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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Why don't people looking to loose weight just ask?

302 replies

Demant0 · 11/05/2017 12:25

This may upset people, but here goes...

I often find myself in conversations with my friends about their latest diets or weight loss aspirations but would never instigate a weight based conversation because - as a slim person - I don't think it'd be appropriate (don't want to seem like a know it all).

Yet lately I'm feeling quite proud that I've lost 8lb in the last few months taking me to 8 stone 4lb. I feel very slim and healthy for loosing this weight and many people have notice and commented. (It can get a bit derogatory however, 'skinny', 'getting too thin', 'scrawny' etc, but there you go. I don't care.)

Because of the fact I have made some changes that has led to this weight loss, I am always keen to join in a conversation with my friends because it hasn't just fallen off me. I've taken a few measures to do it that have worked.

The thing is no one EVER wants to know how I loose and maintain my weight and never asks me what I eat, how I live, how I exercise etc. It's always really one sided.

It's like my friends and colleagues think I have no idea about weight loss or calorie counting or whatever because I'm thin. It doesn't make sense - I'm the one who DOES bloody know, obviously!

I think if I struggled to loose weight I would find someone slim and then shadow them and practically adopt their lifestyle. Surely that's got to be more effective than WW that clearly doesn't work very well - for long term anyway.

For example. I've just been talking to my male colleague at work who is morbidly obese - dangerously overweight at about 22 stones with a huge stomach - and I sat there for ten minutes with him telling me about the best way to loose weight and that his wife (also overweight) is doing this and that and this is obviously the way to do it etc. Not once did he ask, 'hey you seem to know what you're doing. What can you suggest?'

This is after being out with friends last night and listening to a lady telling about the delicious food you can have at WW and how great it all is that you can eat sugar etc, but that she put 8lb back on because of Easter and has since lost half a stone again and ain't that bad because now she's going to have to pay again because she can't get to her target weight. She's one of many - I wish I had shares in WW.

When I voiced a couple of concerns that I have about the WW approach to loosing weight, I was emphatically told that I was wrong, implying I can't possibly have the faintest idea what I'm talking about WTF??

So why is it, that as a slim person, no one EVER wants to know my take on weight loss? Why is it they'd rather spend money and time listening to either other overweight people, or experts who want their money?

Is it because the assumption is I am 'just lucky' or 'have a good metabolism'? Or do they just not want to know what it really takes to be thin because they think the truth would be too challenging?

This has been going on for so many years now that I'm genuinely getting very curious.

OP posts:
yummycake123 · 11/05/2017 13:58

You sound really smug OP, maybe that's why people don't ask you for your advice?
I'm a bit overweight and I know why: I'm eating too much and not exercising enough. I know what I need to do to lose weight, but right now life is taking too much of my time/energy and I don't have the discipline to commit.
Most people who need to lose weight go through cycles: they get motivated, lose the weight; and then put it back on. It is really difficult to get out of that cycle; doesn't mean people don't know what to do, it's more related to having the willpower and determination to stick to a plan; i think the drive to lose weight is more of a mental issue rather than just following an eating plan.
Also, being slim doesn't mean slim people are always making healthy choices. From what you say, you watch what you eat and monitor your weight, but I have several slim friends with pretty unhealthy diets: lots of cheese, fats, sugar, etc, no exercising; a couple have high cholesterol.
There's no rule for all. Losing weight requires determination and discipline in the long term, and it's not always easy.

Suttonmum1 · 11/05/2017 14:01

All of you wanting to know the answers could try the book 'How to have your cake and your skinny jeans too', which I found recommended on a Mumsnet thread. That book does exactly what the OP is talking about and considers the habits of those who stay thin without being on endless diets. eg They don't exclude foods, they don't weigh themselves, etc etc

Furthermore, if you think about it, if you take on the eating habits of someone who stays a 'good' weight, then gradually you will become that person too. ie eat the food of the person you want to be. Might take a bit longer than 2 months of starvation, but it's an eating plan (not a diet) that you can use forever.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 11/05/2017 14:01

I went to WW and slimming world years ago when i had a medical condition

What are your tips?

You dont have any do you

And i am being honest, I doubt your tips woukd be overly effective for me but they might be helpful

And i am sure there are people on here that might be helped as well

JiminnyCricket · 11/05/2017 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PickAChew · 11/05/2017 14:03

I've worked out her secret.

Sparkly blue cake.

MsRinky · 11/05/2017 14:03

Why don't you get one of those t-shirts that say "Lose weight now, ask me how!"

ShiningArmour · 11/05/2017 14:03

Anyone for Cake while we wait.

Floggingmolly · 11/05/2017 14:03

Op is not going to disclose any tips on here. She's probably trying to drum up interest in her Dieting for Dummies book.

Topseyt · 11/05/2017 14:04

When you are overweight (I am), you can so easily feel judged by society as a whole. Perhaps that can also apply to some slim or underweight people too.

