I weight 15st 7 - Big self indulgent monologue about how fat I am :(

[BendydickCuminsnatch]

I weigh 15 stone 7 which I'm pretty sure is my heaviest ever :( (I am not a religious weigher and only bought scales in November).

I have been trying to lose weight for at least 10 years, since I was 16, and I'm just down in the dumps today because I don't understand what is going wrong. I tried wearing jeans today (size 16) but they were just too tight and uncomfortable and I couldn't play with the baby.

I always have eaten well and exercised (since living away from home age 18), so in November I joined Slimming World as nothing was really working. First time I'd ever done a diet plan thing. I lost 8lb in the 6 weeks to Christmas, put 4lb on over Christmas, then was completely on plan through January and didn't lose an ounce. Gave up in February, so lost 4lb overall over 3 months on SW.

Then in March I was given the OK to exercise again after having had DS in May '15. So I joined the gym and got a personal trainer. She is awesome and I love her. She did my body stats using this machine thing. She's getting back from the summer holidays on 12th September so really looking forward to that and will ask her to do my stats again to see if anything has changed for the better. She coaches me on my food as well as my exercise which is really great. She agrees I already eat well.

A few months back I decided that maybe a challenge/deadline would help, so I said I would lose 34lb in 34 weeks (should be perfectly doable if doing a SW type plan), as we had a holiday 34 weeks away. After a few weeks of no losses that fell by the wayside.

I've been going to the gym 4-5x a week and on the days I don't I'm still busy running around after my toddler, walking to park etc. I always get in more than 10k steps a day, always eat a lot less than my TDEE, always burn what MFP says I should. My Fitbit syncs to my MFP and they both say I'm doing well.

Anyway our holiday is coming up in November '16 and I'm just blue because when I started SW back in November '15 I thought in a years time I would look and feel a whole lot better. But if anything it's worse, I've put 5lb on since I started SW. It's just the same year in year out, but a bit worse each year. If I keep going like this then in 10 years I will be in a terrible state.

The only time I've ever lost weight was for my wedding. I ate a normal breakfast, half a grilled chicken breast with peas and sweet corn for lunch, and a normal homemade dinner as far as I remember, off a side plate. I didn't do much more exercise than I do now. I was still a size 16, barely a 14, but felt good. That was the only phase I've ever experienced a loose waist band and wow, that feels nice doesn't it!

I just don't think I'm trying hard enough. I need more ideas of what to try. I've read a food addiction book and CBT-related book which was really good. I've taken up mindfulness to ensure I don't mindlessly binge, which I didn't really do much ever. I have PT-approved cereal for breakfast, salad or occasionally homemade soup for lunch, and a normal homemade dinner. No snacks generally, but also I do want to live my life and go out for coffee with friends sometimes and not always say no when a biscuit is offered. I drink shitloads of water and have always just eaten clean, natural, unprocessed, healthy foods (except for the SW stint, but even that is quite wholesome I think).

My PT says it doesn't matter what the scale says, I know I am perfectly healthy and I'm strong, but it DOES matter. I want another baby next year and if I'm 15 stone surely they'll put me under consultant care due to high BMI. I would be so embarrassed and ashamed (not saying anyone else in that situation should be). I'm surprised they didn't when I was pregnant with DS (13+ stone and BMI of 33, so obese).

I'm just feeling blue and a bit fragile today, and I am going out for dinner with some new friends tonight and am worried because they're both so slim and I'm just a lump. DH says I was bigger than I am now when we met 9 years ago, but I have certainly never weighed more than this.

Off to put the baby down for a nap and do a fitnessblender workout - can't go to the gym/Creche this week as DS has hand, foot and mouth.

Well done if you got this far. Thanks. Don't know what I'm asking really. PT is back in a week or so but in the interim I just need some support I guess.

Ah yes, forgot about drinks. A lot of tap and sparkling water (didn't keep track but always drink a lot), teas with semi skimmed milk and coffees with a dash of whole milk.

I did gobble my dinner because the baby was begging and trying to steal my food etc, but I think if I keep at it he'll learn some manners and it will be more relaxing eating with him

Might have some cheese later. I'm glad you approve of the menu! Yay.

Hi Bendy. I was 16.2 in April and and 13.12 today. Ive lost it through eating 1200 calories, low carbing and exercising. I only eat carbs at breakfast- either overnight oats or 2 sweet Ryvita with peanut butter and a sliced banana. Weekends I'll have scrambled eggs. I never eat my exercise calories though.

Oh FFs don't be stupid! I've seen you on a million threads! I see your pics. You are fine. You are just like me, everything is good but the BMI. Maybe we drank too much milk as kids and our bones weigh a ton. But if anyone gets at you for your weight, challenge them to a run.

I've lost three stone, from 12 stone and size 14/16 to 9 stone, size 8/10. I'm 5'3" and 53 years old.
What worked for me was giving up sugar and any processed food.
Don't eat unless I'm hungry, despite most diet tips recommending to always eat breakfast I usually eat at around noon.
Stop eating when full, but I had to train myself to recognise the full feeling.
Fat is not your foe, sugar is.
Drink plenty of water.
All calories are NOT equal...a calorie of fat makes your body burn more calories to break it down than it would for sugar.
HIIT exercise, short intense bursts of exercise burns calories, and the fat burning continues after you've stopped.
I've still got a lot of toning up to do (I seriously need Popeye's biceps to fill my bingo wings) and would like to lose another half stone or so.

FitFatty agh I know! But really, it is remarkable to be 15 stone. I am naturally heavy - people are saying they're the same size as me but 3 STONE lighter! - but I still do have a fair bit of flab!

