Loli and Must this essay 
is mainly for you and anyone else who is battling anxiety.
Hope you don't mind that I'm indulging myself in sharing my story - you might feel like wanting to tell me to bugger off 
. But, when I first was hit by my anxiety disorder, I was desperate to know that I wouldn't be like that for ever. There was lots of advice out there but I never read anything where someone said they felt 'fixed' or 'cured'.
I don't like using either of those words, because honestly, I know I will have to mind myself for the rest of my life. But, for all intents and purposes I do feel cured, so please believe that there is hope out there and you will find a way through this and come out the other side stronger for it.
I started getting crippling panic attacks in my late 20s. When I got the first one, I didn't know what it was. It wasn't like on tv where people hyperventilate and start blowing into a paper bag. I literally just thought I was dying. A feeling of dread and awfulness just spread through my whole body and I felt almost paralysed for hours. I remember lying in the foetal position on the sofa trying to recover.
Anyway, I don't need to tell you how awful anxiety feels and I don't want to focus on the bad times I had in those first few months. The main thing is that I eventually plucked up the courage to ask for help. My GP was wonderful. Straight away she knew what it was and put me on Lexapro (not sure if that's just an Irish branding) and 2 weeks worth of Xanax to get me through until the Lexapro started to kick in. She also referred me to a counsellor.
The counsellor was horrible. Talk about judgey-pants - her eyes nearly came out her nostrils she was looking down so far down her nose at me. I never went back.
But the meds worked. Within weeks. I can't remember exactly how soon, but I very quickly realised that my mind had stopped racing and my body started to feel less agitated. I didn't have any side effects and very soon I felt 'normal' and all the bad feelings became a distant memory.
A few years later and life was good and calm and I felt confident enough to wean off the meds. Which I did successfully. But then a year or two later, another big 'life event' happened and I had a relapse. Knew what it was this time so straight back to GP and back on the same meds. Which worked successfully again.
This time she referred me to a different counsellor. I still remember sitting in front of her saying that I wanted to be 'fixed' and she smiled warmly - she knew it wasn't that simple. But to cut a long story short, this time counselling has changed me and my life. CBT is highly recommended for anxiety and panic attacks, but my counsellor has taught me mindfulness. There's a lot of mixed reviews of it, but for me it just means that I'm almost always aware of how I am, mentally and physically. Sometimes it's hard and I have to keep practising but I find it brilliant.
I have been off the meds this time for almost 3 years. I still go for 'maintenance doses' of counselling a few times a year - it's the nicest thing I can do for myself. Like I said, I will probably have to mind myself for the rest of my life, but I have the tools now to do that. And I love myself. I couldn't say that 10 years ago and when I tried I just burst into tears, but now I do love myself and everything that entails.
These are the best bits of practical advice I can give you from what I've learned:
- as horrible as it is, a panic attack is actually trying to protect you. It's just a (very nasty) alarm that you are under too much stress. It's trying to alert you that you need to mind yourself and be kind to yourself, physically and mentally. It might help to start thinking of it like that rather than to be afraid of it - it can take some of its intensity away.
- both your body and mind are under huge stress and are triggering stress to each other, so the vicious cycle of fight-or-flight continues.
- for your body, try to notice how you are physically. What I find very helpful is to notice how my shoulders are. Are they tense and up around your ears? If so, try to relax them. Baths suggestion upthread of a relaxing bath is a very good idea.
- another suggestion is this exercise. Sit in a comfy chair (feet flat on the floor - knees slightly apart) and bend forward so that you're looking at the floor. Lay your forearms along your thighs so that your hands are sticking out beyond your knees. Then turn your palms upwards and open your hands like you're cupping something. I find it weirdly comforting - almost like I'm holding yourself.
- breathing exercises can be hit and miss as a lot of the stress hormones can affect your chest and throat. But try slow, deep breaths into your stomach and out through your nose - if you're breathing from your chest this will fool your body into thinking you are in danger and keep the cycle going.
- trying to stop your mind racing is harder so my advice isn't great. Easier said than done, but you need to try to be aware of your thoughts and slow them down. Meditation is great but it's hard to jump straight to that from full-on anxiety. Even try just slowing or even emptying your mind for 10 seconds, then 20 seconds, then 30 seconds etc to remind yourself what it's like to have a calm mind. You are not in any danger, or going mad, or weak or anything else bad that you might be telling yourself. That is just the stress and anxiety playing silly-beggers. Nowadays if I start saying something in my head like "My life is awful I've no future", instead of letting that escalate my next reaction is "Wow, isn't it interesting how that thought popped into my head, I wonder what's going on for me or triggering that?". It takes the power and intensity of it away.
Honestly reading that back, I wouldn't blame you if you thought - what a silly cow and what a load of hippie nonsense/claptrap 
. But above all I just want to say what I wish someone had said to me. There are methods to fix this and you will find them and get better. You won't always feel like this and you are so strong and brave for posting on here and going to your GPs. If your GP or the meds aren't right first time, keep trying and changing until you find the right combination. And then maybe think about some talk-therapy - it's not essential but if you can find the right person it might do wonders for you.
All of this is horrible and unfair and it does take some hard work at times, but you will come through it 
. If I can help at all I will.