Crash-dieters, binge-eaters and those who nibble away their boredom.....

[SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve]

How about having a thread (ie this one) where we can come for support and distraction when our "psychological eating" begins to get out of control? Whether it's compulsive munching, dangerous crash-dieting or yo-yoing between the two, many of us know that our crap relationship with food is rooted in anxieties/depression/feelings of inferiority which some of us have been carrying around since childhood. Personally I find it just too difficult to battle these urges on my own. I also find that not being able to defeat the desire to eat makes me feel quite pathetic and low, which drives the vicious circle and makes my eating become even more dysfunctional.

Anyone else who feels like this about food, sign up here and we can give each other an arm to lean on when things get too tough to handle alone. The aim is to try and adopt a more measured and less psychologically loaded approach to slimming, moderate exercise and sensible eating rather than oscillating beween starvation and bingeing. No food diaries, no weigh-ins, no pressure - just somewhere we can talk about the issues that underlie our eating, identify our "food flashpoints", and aid each other towards a healthier relationship with food.

I'll start:

I am stuck in a pretty horrendous cycle with food at the moment. I lost four stone over a year, and went down to a size 12, which made me feel terrific and my confidence was sky-high. Over the last year I have put more than half of that weight back on, which is making me very miserable. My mother's relationship with food was similar and she was given to expressing disappointment quite openly when I gained weight, which set up issues of shame etc. I find it very difficult to overcome the feelings I have about eating/weight, which means that I crash-diet (virtual starvation) whenever I feel strong enough, and when I am depressed/anxious I binge-eat, I can eat more than dh suring one of these phases. I tend to think that anything momentous that happens in our lives, good or bad means that we "deserve" a big blow-out, and I find it difficult to relocate that feeling of being "treated" onto anything inedible. I'm hoping if this thread works, I will be able to come here when I feel like bingeing, when I am anxious/depressed and likely to start "abusing" food, and when I know I am crash-dieting and need to find a better way of slimming.

hi reading this makes me feel better that im not theonly one. Living with a dh who is skinny and although is quite a chocoholic isn't bothered about food at all doesnt help. Ive been up and down dieting for about 14 yrs and each time i get bigger Now a size 18 and in the last
8 weeks twice iv lost a stone in a fortnight and then put the same stone back on again. It slike i can do it for a fortnight but then i lose it big style. ~i eat even though im not hungry, i might not even enjoy it that much i just have to do it. I cant figure any emotional issues but it only really started when i left home and had to think about food more, ie plan menus, shop for food etc before that mom used to do it all. ~Maybe its a control issue i dont know but i just need to do something. When dd was 9 months i managed to lose 3 stone and everyone said how good i looked and i swore it would stay like that - no such luck!!!! Im quite desperate now and hate myself and dont want to see anyone or go anywhere and i dont want this to effect my dd i just wish i could find the trigger which would "normalise" my eating.

MTPW, I can promise you that none of us thinks you are a "vile pig". If it was one of your friends who was in your situation, would you feel compassionate and understanding, or would you think "ugh, what a vile pig"? I think a big part of this toxic food=love thing is that we are so hard on ourselves when we "fail" - there's a lot of self-disgust and shame around eating and weight, as though we despise ourselves for needing it - perhaps it's our need for nurturing love we despise? I spent a lot of my adolescent years perfecting the art of not needing love or accepting nurture of any kind. I became a very brittle person on the outside (at around the time I lived on coffee and apples and was unhealthily thin!) I think a lot of my shame and embarrassment about being fat is that to me the weight is a visible outward symbol of my inability to cope without the comfort of all that food, which represents love and nurture. It's as though everyone can see that I am weak and needy.

As I said, this is pretty new territory for me, so apologies if I ramble. But some of the posts on here are really hitting home.

Knat - I'm with you on that one - I'd love to eat like 'normal' people do. But how is that? I have no idea, as I've got such a weird relationship with food. One thing I'm coming round to realising, is that losing weight slowly is better than crash dieting. I'm really trying hard to look at it as a very long-term thing - if it takes me 2 years, that's fine. It's taken me 30 years to put all this on, so it's going to take a while to lose.

i agree with all of you!!
every monday i start a diet, last till about wednesday then fall off the wagon...
i can be good but if i even have a small biscuit thats it i have fallen off the wagon and whats the point, why cant i have a treat and not let it ruin the diet. why cant i eat normally
i phoned about hypnotherapy this week and they said i would need a 3 hour session and would cost £275.00

i actually do better on the milkshake diets as i know i cant have anything else so dont,

i nee to lose 2.5 stone

I once managed 2 weeks on a juice diet with a cooked evening meal.I had no choclate or sweet stuff/crisps and it was really good.Don't think i could do that now.I don't feel strong enough at the moment.

Gs, I too was very brittle, very thin, outwardly appeared hard as nails and slept around a lot in my twenties. Obviously now, looking back it was low self esteem. Interesting hey?

Well, at last a thread that I am an expert in. I understand totally where people are coming from (and in a stalker-type way I always seem to end up on these threads agreeing madly with WWW although I do eat crap as well as good food) - I've been overweight since I was about 6 years old and on a 'diet' of some sort since I was 14 when my friend introduced me to the wonders of bulimia. I eat when I'm happy, sad, preoccupied, ill, frustrated,in the house, in a cafe etc. I have frequently binged and tried to starve myself but am only really successful at the first one - ffs I have even wished I could be a successful anorexic but I've not even managed that!

