I weight 15st 7 - Big self indulgent monologue about how fat I am :(

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

I weigh 15 stone 7 which I'm pretty sure is my heaviest ever :( (I am not a religious weigher and only bought scales in November).

I have been trying to lose weight for at least 10 years, since I was 16, and I'm just down in the dumps today because I don't understand what is going wrong. I tried wearing jeans today (size 16) but they were just too tight and uncomfortable and I couldn't play with the baby.

I always have eaten well and exercised (since living away from home age 18), so in November I joined Slimming World as nothing was really working. First time I'd ever done a diet plan thing. I lost 8lb in the 6 weeks to Christmas, put 4lb on over Christmas, then was completely on plan through January and didn't lose an ounce. Gave up in February, so lost 4lb overall over 3 months on SW.

Then in March I was given the OK to exercise again after having had DS in May '15. So I joined the gym and got a personal trainer. She is awesome and I love her. She did my body stats using this machine thing. She's getting back from the summer holidays on 12th September so really looking forward to that and will ask her to do my stats again to see if anything has changed for the better. She coaches me on my food as well as my exercise which is really great. She agrees I already eat well.

A few months back I decided that maybe a challenge/deadline would help, so I said I would lose 34lb in 34 weeks (should be perfectly doable if doing a SW type plan), as we had a holiday 34 weeks away. After a few weeks of no losses that fell by the wayside.

I've been going to the gym 4-5x a week and on the days I don't I'm still busy running around after my toddler, walking to park etc. I always get in more than 10k steps a day, always eat a lot less than my TDEE, always burn what MFP says I should. My Fitbit syncs to my MFP and they both say I'm doing well.

Anyway our holiday is coming up in November '16 and I'm just blue because when I started SW back in November '15 I thought in a years time I would look and feel a whole lot better. But if anything it's worse, I've put 5lb on since I started SW. It's just the same year in year out, but a bit worse each year. If I keep going like this then in 10 years I will be in a terrible state.

The only time I've ever lost weight was for my wedding. I ate a normal breakfast, half a grilled chicken breast with peas and sweet corn for lunch, and a normal homemade dinner as far as I remember, off a side plate. I didn't do much more exercise than I do now. I was still a size 16, barely a 14, but felt good. That was the only phase I've ever experienced a loose waist band and wow, that feels nice doesn't it!

I just don't think I'm trying hard enough. I need more ideas of what to try. I've read a food addiction book and CBT-related book which was really good. I've taken up mindfulness to ensure I don't mindlessly binge, which I didn't really do much ever. I have PT-approved cereal for breakfast, salad or occasionally homemade soup for lunch, and a normal homemade dinner. No snacks generally, but also I do want to live my life and go out for coffee with friends sometimes and not always say no when a biscuit is offered. I drink shitloads of water and have always just eaten clean, natural, unprocessed, healthy foods (except for the SW stint, but even that is quite wholesome I think).

My PT says it doesn't matter what the scale says, I know I am perfectly healthy and I'm strong, but it DOES matter. I want another baby next year and if I'm 15 stone surely they'll put me under consultant care due to high BMI. I would be so embarrassed and ashamed (not saying anyone else in that situation should be). I'm surprised they didn't when I was pregnant with DS (13+ stone and BMI of 33, so obese).

I'm just feeling blue and a bit fragile today, and I am going out for dinner with some new friends tonight and am worried because they're both so slim and I'm just a lump. DH says I was bigger than I am now when we met 9 years ago, but I have certainly never weighed more than this.

Off to put the baby down for a nap and do a fitnessblender workout - can't go to the gym/Creche this week as DS has hand, foot and mouth.

Well done if you got this far. Thanks. Don't know what I'm asking really. PT is back in a week or so but in the interim I just need some support I guess.

Thank you, that's really helpful. I'm just sick of diet clubs so maybe I'll tighten up on the MFP logging and see how I get on. It's so frustrating, especially as I have a sister who never strays from a size 10 and eats like a pig - grr!

A lot of issues I have with dieting is the mentality of it being a short-term fix and then you can go back to eating treats more regularly etc. That's what got me overweight in the first place!

I now know how many calories per day/week results in me losing weight/maintaining weight/gaining weight. Therefore I know what I can and can't eat in order to keep my weight consistent and sustainable. It is going to be a lifelong thing if I want to stay the size and weight I am.

If I want to go out on Saturday and have a three course meal, or have a takeaway or have a big slice of cake, that's fine. But I can't do that every night and claim it is a treat. It isn't. If I eat like that one day, I won't beat myself up the next day and spiral down into eating like that from then on. The next day I will reduce my portions or have lighter meals instead.