Already a bit off track today 😰

Porridge, banana and nectarine for breakfast - 337 cals

Lunch (early for DS reasons!) - 2x toast, 3x scrambled egg, 10g cheese, 10g lurpak - 508 cals!

So only 355 cals left for dinner... But I am going to be kind to myself about it as its only day 2 of new plan. I should have had a carb-free breakfast and would have been fine I think!

Also was going I have soup for dinner but fridge malfunction meant it was frozen solid!

Stir fry vegetables for you tonight! Add a small portion of rice or egg noodles.

If it's only day 2 then you have to be tough, not kind!!!

While that's pretty healthy what you've eaten today if you want to lose the pounds I would say it's too much. For example, for lunch I would swap that and have two eggs on one slice of toast. Eggs cooked in 1 cal spray and low fat spread on the toast. Stick with it!

I have some cauliflower rice in the fridge so I'll have that.

Eggs were done in 1 cal spray but the butter on the toast was naughty 🙊 Ok next time I'll have 1 slice.

OP, that shouldn't be considered off-track! Be kinder to yourself! You are eating so healthily, a 500 calorie lunch isn't an indulgence!
I know it's hard to believe that you don't have to count calories, but if this diet you're doing now doesn't work, try my method. It works like a charm.

Oh whoops. I didn't read where you said you'd try eating early :) it is most effective if you stop at 5 though. And also if you don't count calories - basically eating a decent amount revs up your metabolism for the day while you're active, and then in the evening that continues but minus extra calories being added.

Anyway you are doing great, sounds like a very balanced diet, and eating things like eggs and cheese are great because they keep you nice and full. 10g of butter is not naughty either

Hi Ferret! Thanks for the encouragement :) I must admit, I did expect a few 'ew you're gross' comments, so I'm relieved I have found having dinner earlier and not eating anything afterwards OK so far (only day 2 i know!). Dinner is usually 5/5:30 for the baby so that's when I'll be done. This approach seems to make sense to me. Deep down I have agreed with your butter comment for a long time but I can't help but see the bad in every food these days! There is so much conflicting advice out there!

You don't look 15 stone in the picture at all!
Have I missed how tall you are?
I'm no expert, at all, but IME low fat and calorie counting doesn't work but low/ no carbing at the start really does.

Thanks Apocalypse. I'm 5'6". My DH is lighter than me, argh! 😩 Just had that thought.

Dinner was stir fry, 211 cals. 1055 cals total today.

You need to try low carb, high fat, high protein.

What you are doing at the moment isn't working for you. Sorry, it isn't. It works for some, but not others.

Try BIWIs BootCamp, it's a revelation.

I also suggest upping your protein. And ditch the 0% fat yoghurt... Have the full fat stuff and be more satisfied with it, fat free stuff tends to be filled with sugar.

It definitely sounds like you're doing enough exercise. Could you try brown rice instead of pasta? It's a bit more filling and lower GI.

I know diet stuff is usually full of sugar, that's like Dieter 101 . But this is just yoghurt made from skimmed milk. But I hear you re. the full fat stuff.

I don't eat much pasta, maybe once every 3 weeks. I prefer cauliflower rice to brown rice but I think brown rice is probably more filling so I'll give it a go.

See, so much conflicting advice, so much confusion!

Hormones - get your thyroid checked.

Secondly when you execise are you adding that to your calorie allowance? I really wouldn't if you are only doing an hour in the gym and 10k steps. If your doing a couple of hours of running daily, then eat only 1/2 the calories back

Running type intensity exercise

No I don't eat the calories back.

How do you go about getting your thyroid checked? Don't want to take up a GP appointment if there's nothing wrong and I have no symptoms. Wouldn't it have been discovered by now?

I exercise tons but struggle to loose because of the amount I eat. It's all healthy but just too much

Underactive thyroid symptoms:

tiredness - no
being sensitive to cold - no
weight gain - yes
constipation - no
depression - no
slow movements and thoughts - no
muscle aches and weakness - no
muscle cramps - no
dry and scaly skin - no
brittle hair and nails - no, thanks to hair, skin & nails supplement (take for spotty skin)
loss of libido - never been high
pain, numbness and a tingling sensation in the hand and fingers - no
irregular periods or heavy periods - no

Overactive thyroid symptoms:

hyperactivity - no
mood swings – such as anxiety, irritability and nervousness - no
difficulty sleeping (insomnia) - no
feeling tired all the time (fatigue) - no
muscle weakness - no
needing to pass stools (faeces) or urine more frequently - no
excess fats in your stools – which can make them greasy and difficult to flush down the toilet (steatorrhoea) - no
sensitivity to heat and excess sweating - i do sweat a lot!
unexplained or unexpected weight loss despite having an increased appetite (though in a small number of cases, the increase in appetite can lead to weight gain) - no
very infrequent or light periods, or periods stopping altogether - I class them as quite light but they last 3/4 days.
infertility - no
loss of interest in sex - never had a V high libido
Palpitations - YES
a swelling in your neck caused by an enlarged thyroid gland (goitre) - don't think so
trembling or shaking (tremor) - no
warm, moist skin - no
redness on the palms of your hands - no
loosening of your nails in their nail beds - faint no
hives (urticaria) - no
patchy hair loss (alopecia) - no
twitching in your face and limbs - sometimes

I would just focus on only eating when hungry, stopping when full, good food rather than take aways and junk, and exercise. :)

Sensible, fitfat. I like it.

Lush green (grey) smoothie for breakfast, 265 cals. Slow cooker chilli for tonight is in the making.