Crash-dieters, binge-eaters and those who nibble away their boredom.....

[SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve]

How about having a thread (ie this one) where we can come for support and distraction when our "psychological eating" begins to get out of control? Whether it's compulsive munching, dangerous crash-dieting or yo-yoing between the two, many of us know that our crap relationship with food is rooted in anxieties/depression/feelings of inferiority which some of us have been carrying around since childhood. Personally I find it just too difficult to battle these urges on my own. I also find that not being able to defeat the desire to eat makes me feel quite pathetic and low, which drives the vicious circle and makes my eating become even more dysfunctional.

Anyone else who feels like this about food, sign up here and we can give each other an arm to lean on when things get too tough to handle alone. The aim is to try and adopt a more measured and less psychologically loaded approach to slimming, moderate exercise and sensible eating rather than oscillating beween starvation and bingeing. No food diaries, no weigh-ins, no pressure - just somewhere we can talk about the issues that underlie our eating, identify our "food flashpoints", and aid each other towards a healthier relationship with food.

I'll start:

I am stuck in a pretty horrendous cycle with food at the moment. I lost four stone over a year, and went down to a size 12, which made me feel terrific and my confidence was sky-high. Over the last year I have put more than half of that weight back on, which is making me very miserable. My mother's relationship with food was similar and she was given to expressing disappointment quite openly when I gained weight, which set up issues of shame etc. I find it very difficult to overcome the feelings I have about eating/weight, which means that I crash-diet (virtual starvation) whenever I feel strong enough, and when I am depressed/anxious I binge-eat, I can eat more than dh suring one of these phases. I tend to think that anything momentous that happens in our lives, good or bad means that we "deserve" a big blow-out, and I find it difficult to relocate that feeling of being "treated" onto anything inedible. I'm hoping if this thread works, I will be able to come here when I feel like bingeing, when I am anxious/depressed and likely to start "abusing" food, and when I know I am crash-dieting and need to find a better way of slimming.

I just scoffed a huge plate of HM chips,bread and butter and cheese on top of the chips. Am stuffed now.
I need a way to stop doing this to myself. I wasn't even very hungry to start with.Didn't want to waste any chips so just filled my plate with them.

But do you think everyone who overeats is doing it for emotional reasons?

I spent years trying to work out what my emotional reasons were, and couldn't really find any. Have reached the conclusion, that I just like food and have a big appetite, and am plain greedy (specially for cakes and buns). However I still find it difficult to curb overeating even if not for emotional reasons.

That's an interesting question fizzbuzz. Are there people who over-eat to the point of obesity without underlying emotional causes? If so, are they happy with their weight? If not, ie if there is a conflict between a person's eating drives and their feelings about their size, I admit I would generally assume that there was some sort of psychological barrier to eating healthily. Maybe that's not always the case? It certainly is true for me, though, I have a very unhealthy realtionship with food which is quite deep=seated.

Well I had my roast beef dinner - couldnt finish it all (a first for me - mentally thinking of this thread while I ate) and I actually felt VERY sick after what I had eaten.

Will no doubt want banana custard later once Jess in bed though.

I've been thinking about this some more this afternoon. Six years ago, just before and when I met dh, I honestly, truly felt happy with my weight and in my skin. I wasn't thin, I was a size 14, but I was happy and I had no problem at all attracting men, most of whom would comment on my body in really positive terms. one said 'your figure is generous, I love it', dh said 'I love your curves' and I had other assorted compliments from other men. And women, come to think of it. And I look at photos and I wasn't thin but I looked ok, I really did (might post one in profiles to show you if I get up the nerve). And more to the point, I thought I looked ok.

And up to becoming pregnant with dd I was ok figure wise I think. I was fat by my mother's standards (she's dieted a lot of her life and is a size 10/12) but when I gave up smoking and drinking I ate to compensate I reckon and anyway, here I am, 3 years later, horrific.

Fizzbuzz, I think there's a element of pure greed in it for me too.

I bet you're not horrific WWW - but if you feel horrific, that's the issue. I feel horrific too, I don't enjoy my clothes or my hair or anything because it's all spoiled by the fact that i feel FAT.