I have ranged in size from a size 8 (below waist only!) - but only briefly last year - to a size 26. I was at my happiest last year when I lost 8 stones on Lighterlife. Food was never an issue, I was losing weight quickly and consistently, which in itself I think was a real addiction, and smugly considered myself a 'better' person who had rejoined the human race. And inevitably I put back on weight (but 'only' 3 stones so I'm still happy I did LL, for the record. How many people don't put much of the weight back on after a diet?).

I blame my mother of course! My food choices at 6 were hers. She would make me always finish my food, would comfort me with it and reward me with it. But she still criticised me at the same time...gawd I could go on and on but just saying this much has proved somewhat cathartic.

So I will stop now and hope I don't regret this post so I shall not preview!

Today I have eaten....

2 crumpets soaked in butter
2 oranges
1 pack of jaffa cake minis

About to go and make something for lunch - dont know what, but feel the need to eat.

Hi, well of course it's Monday morning So can I join here as it's typical of me too and just to prove my case, I have got the children to school and insisted on walking this morning. Rushed out to try and walk 10,000 steps as I can't see when I will be able to do this again but intend to try just the school walk for now small steps and then a step machine at home when I can't do 10,000 steps and then I have had two slices of toast and a drink of squash and then another two and a coffee with sugar as I must enjoy it otherwise it just makes it far too impossible. Now I have been on the pc for far too long and all the rest of my good intentions have gone already but I am telling myself to catch up now and keep going this week it's going to be different, do I believe myself? No not really too much to do!

Message withdrawn

I have had 2 pieces of toast and a packet of crisps all day. Cold made me feel sick this morning and then lack of food made me feel worse but it didn't click until about 2pm that it was hunger! I feel ok now apart from the cold.

But now i have eaten i keep thinking what shall i eat now.

i had pasta in cheese sauce at lunch time

havent eaten since - can smell the beef stew in the slow cooker though, and will have to feed the girls soon - which means picky time.

DH will be late home tonight and really want to wait until he is back to have my meal.

oxo - "Often, I will cook for my family and sit and eat with them but instead of say Sunday lunch, I would eat a salad. The awful thing is my dd (9) who is like a stick is starting to question her weight. "

Me too. . Oh the guilt! All my kids are slim with very big appetites. It's also a problem when I have a meal and don't finish it these days as my appetite shrinks - the kids, not unreasonably, ask why mummy gets to leave stuff and they are encouraged to finish theirs.

Agree Dior - I think most bigger (and I'm not sure what word to use here - I personally hate the word chubby and cuddly but for some reason fat is less offensive to me!) know exactly what they should be eating. They/we probably know the calorific content of most food items. I always have a little chuckle at the helpful advice that certain people give on MN and elsewhere - eat less, move more. No s**t! And I thought a bar of chocolate and a bowl of salad were interchangeable [sceptical].

I must say that what I found most helpful about Lighterlife was not the 'cod' psychology of the counsellor but the group support and shared experience, so will be interested to see if we can foster that here.

Oh balls - first time I tried to use that face and it didn't bloody work.

The government are always on about health issues of being overweight, and how people are getting bigger.
I think the problem is,most people know what is healthy to eat, and know how to do exercise and stuff, but the government needs to address the issues on why people overeat and help with that, rather than blaming people for just eating too much.
If it was that easy, everyone would be at the correct BMI which I have read are set too low, and people in the BMI 25-30 are the healthiest.
I alo live in constant diet binge mode, ate an unbelievable amount the other day.
Also Boden have just sent me their spring preview, and don't know what sodding size to order, as have no idea where the weight issues will be next summer!

The government are always on about health issues of being overweight, and how people are getting bigger.
I think the problem is,most people know what is healthy to eat, and know how to do exercise and stuff, but the government needs to address the issues on why people overeat and help with that, rather than blaming people for just eating too much.
If it was that easy, everyone would be at the correct BMI which I have read are set too low, and people in the BMI 25-30 are the healthiest.
I alo live in constant diet binge mode, ate an unbelievable amount the other day.
Also Boden have just sent me their spring preview, and don't know what sodding size to order, as have no idea where the weight issues will be next summer!

me too - today have eaten only maltesers (a lot of maltesers) I feel disgusting. MIL is just going to feed me roast chicken with potatoes and veg though so at least I will have had something proper. I eat without thinking.

I really understand what people have been saying on here about binging. Why am I the only mum at childrens parties who eats the party food?

My mum has been on a diet all my life. I first started to diet when I was in primary school. I currently need to loose 20lb to reach my goal weight (again). I have been eating healthily all day but now I have got to the end of my set diet and will be spending the evening nipping backwards and forwards to the fridge.

joelallie - its awful isn't it. Even today, I have made pasta carbonara for dh and kids and a separate low cal tomato and caper sauce for me and I stood in the kitchen eating the sauce separately as I felt too guilty to eat any pasta. I feel awful also that I have been trying to do low carb diet with aim of losing weight and posting on that thread when I know lots of people there will have more serious weight issues. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

WWW, I think you're spot on when you talk about food being so closely linked to self-esteem

I eat childrens party food too, so you're not the only one!

Evening all

Children's party food is a major disaster area for me too, especially mini sausage rolls/sausages/all the little salty snacks and little sandwiches. I was always the kid who ended up throwing up after parties and I haven't changed much in that respect

Oh for Gawd's sake Fizzbuzz,you don't really expect public money to be spent on examining why you can't stop eating do you???

I don't eat at parties. Mainly because of my odd fear of food made by others and the possibility of getting sick from it(yes sick phobia too).
I'm on the viennetta again.Don't think i should buy it again.Spoils it for the DC though.

someone pass the chocolate