Some people are naturally slim while still eating a lot. But looking at my slim friends, the common denominator is that they don't have a big appetite like me so don't eat as much and also they will have calorific foods very rarely.

Good luck, it's about keeping up discipline with motivation and finding the right balance for you.

JamieVardy has it bang on.

I eat healthily, every day, for life. If I didn't I'd be unhappy, unhealthy and heavier than I am now.
IME, slim people are slim because they eat what larger people would consider a "diet" 95% of the time. My sister (size 22) thinks I eat tiny amounts. I think she eats loads. It's all relative.

Losing weight needs to be about changing eating habits for life - otherwise the weight just goes back on as soon as the "diet" ends.

2 weeks on and i weigh 14st 13, so that's what an 8lb loss? Really? Yay! Can't say I'm really seeing a difference yet but my stomach sort of feels less assaulted and my mind feels a lot less stressed!

Wow! That's pretty impressive!

See if you can feel a difference when you go up and down the stairs! I'm never going to forget how much easier the stairs felt when I came home from the maternity ward.

More recently, I found that physical activity felt easier before I looked different, if you see what I mean.

Woohoo! Well done Bendy, keep it up!

Thanks guys! Do you think I will continue to lose? Maybe not at the same rate but I hope I keep losing. I'm not sure what more I could cut back if it slows down, eek! Usually I see results and get complacent because I don't believe I could keep losing weight, so don't want that to happen this time. But what if the weight loss slows down, what should my plan be?

Current regime is:
7am green smoothie, around 300 cals
1pm lunch, soup or salad with protein, usually around 300 cals
5pm dinner, normal kind of dinnery meal, usually around 4-600 cals.

I'm usually coming in around or just below my calorie goal of 1200 cals and I am honestly feeling satisfied which is unbelievable to me, so yay!

Well done Bendy! If your weight loss slows to less than 1lb a week I'd look at upping your cardio, but I don't think you'll have to worry about that for a while.

An average of 4lb per week for the last two weeks is incredible. The only time I've ever lost that in a week is when a baby came out of me! Massive well done.

Ok, cardio, cool :)

Thanks! I don't feel like I've been doing much to warrant this loss, but looking at my food written down its a big change. Just doesn't feel like it, which is what every dieter wants I spose! I have just come in my period though so don't know if that would have skewed anything from the last 2 weeks. But yay

Honestly, if I'm honest I think the best thing you can do is actually up your calories a bit. For breakfast or lunch rather than the afternoon meal. Not drastically, but just so you can encourage your metabolism to rev up a bit. I think losing weight at your current level will probably drop off a bit anyway though - 8lb in 2 weeks is a lot and I'd say a pretty unsustainable rate of weight loss, although it's great for a morale boost at the beginning of a regime! However don't be downhearted if the rate slows. Slower, steadier weight loss is more likely to stay off in the long term. I found though that when I lost weight using the 5pm stop method, my weight loss was pretty consistent at about 1 kilo a week (that's 2.2 of your earth pounds).

I've put on 4lb since Friday :( didn't even eat that badly, just had some chocolate and didn't log in MFP! Wow, definitely can't afford to stray at all! So back up to 15st 3 :(

Don't get downhearted Bendy, it happens! Plus it may only be water retention, it might be gone by tomorrow. How often do you weigh yourself? Is it weekly or daily?

Don't stress Bendy. If you haven't done anything to justify the weight gain it is probably just normal body fluctuations. I generally weigh in the morning and evening everyday, and my body can fluctuate by about 1 to 6 lbs (I know AF is coming then!) in a day.

A person's set weight is actually anywhere in about a 8 lb range. So for example, my "low weight" is 74 kgs and my "high weight" is 76 kgs. As long as I'm in that spectrum I know I haven't actually gained weight.

In terms of continual loss you will eventually plateau. I tend to after a 30lb loss without fail. I'm at that point now, and just trying to maintain that 12 stone number. In a few weeks I'm going to make some changes and see if I can't get my set weight lower, but I'm in no rush. 30 lbs is a good loss for 9 months.

Ok that's good to know. I weigh myself every few days, never used to but have got excited lately! Maybe I should do once a week. Just having a lovely green smoothie, definitely back on track today.

I weigh myself most days - nearly every - day when dieting. That way you can keep track of what's working and what isn't. It helps you spot patterns in your weight that you might otherwise miss. For example, I noticed that the more of my calories I ate in the morning, the more weight I lost. If the logging etc is working for you, keep at it. However I would say this - it is possible that your weight loss for the first two weeks has been a bit too fast, which is why it might have come back. You need to aim for slow and steady - that way, it's always real fat loss, and not just water. I know I sound like a broken record, but calorie restriction is only going to continue to hamper your metabolism (as it did mine). Strict diets make your body go into starvation mode, so that when you fall off the wagon your body gets excited and tries to hold onto as many of the extra calories as it can. Try having a heartier breakfast and lunch and keep your dinner the same - and never break the golden rule of eating after 5!