I wonder how many of us had mothers whose relationship with food was less than ideal, and whether that informs our own eating/dieting habits? In my case it's definitely a pattern of behaviour, I am either on the way up or on the way down weight-wise, which is very closely linked to my depression and its' up and down nature. I think my mother was the same, she was bever happy with her figure and when I was younger she was openly critical of me and my sister when we gained weight. I remember slimming down a lot at boarding school (living on black coffee and apples) and my mum saying "Oh, you're lovely now I was so disappointed when you went all fat, I used to really enjoy dressing you up and how pretty you were when you were little, I couldn't do it when you went all fat". Yet recently (couple of years ago) when I slimmed down to a size 12 she reacted as though I had done it to spite her and kept making "victim" remarks about things not fitting her and calling me "skinny cow" - in jest, but it's telling.

Such a good thread, my story is a cut and paste of bits from all of these. I was wondering if Cognitive Behavioural Therapy would be useful, but as soon as I started to look into it and find someone in my area I got scared of actually having to talk about it. Anyway, good to have a place to come here.

I don't remember my Mum ever talking about her weight.In fact shes not that skinny but dresses like she is!! I know she is very critical of other though.She would always comment on others and their flaws.

im in. i binge, comfort eat, the lot. i'm pretty screwed up. i was supposed to be having The Op (banding) on 29th, but when i went for my preop stuff, they flagged up some concerns and now they've cancelled it pending further investigation. cue 'i want to die' depression and a fridge shaking in the corner with post traumatic stress as a result of my attack upon it! i've done nothing but eat for days. in fact, we had to do our shop early cos ive cleared everything. i cant stop i feel so empty it hurts.

Oh I feel so at home reading this thread! I have days when I am pretty 'good' through the day but it all goes wrong once the DTs are in bed and I settle down with a large bag of crisps/nuts and bottle of wine...other days I have to have a bag of sweets in the car or eat biscuits in secret so the DTs don't notice and want one! I know my mum did this, I don't want to but can't stop, jsut go to bed every night feeling fat & knowing I need to do something about it, just can't get off that hamster wheel!

Hi MTPW, sorry you're going through such an awful time at the moment, I saw your thread about your op. It must have been a crushing disappointment to have it cancelled at the last minute .

I hop this thread can provide a bit of support, a shoulder to cry on and somewhere to come when the cravings are unbearable - that's the idea! It's easy to assume that people with problems around eating just need to pull themselves together and use a bit of willpower. It is NOT as simple as that - and I am living proof (as are others already on this thread) that even though willpower and hardline dieting can make you thin, it doesn't solve the problem for many of us - in my case the weight crept back on , because I haven't yet addressed my toxic relationship with food and weight. There's a lot of guilt and shame in the way of actually dealing with dysfunctional eating patterns.

LOL at "hamster wheel", earlysbird - that's exactly it!!

if only I really was on a hamster wheel - might burn off some calories

I'm a lot more overweight than most of the other posters on this thread, but my issues are pretty much the same - I am a binger, an over-eater, am probably killing myself because of my size. I post on the MoFos threads too, which have been hugely supportive and which are full of women who understand, but here might be a good place to post as well.

I eat until I am fit to burst, and then eat some more. The cravings are almost physical, it's not just that I want food, I have a real need to have food in my mouth and often feel physical pain if I can't.

It's not just greed, although I dare say there's an element of that involved! I equate food with love and comfort, and it stems right back into my childhood. My mother didn't show or express love for me or my sister, she was hard and abusive, distant and cold. But she fed us, so I guess she must have cared to some extent - and so I started equating food with love, and have been stuffing my face to find comfort ever since.

When I started earning money of my own I started spending far too much of it on food, and I really do think that it's a self-medication thing - I eat to make myself feel better because it was the only thing my mother did that made me feel good. At 17 or 18 I would buy packs of doughnuts, crisps, chocolate, great carrier bags of the stuff, and sit in my room eating the lot in secret. When you've been doing that for 25+ years it's a hard habit to break - I'm working really hard on it and have lost some weight since the MoFos threads have been running, but I am nowhere near being in control of my eating and I still go out and buy carrier bag upon carrier bag of food and eat it while dh is at work and dd at school. Even now, despite the fact I have a lot of love in my life these days.

It's also a self-esteem thing - which again is a really deep-seated thing and stems from my childhood - I didn't feel valued so I don't value myself. I almost feel I don't deserve to be slim and fit and healthy. When I was pregnant with dd it was easy to eat the right things, not over-eat and stick to a healthy diet because I was doing what was best for her - but I can't do it for me because I don't value myself as much as I valued her.

