'm going to get the 10k step app on my phone and get moving. I love walking.

Finally read the whole thread. Interested to see next weeks tasks. Also nice to see I'm among a bunch of body doubles- im a shorty

I've messed up today. Ate too much Chilli con carne for dinner then had a can of cider and a big bag of crisps cause I was stressed. Really struggle with the kids not letting me have any peace to do work or watch Tv (rarely watch it but thought I would treat myself to watching Cold Feet). Know I probably need to pretend this hadn't happened as will then end up on a downward spiral. Does anyone else get bored of being hungry, dealing with being hungry etc all the time even though it's probably about more. Know it's self-sabotage as have done well recently. Must keep trying

Octopus, don't be hungry. That's sort of th epoint of this thread. It's about getting healthier and ultimately slimmer by taking good care of ourselves, not being on punitive regimes.

I read something yesterday in a book called Superbetter - it's about recovering from illness but it's got a section in the back on getting fit and slim without dieting. It said something like: You can eat anything at all that you want to eat, but your job is to focus really carefully on how it makes you feel 2 hours afterwards. So are you irritable? Craving? Sluggish? Or alert, satisfied, happy. When you're hungry, it said, think very carefully about what food would most nourish you right now, and bother to prepare it for yourself instead of stuffing crisps.

Ok, let me have a go at this week's tasks. I read loads of self-help books/watch TED talks so these are adaptations of ideas I've seen in those. I'm just terrible at putting it in practice.

Loads of us are struggling with emotional eating (me especially) so here are some tasks to help;

1. think about things in the past that have energised you/made you happy. I bet few of them involved food. For me, it's Travel, seeing wildlife outside, live music, seeing the sea, time with friends and comedy. Can you plan some of these so you have a genuine treat to look forward to?

2. think about what makes you calm. Again, I bet lots of them don't involve food/wine. For me it's swimming outside, walking among trees, classical music, baths. Can you plan one of these after a stressful day?

3( an idea of Gretchen Reuben is to think about what you liked to do when you were 11 because these activities will probably still make you happy. I am stuck in a terrible rut of exhaustion, comfort eating, drinking wine and slobbing in front of the TV. When I was 11, I was always busy with plans and hobbies. My 11 year old self would be horrified by me. Try to do some of these: crafts, sport, jigsaws, board games, going out on a bike, playing an instrument, whatever. I wonder whether if my life was fuller and richer, I might need to fill the void with food a bit less.

4. if you are able to, do some exercise that you enjoy. Walk, run or cycle in your nicest scenery and really notice how lovely it is. Do an exercise class and enjoy the comaraderie and the endorphins afterwards. Can exercise be enjoyable and feel like a treat?

5. if you choose a food/drink
   Treat, savour it. Close your eyes, take it slowly. Pay attention to the pleasure you get from it. THe moment it stops feeling like a treat, stop. How much did you have? That's how much you should serve next time. The rest is mindless eating.

Hope some of you find these useful and hope even more that I manage to follow my own advice!

Yes I read - Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full. (Paul McKenna?)
I had success with this in the past.

so instead of snacking because it's 11am. Stop, check in with yourself. Are you actually hungry?

Also eat what you want. Same process. Stop and think, Ok I am hungry, what do I fancy? what am I craving. Eat that. Don't mindlessly shove something tasteless in out of habit. As you'll still be craving the other thing and might eat again. Fill the fridge/cupboards with food you love. Give yourself permission to eat it. But only when you're hungry, stop when you're full.

Oops, cross posted with you steala
My 11 year old self was always outside! Usually on roller boots!

This is exactly the kind of post I needed to read today, I gave birth 4 weeks ago and have lost 11kg of the 20 I gained. I feel so disappointed but kind of think....ffs you had a baby FOUR WEEKS AGO, give yourself a break!

Enjoyed the last few posts .

I found the crisps thing by Octopus interesting. I'm not really a crisps person but I do like the pepper ones and like them with my salad to spice it up a bit and pretend I'm in a restaurant haha. I do keep them mostly out of the house because crisps are fattening. However, I do get what millifiori says about this not being a punitive regime. Its about taking care of ourselves. If we were really taking care of ourselves we might have one biscuit, but we wouldn't have 10 because that would make us feel not great and not be all that good for our bodies.

I woke up this morning and thought How can I love and take care of myself today, physically, spiritually and emotionally? This is my first question rather than what will I have for breakfast, though that soon followed.

I thought I would like porridge the way I make it specially with raisins and roasted pumpkin seeds. However, this is quite high calorie and so I don't make it that often. But that is what my body wants it felt like, and so that is what I shall make. A smaller portion that I used to perhaps, but nonetheless enjoyable. In fact, eat as if you were already at your body's healthy/target weight, and enjoying your life, clothes, body etc.

Punishing oneself for food choices is not a loving or caring thing to do. I like to think of it as little mini wake up calls. Oh yeah I ate that and I felt that, I won't do that again in a hurry. Equally, I ate that and felt that, way to go!

I don't know if anyone has come across the extreme "self care" idea - it is American I think. I think it is quite revolutionary for those who have never taken real care of themselves. I might not need to go to that extreme, but I am going to experiment over the next few months with really looking after myself (as much as I can anyway). Sometimes this involved spending £. e.g. I bought myself the most beautiful swimming costume the other day from M&S, it fitted perfectly. I have fantasised about a holiday as a "reward" further down the line too! But alot of self care doesn't cost much or is free, a wonderful bath, an early night, a good book, etc.

A final thing, creatively taking good care of and enjoying ourselves can also reflect and extend to our love and care for the world .