I know it's scary and counterintuitive, the idea of eating a bit more rather than less to lose weight. But it really does work (as long as you're not going nuts of course). Everyone here has a different opinion on what works, I know that, but eating this way not only enabled me to lose weight - it freed me from ever having to think about what I eat at all - no forbidden foods, no bingeing, no dieting, no weighing/measuring/calorie counting - and I think that is the best possible long-term outcome.

Jamie above suggests about 1600 cals a day - I think that's a sensible amount, if you still feel uncomfortable not counting calories. There may be some initial weight gain but then it will start to come off again, slowly, and this time it'll be sustainable!

never break the golden rule of eating after 5!
What does this mean? Should it say "not eating after 5"? In which case how could anyone who works full-time hours ever do that?! Not eating dinner?

I completely agree with what you say re no bingeing, no dieting and no "forbidden" foods. However, calorie counting has a use, I think, especially to demonstrate what "normal" portion sizes should look like.
For example, I did Slimming World once for a feature. I stuck to it for the full month and gained weight, because of the unlimited foods (how can unlimited pasta be a diet, unless what you're already eating is truly dire?!)

So even though I'm now below target weight, I do calorie count and log on MFP every day, just to keep a check on myself. After years of MFP it's more intuitive than tiresome, though, and as everything I eat is logged in there somewhere by now, it's very quick to do.

Don't be disheartened, OP. It's probably just natural fluctuations, as pps have said. But then it could be down to not logging and eating chocolate, too, depending on whether that was one square of chocolate or a whole bar!
A green smoothie sounds delicious. Hope it gets you back on track today. Good luck.

You do eat dinner, you just do it early. It's really very easy to do, provided you eat enough earlier in the day. I'm not saying op shouldn't count calories at all, if that's where her comfort zone lies. You can see that's exactly what I've said above. If logging works for Bendy that's what she should do. I just don't think that seriously restricting calorie intake helps anyone long term. I say this as someone who spent years and years obsessively writing down every gram of broccoli and bread I consumed, and trying all sorts of diets which sometimes worked but were unsustainable and in the long run only made me fatter. Anyway I don't want to have a start a bunfight over something as innocuous as this. I'm only trying to offer a bit of positivity and encouragement because this is a struggle I know only too well.

You do eat dinner, you just do it early. It's really very easy to do, provided you eat enough earlier in the day.

See I never understood that whole no food after 5 thing. My work ends at 5. When am I supposed to eat dinner? Much less get home and make it for my family? I can't possibly eat lunch and dinner at work it just doesn't make sense.

I did try it once though, but didn't notice any difference other than I was hungrier when I woke up.

Oh god no, I don't want a bunfight - I just honestly didn't know if you were suggesting eating dinner before 5pm or not (as obviously this just isn't do-able for lots of people).
What you say makes an awful lot of sense. Peace and love and all that

Sorry running, I'm a bit oversensitive today. Yep I did mean no food after 5 - it did fit with my work because I'm self employed but I suppose it's not for everyone. Bendy has said she can do it though! So it's worth a try. It just worked so wonderfully for me so I want to spread the word! Might be a bit overzealous in my proselytizing though. I'll give it a rest for a bit

No worries! Jealous of anyone who can get home to dinner before 5!

Me too, fitfatty - I'm at work from at least 8 til 6 so no chance of dinner before 5, ever!!

Read some Susie Orbach - most notably "Fat is a Feminist Issue". It'll change your relationship with your body forever. For the better.

I've been meaning to read Fat is a Feminist Issue. Luckily for me I don't hate my body, just wish it was lighter :) mainly for health reasons.

Thanks for the input above (and for not starting a bunfight ). Saw my PT this morning and she did my whole body stats again which were exactly, and I mean EXACTLY, the same as when we first did them back when I started with her in June Exactly the same. Think even she was a tad surprised as I've definitely got stronger and I feel like my legs have got less fat, but how can that be if my muscle %, body fat %, visceral fat, the composition of each limb, hasn't changed a jot?? Funny. I'm just musing really.
Anyway, she agrees my food sounds good and is sooooo happy I'm doing the not eating after 6 thing. Luckily for me I'm a SAHM and work from home some evenings so works well for me and means I have my evenings more free. But I'm definitely still calorie counting too!