I don't know how to fully address my issues - and I think they do need addressing.

uh-oh

2 bags of salt and vinegar crisps eaten in one go.

fuck

WHY?

Jeez, i need to BAN all CRAP from this house

JARM Ive just eaten 2 big slices of mint vienetta. Couldn't stop at one Oh no i had to go get a 2nd bit.

Hi WWB, great post. I think the "food=love" equation must be common to a lot of us, especially those of us for whom it was the only form of nurture we received at some point in the past. I like the idea of it being a form of self-medication, it certainly feels like that to me when I binge - there's an urgency and a pleasure about it which is much deeper in nature than just satisfying the level of actual hunger I experience.

I think if the habit is so ingrained from a young age, whatever its psychological origins, it becomes a physical need - the sensation of relief when actually swallowing the food is similar to the rush of relief when smoking a much-craved cigarette or drinking water when really, really thirsty.

I haven't talked about this stuff before in any depth, so this is all new to me (in fact I questioned my sanity several times before starting the thread ) but I'm already finding it illuminating and helpful, I hope others will too.

Can I join too, please? I'm another one who posts on the BigMoFos threads, and it's been very enlightening, so that I am starting to see the patterns in how I eat a bit more. I do the 'mindless eating' thing, where you kind of go into a sort of limbo while you're eating, until you get to the end and think 'why on earth did I do that, and where did it all go?' - I haven't eaten it 'mindfully', iykwim, just stuffed it down as fast as possible. And I do know that sometimes if someone does something to annoy me, I'll catch myself feeling 'right, I'll show them, I'll eat something unhealthy' (almost in those words, especially the 'I'll show them') as if 'they' have driven me to it, and it's not under my control.

Just wanted to add my support for you Greeny and all others on this thread. What a great idea to start this going, Greeny. I have a book I am sending you and maybe if you find it helpful you could mention it on here, if you think others would find it useful?

I do think some psychotherapy would help - many of these issues are so deeply rooted in your early life it is going to make it extra difficult for you to tackle them without specialist help IMO. Hope that isn't demoralising advice as it is not meant to be.

I also wanted to say you always look divine, Greeny, and I never notice your weight but instead your unique style and your smile. I must send that photo I took in London! You look very happy and glamorous

that describes it so well. it is that feeling you get when you swallow. it really is nothing to do with physical hunger at all.

tonight i have had 5 bagels stuffed with cream cheese and wafer thin turkey, half a packet of crackerbread with cream cheese and turkey on top, 4 luxary yoghurts and 2 crunch corners, 8 satsumas, 2 bananas, a large pack of revels and a litre tub of clotted cream ice cream. and i still feel empty and i will probably finish an entire packet of cereal before bed. go on, i know you are all so shocked at what a vile pig i am. i know i am.

i know im especially bad at the mo because of whats just happened, but, oh i dont even have words, its so horrible. i cant make it stop.

It certainly feels like a physical need, Greeny - even when I'm not hungry I really do need something in my mouth. It's an addiction by now, I suppose, rather than just a habit.

This food = love thing is something I'm being so careful not to instil into my dd ... although I daresay I'll manage to screw her up somehow!

JARM I have just had big bag of s&v twirls (anything nutritious in there? I don't think so!) followed by a bag of haribo tangfastics what really pisses me off is that I don't buy crap, but dh knows I like 'my treats' and walks the dog to get them for me, bless him, but I really wish he wouldn't, have told him so but then I get a craving and send him out there, no wonder he's confused (earlysbird with new name btw)

MTPW, I don't think you're a vile pig and I'm not shocked by what you've eaten because I do that myself.
I do think that your self-esteem is somewhere around your ankles at the moment, you're down, and you're reaching for your usual comfort (that'll be food again).

It makes me so sad when I see people calling themselves names because they've eaten something "bad". You're not vile just because you turn to food - please don't define yourself purely by measure of what you're eating.

MTPW I am shocked at how you manage all that in one evening but no way did i think of you as a pig.
It seems like we all have issues to deal with.For me its knowing how to deal with it.
I feel sick after all the vienetta. And i am feeling quite low today which may explain why i ate it.
(actually i feel low alot lately)