Due in part to medical problems, I have struggled with my weight for all of my adult life. I have been on both ends of the spectrum.

For me, I would not discuss it with you or anyone else because it is a very sensitive, complex and uncomfortable issue.

Your thread title suggests that if only people just asked you would be able to put them straight, give the epiphany they need, and bingo, problems solved. It really, really isn't that simple. Not at all. Nobody who is severely overweight set out with the aim of getting into that state. In fact, nobody with weight or body image issues of any sort set out to have those issues.

It really is a massively complex issue, which you and others like you are tending to over simplify. Over-simplification leads to people feeling judged and uncomfortable. If only we ate less and moved around more? Is that what you would tell people.

As someone who is overweight without overeating, and who has usually done a fair bit of exercise, I would counter that by saying "if only it were that simple".

Unless you have struggled, and I do mean REALLY struggled, with your weight then you probably don't know what it is like for those of us who have and do on a daily basis.

user1489675144 · 11/05/2017 14:07

Trolls do eat. After this thread the OP will have gained lots of weight by the amount we are feeding her ego. Now she will need to take a break to 'loose' (ok lose) the weight gained by spouting BS to us all and refusing to tell us her tips. Typical trolling behaviour. She is reasonably good but not as good at the Frozen Cake troll though - that really did get lots of comments.

I am done with the troll postings - well at least I didn't eat anything whilst on here so perhaps that is the key to weight loss!

Harree · 11/05/2017 14:07

I'm struggling to find the motivation to lose my mum tum & fat ass... hit me with those tips OP! Grabs cake & settles in

AmayaBuzzbee · 11/05/2017 14:08

OP - as some have pointed out above, the issues with food/losing weight (emotional) for those who have less to lose are different from those who have lots to lose.

I am size 10/12, and have about a stone to lose so I can be a comfortable 10. I could really use your advise (I am genuinly interested) how you did it and how you maintain. I know what I should do, I just find it difficult to find the ongoing motivation as I am not actually overweight. My clothes just are a bit too tight 😳.

I'd love to have your advice/tips!

SouthernNorthernGirl · 11/05/2017 14:08

I have 4st to shift, what's the secret then?

CJCreggsGoldfish · 11/05/2017 14:10

OP: why doesn't anyone ever ask me how to lose weight?!!

Numerous posters: OP, please tell us how you lost weight.

OP: I just don't understand why no one wants to here how I did it.

Numerous posters: G'wan OP, tell us.

Repeat ad nauseam.

...maybe she's busy combing the back of her hands.

TempusEedjit · 11/05/2017 14:10

I heard that calories consumed under a bridge don't count.

not place marking for the deletion message

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 11/05/2017 14:11

Yes please shining

I will take bets on whether we will get any tips if anyone fancies a bit of a flutter

I think OP just started this because they are bored

GabsAlot · 11/05/2017 14:12

8 pounds and u think youre an expert?

ive shit out that

maybe its your tone op-you know the condecending one

Topseyt · 11/05/2017 14:13

What is the correct BMI for a troll? Genuine question.

GabsAlot · 11/05/2017 14:13

sorry jiminy didnt see your post but exactly my point

BIWI · 11/05/2017 14:13

But OP does have a point. People who stay naturally slim are doing something differently to those who are overweight. If I was in that position I would want to know how they do it.

The really sad thing about this comment from a PP is that it's victim blaming.

Yes, definitely some people do over eat constantly, and also on the wrong things.

But lots of people have a natural disposition to put weight on whereas others stay beanpole thin no matter what they eat or drink (I'm married to one of those fuckers).

Lots of people are overweight or gaining weight because they're being good and they're following current government/NHS guidelines to eat 70% carbohydrate. This makes you fat.

It's not as simple as saying that overweight people are fat and it's their fault.

Also, I'd just like to point out that the OP is new to Mumsnet ... Hmm

BeyondStrongAndStable · 11/05/2017 14:16

A diet that is purely billy goats is very low carb

BIWI · 11/05/2017 14:17
Grin
FV45 · 11/05/2017 14:17

I'm slim and I have had people note that I eat slowly (not on purpose, it's just how I am), don't over eat and exercise, and that's how it works for me.

I have also had many opportunities to tell people that I think I maintain my weight because over a period of time my calorie intake is pretty even, so I will naturally just eat less the day after I've eaten quite a large amount.

No agenda, no sneering, no sanctimonious clap trap, sometimes a bit of envy, but that happens with lots of things, not just eating/weight.

Topseyt · 11/05/2017 14:19

Maybe OP is genuine, or maybe not.

Either way, it was a very naïve and simplistic question about a very complex issue.

The post came across as smug.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/05/2017 14:20

PortableVirgin
It would be like someone who is attempting to climb Everest asking someone who walks the dog for fifteen minutes around the park for advice

^^ exactly.

Mind you, the OP could probably have lost 8lbs with an all over body wax.