Mornin' all. Today is the first official day of my holidays
. I got up at usual time; 6am. Why can't I sleep in? I used to love sleeping in but nowadays find it boring, if I'm awake I may as well get up and go on mumsnet
.
Anyway, last night I had a real internal struggle about whether to eat or not. I wasn't hungry, not at all, but I wanted to eat... something sugary. The urge was very strong, to the extent that I felt very anxious and my heart was pitter pattering.
I sat there all evening working my way through it and it wasn't pleasant at all.
I decided not to give in to the urge but ride out the anxiety. At the time, I was (apparently) angry with myself for this because the words floating round were things like "WTF you may as well eat because you will give in anyway sooner or later, why not just get it over with? C'mon, you know you want to". yes, I knew I wanted to
, but, I also knew it was madness because it would hurt me.
I visualised myself giving in and choosing to eat the biscuits from the tin left over from Christmas, all fancy chocolate ones. I visualised eating all of them until none were left, and still feeling 'hungry'. Oh yes, I've been here before many times.
Then I told myself, "look sweetheart, you now have the chance to kick this sort of crazy behaviour to the kerb but you won't ever succeed until you make the right choices when the going gets tough. Or even, just don't do anything at all, leave the decision to the next morning.
This morning I am calm and relieved. I didn't eat the biscuits, I sat and endured the anxiety until it faded away.
I count this as a very significant and successful event because I.Said.No. and it wasn't to please anybody except myself. Now, I've been a dieter for more than three decades and I'm real good at obeying rules; I lost 120lbs in seven months doing one of those meal replacement diets for heavens sake! Have you any idea the level of commitment required to achieve that
? Sadly, it taught me nothing about managing the sugar addiction but I did get to be size 12
.
So, on to the next time. I intend to remember this victory and use it to help me be victorious again, and again.
What's your experiences with this sort of thing?