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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Why don't people looking to loose weight just ask?

302 replies

Demant0 · 11/05/2017 12:25

This may upset people, but here goes...

I often find myself in conversations with my friends about their latest diets or weight loss aspirations but would never instigate a weight based conversation because - as a slim person - I don't think it'd be appropriate (don't want to seem like a know it all).

Yet lately I'm feeling quite proud that I've lost 8lb in the last few months taking me to 8 stone 4lb. I feel very slim and healthy for loosing this weight and many people have notice and commented. (It can get a bit derogatory however, 'skinny', 'getting too thin', 'scrawny' etc, but there you go. I don't care.)

Because of the fact I have made some changes that has led to this weight loss, I am always keen to join in a conversation with my friends because it hasn't just fallen off me. I've taken a few measures to do it that have worked.

The thing is no one EVER wants to know how I loose and maintain my weight and never asks me what I eat, how I live, how I exercise etc. It's always really one sided.

It's like my friends and colleagues think I have no idea about weight loss or calorie counting or whatever because I'm thin. It doesn't make sense - I'm the one who DOES bloody know, obviously!

I think if I struggled to loose weight I would find someone slim and then shadow them and practically adopt their lifestyle. Surely that's got to be more effective than WW that clearly doesn't work very well - for long term anyway.

For example. I've just been talking to my male colleague at work who is morbidly obese - dangerously overweight at about 22 stones with a huge stomach - and I sat there for ten minutes with him telling me about the best way to loose weight and that his wife (also overweight) is doing this and that and this is obviously the way to do it etc. Not once did he ask, 'hey you seem to know what you're doing. What can you suggest?'

This is after being out with friends last night and listening to a lady telling about the delicious food you can have at WW and how great it all is that you can eat sugar etc, but that she put 8lb back on because of Easter and has since lost half a stone again and ain't that bad because now she's going to have to pay again because she can't get to her target weight. She's one of many - I wish I had shares in WW.

When I voiced a couple of concerns that I have about the WW approach to loosing weight, I was emphatically told that I was wrong, implying I can't possibly have the faintest idea what I'm talking about WTF??

So why is it, that as a slim person, no one EVER wants to know my take on weight loss? Why is it they'd rather spend money and time listening to either other overweight people, or experts who want their money?

Is it because the assumption is I am 'just lucky' or 'have a good metabolism'? Or do they just not want to know what it really takes to be thin because they think the truth would be too challenging?

This has been going on for so many years now that I'm genuinely getting very curious.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 11/05/2017 13:36

Also, you aren't "mumsnet thin" yet OP IIRC that is 8st dead and not a lb more

Regardless of height and build Grin

usernamealreadytaken · 11/05/2017 13:37

I sort of know where you're coming from OP. I'm fairly slim now (5'8, 9.5st). When I was young I was naturally skinny (combination of poverty and ill health) but in my early 20s I had a long course of steroids and piled on the weight up to 11.5st. I managed to lose it and went back down to just over 8st which I admit was too skinny for me, but have since settled between 9 - 9.5st. Nobody wants my advise because they didn't know me when I was heavier, and just assume that I've always been this way. When I try to tell them I lost nearly 3.5st they just don't believe it. I have to watch what I eat and I do some exercise (recently started running, never been able to before!) but I know that everyone has their own struggles.

TheLegendOfBeans · 11/05/2017 13:38

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lovelygreysky · 11/05/2017 13:39

Lots of judging going on about why I am slim. If you knew the women in my family you'd know that I do not have super genes. Not one of us Demant's on either side of the family can just relax. I put weight on like anyone else.

OP, this comment alone shows that you actually know very little about the whole subject. All that talk about "good / bad" genes that supposedly give people "fast / slow" metabolisms is utter rubbish. Genes only influence how big your appetite is and possibly also your NEAT/NEPA, not how many calories you need to put on one kilo of weight - the latter is just good old thermodynamics.

Gazelda · 11/05/2017 13:39

Maybe they don't ask you, because they're aware of your lack of empathy and your evident feelings of superiority.

TheLegendOfBeans · 11/05/2017 13:39

Maybe they don't ask you because you're full of shit?

but not calories

MissisQuigley · 11/05/2017 13:40

Gazelda Grin

missperegrinespeculiar · 11/05/2017 13:42

I think OP that people are reacting angrily because weight problems are for many a daily struggle, something they have had to deal with often most of their lives, they probably have tried lots of approaches, read a lot about it, often asked for help from health practitioners without much success

they are also often derided, bullied and despised for their weight

as many have said, it is a very complex issue, and different for different people (medical conditions, genetics, mental health problems, lifestyle factors etc.), and we don't really fully understand why it is such a problem for some people

and then you come along and say, look at me I am slim, I obviously know it all, why don't you just ask me? all your problems solved!

It sounds arrogant, naive and condescending, really, there is no need to be nasty to you, but I can understand the annoyance!

Apairofsparklingeyes · 11/05/2017 13:43

Op, you do realise that 8lb isn't very much weight to lose don't you? I'd rather hear from someone who has lost 8 stone without using surgery or pills and has kept the weight off for many years.

FunnysInLaJardin · 11/05/2017 13:44

6 pages and the OP hasn't yet said what she does to stay slim.

I am genuinely interested in this OP, so what do you do?

Verbena37 · 11/05/2017 13:44

Demant0 can I ask your height please? As to weigh only 8 stone 4, you must be quite small height wise, otherwise, you'd be underweight which is actually as bad as being overweight, health wise.

The tone in which you wrote your OP, kind of suggests you might be that blunt and lacking in empathy in real life too...so that's possibly the reason nobody you know asks you about how lovely and slim you are.

Back in the real world, I think you'll find there are a multitude of reasons why people are overweight and also that the majority of them DO actually know what to do to lose weight. The mind is a tricky one though.....weight loss and gain is driven by mental wellbeing and if that's off peak, then the result won't come. People need to be in 'that place' to lose weight and until they're emotionally ready, there is no way it will happen. You telling them how you did it, as well as rubbing salt in the wound, will be completely different for their own journey.

ragged · 11/05/2017 13:44

Sometimes people don't want advice. They just need a friendly ear.
I think this is a social skills problem (OP has the problem)... I would find a way to make suggestions if someone was moaning about their life. The person might think I have no relevant experience & they are free to disregard whatever I suggest, but I'd still get some words of my own in.

I'm a pretty excellent listener when I want to be, but just listening is pretty dull after a while.

BeyondThePage · 11/05/2017 13:46

We ALL know the answer, so why do you want people to ask?

It is not a secret - eat less, move more - or do you have a different way?

FuckYouDailyMail · 11/05/2017 13:47

Let me guess you are a Lifestyle Coach and have a wonderful new MLM you want to flog us.

Ragwort · 11/05/2017 13:48

I am sure most overweight people know how to lose weight - I am three stone over weight, of course I know I should reduce my portion size, eat fresh, home cooked meals, cut out sugary/fatty snacking and take more exercise. I have lost weight many, many times over the years by following those simple rules - sometimes with a 'club' as well, sometimes signing up for gym membership.

But I love food, I am very greedy so inevitably the weight goes back on.

I wouldn't particularly ask anyone's advice on how to lose weight, it's not difficult - eat less calories than your body needs..

Hotpinkangel19 · 11/05/2017 13:52

Still no answer?? I need to know this secret....

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 11/05/2017 13:53

You might have to pay £12.99 on amazon for it 😂

UrsulaPandress · 11/05/2017 13:53

JUST FUCKING TELL US!!!!!

Redpony1 · 11/05/2017 13:54

As someone that has previously lost 4st to get to a healthy 10st & 'perfect' size 10, at no point in that journey would i have wanted the opinion of someone who lost 8lb to go down to a tiny 8st 4lb. It's completely different.

Recently my tiny best friend needed to lost a few lb to make her very tight bridesmaid dress fit better. It took has about 10days to lose 4lb to make it fit perfectly. There followed a conversation with her, because i need to lose 1st. She told me what she changed, a little more exercise, a healthier diet just for those few days, it fell off her.

As someone who really struggles with losing weight, it's a kick in the teeth. A big fat kick in the teeth, because i ride 2x horses a day, i run hard 4 times a week and i go to the gym a couple of times a week too. I also eat pretty damn well (plenty of veg & lean meat, no crisps/chocs/biscuits etc.)

The struggles are totally different, not at all comparable.

AtrociousCircumstance · 11/05/2017 13:54

The fact that you haven't yet told us your pearls of skinny wisdom kind of reveals that you just want this thread to play out, poking it now and again.

Perhaps you need some tips on gaining satisfaction in your RL? Rather than the queasy little untruthful internet bullshitting thing?

takesnoprisoners · 11/05/2017 13:56

This thread is epic! Grin How clueless is the OP??!

diddl · 11/05/2017 13:56

No answers yet?

I'd seriously like some tips-so if anyone wanted to start a thread, I'd be interested!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 11/05/2017 13:56

STOP...I need the

So how did you do it op?

howtopickausername · 11/05/2017 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maudlinmaud · 11/05/2017 13:58

Hmm sake.

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